Make Your Own Kind of Music
by lazykate
Summary: True love always conquers all...but in the real world, can Edward handle what Bella has chosen to do for those she loves? AH, ExB, OOC, and honest.
1. Chapter 1

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author. This story is rated M for Mature and is not intended for anyone under the age of eighteen.  
**

**Chapter One**

**BPOV**

_How many people actually love their jobs?_

That was the question I always asked myself, my reminder, my grounding force, the cue that kept me from spinning off into space, from walking away, from pulling out the want ads and finding something else. From following my dreams…whatever they were. I didn't have any dreams, not right now. I was sure eventually I would have that moment when I realized exactly what it was I wanted, when I found the motivation to kick everything I knew to the curb, to go for it. But right now what I knew paid the bills, and that was enough for me.

James tapped briskly on my door and pushed it open. "Isabella? You ready to go?"

James wasn't a bad guy to work for, I'd have to give him credit for that. He had his occasional asshole-boss moments for sure, but nothing like some of the horror stories I'd heard from coworkers who'd come in from other companies. He was thoughtful and respectful, never treated me like an expendable flunky that could be fired and replaced in ten minutes flat. He didn't hit on his female employees, our paychecks never bounced, he listened to our concerns, and he was doing his best to make sure I became one of the best-known, most-recognized forces in the industry. But he was my boss, and bottom-line that meant that sometimes I just wanted to kick him in the nuts.

I pushed myself up out of my chair, quickly checked my makeup one last time in the mirror, and joined James in the hall.

"You're working with Garrett first today, sound good?" James' question was rhetorical, making sure I was ready for the day ahead, his eyes already busy flicking over the schedule in his Blackberry.

"Yep, I'm ready. It's been a while since I worked with him, but we always do well together."

"Great, great. I never have to worry about you, Isabella. You're always the professional, unlike some _other_ people I could mention." We settled into a comfortable pace together down the hall, my heels clicking in time to his expensive leather clogs.

"Aw, give Bree a break, we were all new once!" I gave James a playful nudge in the ribs. "Don't you remember how awful I was when you first hired me?"

He snorted. "YOU were never awful. She just comes across as too young…and not in a good way. If you could take her under your wing, give her a few pointers, I'd really appreciate it."

I nodded silently, remembering what it had been like when I had first started working at OPB, Inc. To say that I'd been intimidated would be an understatement; scared almost into paralysis would have been a better description. If it hadn't been for Rosalie befriending me and guiding me through the first few weeks, I'm not sure I would have made it.

James kept thumbing through the schedule on his Blackberry as we came into the studio. "I can't believe the convention is only two months away," he mumbled, more to himself than to me. "Too much to do…gotta have Alice send over the mock-ups of the booths…ugh…I need a drink. Is it five o'clock yet?" He finally looked up and gave me a friendly sneer, one I shot right back at him.

"Somewhere in the world, it is."

"Yep, but for now…it's time to get down to business, babe!"

The studio was kept at a comfortable seventy degrees, for which I was thankful. I slipped out of my full-length terrycloth robe, handed it to the production assistant and ran my hands over my costume. I hated wearing vinyl, it made me sweat and stuck to my skin like shrink-wrap, but even I had to admit the shiny black hot pants and corset clung to my curves like a second skin, giving me an aura of sex and naughty that a traditional business suit could never do. Plus, it wasn't as though I'd be in it for too long…I was known for my efficiency and making sure the scene came out right the first time.

Garrett was already waiting for me on the set, dressed in a suit with the tie loosened, looking every bit like a weary businessman who'd come home early from a business trip to find his wife engaged in kinky pastimes with the neighbor and her husband.

"Isabella! Good to see you again!" he grinned affably, always the happy-go-lucky dude even when he was sporting a nine-inch boner thicker than my wrist. You couldn't help but like Garrett, and even as my stomach gave a heavy flip at the sight of the other actors naked in bed and ready to shoot, I grinned back.

"All right everybody, let's get this show on the road!" James yelled from behind me. I could hear the crew scurrying out of the shot, the lights clicking on, and everyone settling into position. _Susie, Susie Susie _I chanted silently. _Not Bella, Susie. _The calm, that heavy, quiet, numbing calm settled over all my senses as my brain recounted the script like text running mechanically across a computer screen.

(**SUSIE** IS GOING DOWN ON **MARY** WHILE **MARY** SUCKS **JOHN'S** DICK, **BOB** WALKS IN WITH HIS BRIEFCASE, OBVIOUSLY SURPRISED)

**BOB**: SUSIE, OH MY GOD!

**SUSIE**: BOB! IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE! (_ad lib_)

**BOB**: ACTUALLY, IF IT'S WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE, I WOULDN'T MIND SEEING SOME MORE (_ad lib_)

The cheap polyester sheets whispered under my knees as I climbed between "Mary's" legs. I shut my eyes and let the last of Bella slip away as I felt "John's" hand move over my ass, I trailed my fingers down "Mary's" thigh as somewhere, far away, I heard James holler "_Action_!"

* * *

A/N:

First things first: This story will also be published over on Twilighted, just in case anything happens.

Second: Yeppers, Bella is an adult film actress in this fic. Although I don't plan on being exploitative about it, it is what it is, and if you'd prefer not to read, I understand. However, please note the Edward & Bella pairing in the summary...it will be interesting!

Third: The first five chapters of this story have already been written, but I'm revising them before putting them back up. Hopefully having a head start means I can keep to a weekly posting schedule! Yay!

Fourth and finally: Let me hear your thoughts, I do love 'em!


	2. Chapter 2

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author. This story is rated M for Mature and is not intended for anyone under the age of eighteen.  
**

**Chapter Two**

*** **STOP! READ THIS FIRST**! Please note this is Chapter TWO of this story, if you haven't read Chapter One yet (especially if you just recently signed up for an Author Alert), please go back and read Chapter One! ***

**BPOV**

"Bell-la..."

I wanted to ignore her, but if there was one thing Alice was known for, it was persistence. Ignoring her would only make her louder and then at some point she'd break out a guilt trip and I'd be toast. I simply could not handle an Alice guilt trip.

We were squeezed into a booth at our favorite local dive bar, the first time all three of us had gotten together socially for a couple of weeks. Even though Rosalie and I shared an apartment, and Alice was over so often that she had our own key, things had been busier lately and we'd been more like ships passing in the night.

"I don't need your help getting a date, Alice. But thank you for your concern." I drained the last of my vodka martini and pulled one of the little cocktail onions off the stirrer with my teeth. Onions, not olives. Olives absolutely made me gag.

"I know you don't _need_ my help. I'm not arranging your marriage to this guy...yet." I cocked an eye at her and she giggled. "I just thought it would be fun and less pressure if you two came with Jasper and I...a double-date to make the blind-date a little less uncomfortable."

"Or fantastically awkward if you guys _don't_ hit it off and you have to see him hanging around with Jasper all the time afterwards," Rosalie offered. Alice shot her a dirty look, clearly not pleased that Rose wasn't backing her up.

"I'm not quite sure why you're being so negative, it sounded like you hit it off with Emmett. That must say something for my matchmaking skills."

Alice did apparently have some ability in the matchmaking department, I would give her credit. One week previously she had arranged a date between Rosalie and one of Jasper's old friends, a sports agent named Emmett McCarty. They'd gone out for dinner and drinks two nights ago, but so far Alice and I hadn't heard any of the details aside from a text from Rose the next day: "_It didn't suck_."

She shrugged and leaned back in her seat, brushing her long blonde curls back over her shoulder. "We did have a good time, he was sexy, he was funny, he was only somewhat inappropriate. We're going out again tomorrow night."

Alice bounced in her seat, an ear-to-ear grin stretched across her face. "I just knew you guys would hit it off! After everything Jasper told me about Emmett, I figured he'd be perfect for you and that I'd save the doctor for Bella."

"Doctor?" Rosalie and I squawked in unison.

"Yep, a doctor. A super-hot, super-smart, totally-single, completely-datable, and possibly-doable doctor. Are you at least curious now?" Alice crossed her arms and sat back, her expression getting smugger by the moment. Rosalie heaved a sigh and signaled for the waitress to bring us another round of drinks.

"Ok fine, Alice. You win. Tell me about the doctor. And I swear by all that's holy if he's a plastic surgeon I WILL drown you in the Bay." I wasn't looking for a serious relationship OR a boob job, but a nice normal date every once in a while would be welcome. My social life was pathetically lacking, and as Alice liked to point out in her cheekier moments, it was somewhat backward that I had as much sex as I did without the benefit of dinner and a date first.

"All right, so here's the long story short. Jasper and Emmett and the doctor all went to school together, they were matched up for a three-person suite in the dorm and became really good friends. Then they all pledged the same fraternity together, ended up sharing an apartment together, pretty much a bro-mance for the ages. After they graduated, the doctor-to-be headed off to the east coast for medical school, Jasper stayed here to get his master's degree, and Emmett was recruited by the Chicago Bears."

"Oh wow," I commented, impressed. I knew absolutely nothing about football except that a first down or a touchdown was good, but made a mental note to ask Seth if he'd heard of Emmett.

"Yep, but they always stayed in touch, and since their families all live in this area, they'd see each other from time-to-time. Emmett moved back here after he tore up his knee and couldn't play any more, and I guess the doctor is moving back next week. So the bro-mance trio is back together and whaddya know...there's three of us too!" Alice finished her little history lesson with another bounce, grin, and then threw back a healthy gulp of her Cosmo.

I rolled my eyes at the ridiculousness of the situation. "Alice, please ease up with the happily-ever-after plans. Yes, you and Jasper will be married at some point, I know that. Yes, Rosalie had a great date with this former football player who still had his balls attached to his body afterwards, which counts as a small victory. I have not even met this doctor and yet I _know_ you're having visions of us all living happily together in a commune sometime down the road. Seriously?"

"Oh please, I'm not talking long-term here Bella, not yet. But you know Jasper would never let me set you up with some jerk, this guy is like his brother. He's got to be smart, he's got good taste in friends, and he's probably really _really_ good with his hands. Please?"

Anxiety rippled through me and I set down my fresh drink. "Jasper thinks it's a good idea?"

Alice nodded, her eyes pleading.

"He's okay with the guy he considers a brother dating the star of _Full Moon_?" I refused to say "porn star." I _hated_ that term but "porn actress" just sounded delusional and pathetic, so amongst friends, referencing my career high points was the euphemism for "draws-a-paycheck-for-performing-in-pornographic-films." Rosalie wore the porn star badge with pride, whereas Alice got away with "executive assistant" whenever anyone asked. I usually mumbled something about working in the entertainment industry if pinned down by a new acquaintance.

"Don't start, Bella, you know he's okay with it. And before you ask, no, he hasn't told him."

I sucked in a deep breath and was again silently thankful for Jasper. Most guys would be eager to brag about the porn actresses they hung around with, but Jasper was simply not that kind of guy. Granted _his_ girlfriend worked strictly administration in the business while her best friends were actually out in front of the cameras, but Jasper had always been kind, supportive, and respectful. Regardless, accepting his girlfriend's friends' careers was still a big jump from setting up one of his best friends with a woman who spent her work day banging other people.

"I told Emmett!" Rosalie piped up suddenly, breaking the awkward silence.

"Whoa, seriously?" I was genuinely surprised. Granted, Rosalie was much more comfortable with and open about her career than I was, but she usually waited until the second or third date to bring it up. That is, if the guy hadn't already recognized her by then...Rosalie was an absolute knock-out, a natural beauty that was rare in an industry where a makeover, chest inflation, and dye job were among the first things on the to-do list. Especially when your employer would often pay for it all.

She shrugged. "He seemed like the kind of guy that has a decent porn stash, I had a feeling it was going to come up soon. He took it pretty well."

"Meaning...?" Even Alice, the self-proclaimed psychic of our group, seemed floored by this one.

"Ummm..." Rosalie swirled the ice around in her glass of scotch. "He thought it was pretty hot, actually. But not in the normal way they always do, you know? At first he was surprised, and then he said he thought he might have one of my movies."

All three of us laughed because honestly, Rosalie got that a lot.

"But then he was actually asking me questions about it...if I was happy, if it was fun, how long I wanted to stay in the business, what I wanted to do afterwards. I told him about Rims, he wanted to hear all about it...he was actually more interested in that than he was about the whole porn thing. So, yeah."

Alice and I exchanged glances. Rosalie didn't talk about her post-porn career plans with anyone other than her attorney, her broker, and us. Rims was going to be the customized car business she'd been dreaming of for years, socking away her extra money for, and it wasn't a dream that she shared with just anyone. Rosalie was truly gifted when it came to all things fast, chrome, and greasy but she was still just kinky enough to call her business Rims. Her investment portfolio and corresponding exit plan had her out of porn and under cars instead of dudes in a year.

"Don't get me wrong...he made a comment about how much hotter I was in person with my clothes on, but I think he meant it as a compliment. He asked me a couple of questions about it...like if my orgasms were real or if I fake it for the camera." I smiled faintly, that was another question we heard too often. "He offered to quit his job to come be my receptionist, and then made a joke about what kind of benefits the position would come with. Yeah, definitely second-date worthy."

Rosalie's face cracked into a genuine smile then, and I realized that this Emmett guy must be something. Joking with Rose about her porn career and asking if there was anything in it for him would normally get a guy punched in the face and possibly kneed in the groin. Hmm, Jasper was just about perfect, Emmett sounded decent, so I decided it would quite possibly be in my best interest to give their doctor buddy a shot.

"All right then, Alice, you've convinced me. What's the doctor's name?"

"Edward Cullen." She said his name slowly and with relish. "Dr. Edward Cullen, he's coming here to take over his father's practice. His father is a doctor too, but he's retiring and Dr. Edward is going to take over. He's a general practitioner, so you won't have to worry about him being paged to the ER or to deliver a baby in the middle of your first date."

"Cullen sounds familiar. Like Cullen, as in Esme Platt-Cullen?" All of San Francisco was at least passably familiar with Esme Platt-Cullen, current president and figurehead of the Platt-Cullen Cancer Research Center.

"Uh-huh, that's his mom." Alice was trying to play dumb now and failing miserably.

Oooooh-kay, the anxiety from earlier that had faded somewhat had come back in spades. "Alice, seriously, you're setting me up with _Esme Platt-Cullen's _son? Are you out of your damn gourd?"

"Nope!"

I tapped my fingertips on the tabletop. "I don't know about this."

"Bella, listen to me." Rosalie leaned forward and put her elbows on the table, lacing her fingers under her chin and fixing her china-blue eyes on me. "You are beautiful, you are funny, you are sexy, and you deserve to go out and have a good time with Dr. Edward. It's not like he'll recognize you on your first date, and even if he does it'll probably be a compliment because he's a big fan or something."

I nodded silently. I wasn't recognized by strangers very often at all, primarily due to the fact that I didn't dress or look like a porn star in my off-time. My boobs were real, my fingernails were short and had only a clear coat of polish, I adamantly refused to fake-bake my pale skin, and my long wavy hair was a deep chestnut instead of platinum blonde. During shoots I had the requisite amount of skanky pancake makeup spackled on and my hair was always wound into some elaborate updo or twisted into curls. I'd only been recognized out in public a couple of times...that I knew of.

"Go. Out. With. Him." Rosalie said clearly. "Have fun. You haven't dated in forever with everything that you've got going on. Trust Alice to at least set you up for a fun night, and then chill and see what happens. I mean, she set me up with Emmett and here I'm ready to offer him a Rim-job." She leered at me to emphasize her crude pun and both Alice and I groaned.

"Okay Alice, do your magic." Alice's face split into that ear-to-ear grin I loved so much, and in the blink of an eye she'd snatched up her iPhone from the table and was tapping away, presumably texting Jasper. "Nothing until next-next weekend, okay? I'm heading home this weekend." She nodded without looking up, and once again I picked up my martini and drained it, then starting pulling at the cocktail onions. Rosalie had pulled out her cell too, and then leaned towards me.

"Are you about ready to head out? I'll call a cab now."

I nodded, thankful not for the first time that Rose and I had decided a while back to be roommates. It was incredibly convenient, split the bills in half, and she and I got along great. We were definitely two anomalies in the porn world in that we fiercely valued our privacy and tried to maintain as normal a life as possible outside of work. We'd seen too many of our counterparts go down in flames when they tried to live up to the porn star lifestyle in their personal lives, neither of us wanted that.

Alice called her own cab and we all left together, Alice promising to call me tomorrow with more details regarding the date with Dr. Edward. Rosalie and I spoke very little in the short trip back to our apartment, but that was the nice part of our relationship. Unlike Alice, who thrived in time spent together discussing, dissecting, and analyzing, Rosalie and I just sank into a comfortable silence together. It was the defining perfection of our three-way friendship...in the broadest possibly terms, I was the brains, Rosalie was the brawn, and Alice was the sparkplug. The perfect blend that allowed our quirky friendship to rock on as beautifully as it did.

Rosalie and I bid each other goodnight and headed directly to our respective bedrooms. I stripped, donned my comfy flannel pj's, and debated whether or not I had enough energy to brush my teeth before diving into bed. Alcohol-fuzzed funk won out over exhaustion, and as I was brushing my teeth, my phone buzzed.

_Dr Edward will be in town on this Thursday, next-next Friday okay for double-date_?

I grinned around my Sonicare. Alice certainly didn't waste any time, although I seriously doubted that poor Dr. Edward even knew yet that he would have a date lined up for that evening. After scrubbing, spitting, and rinsing, I texted her back.

_Sounds good, help me pick outfit this week?_

It was a courtesy request at best, Alice lived to shop, accessorize, and put together an outfit for any occasion. Her fixation on it would be annoying as hell if she wasn't always flawlessly right about the final results. Just as some people had the gift to throw together knickknacks and decorative pillows for a picture-perfect room and call themselves interior designers, Alice had the uncanny ability to put together a stunning outfit for any occasion. As I was climbing into bed, my phone buzzed again.

_Duh! Talk to you tomorrow!_

I groaned as I turned the cell off and burrowed into my pillows. It had been a long day, a long night, and what I really wanted was a nice long uninterrupted night of rest. As usual, I got half of my wish.

I zonked out quickly, as I always did, dreaming of some vaguely-erotic fantasies that never quite had the happy ending I was looking for.

Too soon, my body awoke, my heart began thumping, and I didn't need to look at the clock to know that it was 4:45 am, give or take a few minutes.

Early mornings were the worst time for me, I wasn't sure why, but when I awoke from that deep sleep it was the same as a swimmer coming up from the deep to the oxygen above. The silent depths surrounding, the feeling of weightlessness that pressed less gradually around my body as I ascended, the final spring as I broke the surface between unconsciousness and awareness, and then the final inevitable frantic pounding of my heart as I broke into a sweat, trembling as I came fully awake.

I lay, trying to breathe steadily to the loud second hand of the clock on the wall, the clock whose face had been hand-carved by my father's friend Billy Black so many years ago...the ticking that could regulate and calm my heart sometimes. But not this morning. After a few minutes of listening to my heart beating like a drum, I got up and walked carefully to the kitchen, quietly seeking out the bottle of Xanax that I kept there. My raging anxiety seemed to go in cycles, sometimes I wouldn't need the medication at all, sometimes half a tablet would do, this morning I didn't hesitate before tossing two whole pills onto the back of my tongue, filling up a glass at the tap, and then swallowing the bitter taste down.

I went back to bed and curled into the covers, one pillow under my head and one over, as I waited for the pills to make my heart stop beating out of my chest. Early mornings were the worst, it was when all the worry I suppressed throughout the day burst forth in all its uncensored glory. Those anxieties were magnified in the morning: when I thought about them later in the day I wondered why I'd been so wound up, they were easily managed or compartmentalized then. But in the morning...no.

I felt my chest and torso tightening into a ball and reminded myself that in a few moments I'd be okay, I'd given myself the medicinal edge to deal with it all mentally, that if I could just BREATHE though the next ten minutes or so, I'd be okay. I was going to see Charlie this weekend and oh...

The thoughts that had been meant to soothe and calm me instead torched the sick fire that had been smoldering just under my chest, the burn just out of sight enough that I could have waited for the Xanax to kick in and then deal with it rationally.

But no. That familiar sore spot, the spot that never healed or vanished sent tingling bolts of anxiety throughout my body until I was literally curling in on myself, muscles tensing in a form of self-defense against the mental assault. I stayed that way for who knows how long, until the Xanax finally dissolved and I felt that familiar welcome weakness flood my muscles, forcing them to unlock, hinting that I might get a little bit of sleep before my alarm went off. My flight wasn't until 1pm, I had plenty of time. It would be okay to relax, to sleep, to let it go for just a little while...

**.**

**EPOV**

I stood with my hands jammed into my pockets, watching the moving truck rumble off with all my worldly possessions, headed off towards the opposite coast. Part of me felt one last jerk of nerves but deep-down I was glad for this final milestone in my life. I was ready to go.

Everything I'd known for the past few years was here in Baltimore, but I still felt no emotional connection to it. I'd earned my medical degree here, I'd completed a grueling residency here, and I'd had more than one physician bluntly state that I could have my pick of jobs here. But it wasn't home, and it wasn't where I wanted to be.

Tanya was still waiting upstairs, and that was part of the reason I lingered in the parking lot after the moving truck was long gone. My girlfriend of the past few years was handling our impending separation either admirably or refusing to acknowledge it at all, depending on her mood. I'd known our relationship was grinding to an inevitable end for some time now and had hoped that my cross-country move would serve as a punctuation mark, a logical point for us both to part ways amicably.

We'd had fun times together, we'd been comfortable in our relationship, the sex had been good, but I didn't have any urge to make things more permanent with her. I'd been content to introduce her as my girlfriend, but never once had I felt the tug to put a ring on her finger, to introduce her as my fiancée, to have children with her, to spend the rest of my life with her.

Tanya, on the other hand, had made becoming a doctor's wife her mission ever since I'd completed my residency. And lately her hints about wanting a ring and a proposal had become more and more demanding. She either ignored my utter lack of interest in the topic, or perhaps she'd convinced herself that it was just the stress of the past few years that made me so reluctant. She'd occasionally broached the possibility about her following me out to California, a topic I dodged whenever possible. I was taking the pussy way out, I knew, instead of being a man and cleanly cutting her loose. I guess I was anticipating that she'd latch onto some new freshly-minted MD before my tires had cleared the city limits.

Well, there was always hope. I went back upstairs to my now-empty apartment, to where Tanya had perched on a windowsill. She was pretty in an unremarkable way, she'd been faithful to the best of my knowledge, she laughed at my jokes and knew her way around Baltimore society. She _would_ be the perfect doctor's wife. I just didn't want her to be mine.

"Edward?" she whimpered softly, rising to her feet, "You're not really planning on heading out now, are you? Why don't you stay at my place tonight? We can order in dinner..." she walked towards me, her heels tapping sharply against the hardwood floor. I was suddenly struck with the feeling that I was no more attached to her, to our relationship, than I was to this empty apartment. It wasn't a feeling of disgust or nostalgia, just one of a detached goodbye, faintly sentimental, but echoing against the future stretching ahead, tickling in its potential.

"Baby," she breathed, having reached me, running her fingertips down my arm. "Please, come stay the night with me. Who knows when we'll get to be together again, we might as well have fun for one more night, if we have to make it last a while."

And there it was again, her somewhat-unspoken but unmistakable conviction that our relationship was _not_ over. That it was instead some Romeo and Juliet-esque separation which would eventually resolve with her joining me in California with my ring on her finger and the Cullen name tacked firmly onto hers.

"Yes, I'm leaving tonight. It's a long enough drive as it is, I want to get a jump on traffic. I told you that yesterday, Tanya."

She didn't pout as much as she scowled, the reaction of a second-tier socialite not getting her way. Her fingers left my hand to wrap around my hip and I could almost see her thoughts, as transparent as they were, trying to jump two steps ahead to get her way. Her fingernails scratched over the waistband of my jeans as she curled her hands and moved them together towards my fly, I shut my eyes against her practiced come-hither expression.

"I just thought...we haven't really had a chance to say a proper goodbye to each other..." she flattened out her hand until her palm was directly over my crotch. "And really, as charming as these hardwood floors are, I'm sure they're not exactly comfortable."

Irritation flickered within me, made greater by the fact that my double-crossing body was responding and I was hardening under her hands. I had no desire to be the guy that did a fuck-and-run, but if she was so dead-set on a last hurrah...

And sure enough, when I opened my eyes again, she was already on her knees in front of me, my pants unbuttoned, my fly unzipped, my boxers pushed out of the way, and my dick in her mouth. One last noble part of me protested and was then shoved out of the way by the part of me that figured _Well technically she's still my girlfriend at the moment, and it's not like she actually thinks I'll change my mind about leaving..._ I groaned as she sucked at me, my stupid traitorous dick, and the next thing I knew we were on the floor and damned if she wasn't right about the hardwood floors being uncomfortable. My knees protested as I pushed into her, pants around my ankles and her skirt around her waist, and I could already see her lips forming into words to complain about the unyielding floor under her.

I shut my eyes, I closed my ears to her artful little moans and pants. I slipped a hand under her head so it wouldn't bang against the floor _goodbye downstairs neighbors!_ and I fucked harder and faster until I finally felt that familiar tightening. It threatened to slip away when Tanya began babbling in her own pleasure, but came back when I fought harder to block out her words, her face, her utterly predictable road towards orgasm.

But even when I came, it wasn't satisfactory, just as it hadn't been for some time now. Some guys would call me nuts, that there was no such thing as a bad orgasm, but lately coming with Tanya had become about as gratifying as rubbing one out in the shower. It took the edge off, but that edge came back more sharply and relentlessly the next time, and sex with Tanya had never eased it.

Her mouth curled into a lazy smile as I panted above her, and as I opened my ears again I could hear her purring _You knew I couldn't just let you go without something to tide you over_. Suddenly I felt sick, disgusted, and utterly infuriated with myself. I'd let her think there was something to hang onto, something to cling onto, a chance that there would be an _us_ for her to look forward to. And all for a half-ass orgasm.

As quickly as I could, I got us both vertical, cleaned up, and dressed. I escorted her to her car and made no promises about future communication, ignoring the annoyed frown that had settled across her face. The apartment was empty, I'd already done a walk-through, and I'd be damned if I cared enough to go back up there to check and see if I'd turned off the lights. My last stop was at the rental office where I dropped off my keys, and then I was in my car, headed west.

**A/N:**

Mmmm...Dr. Edward...you all know partial I am to those doctors! (And no, to those of you who are wondering, Bella will NOT be going after Carlisle in this fic. I think.) So Edward's no saint, but what will he think about having a date with a porn star? You guys tell me what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author. This story is rated M for Mature and is not intended for anyone under the age of eighteen.**

**Chapter Three**

**BPOV**

Waking up. Momentary disorientation. The bed was a little lumpy and there was brightness on the other side of my eyelids...I broke through the surface with the normal jar, but there was no panic, no pounding heartbeat. It was safe to open my eyes.

I did so, and in the next moment remembered where I was. Forks, Washington, in the bedroom of my youth. The same snuggly purple comforter, walls still the ridiculous orange I'd painted them my senior year of high school. Pictures of high school friends were tacked to the corkboard and even some of my old clothes hung in the closet. It was a perfect frozen snapshot of the summer after my senior year of high school.

Charlie hadn't bothered to change anything after I'd headed off to UCLA five years ago, and I had neither the time nor the inclination to change anything during my infrequent visits back during the first two years. I'd been too busy and too preoccupied with more pressing matters during the third year, and then two years ago I'd relocated to San Francisco to work for James. Now nothing could persuade me to change a single thing in this room. It was my safe little nest when I returned to town, almost like a time warp that let me pretend to be back in a world where things just weren't as complicated.

I lay in the bed rubbing my face, knowing that I needed to get up and get moving before the three-hour drive to Southworth, where I would catch the ferry and a shuttle over to the airport, then back to San Francisco. James was expecting me at 9am sharp tomorrow morning for a scene with Bree, his protégé-turned-disappointment. He was hoping that including a hot scene with one of his established stars would give Bree a little more confidence in her own performance, with the added bonus of some hot girl-on-girl action in whatever the latest compilation film was.

Oh God, I hated thinking about it here. Thinking about my job here, in this room, in this house, was just obscene in the truest sense of the word. Back in San Francisco, fine, I could handle it because it was what I did, and I did it well. It paid me a lot of money which was exactly what I needed at the present time, and it wasn't as bad as it could have been.

But that didn't change the fact that the only time I truly felt like a complete whore was when I thought about my job here in this room, hiding under my purple comforter, with my dad down the hall asleep in his room.

Deliberately, I steered my thoughts away from James and Bree and instead thought about the conversation I'd had with Alice last night. She'd texted me first, to make sure it was okay to call, and then proceeded to jabber my ear off for a full hour. Dr. Edward had arrived in town, she'd met him personally and he was _hot_, not to mention funny and friendly and everything else that made him perfect for me in her eyes. He'd mentioned something briefly about a relationship that had ended with his move from Baltimore, but seemed perfectly willing to go out on a date with me this coming Friday. Especially since Rose and Emmett's second date had gone so well and they would be joining us for their official _third_ date. I would have to check, but I was pretty sure that a third date in Rose's book qualified Emmett as having real long-term potential.

I yawned as I thought back over the conversation. Meeting Emmett was definitely inching closer to the top of my to-do list. Knowing Rosalie as I did, this guy could quite conceivably be her husband in a couple of years. Three dates...damn. Unlike Alice, who proclaimed that she'd _known _she'd met her soul mate after a fortuitous run-in with Jasper at a local café, Rosalie rarely gave a man a second chance to get to know her better. It was a coping mechanism I knew all too well.

I rolled out of bed, shivering a little in the cool morning air. Picking up a change of clothes and towels, I headed towards the bathroom. Sputtering hot water, the hiss of the cheap showerhead, the creak and groan of the pipes...the memories never left my mind, even if I was only able to come back once or twice a month. It was always like waking up and getting ready for high school, so many years ago.

After stepping out of the shower and twisting my damp hair up into a bun, I threw on the long-sleeved t-shirt and jeans I found most comfortable for the travel ahead. I could hear banging in the kitchen and the loud cheerful voice of Annie, Charlie's weekday nurse. Lana must have already left, which meant that I was running later than I thought.

Moving more quickly at the thought of missing the ferry, I stuffed all my clothes into my rolling suitcase, making a mental inventory about what was still clean and what would need to be thrown into the laundry. I took one last look around, knowing that my schedule wouldn't permit me to return for another month or so.

Everything appeared to be packed up, easy to account for since I never bothered with makeup or fancy clothes when I came back to Forks. I headed downstairs, suitcase bumping down the stairs behind me. Before going into the kitchen I dragged the luggage out to my rental car; seeing my suitcase often made Charlie restless and I'd be damned if I ever did that to him on my way out the door.

After stowing the luggage I headed back inside, only to be greeted with the smell of bacon frying. I immediately felt guilty. Annie was an incredibly maternal person and nothing brought her more joy than to fuss over me when I was in town. As always, she was shuffling between the stove and the table, checking on Charlie in between poking the bacon and eggs in the skillet. Charlie was seated in his normal spot at the kitchen table and I slid into the vacant chair across from him. I always forgot to tell Annie that I'd given up eating breakfast a long time ago, that I'd replaced it with a can of Coke and the occasional candy bar, but nothing could make me tell her the truth after she'd already started it up. Charlie gave me a wistful half-smile from across the table.

"Bella!" Annie boomed, her voice as familiar to this room as the peeling paint on the cupboards and the cracked linoleum. "I've got breakfast ready to go for you, no sense in you driving so far on an empty stomach!" She smiled cheerfully as she slid a full plate in front of me: bacon, eggs, and an English muffin. It was worth it to ignore the nausea, though, since Charlie's smile remained on his face as he watched me eat.

"Thanks, Annie, I wish I could stay longer today, but I'm off to catch the ferry." I choked down one last bite, swallowed thickly, and willed myself not to throw up. I'd never been a coffee drinker, and I tried to calculate if I'd have enough time to run into a convenience store for my sugary caffeinated morning nectar.

"No problem dear, drive safely, okay?" I nodded in response to her question, scooped up my purse, and came around the table to kiss Charlie on the top of his head.

"I'll be back soon, okay Dad?" I'd only started calling him Dad with any regularity again three years ago, but I knew it made him happy. He smiled gently at me, directly into my face, and I stroked his thick black hair back again as I planted another kiss on his forehead.

It came back to hit me again, that familiar sadness along with the urgency to get back to San Francisco, to get back to _work_, and I knew I'd better hit the road before I started bawling. Annie tossed me a cheerful wave as I headed out the door and I was in the car and flying down the road in no time. I had three hours ahead of me to the Southworth ferry, and then the two-hour flight. Plenty of time to think, just as there always was.

**xoxoxoxo**

James called me just as the ferry left the dock, and I scowled down at my cell phone. He normally knew better than to call me when I went home. "Hello?"

"Hey Isabella, I'm sorry to bother you…how's everyone at home doing?"

"Just fine, thanks. What's up?"

"Well I didn't want to bug you on a day off, but I'm going to need you to go to LA next week, and since it's kind of last-minute, I wanted to give you as much notice as possible."

My nausea came back full-force, and it had nothing to do with the boat ride. "Why, how long do you need me down there?"

"Five days, Monday through Friday. Filming every day. Victoria managed to score a couple of great locations and we really want to take advantage of that. I'm going to ask Rosalie to go too."

I took a deep breath. Although James was usually considerate enough to phrase these out-of-town trips as requests, I knew they weren't. "Sure, that's fine."

"Great, I'll have Alice book your flights for next Sunday evening, then. Thanks, Isabella, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay," I replied quietly before ending the call. LA, ugh. Despite attending school for two years at UCLA, I hated the city now, because it meant only one thing. Victoria.

James and his twin sister, Victoria, had founded and ran OPB, Inc. together, but the two of them couldn't be any more different. When I'd first gotten into the business, I'd been lucky enough to catch James' eye first, and of the two, he was the one who was more focused on good cinematography, actual plot, and a script we were all required to follow. He hired people who were naturally good-looking, and frowned on slutty tattoos and fake tits. He owned an enormous studio space and employed a set designer whom he'd literally tempted away from one of the big movie companies. He'd been heard, on more than one occasion, to say he did it for the _art_, and he truly did an excellent job. The films he produced catered to an audience that wanted something other than just _fucking_.

Victoria, on the other hand, produced the more low-budget, hardcore films for OPB. Although the company was headquartered in San Francisco, her offices were in Los Angeles and all her films were shot on rented locations. She had her own regular actors, most of whom lived up to almost every porn star stereotype there was. There was no _art_ to the films Victoria produced, she churned out the quick-and-dirty stuff, and her actors knew they had to be willing to do pretty much _anything_ sexually to stay in her employ.

Call us snobs, but the San Francisco actors looked at the LA division with a mixture of horror and pity. To be permanently reassigned to LA was a secret fear we all had, and it was one reason why whatever James wanted me to do, I did. The last girl who'd pissed James off had shown up for work sporting a giant new tattoo just over her crotch. She was reassigned to the LA branch the next day, and her first film there was some sorority sluts anal-gangbang thing.

From time to time, though, James liked to see his actors on outdoors sets, something that wasn't always practical in San Francisco. His stubborn refusal move his home and business out of the city meant that we occasionally flew down for a few shoots in sunny Los Angeles.

I hated working with Victoria. She didn't care if an actor was uncomfortable or nervous about a scene, you either did it or she'd shitcan you on the spot and kick you out without your clothes. There was no such thing as _too_ hardcore for her, and she had a knack for coming up with some of the most perverted shit imaginable, something there was always a market for.

Luckily for us, James always sent his assistant producer along whenever any of _his_ actors went to shoot in LA. Laurent's job was to make sure we filmed exactly what James wanted, no more, no less, and to keep Victoria's predatory claws away from us. James and Victoria got along as well as any other siblings in business together, but she was always trying to score one over on her brother.

Five fucking days in LA. Literally, five days of fucking. About the only good thing that would come out of it would be a hefty paycheck, depending on exactly what James had planned for me. He always let me see the script in advance, to make sure I was comfortable with all the scenes, but he'd never asked me to do anything I'd flat-out said no to. Which was fortunate, since you only got two refusals with James; if you said no to something a third time, you could start packing for LA or consider yourself fired.

I waited until the ferry had docked and I was on the shuttle to the airport before I called Rosalie.

"James told me you're going," she said by way of a greeting. Rose wasn't one for idle chit-chat.

"Yeah, I'm not super-thrilled about it, but it'll be one huge-ass paycheck."

"It's for a new series of DVDs they're going to put out, that's why they're jamming as much filming into one trip as possible. It sounds like it'll be pretty easy for us both."

I lowered my voice. "What are the scenes?"

"He didn't tell me specifics, but it's supposed to be, like, romantic porn but without a storyline or anything."

"What?"

"Yep, pretty straightforward scenes, but no talking, no plot, no fake noises. Just concentrating on how fuckhawt sex can be when it's stripped down to bare basics. James wants simple backgrounds and natural beauties, which is why you and I were tapped. Victoria's skanks aren't up for it, obviously."

"Huh," I said thoughtfully. "That actually sounds like a fairly interesting concept, actually."

"Yeah, I thought so too. Everything is supposed to be as natural as possible, just focusing on the act itself."

"Which guys are going?"

"None of them. Victoria just signed on three new guys, two of whom barely speak English, but I guess they're pretty promising."

"Is it just guy-on-girl?"

"I don't know yet, he didn't say. I guess we'll find out more tomorrow. Hey listen, how's Charlie doing?"

I sighed a little. "About the same, which means he's not worse, so that's good."

"Yeah...listen, Bella, I meant what I said before...if you ever want to buy a place and move him here, it's no biggie, I can get a new roommate..."

"I know, thanks Rose, but he still doesn't handle change very well at all. He's comfortable in the house, I want to keep him there for as long as possible."

"Okay." She was quiet for a minute. "Did Alice fill you in on the plan for Friday?"

"Oh yeah, sounds like Dr. Edward is a hottie, so that's a bonus."

"Indeed. What time is your flight?"

I checked my watch. "Due to take off in about an hour, I'm actually just getting to the airport, so I should probably let you go. I'll see you later."

"Okay hon, see you then."

I turned off my cell phone and stuffed it in my purse as the shuttle rumbled up to the terminal. It was going to be a very busy next couple of weeks.

.

**xoxoxoxo**

**A/N:**

Huh, this may be the shortest chapter I've ever written, even with all the new stuff I included! Oh well, you know me, they only get longer from here!

So Bella obviously has some motivation here, and maybe some good reasons for doing porn for a living. Any guesses on what's up with Charlie? Or what Friday's date may bring? Hmm...see you next Thursday!


	4. Chapter 4

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author. This story is rated M for Mature and is not intended for anyone under the age of eighteen.**

**Chapter Four  
**

**BPOV**

That week passed by fairly quickly, as it always did whenever I returned to work on a Tuesday instead of Monday. I filmed on both Tuesday and Wednesday and then had a still photo shoot scheduled for Saturday. My schedule was erratic to say the least, but it was good in that I had a five-day stretch off once every six weeks or so, which I always spent back in Forks with Charlie.

Alice took a half-day and we went shopping for my "date outfit" on Thursday. Although "outfit" for me just meant new shoes, accessories, and maybe a purse as I was, quintessentially, the LBD girl. I had at least thirty different versions of the little black dress in my closet, ranging from flirty-casual to black-tie elegant. I'd never found another style or color of dress that made me feel as sexy as my rows of LBDs, and Alice had long ago given up on trying to convert me to color for anything that required heels, instead satisfying herself with directing my accessories purchases.

It wasn't as though I couldn't afford other dresses; to the contrary, with my salary, I could probably buy a new one any time I wanted. LBDs were my trademark now, though, and a treat that I occasionally allowed myself if I fell in love with a new one. Alice actually had a photo of each and every one saved in her iPhone, for reference on shopping trips such as this one.

I drove us to the overpriced galleria mall as Alice yammered my ear off the entire way. She was chagrined that she hadn't been able to subtly snap a picture of Dr. Edward for my pre-date perusal, but assured me that he was absolutely gorgeous. Rosalie was most definitely enamored with Emmett, and he seemed equally smitten with her, if what Emmett had told Jasper, which Jasper told Alice, was true. We going to _Très Bien _for dinner, but she wasn't sure we were doing after that, and what were we going to do about driving, since _obviously_ Alice would be over at our apartment to get ready, and then she'd go back home later with Jasper, and Rosalie might very well want to go home with Emmett, so maybe I should drive the girls to meet the guys at the restaurant and then that way...

Listening with half an ear, I pulled into the parking garage of the mall, knowing that we would end up doing whatever the little social director decided in the end, and that my input wasn't really needed. As I zeroed in on an empty spot, Alice rummaged through her oversize hobo purse and came up with her wallet. Still not pausing for breath, she dropped it into my purse without looking at me. I didn't acknowledge the gesture either, concentrating instead on squeezing my Mini Cooper up as close as I dared to the concrete barrier in front of the parking spot.

Until I'd become friends with Alice, I'd _heard_ of compulsive shoppers, but I'd always thought it was just an excuse for someone who chose to not stop spending when the money ran out. I didn't even realize until sometime after I'd met her that she was in trouble: she'd always carried the newest gorgeous handbags and worn the styles that were most in vogue that season. But Alice was an executive assistant in the porn industry, where some women made six-figures per year for their work, in a city that wasn't known for its affordable cost of living.

She tried to keep up, hiding her mountain of credit card debt from everyone, even Jasper. It wasn't until the two of them went to rent an apartment together that he learned about her debt...if it were possible for a credit check to come back with a failing grade, Alice's would have had a big red "F" stamped across it.

On his salary as a college professor, Jasper wasn't able to bail Alice out, and he wasn't inclined to do so either. He'd given her a flat ultimatum: the apartment would go solely under his name but she had to stop buying, sell most of what she already had, and stay on the wagon _or else_. She wouldn't have done it for anyone else other than Jasper, so the next day she cut up every single one of her fifteen credit cards and asked Rosalie and I to help her haul a mountain of designer gear to a high-end resale shop.

What she'd recouped from that day was a start towards paying off what she owed, but Alice was now terrified about her lack of control when it came to shopping with her own money. Just after she'd come clean and stopped buying everything that caught her fancy, the three of us had gone shopping to find Rosalie an outfit for an upcoming meet-and-greet. Alice had disappeared, and Rose and I found her edging up to the register, clutching a Diane von Furstenberg dress and her wallet, her expression wavering between resolution and tears. I'd been at a loss...she was an adult, after all...but Rosalie had no such qualms and reached over to snatch Alice's wallet away, not giving it back until we'd returned home. Ever since then, Alice had taken the initiative, but we'd only spoken about it once, and then never again. A girl's gotta have pride, after all.

Like a heroin addict faithfully returning to the methadone clinic, Alice took the edge off her addiction by spending my and Rosalie's money. It worked for everyone, since we technically had cash to spend, Rose more than me, and Alice had the eye and the knack. We'd told her repeatedly that she could move to LA and make a fortune being a personal shopper to the stars, but she refused to leave Jasper, who had a job he adored in the city he loved. It was a sacrifice she was willing to make.

Alice kept talking as we walked into the mall, finally only stopping as she pulled out her iPhone, scrolled through it for a moment, and then held it up to my face, triumphant. "You're wearing number twenty-eight, just so you know."

Yes, Alice not only had pictures of all my LBDs, she had them numbered in the iPhone, corresponding to the laminated numbers she'd slipped over each of the hangers. That section of my closet looked like a perfectly-organized dry-cleaners shop.

"Twenty-eight," I promised, slipping on the first pair of kitten heels that Alice casually tossed in my direction. Two hours, one new pair of shoes, some delicate jewelry and a Chanel lipstick later, I declared myself exhausted as well as famished and dragged her to a small café in one of the anchor stores.

"I can't believe you didn't want that cute little purse too," Alice grumbled, closing her menu.

"I have a wristlet from approximately eleven shopping trips ago that will be perfect, so I don't want to hear it," was my response. Our waiter arrived and I ordered a Bloody Mary...always a soothing way to end an Alice-fueled shopping expedition. Alice pouted for another few seconds, and then predictably perked back up again.

"I'm so excited for tomorrow night, we're going to have so much fun! I can't wait for you to meet him!"

"Alice...it's just a date. Quit building it up, you're making me nervous." I shifted in my seat. I'd managed to talk myself into being fine with the whole "going out on a date with Esme Platt-Cullen's doctor son" thing until Alice had made it out to be the salvation of my sad dateless existence.

"Bella, you really need to go out more. And this guy is perfect for you, will you at least _try_ to have a good time?"

I inhaled slowly, reminding myself that Alice had, as always, only the best of intentions at heart. "Yes, I am going to _try_ to have a good time. It's just tough when one of my friends is acting as though this is my last chance before dying a dried-up old biddy, alone and unloved, in my cat-filled apartment."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Jesus Bella, if it were almost anyone else, I'd tell you that you need to get laid."

"I know I do," I shot back. "I don't consider the whole Tab-A-into-Slot-B day job thing to truly fulfill that particular need."

She grinned at me, delighted, from across the table. "Awesome, Bella, take that doctor for a ride! Get acquainted with his tongue depressor!"

An older couple at the table next to us looked over, scowling, and I fought back my giggles. "This whole thing is getting too complicated, you know. I was thinking about it last night...Jasper knows about Rosalie and I. Emmett knows about Rosalie but not me. Dr. Edward knows nothing. I'll have to consult my notes before I say anything tomorrow night."

Alice shrugged, crunching into her salad. "Jasper won't say anything, you know that. And Rosalie hasn't told Emmett about you being in the biz, and she won't, so Dr. Edward isn't going to find out unless you tell him. Seems pretty simple to me."

"You make it sound so easy," I grumbled. "Maybe I should just lay it all out there for him, when he asks what I do for a living. 'Oh, I screw for a living, it's pretty exhausting but nothing compared to being a doctor, I'm sure.' Give him five minutes and he'll be sticking his hand up my skirt and wondering how he can keep me on the side without his mother finding out."

"You," Alice declared, pointing a piece of lettuce at me, "Are entirely too cynical."

"Fuck you, Alice."

"Fuck you, Bella. Give the guy a chance. Or at least meet him before you write him off like that."

"It's easy for you to say," I said sourly. "Does the name 'Mike Newton' ring any bells?" She rolled her eyes and I knew I'd won that round. Mike Newton was a prominent local attorney whose main talents lay in ambulance-chaser lawsuits and making cheesy television ads which aired during the lineup of baby-daddy-DNA-testing talk shows. James had asked me to go out on one date with the guy as a personal favor and I'd spent the majority of the first hour dodging his grabby hands and all of the second hour trying to think of a way to bail on his pervy ass, before finally giving up and sneaking out of the restaurant while he was busy cornering the waitress. James had given me grief about it until I'd thrown the words "sexual harassment lawsuit" in his direction.

"All right, then, look at it this way," Alice tried a different tactic. "Whoever you end up living happily ever after with will _eventually_ know what you did for a living. It might not be the end of the world if he found out sooner rather than later. This isn't something you're planning to retire on. You have your reasons, to hell with him if he has a problem with them."

I took a long pull off my Bloody Mary, thanking God that such a deliciously-nasty concoction had been invented in the first place. Any serious conversation with Alice about my career and how it related to the real world always turned too deep too quickly for me. I did enough thinking about the whole topic on my own, I didn't need to rehash it emo-style with my girlfriends too. Rosalie, to her credit, would have at least given me the whole "what is your fucking problem, Swan, he should thank his lucky stars" pep talk instead.

"Right, so you're coming over tomorrow at six, I'm wearing number twenty-eight, can I now share with you that I couldn't help but overhear Rosalie having phone-sex with Emmett last night?"

Her eyes widened. "Jesus, how loud _was_ she?"

I smirked. "Not that loud, but she was in the living room, for pete's sake."

"Where were you?"

"In the living room, sitting next to her, watching Jeopardy."

"_Ewww!_" Alice screamed, thereby gaining the disapproving attention of the entire café and completely her diverting her from the previous topic. _Mission accomplished, sorry Rose!_

.

**EPOV**

Despite my and Jasper's calling him a pussy, wimp, and girly man, along with every other emasculating insult we could come up with, Emmett had insisted on coming over to my place two hours before we were supposed to meet the girls at _Très Bien_. I was pretty sure that I could get myself showered, shaved, and dressed without a sleepover-style gabfest, but Emmett was hell-bent on telling me every excruciating detail about his hot date, Rosalie Hale. He'd come bearing a six-pack in each enormous fist, so I couldn't complain too much. Jasper had shown up shortly thereafter with a big bottle of rum as his own official welcome-home gift. Damn if I hadn't missed those two bastards more than I was willing to admit.

We'd been tighter than brothers all the way through college. I'd seen them through the best and worst of those years and I'd missed them during my time on the east coast. Emmett was a huge lovable jock whose meathead appearance overshadowed the fact that he was smart as hell, whereas Jasper was the quiet intellectual of our trio. I fell somewhere in between the two of them.

When I'd opened my new apartment door to reveal Emmett's big dumb ass, I knew I'd truly come back home, even before he grabbed me into a giant hug that almost crushed my ribcage. He'd been rambling about Rosalie for the past hour, interrupted only when Jasper arrived. I'd heard all about her big blue eyes, her long golden hair, her sarcastic wit, her ability under the hood with a wrench. Jasper, who already knew her, looked ready to fall asleep. I was ready to concede fair Rosalie's goddess status, if only to shut him up, when I finally got a word in edgewise to ask what she did for a living.

Emmett finally closed his mouth for almost a full five seconds before speaking again. "Dude, you aren't going to believe this."

"Try me," I said, thinking that no woman could be as perfect for Emmett as Rosalie was shaping up to be.

"She's, uh, well..." I'd never heard Emmett fumble for words before, and I looked up from the box I was rummaging through. I was searching for a bottle opener since Jasper had put a good-sized ding in my countertop, slapping the cap off the bottle he was drinking now.

"Spit it out, McCarty, does she shit gold bricks everyday or something?"

Emmett shook his head vigorously. "Better than that. She's a...uh...a porn star."

I dropped the box I was holding. "Say again?"

"Yeah, a real one, hot as hell. I've got a couple of her movies."

I looked over at Jasper, who was reclining quietly in his chair, his bottle of beer dangling from between his fingers. Smug bastard. "Did you know about that?"

He nodded. "Yep."

"Well, hot damn and holy hell, dude!" I gave Emmett, who was wearing a goofy grin, a fist bump. "Sounds like a sure bet for a happy ending to your night, huh?"

He snorted. "She told me not to expect anything until our fifth date, at the earliest."

"Bummer." I went back to searching through boxes. "That's pretty awesome, though. I don't know if I've ever met an actual porn star before. You couldn't have found me one of those too, Jas?"

He shrugged. "I didn't have anything to do with it, she's Alice's friend. What happened with that Tanya chick you were seeing, anyway? Didn't she want to relocate?"

I emerged triumphant from the last box with the bottle opener. "I didn't _want_ her to relocate here. She was all right, we had fun, but she's one other thing I'm glad I left back in Baltimore, you know?"

"How long were you dating her?"

"Four years." I cracked open a bottle of beer for myself and then tossed the opener over to Emmett. "Four years too long, probably."

"Why'd you stay with her, then?" Emmett could be as nosy as a little old lady when something caught his interest.

I shrugged, then grinned. "She could suck the chrome off a bumper hitch." That got a snort out of Jasper and a loud guffaw from Emmett as I tipped my bottle towards them. "Cheers, gentlemen."

We each took a pull on our beers and stood in silence for just a moment. "So...Em...a porn star, huh?" Figures that the lucky asshole would end up with a female equivalent of himself. Every man has some porn stashed away, but Emmett had an entire _cabinet_ of porn DVDs, arranged alphabetically. I didn't understand it, being that he was a good-looking dude and never had a problem scoring a date or sex, but Emmett insisted that he was a porn aficionado and had no shame about his collection. The only time he locked the cabinet up was when his mom was coming over.

He nodded enthusiastically. "But man, she is _hot_, and sexy as hell. Tough as nails too. And the stuff she said last night, that she wants to do..."

"Wait a minute, I thought she had a five-date-minimum waiting period?"

"Yeah, well, I talked to her on the phone last night and she, um…" Then he blushed. That big goofy fucker, former linebacker for the Chicago Bears, _blushed_. I couldn't let that go.

"Emmett McCarty, are you telling me you had _phone sex_ with her? You can't get a porn star to actually bang you? I think they take away your man card for that."

"Hey, I never said she was a slut! It's her job!" he said defensively, and I held up my hands in a gesture of peace, even though I was still snickering. I definitely didn't intend to insult Emmett's lady love, especially since she was friends with Alice and my date.

"My bad, man, forget I said that. Just consider me jealous, I guess."

Emmett grinned, his good humor restored. "No shit, but I can't wait to see what _your_ date looks like. If she's half as hot as Rosalie, we are three lucky fuckers."

Both of us turned to Jasper, who shrugged. "What do you want me to tell you? Bella's a hottie, for sure. Funny as hell and she manages to keep up with Alice and Rosalie. She's a good girl."

"Sounds like it'll be a good evening, then." I might not have the guarantee of someone in bed at the end of the night like Jasper, or the bragging rights that Emmett was currently holding, but I knew Jas would never set me up with some psycho.

"I'll warn you both, though," Jasper pointed the neck of his beer bottle at us. "Those three are tight as hell. Anything you do or say with one tonight, the other two will know by tomorrow morning. And if you fuck with one, you fuck with all three. So do me a favor and don't piss either of them off, okay? I don't need Alice tearing my ass up over you two."

Emmett and I both busted out laughing at Jasper, the whipped motherfucker. He was as good as married to that tiny tornado he called a girlfriend, but I couldn't be too mean about it. I liked Alice, I'd met her briefly the week before. And if Emmett liked Rosalie half as much as he talked about her, she could become a permanent fixture in my immediate future too. At first I'd been annoyed to hear that I had a date in San Francisco before I'd even moved into my new apartment, but things were definitely looking up. Anyone that measured up to the standards set by my friends couldn't be half-bad.

.

**BPOV**

I was dressed to the nines in LBD number twenty-eight, Chanel No 5 lipstick, new Steve Madden kitten heels, and driving the way I loved: fast.

We'd finally decided that I would drive the three of us, leaving Rosalie free to either depart with Emmett or myself at the end of the evening. Alice was literally vibrating with excitement, Rosalie was still glowing after another "conversation" with Emmett the night before and I couldn't help but pick up on their enthusiasm. A doctor for a date. Not too shabby, Bella.

We stuffed Alice into the back of the Mini Cooper since she was the smallest and were on our way, only to have her immediately declare that she'd put together a special musical playlist for our evening. Which is how we ended up listening to a compilation of Bryan Adams' greatest love ballads, something I would have otherwise never allowed to sully my upgraded sound system. Before long, though, all three of us were howling along to _All For Love_...what could I say? You never forgot some songs. I took Bryan Adams' part, Alice took Sting's, and Rosalie, who couldn't carry a tune in a bucket, ended up mangling Rod Stewart's.

All three of us were laughing when we pulled up to _Très Bien_. Our dates were supposed to be meeting us there, and for a moment I felt a flutter of nerves. If Dr. Edward and I didn't at least get along, it would be more than slightly awkward with the other two sets of lovebirds along for the ride. _Confidence, Bella_, I thought to myself. _Call upon the power of Chanel and the LBD. Knock him dead!_

Alice had called Jasper just as we pulled up to the restaurant and confirmed that the guys were already there, waiting in the bar. I trailed behind Alice and Rosalie as I accepted my ticket from the parking valet and followed them into the dark oak-paneled bar. It was easy to pick out Jasper as Alice jumped up at him like a rabid Chihuahua after a treat, and the giant next to him _had _to be Emmett. Rosalie slid up to him, offering up her cheek for a kiss, and I suddenly felt very much like a third wheel. _Chanel! LBD! Chanel, Bella, Chanel!_

The guy next to Emmett finally turned around, all dark bronze hair and green eyes, full lips pulled into the most perfect smile and I knew... I. Was. Screwed.

He was gorgeous.

Damn, there was no way a guy could be this good-looking, normal, and yet single. There had to be something I hadn't heard yet. Closet homosexual? Married? Bad-kinky?

He took my hand as Alice remembered her manners, stopped pawing Jasper, and introduced us. If anyone had told me five minutes ago that I'd buy into that whole "sparks flew" clichéd crap I would have laughed in their face. Now I stood holding his hand, warm and strong, wrapped around mine, looking into those green eyes that I seemed to have known forever, and a million things went through my head at once.

.

**EPOV**

I was going to kill Jasper, that sneaky motherfucker. Bella was a hottie, huh? Lying bastard.

Bella was gorgeous. I. Was. Screwed.

She came into the bar behind her friends, all big chocolate eyes, red lips, and long wavy brown hair, wrapped up in a form-fitting black dress that showed off all the lovely curves she had to offer. Those red lips curled up into a smile when Alice peeled herself off Jasper long enough to introduce us.

I put out my hand automatically and she put hers into it. So warm and soft, fine-boned and delicate, but strong. I was sure I was staring but at that moment I couldn't be bothered enough to care. There was a current running through her hand to mine, a tingle just strong enough to feel and acknowledge. It was nuts, it was ridiculous, but it _was_ there.

Thankfully Alice had notified the maître d' on their way in that we were ready to be seated, and soon enough we were arranged around the table. I couldn't stop looking at Bella, seated to my right, and I'm sure she noticed. There was the faintest flush on her cheekbones and she'd kept her eyes fixed firmly on the menu since we'd sat down.

_Damn Cullen, get a grip!_

The server was taking our drink orders and I automatically ordered a double Johnnie Walker on the rocks, thinking that if I'd ever _needed_ a drink, it was surely now. Bella looked up at me then, her smile coming back.

"I'll have the same thing he's having," she told the waiter.

"Are you a whiskey fan?" was the most brilliant thing I could come up with at the moment.

She laughed a little and shook her head. "Rose is the whiskey-drinker of our group, I was going to get a Stoli and Chambord. I've always wanted to try Johnnie Walker, though, I just never remember to order it."

"Oh, a vodka girl, eh?" Brilliant, I wasn't sure if I needed the drink, a cold shower, or a brain transplant most at that moment.

"It depends." Those big brown eyes came up to meet mine then and I almost groaned right there at the table. _What the fuck, Cullen? _

"On what?"

"Well, how I'm drinking it, and where, and with what. You know." She looked down and blushed again, I immediately felt like the world's biggest dumbass. Sure, let's have a discussion about vodka when neither of us was drinking it.

"So...Bella..."

She looked up at me and those exquisite red lips curved into a smile again. "This is kind of awkward," she whispered.

I felt a grin of my own break across my face. "What, the small talk?"

She gestured minutely at the other two couples at the table with us, both too wrapped up in each other to pay attention to us. "The blind-date thing. I haven't been on one of these in years."

I laughed softly and made a mental note to thank Alice and Jasper from the bottom of my heart at some later point. "Well, if I forget to mention it later, it was a real pleasure to meet you."

The broadest smile yet crossed her face. "It's a pleasure to have met you too, Dr. Cullen."

Oh shit, the last thing I needed was to get a hard-on here, ten minutes into a blind date, but hearing this gorgeous woman call me Dr. Cullen, it went straight to my groin and to the heart of several fantasies I had. _Redirect! Think boring thoughts!_

"Edward, please, unless you want me to call you Ms. Swan all night. Dr. Cullen is my father."

"All right then...Edward." Damn, hearing her use my given name wasn't that much better. Okay, what was more boring than discussing the weather, especially in San Francisco?

"So, Bella, you've obviously been briefed on my profession, what do you do for a living?"

She reached out to take the glass of whiskey the waiter set in front of her. "I work in the entertainment industry. It's pretty boring, actually."

"That's got to be more interesting than having people cough on you all day, like I do."

"No, really it's not. I'm in public relations. Very cut-and-dry."

"Huh...I was going to ask you if you'd met anyone famous."

She took a deep breath, probably getting ready for her first taste of sweet Johnnie Walker, then reached over and clinked her glass against mine. "No one you'd recognize. Cheers, Edward."

Our other four dining companions seemed to remember that they were in public at that point, and we placed appetizer orders. Rosalie was nothing like I'd expected, aside from her physical description, and I felt a little guilty about my crude comments from earlier. It turned out that she had lived in Baltimore for a couple of years, and we talked about that for a while, before the topic turned to our after-dinner plans. I personally would have been fine with taking Bella straight back to my place, and I was pretty sure Emmett and Jasper would have backed me up, but the first-date formalities had to be observed.

Alice and Rosalie were in favor of going to a club, with Bella violently opposed. According to her, she danced about as well as Rosalie sang, which caused big laughs between the three girls. We tossed around ideas, none really catching everyone's fancy, although I really couldn't care less as long as it meant more time spent with Bella. Finally Alice jumped in her seat like she'd been electrocuted, scaring the hell out of the waiter who was serving the entrees.

"Ooooh, I know what we can do! That new golf-dome they just opened up has blacklight mini-golf after ten!"

"Blacklight mini-golf?" I asked, baffled. Bella was shaking her head and laughing.

"You've seen blacklight bowling, right? With day-glo bowling pins and lanes and such? This is the same idea, except it's indoor mini-golf. Alice, you are nuts. None of us are dressed for that."

"Hey, if it's sports-related on a date, I'm up for it!" Emmett put in his two cents.

"Bella, it's blacklight mini-golf or a club. You choose." Alice had an enormous grin on her face, evidently she already knew what Bella's decision would be.

"Fine! Although mini-golf is NOT what I had in mind when I got dressed this evening, Alice."

My brain immediately leapt to the image of Bella with her hands wrapped around a golf club, leaning over in that dress, spreading her legs to settle into her stance...oh shit, the hard-on was coming back.

We finished dinner and then began hashing out the details of the mini-golf expedition. Emmett, Jasper, and I had all driven to the restaurant separately, and evidently Bella had driven the girls. We finally decided that we'd caravan all four of the cars to the mini-golf place, Alice and Rosalie immediately opting to ride with Jasper and Emmett. I was ready to offer Bella a ride, even if it meant driving all the way back over to the restaurant to pick up her car, but she was already handing over her ticket to the valet.

"Do you want to follow me?" she queried.

"Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if we lost them on the way there," I replied, jerking my head towards the lovebird couples, both of whom were engaged in gratuitous public displays of affection. Actually, it would be fine with me if they all _did _elect to end their evenings early, as long as Bella stuck around with me.

She laughed, throwing her head back a little, exposing a long lovely neck behind the curtain of chestnut waves. "Oh no, Alice has been pestering us about this blacklight mini-golf thing since it opened. She wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Nope, it's mini-golf or bust!" chirped Alice, finally removing her lips from Jasper's neck. The valet pulled up just then with Bella's car, a cherry-red Mini-Cooper. I couldn't help but laugh, it was cute and sexy and totally suited her.

She snapped her finger against my chest. "I drive fast. Try to keep up, please."

"Yes, ma'am." And damn, she wasn't kidding. I was under the impression that Mini-Coopers didn't have that much under the hood, I'd have to revise my opinion on that. She drove like a bat out of hell, zooming around slower-moving vehicles, but never recklessly. It made me think of the Minis in _The Italian Job_, and I made a mental note to compliment her driving skills.

Being that we traveled at warp speed, Bella and I arrived at the mini-golf dome well ahead of the other four. She leaned up against the Mini as I locked my car and approached her.

"That was some driving. I think you may have been airborne at one point."

She laughed and patted the hood. "I literally drove it off the lot and straight over to Rose's garage. All I know is that when she gave it back, it was meaner and faster, with a much better stereo system."

"That's impressive. She has her own garage?"

Bella shrugged. "She actually rents a stall in a local garage, she does modifications for friends and friends of friends right now. She'd probably love to get her hands on yours."

Grandpa-car or not, I loved my Volvo XC90, and wasn't sure that it needed any improvements. "Umm, I'll have to think about it. When does she find the time?"

"On weekends, and after work." Bella's eyes narrowed just a little bit, and I suddenly realized that I'd put my foot right into my mouth. "You know what she does for a living, then?"

"Emmett told me." I made an immediate decision to stick to short sentences as much as possible during this conversation, there were too many ways I could royally fuck it up.

"And how do you feel about that?" She'd tensed up visibly, obviously protective of her friend.

Okay, I had the option between the honest answer, the somewhat honest answer, and the safe answer that wouldn't get me kicked square in the balls by one of the porn star's best friends. The somewhat-honest answer was that it was kinda hot. The honest answer was that there was no way I would ever take a porn star home to meet my mother. I opted for the safe route.

"It's her life, her job, none of my business unless she makes it my business." _Okay, question answered, please change the subject! _

Bella wasn't having it. "That's a lot more open-minded than most people. Major brownie points for you."

Okay, the save-my-balls answer was going to become the standard one, I'd obviously said the right thing. "Yeah, well, I try. Do you want to go inside?"

Bella's defensive stance relaxed, that beautiful smile came back as she reached over to take my hand. The tingle between us was still there, maybe even stronger. "All right."

We walked in together, hand-in-hand. I rented mini-golf clubs for both of us, and as we were waiting for the other monkeys to show up, we exchanged phone numbers. I didn't give a damn if there was a standard guy waiting period or not, I was calling her tomorrow.

She was horrible at mini-golf, Emmett and Alice tied for first place and Bella didn't seem a bit surprised or upset that she came in last. She laughed at the goofy way the blacklights made random things light up, she joked about being glad that she hadn't worn glow-in-the-dark granny panties. She took off her shoes and carried them around from hole to hole after catching the heels in the faux-grass carpet too many times, making me hold them when it was her turn to putt. She smiled at me, that beautiful smile, and gave me a sweet little kiss on the cheek when I walked her to her car at the end of the night, and she even said she hoped to see me again soon.

I told her she could count on it.

.

**BPOV**

Rosalie opted to make Emmett wait for at least one more date before allowing him to get to third base and rode home with me. We were both grinning like fools.

"Oh my God Bella, those men are gorgeous! I mean, I've never looked at Jasper that way, of course, but seeing him with his friends...those three are HOT!"

I nodded, not taking my eyes off the road. I was so keyed up at the moment I was afraid I'd blow through a red light or something without even knowing it. "And they know how to have a good time...I really didn't think the mini-golf thing would be as fun as it was."

"Emmett asked me to go home with him."

"I'm surprised you didn't."

"Eh, I was thinking about it, but I figured it wouldn't kill him to wait another week. I told him I'm only easy on film."

"I don't know why you're torturing yourself, Rose," I teased. "You've obviously got it bad for him too."

"Well, what did _you_ think about your doctor? There was some pretty obvious chemistry between the two of you."

I shivered a little, thinking of those green eyes. "I want to see him again. Soon. As soon as we get back from LA. We really need to buy Alice a very generous thank-you gift."

"I hear that." She was quiet for a minute. "Bella, when was the last time you had sex, like personally? Not for work."

"A year ago. Jacob Black. And we both know how well that ended up." I'd dated Jake for a couple of months and managed to keep my job from him for almost as long, but he'd found out when one of his friends recognized and made a pass at me, _Pretty Woman_-style. Jake hadn't handled the news well at all, although he was more pissed that I'd been lying to him the entire time. It sucked, he really was a great guy and the sex had been pretty good too. The handful of guys I'd dated since had never gotten remotely close to ending up in bed with me.

Rosalie cocked her head to the side and smiled at me. "It's been just under a year for me, and considering he and I were both drunk, I don't think that really counts." Ah yes, Royce King. That was one guy we'd _all_ been glad to see the last of. "Do you ever think about how guys have a different set of expectations with us?"

"Yeah, and honestly, I can see where they're coming from," I replied slowly. "You know, even aside from the whole porn-star-equals-easy stereotype. It's kind of a messed-up situation...we'll both probably have sex with guys _other_ than the guys we're dating, _before_ we have sex with the guys we're dating. And in the meantime they're wondering why we're holding out on them. I guess I can see why that would mess with a guy's head."

"I like Emmett, Bella," Rosalie said bluntly. "I mean, I _really_ like him. I _wanted_ to go home with him tonight. Jesus, I wanted to drag him behind one of those windmills at the mini-golf place and make him see God."

"Thanks for restraining yourself," I said dryly.

"This is too fucked up and too deep, too fast. I always said that I'd be done with porn either by next summer, or when I met a guy that made _me_ want to quit. Bella, I know it's crazy, but I think Emmett's that guy. I don't _want _to have sex with anyone other than him. I don't want to have sex with anyone else before I get to have sex with him, and I definitely don't think I'll want to have sex with anyone else after him."

I was floored. Of the two of us, Rosalie was the most practical about her career; fucking was her job and she compartmentalized it as such, whereas I got wound up more often about the whole job-verses-life thing. Plus, Rosalie sounded like...shit, she sounded like she was in _love_. "Umm, don't you want to test-drive the new car before you trade in the old one? You know, rummage around under the hood and such?"

Rosalie laughed and the mood lightened. "Oh trust me, I'm planning on doing plenty of rummaging under his hood."

I pulled into my parking space outside our apartment building. "Good for you, Rose. He seems like a great guy, and if he's worth it, then go for it."

She elbowed me as we walked into the building and over to the elevators. "Keep me apprised on the doctor situation, huh? When you know, you know."

I lay in bed later, thinking over Rosalie's words. They made sense...she'd never been one to get emotionally tangled up in the ramifications of her career, but then again, she'd never fallen for someone as hard and fast as she apparently had for Emmett. And even if Emmett was okay with the porn thing for now, it didn't mean Rosalie had to feel the same way any longer. Love and sex...they were more closely bound than either Rosalie and I had let ourselves think. It was another coping mechanism.

To be completely fair, too, I knew that I couldn't have sex with Edward unless he completely understood my sexual history. That was one of the things Jake had been most angry about...how I could have lied about having had that many sex partners, job or no. He'd pointed out that stretching the truth about my sexual history was a betrayal of trust he couldn't look beyond. _I feel like I've unknowingly and unwillingly fucked everyone that you've been with!_ he'd yelled, and I knew in my heart that he'd been justified in his anger.

James and Victoria were absolutely uncompromising when it came to assuring the health of their contracted actors. We were all tested monthly for HIV and other sexually-transmitted diseases, as well as for drugs, and we knew that any non-disclosed extracurricular activity that could put our coworkers at risk was grounds for immediate termination. I was more honest with my boss about my sexual partners than I had been with my last boyfriend. James rarely brought in non-contracted actors, and so I knew the risk to my own health, or any future sex partners, was low. But nevertheless it was there. And I already liked Edward enough to not want to make that decision for him.

My thoughts turned more deliberately to the idea of having sex with Edward at some point in the future, and immediately my body tightened as I felt my panties get damp. It was as though a bowstring was running from my crotch straight upward into the very center of me, humming with a subtle vibration just intense enough to make my entire body quiver. I moaned quietly, it was a sensation I hadn't felt, sincerely and without deliberate provocation, for a long long time.

I squirmed, rubbing my thighs together, and the humming in my body grew stronger. Unlike Rosalie who was unabashed at enjoying the sex she had and always demanded a _real_ orgasm, I was truly excellent at faking it. Of course I did have real orgasms while filming…there's only so much manipulation the parts can take before they respond accordingly, after all…but I didn't come anywhere near as often as I probably should. I compared it to working in a chocolate factory...at first it's too good to be true, but after a while, the last thing you want when you go home for the day is chocolate. And sometimes, depending on the scenario of a shoot, sex just meant I ended up tired, sore, and sticky. The last time I'd had sex for fun was with Jake, a year ago.

This feeling, though...I whimpered involuntarily as I imagined Edward over me, thrusting into me, capturing one of my nipples with his teeth. I thought of myself, on my knees in front of him, sucking eagerly on his cock and pushing it far into my mouth, down my throat. I imagined his head between my thighs, those beautiful emerald eyes dark with lust as he watched my every reaction to his tongue driving into me.

I moaned again, more loudly this time. I had a vibrator stashed away somewhere, in the closet probably, but I'd be damned if I'd take the time to get up and find it. I thought again of Edward's head buried between my thighs as I ran my right hand down my quivering body, pushing into my very-wet panties and rubbing deliberately over my swollen clit. My left hand began rubbing and pulling on my nipple, which hardened immediately, sending another shot of sensation through me.

I gasped and threw my head back, rubbing a finger over my clit, and then pushing down into my soaked pussy. It was absolutely aching with need, throbbing, and soon I pushed a second finger in as well, pumping slowly in and out, the heel of my palm bumping against my clit with each thrust. Oh God...I imagined seeing Edward's tongue flicking quickly over the swollen nub, and I could feel my orgasm building already, coming at me strong and fast. _You're such a bad girl, Bella, so naughty,_ I could hear him say in a thick voice just before it hit me and I came, hard.

My body went rigid as my pussy clamped down around my fingers, still pumping as steadily as I could while involuntary spasms wracked me. Another moan tore from my throat as the waves of pleasure went on and on...I moved my left hand down and I pinched my clit, hard. My vision literally went black as another orgasm hit me, this one almost painful in its intensity and shocking in duration. My pussy and clit were both throbbing rhythmically, my vision cleared and I gasped as I slowly came down from the most intense orgasms I could remember having in...shit, I didn't even know how long.

Jesus Christ...if just _imagining _having sex with Edward could do this to me, what would it be like to actually be with him? And how I was I supposed to keep from ripping his clothes off the next time I saw him?

One thing was for sure...first thing in the morning, I was finding that vibrator.

.

**A/N:**

"Public relations," huh Bella? I guess that's a kinda/sorta/roundabout truthful description of her job...

And oh Dr. Edward...he sure doesn't know what he's getting himself into, does he? Bella's worth it, though, wouldn't you agree?

THANK YOU for all your kind reviews, I'm working hard to try and stay on a regular posting schedule for this story! If you're so inclined, please leave me a review, and give me a follow on Twitter, I'm over there as lazykatevamp.


	5. Chapter 5

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author. This story is rated M for Mature and is not intended for anyone under the age of eighteen.**

**Chapter Five**

**BPOV**

For the first time in a long time, I woke up with a sense of calm. There was no thudding heartbeat, no desperate clawing ascension from the depths to consciousness. I simply woke up, blinking for a moment in the sunlight that streamed through my half-closed blinds. I couldn't remember the last time that I actually woke up in the morning to sunshine instead of shadows.

_Mental note to self: mind-blowing orgasms work better than Xanax_. I giggled at that, grabbing a pillow and curling up into a ball around it. _Must! Find! Vibrator!_ Oh shit, vibrator! What time was it?

I grabbed at my alarm clock to see that it was 9:00, my photoshoot was at 10:30 sharp. As much as I wanted to stay in bed and luxuriate in the happy afterglow from the date with Edward, I needed to get moving immediately. I hadn't bothered to set my alarm clock because I hadn't needed an alarm in the morning for ages...I normally woke up at 4:45 on the dot and tossed and turned until I had to get up.

I took a lightning-fast shower, glad that I didn't have to worry about hair or makeup, threw on some sweats and was out the door in record time. While driving to the studio I allowed myself to think back over little individual moments from the night before. Seeing Edward's green eyes for the first time. Looking at him in my rearview mirror as he gamely kept up with my driving to the golf dome. His fingers brushing mine as he handed me my golf club. How he'd voluntarily carried around my heels after I took them off. And then the wonderful scent of him as I'd leaned in and gave him a peck on the cheek at the end of the evening. Would it look crazy if I called him today? Maybe I'd text instead. He'd told me to count on it, when I'd said I hoped to see him again soon. Was the next day too soon?

And then I realized I hadn't even yet thought about my fantasies from later in the night. As powerful and potent as they'd been, in the light of day they took a backseat to the desire to just see him again, talk to him, spend time with him apart from our friends. I wanted to find out his favorite color, what bands he listened to, what his family was like, if he had any pets, why he'd gone so far away for medical school. I wanted to see that crooked smile again, to see if his bronze hair was _always_ that messy, to see if his eyes were even brighter in sunlight.

It had all seemed almost too good to be true. Even the slightly awkward moments; when he'd asked about my job, and later when I'd asked him what he thought about Rose's chosen career, hadn't been as painful as I'd anticipated. He'd seemed remarkably blasé about what I'd told him, maybe I could be honest with him after all. Maybe this could work out, maybe he was open-minded enough to understand why I did what I did, and how it was my _job_, not my _life_. Maybe this had some long-term potential...

My heart gave several giddy jumps at the thought as I pulled into the parking lot at the studio. _Get a grip, Bella!_ Yes, there had definitely been chemistry there, I had felt it sizzle between us every time we got close or touched, but I didn't want to come across as clingy.

I could text him after the photo shoot, to thank him again for such a nice evening, and to say I hoped to get together again soon. I knew he was starting his new job at his father's practice on Monday, I could use the excuse that I didn't want to pester him during his first week at work. Yes, that would work. No pressure, but making it plain that I wasn't at all opposed to a second date after I got back from LA.

I almost skipped inside to the dressing room, changed, and headed off to get my hair and makeup done. The photo shoot had a Bettie-Page-as-a-vampire theme, somewhat campy and kinky but not hardcore, so I didn't lose my good mood. Even our photographer Marcus had to tell me to look naughtier and not quite so cheerful and smiley. I just laughed and twirled the short leather whip in my hands, thinking that I might dress up as Bettie Page for Halloween this year. Would Edward like to see me in a costume like that?

After the shoot concluded I went back to the dressing room. I couldn't peel my costume off fast enough, scrubbed my face free of the sex-kitten makeup, and jumped back into my sweats. Just a few minutes more until I could sit down and carefully compose a suitably casual text to Edward and then wait for his response.

"Your phone was ringing every five minutes," Bree commented sourly, yanking off her clothes and pulling on a robe.

"Shit, sorry about that, I must have forgotten to turn off the ringer." I bounced over to the small stack of metal lockers that sat against the far wall, twisted the code into my combination lock, and pulled out my purse. My cell indicated eight missed calls, one new voicemail, and one new text.

"It sounded like an alarm clock going off in a tin can," Bree continued her bitching in the background, but I ignored her as I scrolled through the call log. The first two calls were from Alice, the third was from Rosalie, the next _four_ calls were from Alice, and then the last one just said "Edward." I couldn't help the huge grin that spread across my face. Edward called ME! At 11:30 in the morning after our first date, no less!

"Jesus, did you hit the lottery or something? Why are you in such a good mood?"

Even Bree's whining couldn't bring me down at that moment. "I had a hot date last night and the he called while I was shooting. I think that's a good sign."

"Yeah, unless it's an AM booty call."

Whatever, I'd had just about enough of Bree for the day. "I'm outta here, see you later!" I swung my purse onto my shoulder and hurried out of the studio to the parking lot, clicking my cell to read the text. It was from Rosalie.

_plz call alice so she will stop calling me? thx!_

I laughed out loud. Alice never bothered with leaving a voicemail, she just kept calling until you were either available or exasperated with her repeat-dialing. Six missed calls from her over a two-hour period wasn't that bad, actually. Unlocking the Mini, I tossed my purse onto the passenger seat and flung myself behind the wheel, still giggling a little as I dialed into my voicemail.

"_Hi Bella, it's Edward, I hope you don't think it's too weird that I'm calling you so soon, but I just wanted to tell you again what a great time I had last night. This next week is going to be really hectic, but I was hoping to see you again soon, so I was wondering if you'd be available for lunch tomorrow? Give me a call when you get a chance, thanks, bye."_

Apparently I'd reverted back to being a thirteen-year-old girl because I clamped my hands over my mouth and squealed into them, dropping my phone into my lap. Then I snatched it back up again and re-listened to the message three more times. He sounded every bit as sexy over the phone as he did in person.

The Mini had Bluetooth so I hit the speed-dial on my cell as I peeled out of the parking lot, flipping a wave to the security guard on duty.

"Rose?"

"Bella. Why the hell are you calling me? I just fell back to sleep after Alice..."

"Hang on, I'm going to three-way Alice in." I pressed a few more buttons and Alice answered.

"Oh my God it is about time you called I cannot believe that it took you..." she answered by way of a hello.

"Alice, shut up. I'm three-waying Rosalie in."

"_That's what she said_!" Alice screamed. Someone had obviously had too much caffeine this morning.

I pushed one more button and heard Rosalie yawning clearly through the Mini's speakers. "Bitch, this had better be good, I need my beauty sleep, you know."

"Edward called me!"

Both of them shrieked at once, nearly blowing my eardrums.

"What did he say?" Alice demanded.

"He left me a voicemail while I was shooting, saying what a great time he had last night and that he really wants to see me again. He wants to have lunch tomorrow."

There was a beat of silence, and then Rose's voice. "Uh, so you haven't called him back yet?"

"Well, no, I wanted to tell you guys first..."

"Oh Jesus, Bella, what the hell are you doing on the phone with us? I'm hanging up now, call Edward and get your bony ass home. Then we can talk." There was a click as she disconnected.

"Alice?"

"I'll meet you at your place okay bye!" she blurted, and then she hung up on me too. Well, that had been completely unhelpful, so much for my girls giving me a pep talk. I sucked in a deep breath and scrolled through my contacts at the next red light, finding his name. Maybe I should text him after all? No, he'd asked me to call. I had to call. Oh my God this was ridiculous. I punched the Send button just as the stoplight turned green, the phone rang once, twice, a third time, and then a click.

I automatically pulled over into the next parking lot. Jesus, I couldn't even drive while trying to call the man. DUIoE. Driving Under the Influence of Edward.

"Hello?"

"Um, hi, it's Bella," I stammered, and then immediately wanted to do a face-plant into my steering wheel. Totally smooth there, Bells.

"Hey Bella, I'm glad you called. You got my message?"

"Yeah, I was planning on calling you today anyway. I'd love to have lunch tomorrow, what time were you thinking?"

"Great!" he sounded pleased. "Can I come pick you up around eleven?"

"That sounds perfect, where did you want to go?"

There was a brief silence on the other end, then he laughed. I wriggled a little in my seat, imagining his smile.

"I should let you pick, since I've been out of town for so long, but Emmett suggested _La Mar Cebicheria_. Have you heard of it?"

"I've heard nothing but good things about it, we've been meaning to try it out."

"Perfect. What's your address?"

I gave it to him and there was a brief silence as he wrote it down. "I had a really great time with you last night, Bella."

_Yeah, me too. If only you knew how much fun I had with you _after_ our date..._ "I'm glad we didn't end up going to a club. You definitely wouldn't be calling me again if you'd been forced to watch me dance, it's painful."

"You could have sat at the bar with me and people-watched, I'm not much of a dancer either."

"Yeah, but you're a _guy_. You should have seen the first time Rose tried to teach me how to do a booty drop three years ago, I looked like a geriatric robot." Okay, this time I _did_ put my head down on the steering wheel. I needed to shut up before he changed his mind about tomorrow.

"What the hell is a booty drop?" I could hear him laughing quietly through the speakers.

"Um, it's this move where you...oh never mind. You'll never see me doing it, so it doesn't matter."

He laughed harder. "All right, no booty drops at lunch tomorrow. But hey, wear comfortable shoes, okay?"

"What, you got tired of carrying mine around yesterday?"

"Actually, it's supposed to be gorgeous tomorrow afternoon, and I thought we could go for a walk over at Golden Gate Park afterward? Get to know each other a little better?"

Okay, the hands were back over my mouth and I was silently screaming into them. A woman getting into the car next to me gave me a strange look, shook her head, and then drove off. I probably looked deranged.

"If...that's okay?" He suddenly sounded hesitant and I ripped my hands away from my mouth.

"YES! I mean, yes, I think that sounds like a great idea. Sorry, I'm just driving and I can't talk and think and drive all at once so I, um...yeah, I'm just going to shut up now." Great, I'd said that last part out loud.

"Oh, I'd better let you go, then. I'd hate to cause you to get into an accident."

"Urm, me too. See you tomorrow at eleven?"

"I'm looking forward to it. Bye, Bella."

"Bye."

I pushed the disconnect button to end the call, then a second time, to be on the safe side. Then I screamed, out loud. I sat there grinning so hard that my cheeks hurt, until I noticed a uniformed security guard cautiously approaching my car. Oh crap.

"Miss?" He tapped on the glass. "Are you all right?"

I rolled down the window a crack. "Um yeah, sorry about that...I just, uh, found out I hit the lottery. I'll just be on my way now."

I must have set a new land speed record driving the rest of the way back to the apartment, but even so, Alice had somehow managed to beat me there. She sat alongside a rumpled and obviously grouchy Rosalie in the living room. I ran right past them, ducked into my bedroom, and started tearing through my closet.

"Earth to Bella! What the hell are you doing?"

I started flinging shoeboxes back onto the bed behind me. "We're having lunch tomorrow! And he told me to wear comfy shoes because he wants to go for a walk and get to know me better!"

Alice inched closer to me and cautiously put a hand on my shoulder as I pulled out a larger box, rummaged through it, and then dropped it on the floor. "Are you looking for comfy shoes, Bella? Because we can go get you some new ones if you don't..."

"_I'm looking for my vibrator_!" I screamed, yanking out a Macy's shopping bag. I was pretty sure it was in a shopping bag somewhere.

There was absolute silence from the girls, and then Rosalie snorted. "I'm going to make some coffee, I'll be right back. Want me to grab you a Xanax while I'm in there? Because you seem a little tense."

Alice was giggling. "Are you going to take Mr. Happy on your date tomorrow?"

"No! Alice, either hush up and help me look or get out of my way. It's in a brown box the size of...well, you helped me pick it out, you should know."

She knelt down on the floor of the closet, giggling harder. "Are you telling me you've never used it? But now after one phone conversation you've got to spontaneously get off or you'll explode and die?"

"That sounds like something from _Barbarella_!" Rosalie yelled from the kitchen.

"I used it once or twice," I said defensively. "Then I packed it up when I moved in here and just never remembered to unpack it."

"How could you not remember? Aren't you supposed to keep it in your bedside table?"

"Shut up, Alice, you have dick on demand. You don't have to remember where you left yours."

"Can you at least clue us in on what brought on this frenzied need for sexual gratification? Aside from Dr. Edward, that much is obvious."

"I bet I know!" Rosalie was lounging back in the doorway with a smirk on her face. "I think even the neighbors heard you moaning last night, Bella."

"Fuck you, Rose!"

"Been there, done that, got the DVD to prove it." Having a laugh at my expense was obviously perking her up even faster than the coffee. "At least turn up some music or something tonight, for my sake."

I backed out of the closet and scowled at her. "Says the woman who has phone sex in the _living room_. Watching _Jeopardy_. With her _roommate_."

She shrugged. "What? I tried to warn you."

"Yeah, with non-verbal hand gestures that are most definitely _not_ part of the American Sign Language."

"Ugh, I'm so glad I don't actually live here," Alice muttered, then dove into my closet. She emerged a few seconds later with the box, which I promptly snatched away from her. I set it carefully on my bedside table and then marched back into the kitchen with the girls hot on my heels. They sat down at the table as I poured a cup of coffee, contemplated and decided against adding a healthy slug of vodka, then sighed and dropped into one of the wooden chairs.

"Ok, you know that scene from _There's Something About Mary_, where Ted jacks off before his big date with Mary? So he won't be all nervous? Well, that's going to be me, hopefully minus the jizz hanging from my ear."

Alice started giggling again. "Okay, the frantic screaming search for the vibrator makes a little more sense now. That man looks like sex on fire."

"What did he say to you on the phone, for pete's sake? Maybe he and Emmett share phone sex tips."

"No, it was just...ugh! I don't know! I had such a great time with him last night, and I was planning to call him today anyway, and he was the one taking the initiative and saying he wanted to see me again and get to know me better...and I was having major verbal diarrhea. I sounded so stupid, I was telling him about booty drops and I don't know what else. So not only do I sound like a complete moron, but I'm going to be thinking the whole time about how I'd like to just rip his clothes off and..."

"So do it!" Rose and Alice said simultaneously.

"No," I groaned, pushing the coffee out of the way and putting my head down on my arms, forcing myself to slow down and take several deep breaths. "After Jake, I promised myself that I wouldn't have sex with a guy unless he knew how many people I've been with. That was what he was so pissed about, that I hadn't bothered to be honest about it. He said the first thing he thought after he heard 'porn' was 'herpes.' And that he had to go look up every STD he could think of and how it could be spread, just in case I'd given him anything."

"Well, did you explain..." Rose started.

"I didn't get a chance to, by that point he was already so mad that he didn't want to hear it. I mean, he and I always used condoms, and I tried to tell him about the monthly testing and stuff, but he didn't care. He even said if I'd been honest about it, he could have at least processed the whole thing and we could have made a mutual decision from there. He was pissed that I didn't give him that option."

"Fair enough," Alice admitted.

"Yeah, I know," I muttered into my arms.

"Well then, Bella, I'll just throw this out there. You seem to really like him. When are you planning on telling him about the day job?" Trust Rosalie to put my feet to the fire.

"I don't know...I'll probably know better tomorrow. And yeah, I like him. A lot, obviously."

"Do you want to set yourself up for the same outcome as with Jake? The longer you wait to tell him, the more fucked up it'll be when he finds out."

I didn't have a response to that.

"So let's look at this logically. You can decide _not_ to tell him about the porn thing and hope he never finds out. Which means you'll either never have sex with him, or you'll have sex with him without giving him the full disclosure. Being that he's a doctor, that probably won't go over too well when the truth comes out. Not to mention the obvious betrayal of trust in a relationship again."

"Agreed."

"You can decide that you _will_ tell him about the porn thing. In which case he will either be horrified and drop you like a hot potato, or he'll think it's the hottest fucking thing he's ever heard, rip your clothes off, and have you screaming his name in ten seconds flat."

"This is starting to sound like one of those old _Choose Your Own Adventure_ books, but I guess it works. What if he's horrified and runs for the hills?"

Rosalie shrugged. "Then you guys weren't meant to be together, no matter what kind of chemistry you've got right now."

I was starting to feel better. Rosalie was always great at laying the truth out there, it was one of the reasons she was such a great friend. "All right, but what about other scenarios? What if he handles it okay, but says we can't be together as long as I'm working in the business? I mean, his mother is Esme Platt-Cullen, for God's sake."

"Well, in that case, you can say okay and quit..." she quirked an eyebrow at me and I shook my head. We both knew that was absolutely not an option right now. Not unless I discovered an oil well in Charlie's backyard on my next trip home. "Or you can say no, and tell him why. It's not like it's some big terrible secret, Bella. Tell him why you do what you do, and let him decide if he's man enough to deal with it."

"Good idea" I murmured thoughtfully. I was so unused to sharing details from my personal life with anyone other than Rosalie and Alice, it _did_ almost seem like I was keeping guilty family secrets from the world.

"Don't drop it all on him tomorrow, though," Alice put in. "Ease him into it. Let trust grow up naturally between you two. I predict..." she paused for dramatic effect, "That he will react more like Emmett than you expect."

"Emmett has definitely reacted well," agreed Rosalie. "So anyway, where is he taking you for lunch?"

"_La Mar Cebicheria_. He said Emmett recommended it."

"Yum, let us know how the food is." Alice stood and grabbed my hand. "But in the meantime, let's go pick out an outfit for you."

Much to Alice's disappointment I insisted upon wearing one of my LBDs and, after some haggling, we settled on number seven. Lucky number seven: it was cute and casual with a little bit of a ruffle on the bottom and we picked out a pair of pink-and-white Candies tennis shoes to dress it down just a bit. Overall it was just dressy enough, but fun and cute in a sexy way. It was at times like these that I was glad Alice was such a shopping fiend; I never would have put that combination together on my own, but it really worked.

Alice headed home just after four o'clock and Emmett called Rosalie shortly thereafter. She disappeared into her room to talk to him, much to my relief, and I settled down to read for a little while. Before leaving school I'd been majoring in history, a common passion that Jasper and I shared. He often sent over books with Alice for me to read, and I'd been especially interested in revisionist history lately. I was nose-deep in a book about the Civil War when Rose emerged from her room.

"Hey, I'm going to get dinner with Emmett, you wanna come?"

I shook my head. "No, I'm good, but thanks. Have fun, don't do anything I wouldn't do."

Rosalie arched an eyebrow. "Well, on that note...don't worry if I don't come home tonight. After watching your little meltdown earlier I decided I may as well start my rummaging under Emmett's hood."

I laughed, stretching my legs out from where they'd been curled under me for an hour. "Good luck with that, then, I can't wait to hear the run-down. Dr. Edward is picking me up tomorrow at eleven, so I'll see you later if you're not home by then."

"Okay, I probably won't be, so good luck and enjoy yourself."

I tossed her a lazy wave and turned back to my book, but now that my thoughts had detoured in Edward's direction again, they weren't easily diverted. I found myself eyeing my cell phone where it sat on the coffee table.

_I guess that would be totally psycho if I called him now._

Duh, Bella, you just talked to him a few hours ago to set up your second date. Don't scare the poor guy off too early.

_I could Google him, though._

Hmm. I tossed my book aside and retrieved my laptop from my bedroom, put my feet up on the coffee table and pecked "Dr. Edward Cullen" into Google search. Not much came up: a few mentions on his alma mater's alumni website, a minor blurb about his father's retirement and the plan for Edward to take over his position at the small practice he shared with Dr. Gerandy. Surprisingly little, considering his family's reputation...the Platt-Cullen Cancer Research Center was recognized nationwide and Esme was pretty well-known. I thought for a moment and then typed "Esme Platt-Cullen" into the Google images search. It brought up an entire page of pictures, and after a moment, I put the laptop down on the table and went into the kitchen to make a margarita.

Taking a healthy swig, I settled back down on the couch to my cyber-stalking and started clicking through the pictures. Most of them were of Esme representing the Center in one way or another, but eventually I found a picture of the family from the previous year's black-tie fundraiser.

Damn, but Edward looked fabulous in a tuxedo. He had that sexy crooked grin on his face, one arm wrapped around each of his parents as they posed for the photographer. Dr. Carlisle Cullen was pretty good-looking too, it was easy to see how two incredibly good-looking people had created such an unbelievably handsome son.

I slowly polished off the margarita as I looked at the rest of the pictures, only finding one other with Edward in it. This time it was at his mother's fiftieth birthday party, another society event from earlier in the year. He looked somewhat distracted, and in this picture he had his arm around a gorgeous strawberry blonde. Her smile was much wider than his. I wondered if she was a friend, trophy date, or even the mysterious former girlfriend he had mentioned to Alice. Maybe I would find out tomorrow.

I found myself eyeballing my cell phone again, then I leaned over and picked it up, bargaining as I flipped it back and forth in my hand. If I could think of something appropriately witty to say, then I could text him without fear, right? If he texted me back, then it was on. I flipped it open just as the screen lit up and it vibrated in my hand, I let out a startled yelp and almost dropped it.

"Bella?" came the tiny voice from the speaker. It was Rosalie, thank God. Even if I had been lucky enough for it to be Edward, I probably would have accidentally hung up on him.

"Yes. Rose. What's up?"

"Emmett just went to get the car so I've only got a minute," she hissed. "Get this...apparently after you talked to Dr. Edward today, he called up Emmett and asked him to ask me about you."

"Wait, say what?" Damn, I must have dumped more tequila into that drink than I'd realized.

"You bitch, you've been into that margarita mix I bought, haven't you? I can totally tell when you're hitting the tequila. Listen, after you talked to Edward today he must have called Emmett. Em has been grilling me all night about you, and I finally got him to admit that Edward put him up to it. Your doctor is apparently as geeked about this date tomorrow as you are, although probably minus the hissy fit involving a vibrator. You should call him!"

"Rose, yeah, I've been into the margarita mix, I admit it. And it's probably the best reason why I _shouldn't_ call him." Death by torture wouldn't get me to admit that I'd been headed towards a potential drunk-dial just before she'd called.

"Well shoot him a text or something. He's probably home."

"And say what? That Rose told me that Emmett told her that you asked Emmett to give Rose the third degree about me?"

"What?"

"It made sense when I said it. Shouldn't I wait until after the third or fourth date before I start calling him up for no good reason?"

"Don't tell me that you weren't sitting there trying to think up an excuse to call him, I know how your mind works. Okay, Emmett is coming with the car, I gotta go. Think of something!" With that, she hung up on me.

Brilliant. I definitely wasn't going to call, if Rose could tell I'd had a drink then there was too much potential for humiliation. The text route it was, then. A link to a review for _La Mar Cebicheria_? Suggested hiking trails for our "get-to-know-you" stroll tomorrow? Witty yet appropriate song lyrics? I probably couldn't go wrong with a dirty pic, he was a guy after all, but that was definitely out. Maybe a pic...

A picture. Genius. I tossed the phone to the couch, ran only somewhat-unsteadily to the bedroom and came back with my pink Candies. I put them on, tied the laces into perky bows, held out my feet in front of me and snapped a picture with the camera phone. I added a ca_ption: ____Thes__e okay?_ and sent it to him before I could lose my nerve. I snapped the phone shut and dropped it onto the couch next to me.

Jesus, please don't let him have a foot fetish, otherwise he'd think I was propositioning him. And although the thought of thought of propositioning him wasn't at all disagreeable, I didn't really want to do it with my shoes. I'd done one foot fetish film back when I first started and _it was_ creepy, there was no way in hell I'd ever...

The phone lit up and buzzed.

Oh shit oh shit oh shit. I snatched it up, squeezed it for a second, and then flipped it open.

_Very cute, definitely ok! Can't wait to see the rest of you!_

Oh thank you Lord, the light was green and it was ON!

_Heh, overconfident much?_

_Can't blame a guy for trying._

_I wasn't blaming you._

_Fine...what are you wearing?_ I burst out laughing at that one.

_My pink sneakers, duh._

There was a longer pause before his next message. _And...?_

_Use your imagination._

_I'd rather come over and see._

I screamed into the couch cushions before taking a deep breath and responding. _You might be disappointed._

_I really really really really doubt it._

_Trust me, the sneakers are the cutest thing I'm wearing._

_Hmm, still rather see for myself._

_Fine: white tee, cutoff sweatpants. Disappointed yet?_

_Not at all. No pic?_

_I'm not sending you a pic of my boobs_. Oh shit, did I really just send that?

_I'll send you one of mine!_

_I'd rather wait and see them in person._

_Now who's overconfident?_

_Sorry, that was the tequila talking._

_Put the tequila back on, I like her._

_I'm putting the tequila to bed now. _

_Coming over!_

_Goodnight Dr. Cullen, see you tomorrow at 11am sharp!_

_Looking forward to it!_

I giggled as I shut off my phone. I had to end it there, otherwise my next message would have been telling him that I'd leave the front door unlocked and exactly which bedroom was mine, where I'd be waiting with my pink Candies on. And I couldn't do that, not yet.

It was too early to go to sleep, but I was definitely headed for bed.

.

**EPOV**

_Goodnight Dr. Cullen, see you tomorrow at 11am sharp!_

I groaned out loud. God, if Bella was half this sassy tomorrow, I was going to be in serious trouble. I sent her back a quick reply and then plugged the phone into its charger. I'd been in the middle of unpacking yet another in an endless stack of boxes, thinking about her, when she'd sent me a picture of her pink shoes. Her cute little feet...I didn't ordinarily pay much attention to women's feet, but something about that picture made me hard, fast. The ensuing text conversation hadn't alleviated it at all.

What the hell was it about this woman? It seemed like every time I'd thought of her since last night, I got horny. I'd come home from our date and jacked off in the shower. Morning wood made an appearance and I had a repeat performance. The way I felt right now I'd probably be doing it again before bed, and I sure as hell would be doing it before I went to pick her up tomorrow. I was a doctor, dammit, I couldn't afford to get carpal tunnel syndrome from obsessive masturbation.

But it wasn't just lust. I'd woke up this morning with a million unanswered questions running through my mind. On a first date with four other people, there were so many things I didn't get a chance to ask her about, things that I was now dying to know. Where she grew up, her interests, her life before I'd come into it. Because that was how I saw it, as most definitely being in her life. There was something about her that had struck an immediate chord in me, one that years with Tanya had never tapped. I'd managed to wait until 11:30 to call her and leave a voicemail, then I'd carried my phone around the apartment with me until she called back later.

She didn't seem at all freaked out by having another date so soon, although I'd used my busy upcoming week as an excuse. I'd wanted to talk to her longer, but she'd sounded so distracted, and as soon as I heard that she was driving, I let her go. Of course I'd immediately called up Emmett and asked him to see what kind of information he could get out of Rosalie about Bella.

Jasper was being a tight-lipped bastard about her, telling me to call her and find out on my own. Sure, look like a stalker and scare the shit out of her, sounds like a plan. I'd been trying to think up a decent excuse to call her when my phone chimed with an incoming message and there had been that picture of her feet in those sexy pink shoes, girlishly sporty, each one topped with a perfect white bow.

Damn...I pulled the charger plug out of the phone and pulled up the picture again. This was ridiculous and I must be a perv, ready to jack off to a picture of her _feet_. But I couldn't help it...those sexy pink sneakers were making me think of other parts of her that might be pink...shit, I wasn't even going to make it to the shower tonight.

I lay back on the bed, forearm over my eyes, as I thought about her eyes and her lips...in my mind I could have her do all kinds of dirty things with those lips, things that probably would probably make her run screaming if I ever shared them with her. But in my mind, I could have her on her knees in front of me, licking her lips as she batted those big brown eyes up at me.

_Fuuuuuuuck_...what I wouldn't give to have her little hand instead of mine stroking my rock-hard cock. I groaned as I pumped faster, and in my mind she'd changed positions, now she was in front of me, on her hands and knees, wiggling her tight ass as if to say _come and get it_, not wearing a thing except for those fucking shoes...and that thought did it, I grunted as I came hard into my fist and up onto my stomach, an itch only temporarily scratched.

I panted and lay on the bed for a moment more before getting up and going into the bathroom to clean up. Tomorrow was going to be interesting.

.

**A/N:**

Ahhhh, _Choose Your Own Adventure_ books...I miss those. What I wouldn't do for a fanfic version!

This was the last chap that I'd written before putting this story on hiatus (almost a year ago!) to concentrate on _I Don't Believe in Vampires_...it's all brand-new from here on out! I hope you're as excited as I am...I know it's about as far from IDBiV as I could get, but if I'm gonna do AH, I'm going to make it interesting!

With a deep breath I hereby formally announce that I'll be participating in NaNoWriMo (Google it if you're curious, FF doesn't like linkies) and since I need ACCOUNTABILITY, I'll be writing fanfic! So keep your eyes peeled (or add me to your Author Alerts) to see what I'm writing for that!

Thank you for your thoughts and reviews!


	6. Chapter 6

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author. This story is rated M for Mature and is not intended for anyone under the age of eighteen.  
**

**Chapter Six**

**BPOV**

Rosalie didn't come back that night from her date with Emmett, and while part of me was glad she wasn't there to see me pacing like a madwoman the next morning, I desperately could have used her no-nonsense grounding influence at the moment. Because I was a nervous wreck.

It had taken me forever to fall asleep the night before, even with the help of the margarita, and when I'd awoken at 4:45 I'd been too afraid of oversleeping to take more than half a Xanax. I'd been lucky enough to avoid dark circles or bags under my eyes, but my heart was pounding and I knew my hands were shaking.

I carefully put down the makeup brush and studied myself critically in the bathroom mirror. Just the sparest amount of light makeup, perfect for a lunch date and stroll in the park afterward. I'd had my hair down earlier, then decided that a perky ponytail was better-suited for my outfit. I looked good on the outside, I knew it. I just wished I felt that way on the inside.

Rose's words from the day before, about telling Edward about my job, had made such complete sense at the time, but I was rapidly getting cold feet about it now. I liked this guy so far, _really_ liked him, and I wanted him to like me too. I wanted him to like Bella Swan, a nice normal girl from Forks, Washington, not _Isabella_ the porn star. There was no way someone like him would like someone like _her_.

I didn't have a bad childhood to blame for my insecurity; Charlie and Renee had divorced when I was a baby but they'd remained on friendly terms, and my stepfather Phil was a pretty decent guy too. I'd always been clothed and fed and loved, even if I'd always ended up being the one taking care of the adults in my life. I didn't mind.

But someone like Edward Cullen...a doctor, such a noble selfless profession that was on the complete opposite side of the spectrum from _my_ life now. Son of another doctor and a philanthropist who both also spent their time giving, helping, and healing. A wealthy family, well-known in San Francisco socially and across the country for the Platt-Cullen Cancer Research Center's fight against a horrible disease. These people were the elite, the golden ones.

And then there was the porn star.

I knew it wasn't about _me_, not about _Bella._ If I really worked in public relations, Edward could take me home to meet his parents, maybe even swing by the office to pick me up for a lunch date while all my coworkers swooned with envy. I'd been raised well even if we'd never had lots of money; I had good manners, I could get along with his parents, maybe even attend some of those events rich people always seemed to be going to.

But not Isabella. No, not _any_ porn star. The disreputable world of porn and the Cullens weren't even in the same universe, as far as the unspoken rules of society went. What could I say when their friends asked me what I did for a living, the universal-getting-to-know-you question? _My name is Isabella and I fuck for money_. I was a prostitute, as far as they were concerned.

I wasn't normally like this, but this was so much more...this was _important_. Edward was important. And the thought of disgust flaring in his eyes if I told him the truth...seeing the realization dawn across his face that I was _not_ who he'd thought I was...I couldn't handle it yet. I was that selfish.

Because as much as I tried to separate myself from work, to remind myself it was a _job_, there was no way I could truly do that. An accountant or a teacher could shut off the lights, lock their office, and go home at the end of the day, leaving it all behind. When I went home, I took my past with me. And that past was two years of having sex with countless men and women, on film, to be distributed and sold for anyone to see.

I couldn't make myself regret it, not when I went back to Forks and saw how calm and well-cared-for Charlie was, in his own home. But I did wish there had been some other way to make that happen. I wished it more than anything.

I popped another half a Xanax when the thoughts wouldn't go away, and then looked at the clock. 10:45, Edward was supposed to be here in fifteen minutes. I needed to make a decision now, one way or the other, unless I wanted to be a complete headcase and ruin our afternoon together. I was leaving for LA tonight, and wouldn't be back until the end of the week. I really didn't want to screw this up. Not this.

_He doesn't need to know today. Let him get to know Bella today. Just Bella_.

I squeezed my eyes shut and took a few deep breaths. No, my profession wasn't something that necessarily needed to be brought up on a second date. If we started getting more serious, I would tell him then. But not yet.

I had calmed down and the Xanax had kicked in by the time Edward buzzed from downstairs, at 11:00 on the dot. I pressed the button to allow him upstairs, and was already smiling when he knocked at the door.

He looked absolutely amazing. It should be fucking illegal to look that good.

"Bella," he said softly, before grinning and extending a bouquet of flowers to me. "You look beautiful. And..." he pointedly stole a look at my feet, "I like your shoes."

I could feel that stupid blush from the night before creeping back over my face as I reached out to accept the colorful flowers. "They're gorgeous, thank you. Come on in." I quickly found a vase and filled it with water, then arranged the bouquet before placing it in the middle of the kitchen table. When I looked back up at Edward, he was studying my face with the slightest of smiles on his perfect lips. "What?"

He shook his head and laughed. "Just thinking about last night."

"Oh." I could feel the blush deepening. Dammit, how I was even still capable of blushing was beyond me, but for some reason my reaction was almost automatic around him. "Sorry about the tipsy texting."

"Don't apologize," he said immediately. "I enjoyed it thoroughly. And I really _do_ like your shoes."

I pointed one foot at him like a ballet dancer. "I figured they'd do for our hike through Golden Gate Park later."

"Indeed." He paused and looked like he was about to say something else, but then took a deep breath and grinned again. "Well, are you ready to go? What do you know about this restaurant?"

"Not much," I confessed before grabbing my purse and following him out the door. "I've heard good things about it, and they did a little blurb about it on the Food Network."

"I don't watch the Food Network," Edward declared as he lead me over to his car and then opened the passenger door for me. "Hop in, Princess."

I was giggling when he opened the driver's side door. "Princess?"

He shrugged and gave me a wicked look. "It's the shoes."

I willed the blush back before it could get a head start. "Sooo...we were talking about the Food Network?"

"Yeah, I don't get a chance to watch much television, period. But when I do, I love those shows on the Discovery Channel about fishermen. If it involves guys fishing for overpriced seafood and getting swept off the boats left and right, I'm all over it."

"_Deadliest Catch_," I agreed solemnly. "I watch just to hear Mike Rowe's voice."

"Mike Rowe, what, the _Dirty Jobs_ guy?"

I laughed at his expression. "Don't you know women swoon over Mike Rowe?"

"I guess I do now," he muttered, rolling his eyes. "Why women would swoon over a guy whose job it is to find the grossest jobs in the world is beyond me. I mean, what's the absolute grossest job in the world, anyway?"

_Mine_, I thought immediately, but I squashed that inner voice before it could ruin my good mood. "I don't know, we probably shouldn't think about it too much before lunch."

"Good idea, change of subject...so what other shows do _you_ watch, Bella?"

I could feel myself relaxing more and more. _This_ was the date I'd wanted to have with him, the information I wanted to know. "I'm addicted to the History Channel. I was a history major." I decided to leave out the fact that I'd dropped out of college to go work for James and never completed my degree.

"Oh God, you and my dad would get along great, he _loves_ the History Channel. And the International History Channel. And the Military History Channel. If it involves history, he's watching it. I guess you and Jasper could talk about that all day long, huh?"

"Well, we _could_, except that Alice declared a moratorium a long time ago on history discussions when she's around. But yeah, Jasper's actually taught me a lot."

"Even back in college, he was always happiest when he was buried in some obscure stack of books. Of course I can't really talk, I spent most of my time in the biology lab."

"Did you always want to be a doctor?" I asked curiously.

"Well, I always looked up to my dad, but my parents were really great about letting me decide what I wanted to do with my life and supporting me unconditionally. My dad didn't sugar-coat the profession, I knew it was going to be hard. But when I started getting burnt out in med school, I began playing piano again, and that became a way for me to relax and disengage my brain."

I stole a quick look at his hands where they rested lightly on the steering wheel. "You didn't mention Friday night that you play."

"Yeah, I took lessons from the time I was four all the way up through high school. For a while there I thought about playing professionally, but I really _wanted_ to be a doctor."

"You don't have a piano here, though?"

"No, if the urge hits me, I'll go over to my parents'. The have a gorgeous grand piano that I learned to play on. It'll be like meeting an old friend again."

"I've always wished I could be one of those people that can play the piano, or guitar. You know, something useful at parties."

"I could teach you," he offered immediately.

"Oh, I didn't mean..." I backtracked hastily. "I mean, I wasn't trying to hint or anything..."

"Bella, relax," he said softly, before reaching over and squeezing my hand. "I wouldn't offer if I didn't mean it."

"You're going to be so busy, though..." I stuttered, so hyper-aware of the warmth of his hand still on mine that I could only hope my words were making sense.

"Well, it'll be busy at first, until I get settled in, and then it'll be just like any other job. I'll be on call every other week, but in a general practice, you don't get called in very often. I was kinda hoping you'd like to get together again."

"Yes," I replied breathlessly. God, we weren't even to the restaurant yet and we were already discussing our next date.

"Great." He squeezed my hand again before releasing it. "What's your schedule like for this week?"

"Oh I'm...I'm actually going on a business trip. I'm leaving tonight and I'll be back on Friday."

"Bummer," he muttered. "Would it be okay if I called you while you're gone? Or you could just text me more pictures if you want."

I laughed again. "Please believe me when I tell you that was totally the tequila's fault. Damn Rose anyway for buying it."

"Mental note to self, buy Bella tequila instead of flowers next time." He shot me a crooked grin.

"I'm wise to your game now, Cullen, don't think I'm always that easy. But yes, you're more than welcome to call me while I'm gone."

We kept chatting easily all the rest of the way, and Edward managed to find on-street parking quite close to Pier 1 ½. He inhaled deeply as we began walking towards the restaurant. "Oh San Francisco, how I've missed you."

"Why did you go so far away for school?" I asked curiously.

He offered me his arm. "I was accepted into Johns Hopkins, I would have been insane to turn them down. Then I was matched into my residency there too, but I drew the line when it came to staying there after I was done. I wanted to come home."

I looked up at the Golden Gate Bridge, towering off to our right, a stark contrast against the blue sky. "Yeah, I guess I could understand that. This place kinda grows on you."

"You're not from here originally?"

"No…I grew up mostly in Phoenix, then I moved to Forks, Washington during my junior year of high school."

"I've never heard of Forks."

I laughed. "Don't worry, nobody has. It's on the Olympic Peninsula, in the middle of nowhere. Anyway, I moved there to live with my dad when my mom decided to go on the road with her minor-league-baseball-player husband, then I ended up going to school at UCLA. So I'm never quite sure what to say when people ask me where I'm from."

"Which place did you love the most?" We'd reached the restaurant, and Edward held the door open for me.

"Phoenix, definitely," I sighed. "I miss the heat."

Edward gave our name to the hostess as I looked curiously around the restaurant. It was enormous and _gorgeous_, decorated all in shades of blue. The smells wafting from the kitchen were absolutely mouthwatering, and I couldn't help but sneak quick peeks at other diners' plates as we were ushered through the room, to the back patio.

"You don't mind sitting outside, do you?" Edward asked quickly. "I just figured since it was such a gorgeous day…"

"This is perfect," I said, interrupting him with a smile.

Because neither Edward nor I had ever tried Peruvian food before, we decided to defer to our server's recommendations for Pisco Sours and a wide selection of cebiche dishes to share. When all the decisions had been made, Edward sat back and grinned at me.

"So…Phoenix. What brought you here to San Francisco, then?"

"My job. It's based here."

"So what exactly is it you do? You said the entertainment industry…"

I took a deep breath. This was not the time or place for having the porn discussion. No way, no how. "It's a really long story, believe me, and I'm not going to bore you with it. I hate talking about my job."

My last words came out more harshly than I'd intended, and Edward blinked, obviously a little taken aback. "Oh, sorry…"

"No, _I'm_ sorry," I said quickly, reaching across the table to put my hand over his. "It's just…I really don't like my job, and thinking or talking about it really puts me in a funk. I don't want that when I'm having such a good time with you."

He nodded slowly. "Okay, no more shop talk. Is family a safe topic?"

I smiled faintly. "Yes, family is a safe topic. You first, though. I mean, obviously I've heard of your mom…"

"Oh, my mom." He turned his hand over and interlaced my fingers through his. "My mom is like the bionic woman. I don't know how she did everything she did while still running the Center. She was amazing, took me to and from school every day, came to every baseball game and piano recital, even packed my lunch every morning right up until I went off to college. While at the same time expanding everything the Center does now…I sometimes wonder if she even actually sleeps."

"She sounds like an amazing woman."

"She is, she truly is. She's going to be stepping back from most of the day-to-day work now, since my dad is retiring. They want to do a lot of traveling."

"And your dad?"

Edward shrugged. "Another amazing human being. I couldn't have asked for better parents, my dad always made sure I knew I was priority one in his life, and that's not easy to do when you're a doctor. He switched from oncology to a general practice after I was born, so he'd have more flexibility about being there for his family."

"So do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"Nope, it's just me. Which probably explains why I'm so spoiled rotten." We both laughed at that, and then his thumb began stroking gently along the skin of my hand, without releasing his hold on it. "So tell me about your family."

I licked my lips, a little nervously, but reminded myself of what Rose had said. _None of this is some big terrible secret, Bella, just get it out there._ "Well, my mom and Phil, my stepdad, they moved to Jacksonville, Florida a while back, so I don't see them very often. Between the distance and Phil's schedule, it can be kind of hard to connect with them."

"And your dad?" Edward prompted.

My heartbeat picked up a little, an automatic reaction I had whenever I thought about Charlie. "My dad, he…he was the Chief of Police in Forks. He never remarried after my mom left, so when I went to live with him, it was just the two of us. He…" I stopped and reached out for my drink, taking a long sip of the Pisco Sour. "Wow, it's really hard for me to talk about this, sorry for all the stuttering."

"It's okay," Edward said softly. "Take your time."

"Three years ago, he was in an accident. He had pulled someone over for speeding, and was standing by their car, taking their license and stuff. And this logging truck…I don't know if you've ever been to the Pacific Northwest, but they drive like _lunatics_…one came flying by and hit him. He was thrown over a hundred feet and hit the pavement. Luckily the guy he'd pulled over was a nurse, and managed to keep him alive until the ambulance got there."

"Jesus," Edward breathed, and I shut my eyes as the sick memory of the phone call I'd received at five a.m. punched its way around in my head.

"He had to be airlifted to a hospital in Seattle, and aside from all the broken bones and internal bleeding, he also had a severe closed head injury. He was in a coma for almost a month, and when he finally did wake up, he, uh, wasn't the same."

"What's his level of functioning?" Edward asked gently, and I was suddenly reminded that I was talking to a doctor.

"He can't walk, so he's in a wheelchair any time he's out of bed. He doesn't respond to any verbal commands but he's awake and alert fairly often. He doesn't talk at all, although when he gets upset he makes some noises. He requires around-the-clock care."

"Where is he now?"

"Back home. We were going to try and transition him to a skilled nursing facility after he was discharged from the hospital, but he gets really agitated with change, and he got so upset that they sent him back to the hospital the same day. One of the physical therapists suggested that he might do better back in Forks, with in-home nurses. And she was right, he started improving almost immediately…I mean, as much as he can."

"Twenty-four-hour in-home nursing care, wow."

"Yeah, we got a pretty hefty settlement from the logging company, that helped a lot. And I'm lucky enough that my job pays really well. If it means Charlie is as happy and healthy as he can be, that's all I need to know. Even if it means I'm nine hundred miles away and can only go back to see him once a month."

Edward shook his head slowly. "I guess I understand a little better now why you'd stay in a job you dislike so much."

"Yeah."

We were interrupted just then by our server bearing platter after platter of food, and I used the distraction to blink back the tears that were threatening to make an appearance. When the waiter left, I looked up and saw Edward's concerned green eyes on my face.

"I'm sorry I killed the mood on our date."

"You didn't," he contradicted immediately. "I'm just so sorry to hear that you've had to go through all this so young."

I shrugged. "I'm twenty-three, I'm an adult."

His forehead creased slightly. "When did you graduate from college, with all that going on?"

Oh shit, I'd told him earlier that I'd majored in history. Fuck, one stupid little white lie and he'd caught it immediately. "I didn't, actually. I dropped out to take care of my dad for a year, and then I was lucky enough to find the company I work for now. I've thought about trying to finish up, though." He smiled reassuringly at me, and I smoothed my napkin across my lap. "Okay, enough depressing family talk. Let's eat."

As our conversation veered off into other, safer avenues, I started to relax again and was able to truly enjoy the meal. We talked about our friends, things to do in San Francisco, and our hobbies and interests. By the time we'd finished eating and returned to the car, I felt like I'd known Edward forever.

"Are you still up for that walk over in the park?" he queried.

I groaned. "Oh God yes, I need to work off some of that lunch. I can't believe I ate so much."

"It _was_ really good," he agreed. "I'll have to thank Emmett for the recommendation."

I suggested that we walk around the Rose Garden, my favorite part of the park, and Edward readily agreed. After we'd parked and entered, he reached down and grabbed my hand again, a movement I was already amazingly comfortable with. We wandered around for a while, enjoying the riot of colorful blooms, and Edward even took a picture of me with his camera phone in front of one of the more vibrant rosebushes.

"I have to confess, I wasn't thrilled when I heard I had a date arranged for me back home before I'd even gotten here," Edward revealed at one point. "But I'm really glad about it now. Thanks for coming out with me again so soon, Bella."

"My pleasure, believe me. And you're not the only one who was a little…apprehensive about the blind date thing. Alice means well but I don't have a great track record with blind dates."

"Yeah, going out with a total stranger is a recipe for disaster way too often."

"I Googled you," I admitted, giggling.

"Seriously?"

"You bet, it's a great way to weed out psychos. I'm a cop's daughter, remember? Caution in all things."

He snorted. "So what came up when you Googled me?"

"Not much. Oh, except for a picture of you with some redhead." I grinned up at him, as I'd meant my comment to be lighthearted, but one look at his scowl told me I'd stuck my foot in my mouth. "Oh…sorry."

"Nah, don't worry about it…that was Tanya. My ex."

"How _ex_ are we talking here?"

"Oh, she's definitely an ex. Our relationship had been cooling off for a while, but it took me moving back here for her to realize that we were really done. She just wanted to be a doctor's wife, and I wanted something more."

"What do you want?"

He hesitated before reaching down to touch one of the hybrid tea rose blooms. "I didn't know at the time. I guess I'm only now finding out."

I didn't know exactly what to say to that, so I kept my mouth shut as he ran his fingers gently over the bright rose petals. He finally looked up and his eyes locked with mine. "I guess they'd probably frown on me cutting one of these roses to give you, huh?"

"Yes, they most definitely would. And you brought me flowers today already."

He played with the rose a moment longer before pulling his hand back and stuffing it in his pocket. "So you're leaving tonight?"

I flinched at the reminder and quickly checked my watch; it was already almost four o'clock. "Yeah, I should probably get home, I need to pack still."

"Do you need a ride to the airport?"

"Rose is giving me one, but thanks anyway."

We walked slowly back through the gardens in an easy silence, before he spoke again. "I should probably just leave well enough alone and not bring this up, Bella, but…about Tanya. I don't want you to think you're some rebound thing. I'd known for a while she and I were done, she just chooses not to hear or believe things she doesn't like."

"Okay."

"And I…I mean, I think it's safe to say you and I…I mean I'd really like to get to know you better. I'd love to take you out again when you get back into town."

I could feel my chest warming at his words. "I'd really like that too. I can't tell you how much I enjoyed today."

On the drive back to my apartment, we tossed around a few ideas for our next date before deciding that we'd just go with whatever sounded fun when the time came. Edward insisted on walking me up to my apartment, but I'd seen Rose's car in the parking lot, and she tended to do her packing in the living room. I didn't want Edward to see the explosion of panties, fishnets, and other lingerie that we took along with us on trips to LA.

"Thanks again for such a wonderful day," I said quietly, looking down. "I'd invite you in, but I think Rose is home and she, uh, walks around naked a lot. She'd probably be pissed if I dragged you in with no warning."

Edward laughed. "And Emmett would most definitely kick my ass if I saw his girl naked. Goodbye here, then?"

"Yeah." I looked up and his green eyes froze me to spot, while simultaneously releasing an entire flock of butterflies in my stomach. "So…"

His hand came up and rested gently on my cheek, just before he leaned in and his lips brushed just slightly over mine before moving away. "I probably should have asked first," he whispered at my ear.

"I wouldn't have said no," I whispered back, and I caught just the briefest glimpse of his smile before he leaned back into me again, carefully keeping a respectable distance from my body, but putting more into this kiss. More pressure, more sweetness, just...more. My eyes drifted shut automatically as the tip of his tongue ran lightly along to part my lips, just barely venturing inside. I gasped a little at the sensation, and he slowly withdrew.

"Was that okay?"

"Uh, yeah. That was more than okay." It was the most chaste kiss I could remember having in years, but at the same time the intensity of it was making my heart pound out of my chest.

He straightened and reluctantly pulled his hand away from my face. "I'll see you in a week, Bella. And you'll be hearing from me before then."

"All right."

With one last smile, he turned and walked away, and I managed to fumble with my keys and unlock the door. As I'd guessed, Rose was sitting in the middle of a stack of lingerie, mumbling and tossing the tiny bits of fabric into a suitcase. She looked up at me and then froze. "You're not going to run screaming for the vibrator again, are you?"

"Oh my God." I shut the door behind me and leaned against it, reaching up to touch my lips.

"So it went well, stop having a Disney princess moment and give me details!"

"We had an amazing time. Then he kissed me, just now. Just one, no, two kisses. Oh my God."

"Complete sentences, please."

I tossed my purse on the couch, shoved a tangle of garter belts out of the way, and sat down. "Lunch was amazing, and we went to the Rose Garden over in Golden Gate Park afterward. We talked about _everything_."

She quirked an eyebrow at me. "Everything?"

I ignored her implication and kept going. "I told him about Charlie and managed not to have a panic attack. We're going out again when we get back."

"Uh-huh." Apparently satisfied with the lingerie she'd picked out, Rose began folding it more neatly into the suitcase. "So…everything?"

I sighed and flopped back into the couch cushions. "There wasn't really a convenient or appropriate time to bring it up."

Rose shook her head. "You're a grown-ass woman, so I'm not going to tell you what to do, but you know the longer you wait, the harder it will be."

"Yeah, I know…but he said something that gives me hope. After I told him about Charlie he said he understood better how I could stay in a job I hated to make sure my father had the best care possible."

"So you got that close to telling him everything, but didn't?"

"I don't want him to run screaming for the hills," I replied stubbornly. "I want him to get to know the _real_ me before he has to come to terms with this alter-ego of mine. I haven't told him a single lie yet, so I'm just easing him into it."

"Okay," Rose said simply, and with that, I knew the subject was closed. "You haven't packed at all yet, have you?"

"No," I grumbled, before heaving myself off the couch and pulling my own suitcase out of the hall closet. Unlike James' studio, which was very similar to a _real_ movie studio in that they provided everything from a makeup artist to the toys we used, we were completely on our own in LA. We each brought our own assortment of lingerie, our own makeup, and our own props. I dragged that box out of the hall closet too.

For all that I personally owned a single vibrator, one that I hadn't even laid eyes on for ages until yesterday, Rose and I had a sizeable collection of sex toys that were strictly for business use only. There was no way in hell I would ever consider using any of them in my personal life, it was just another way I compartmentalized my job: after a shoot, they were cleaned, sterilized, and packed away out of sight. Out of sight and out of mind.

"I didn't see anything too fancy in the scenes James gave us, we should probably just bring a little bit of everything," Rose mused. "Not that it'll matter, that stupid bitch is just going to complain about anything we bring. And since United is charging so much more for checked luggage, James wants us to squeeze the toys into our suitcases too. Cheap bastard."

I sighed and shuffled through the box. "Got any preferences? You know I don't."

"Just my regulars."

I threw the purple vibrator, crystal anal beads, and a couple of dildos in her direction, then grabbed a few items for myself. I didn't care which ones, as long as I had my bases covered I'd be fine. And we always stopped at a sex shop in LA to buy the lube, so if I'd forgotten anything, it could be picked up there.

"Don't forget the strap-on."

I tossed it at her, and she threw it right back right before we both burst out laughing. The very first scene I'd ever shot had been with Rose, and luckily she'd seen through my pathetically-brave façade. She gave me a hug, a quick slug from a flask she kept in her locker for just those types of emergencies, and then some advice. "Just let your mind go and let your body lead," she'd said, and that was what got me through my very first experience in filming porn.

It was pretty standard to have nervous newbies do their first scene with another woman, since it was a little less intimidating, but this scene in particular involved Rose taking me from behind with that stupid strap-on.

She'd held me as I bawled in the dressing room afterward, and then took me out to dinner, and we'd been close friends ever since. We'd only done a few scenes together since then, and it was somewhat weird since we were friends in real life now too, but now we could laugh about it afterward. We had to.

"So how did your date with Emmett go?" I queried, after grabbing my own stack of clean lingerie from my bedroom and folding it into the suitcase.

"Mmm," she replied coyly, beginning to pack her regular clothes on top of the lingerie and toys. "Just as well as I knew it would."

"Meaning…?"

"Last night was dinner and talking. _Hours_ of talking. We talked until we fell asleep, if you can believe that. We more than made up for it this morning, though."

"And...?" I prodded.

"Best. Sex. Ever!" she replied smugly. "He was fucking amazing, he knew exactly what to do to make me come over and over. Like he was built in a factory somewhere, just for me."

"Are you saying he's a sexbot?"

"That might explain a few things," she said thoughtfully. "I mean, I know the guy was an athlete, but jeez! He just didn't get tired! I was worn out before he was, and even then he had the energy to give me a backrub!"

"Damn!" I exclaimed, my thoughts immediately turning to Edward and wondering what he could do to me that I could brag about.

"Yeah, and then we talked for a while and then passed out...I didn't get back here until almost two o'clock this afternoon."

"Sounds like you've really found the guy for you."

She nodded. "I know I'm going to totally sound like Alice here, but I think this guy is the _one_, Bella."

"From what I know of him so far, I can't disagree with you."

"We talked about the porn thing too," she sighed, before squeezing a few pairs of fuck-me stilettos into the suitcase. "Technically I still owe James sixteen completed films on this contract. This coming week should take care of five of them, and then I'm _done_ when the eleven others are in the can."

"When are you going to tell James?"

"Not until the last possible second," she snorted. "I wouldn't put it past him to make my last shoots something utterly gross just to get back at me."

It was true; James was a decent guy but he could be a vindictive bastard, and Rosalie was hands-down his biggest star. He wasn't going to be pleased when he heard that he was losing his number-one money-maker.

"So Emmett's okay with that?"

"Yeah, he understands that it's a contractual obligation at this point, and until I fulfill it, I can't just quit. He's not jumping up and down thrilled about it, but we're both willing to work through it until I'm done."

"You're saying 'we' a lot."

"I know," she said softly. "But it _feels_ right. Like meeting him was my crossroad, my sign that the time to move is _now_. Remember the conversation we had Friday night? I don't want to be with anyone other than him, job or no."

I smiled. "I'm really happy for you, in case you can't tell."

She dropped her cosmetics case, took a deep breath, and looked me in the eye. "I wish you could do the same thing, right now."

Cracking pain, that familiar old pain, clenched at my heart.

"Yeah, I know. Me too."

.

**A/N:**

Ahh, the chemistry! And (maybe) luv, twu luv! (Come on, I have no doubt that you ALL know exactly what THAT is from!)

Did Bella make the right decision by NOT telling Edward everything on this date? Maybe getting to know each other a bit more before dropping THAT bomb would be a good idea after all? The next chap starts with Edward's POV, so you'll get a chance to see what's running through his brain!

Thank you all for your sweet reviews! To answer a question I've gotten a few times, NO this story will not be going back on hiatus due to NaNoWriMo, I've missed it and am enjoying it too much!

See you next week!


	7. Chapter 7

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author. This story is rated M for Mature and is not intended for anyone under the age of eighteen.**

**Chapter Seven**

**EPOV**

Monday, the first day of work at my dad's clinic, went fairly smoothly. My father was staying on for the next few weeks to help the more regular patients with the transition, and to help me get into the swing of operations. I'd known his partner, Dr. Gerandy, since I was a kid, so there was no adjustment needed there.

The calm orderly procession of the day in a general practice was a welcome change from the frenetic pace of the ER I'd been working at in Baltimore, but I'd miss the rush of adrenaline that accompanied the really urgent cases. The most urgent case I'd seen all day had been a potential case of appendicitis that we'd promptly sent to the hospital.

One nice thing about the slower pace, though, was that it allowed my thoughts to run back over the day before and my date with Bella. The chemistry and fun we'd had Friday night was nothing compared to what we'd shared over lunch and then later at the Rose Garden, and I was seriously disappointed that she'd be out of town on a business trip all week.

Arriving in San Francisco to meet Bella had been one of the most mind-boggling amazing things to happen to me. I'd led a charmed life, I knew it, but finding someone like her...it was almost too much. Like, I didn't really deserve this much perfection, and there was some fatal flaw lurking around the corner.

Shaking my head at my negative thoughts, I signed off on the last chart of the day and took it up to the reception area for the nurse to review and call in the prescriptions I'd written. Charlotte smiled and sat up a little straighter when she saw me; it was a poorly-hidden secret that the nursing staff were all thrilled that another handsome Dr. Cullen was coming into the practice. My dad was still a good-looking guy for his age, and he'd been fending off staff and patients alike for years.

I gave Charlotte a polite but noncommittal smile, handed over the chart, and retreated back toward the rows of examination rooms. With the late hour, most of staff had already left, and I took the opportunity to sneak my phone out of my pocket and flip it open, looking at the picture I'd taken of Bella in the Rose Garden for about the hundredth time.

Maybe it was creepy, but I'd gotten tired of scrolling through multiple pictures to get to hers, and finally ended up just making it my wallpaper. It was a gorgeous picture, made even more so by the beautiful woman in it. Bella stood in front of a giant rosebush covered with vibrant blooms, an easy smile on her face, her stance naturally graceful and fluid. It was ridiculous, she looked like a supermodel or something. She'd laughed when I told her that I wanted to take her picture, but she'd been completely at ease in front of the camera. I'd never in my life met another woman who was that unconcerned about having her picture taken, except for my mother, and that was after years of publicity shots for the Center.

I thought again about all she'd told me about her family, and her father specifically. Even as a doctor, and having seen the heartbreak of countless families at the tragedies that befell their loved ones, it had still been hard to hear her talk about her dad. The fact that she'd dropped out of school and taken on a job she hated to make sure he had the best care possible was admirable, but still sad that it was necessary.

I knew about closed head and traumatic brain injuries from medical school and then my rotation in a neurological unit, of course, and from what she'd described of Charlie's condition, he could live for years in the state he was in now. He'd been a man in the prime of his life at the time of the accident. Barring any unforeseen complications, especially with in-home private care, there was no reason he might not live a long, if dramatically compromised, life. I was sure that that realization had crossed Bella's mind at some point too, and it seemed so unfair that a young woman on the brink of really starting her life was now irrevocably tied to the care of her father.

Not that she'd seemed resentful or angry about it; to the contrary, she'd spoken of him with a great deal of love in her voice. And I was a cold-hearted bastard to even think something like that. But it was the truth, and I couldn't help but hope that she realized that her dedication to her father's well-being didn't necessarily have to prevent her also having a relationship...with me.

"Got a minute, Dr. Cullen?" My father's voice over my shoulder startled me from my thoughts, and I quickly snapped my phone closed.

"Sure thing, Dr. Cullen," I retorted, and he chuckled. The staff had been calling us Dr. Cullen Sr. and Dr. Cullen Jr. all day.

He motioned for me to follow him into his office...what would be _my_ office in a few weeks...and we both sagged gratefully into the leather chairs. Whether in an ER or a primary care setting, doctors rarely got a chance to sit down, and I could feel my body relax almost immediately.

"Your mother wants you to come over for dinner tonight," Dad said pointedly, rubbing the back of his neck. "Do you have any other plans?"

"No, not really." I felt a twinge of guilt when I realized I'd only been over to visit my parents once since arriving back in San Francisco. In between the move, unpacking, buying furniture, getting ready for a new job, making sure all the paperwork was in order for me to legally practice in California, and then meeting Bella, the days had been swallowed up faster than I'd realized. "I can come over, sure."

"Great, she'll be thrilled. You know how happy she is that you're back here, son."

"Yeah, I know, but then you guys are taking off on _me_. Where's the first vacation to?"

"Thailand, in a month." He grinned at the thought, my parents had never had time to take many vacations, and I knew they were both looking forward to spending time alone together. "If you wouldn't mind checking on the house once a week or so, we'd appreciate it."

"Sure thing. How long will you be gone?"

"Three weeks there, then we'll be back home for a week, then off to Australia. Then probably nothing until after the New Year, your mother wants to make sure she's here to help plan all the Center's holiday events."

"Ugh," I groaned, as realization washed over me. "I guess that means since I'm back on the West Coast, I have to go to all the fundraisers?"

Dad grinned sympathetically. "Dig out your tux, Edward, you don't have an excuse to dodge them this year."

I grumbled a little to myself, knowing he was right. I was more than happy to do whatever my mom wanted me to do to support the Platt-Cullen Cancer Research Center, but I hated all the black-tie events and schmoozing, kissing the asses of millionaires so they'd leave a generous gift in their wills. Every single penny earned was worth it, but I was a _doctor_...I'd much rather be treating people rather making small talk with this socialite or that bigwig, all of us knowing it was just for money in the end.

"So how was your first day?"

I shrugged. "Fine. Nothing out of the ordinary."

"You're not regretting this? You don't have to do it, you know. You can get a job doing anything other than taking over dear old dad's practice, if that's not what you want."

"I know." My father meant his words, but I genuinely didn't mind taking over his spot in the practice. In truth, it was sparing me years of work and effort to build one up on my own, and I did really like and respect Dr. Gerandy. I might miss the excitement of the ER, but I wouldn't miss the punishing hours, the grueling shifts, the difficulty in maintaining a stable personal life. I was looking forward to creating established relationships with my patients, preventing their illnesses instead of only treating them when they'd reached their most critical point.

"So what have you been up to?"

I sighed and ruffled a hand through my hair. "Unpacking, catching up with Emmett and Jasper, met a nice girl and had a couple of dates."

Dad's eyebrows shot up. "Really?"

"Well, I didn't come rolling into town looking for it, but she's a friend of Jasper's girlfriend, and we were fixed up on a blind date. She's a really nice girl."

"Hmm." He eyed me closely, but there was no judgment in his expression. "What happened with Tanya?"

"That's just it, _nothing_ was happening with Tanya. Our relationship ran its course and my leaving was a natural point for the two of us to go in separate directions."

He nodded simply but didn't ask anything else, and I knew that the subject was closed with him. My mother might be another matter...she'd liked Tanya well enough the handful of times they'd met, and I knew she'd love to see me settling down. Of course, I also knew her well enough that she would only want me to be happy.

Dad stood up and pulled off his white jacket, hanging it on the back of the office door. "Are you finished with your paperwork?"

"Yeah, but I'm gonna run home first and shower, before I come over."

"All right, then, I'll see you in a bit."

As I strode out of the office towards my car, my cell phone rang and I reached for it eagerly, hoping it might be Bella. Instead, Emmett's number was flashing on the screen.

"What's up, man?"

"Not too much, what are you up to?"

"Heading home and then going over to my parents' for dinner."

"Nice. Hey, you wanna get together for a beer later?"

"Sure, but it'll be late...I probably won't leave my parents' until nine or so."

"That's cool. Want to meet up at Shooters? I'm pretty sure it's still there."

I grinned, Shooters had been our regular bar hangout from our college years. "Yeah, I'll call you when I'm on my way. So what's up, you sound all depressed and shit."

"Eh, I'll tell you more about it later. Don't fucking forget about me and go straight home."

"Jesus, you big pansy, I said I'd call you when I'm on my way. Later." I hung up before he could whine any more and headed home.

**xoxoxoxo**

Almost exactly an hour later, I was freshly showered and in more casual clothes, jogging up the front steps to my parents' home. My mom had the door open and her arms wrapped tightly around me before I could even reach for the doorknob.

"Edward!"

"Hey Mom," I chuckled, squeezing her back just as tightly.

She took a step back and beamed up at me. "I feel like I can't see you enough, now that you're back home."

"That's a very poorly-veiled hint, son," Dad commented dryly, from behind her.

"What mother wouldn't want to spend as much time as possible with her only child, since he's spent the past ten years on the opposite side of the country?"

"Mom...it hasn't been ten years."

"It _felt_ like it," she retorted, before slipping her arm through mine. "Are you hungry? I made your favorite, pork tenderloin!"

"How did you know I'd be able to come over tonight?"

"I gave your father explicit orders to guilt-trip you into it," she replied pertly, and I laughed out loud that time. Only my mother could make a guilt-trip sound so good.

"Well, it didn't take much arm-twisting. Mom's cooking over take-out is a no-brainer in my book."

A calculated gleam came into her eye before she turned to go into the kitchen. "You know..."

"No, Mom, I'm not moving back in. Sorry."

"Shoot," she grumbled, just before disappearing into the kitchen. My dad laughed and clapped me on the shoulder.

"You can't blame her for trying, you know."

"I know, but I think I'm a little old to be moving back in with my parents, as much as I love you both. Mom...you need any help?"

"No, just go ahead and sit down!"

Both of us obeyed as she always had the dinner situation well in hand, and my dad poured glasses of wine just as she came bustling out of the kitchen. In no time at all, dinner was on the table and my mom was sitting down, not a hair out of place, and damned if she didn't even have pearls on. Esme Platt-Cullen could give June Cleaver a run for her money any day, that was for sure.

I told her all about my first day of work, and then she caught me up on the doings of all our family's friends, who was married now, who was doing what. She managed to restrain herself from dropping the big bomb until just before dessert. "So...your father tells me you've met a nice girl back here already?"

I turned an accusatory eye towards my dad and he put up both hands in self-defense. "Not my fault she can read me like a book, sorry."

"At least I found out before I started trying to set you up with anyone," Mom said, resting her elbows on the table and her chin on her interlaced fingers. "So what's she like?"

I groaned softly, but knew it would be easier to assuage her curiosity than try to dodge it. Plus, the opportunity to talk about Bella wasn't exactly something I dreaded...to the contrary, I found myself _wanting_ my parents to know about her.

"Her name is Bella Swan, we've only gone on a couple of dates, but she's a really great girl. We're a lot alike. Jasper's girlfriend Alice set us up on a blind date, and we were lucky enough to really hit it off."

Esme hummed approvingly. "What does she do for a living?"

"She's in public relations."

"Oh! Which firm? I might know her, then!"

Huh, I hadn't even thought of that...my mother had connections with practically every public relations firm in the greater Bay area, through the Center. No way was I going to mention Bella's intense dislike of her job, though, that wasn't my story to tell. "I don't know, I'll have to ask her...we haven't really talked about work that much."

"You could have brought her over tonight, you know," Mom hinted.

I wasn't as horrified by the idea of introducing a girl to my parents after only two dates as I probably should have been. I could see Bella getting along famously with them, actually. "Mom...I don't want to freak her out by dragging her home to meet my parents after knowing her for such a short time. Besides, she's out of town on a business trip."

Mom asked a few more innocent questions, and before I even realized it, I was showing them the picture of Bella that I had on my phone. My mother's ability to weasel information out of me hadn't lessened at all over the years.

"Any more dates and we really must meet her, Edward. I'm not going to even pretend I'm sorry to hear you broke up with Tanya."

My jaw sagged in shock as I looked at my sweet-faced mother. "I...I thought you liked her?"

"She was a nice enough girl, I guess...but you smiled so much less around her, Edward. The few times I met her she seemed much happier in the relationship than you. When you were telling us about Bella, though...you were smiling almost non-stop."

I shook my head. "Okay, Mom, you win."

"I know," she agreed, before sitting back in her chair, looking like the cat that ate the canary. "Ready for dessert?"

A while later, my dad and I stood in the kitchen, washing pots and pans and putting everything else in the dishwasher while Mom relaxed with another glass of wine in the den. It was just like being a kid again; for as long as I could remember, Mom cooked and Dad and I cleaned up. And with the way she cooked, it was a bargain we'd always felt we had the better end of.

"Thanks for selling me out about Bella, by the way," I muttered to him. I wasn't pissed, but now that my mom knew about her, she'd be after me all the time to bring her over.

Dad shrugged and hung the last pot on the rack over the kitchen island. "Why do you think I've never been able to keep anything from her after this many years of marriage? She's got a sixth sense about these things. She was right, though...you smiled more when you were talking about Bella than you ever did with Tanya."

Now _that_ threw me for a loop, because for as close as he and I were, my father wasn't an overly-emotional guy. To hear _him_ say I'd been all sappy grins meant I'd probably had goo-goo eyes and maybe heaved a lovesick sigh or two. Damn. "Yeah, well, she's something to smile about. Don't let Mom start sending out wedding invitations or anything yet, though."

"No promises," he warned me, and as we headed to the den, I checked my watch. It was almost nine on the dot. I was pretty stuffed after that meal and tired from work, and I'd really rather bail on Emmett than meet him at the bar, but his dumb ass would probably just come over and bang on my door if I did. Tact wasn't his strong suit.

"I've got to run, Mom, but dinner was great and yes, I'll come over again soon." I bent over to kiss her, but she hopped up from the couch and wrapped me in another one of her strong wonderful mom-hugs.

"Yes, Edward, please. We've missed you so much."

I kissed the top of her head. "I missed you too."

I headed out to my car, texting Emmett that I was on my way, and then drove over to Shooters. It had been our hands-down favorite place to hang out all throughout college, even though we hadn't legally been old enough to drink for most of it. Luckily Emmett's cousin Peter had been a bartender there, and he'd slide us a few drinks as long as we never got drunk or stupid. Throw in some scuffed pool tables, dartboards, pinball machines, and run-of-the-mill greasy food, it was like our home-away-from-home.

It was like going back in time, walking into that place. There was no longer the dim haze of cigarette smoke clouding the air, but otherwise almost nothing had changed. Still looked the same, sounded the same...God it was good to be home. I scanned the bar and quickly located a morose Emmett, sitting by himself in one of the booths, so I ordered a beer at the bar before heading in his direction.

"You are one emo-looking-motherfucker," I observed, sliding onto the bench across from him. "What's going on?"

He scowled at me. "I am not emo."

"Dude, you're sitting here looking like Eeyore on a bad day. Did your girl dump your ass or something?"

"Nah."

I decided to drop the teasing; ribbing Emmett was one of my favorite things in the entire world to do, but when he was genuinely down it was like kicking a puppy. "What's wrong?"

"It's Rose, man. She's, uh, in LA right now, shooting."

"LA?"

"Yeah, I guess they do outdoor shoots down there."

"And what, you miss her? How long is she going to be gone?"

"No, it's not that...I mean, I _do_ miss her, but..." He groaned and took a long slug of beer. "Let's just say that dating a porn star isn't as much fun as I thought it would be."

I shook my head and sat back, figuring it was going to be a long evening. "Meaning?"

"Well she spent Saturday night at my place and we spent hours talking about everything. She told me how many movies she's still contractually obligated to film, and that she's planning to call it quits after those are done."

"How many more does she have to do?"

"Eleven, I think, after this trip to LA. She said it'll be about a month, maybe two, tops. Then she's finished."

"That's not so bad."

He snorted. "Yeah, I didn't think so either, at first. So anyway, next morning, we finally got down to business and I hit a home run. Or maybe I should say _she_ did, because she's fucking amazing in bed."

"Well, that's her job, after all," I commented without thinking, only realizing when Emmett's eyes narrowed that I'd put my foot in my mouth.

"Not. Cool."

"Hey, I'm sorry, that was a stupid-ass thing for me to say. My bad, seriously."

Emmett nodded his head slightly, indicating that I was forgiven, and continued his story. "So anyway we had a great morning together, and then she went home to pack. So she left last night, and I was getting all down, thinking about how she's going to be gone for a week and how much I'm going to miss her and everything. So I thought it might be a good idea to get one of her movies out and watch it...you know, rub one out virtually with my girl and all."

I winced. "Thanks for the mental image, I get it."

"Well, I wouldn't have mentioned it except that it's fucking _relevant_," he huffed. "Anyway, so I've got one of her movies out...and it's all good until it clicks in my brain that I'm watching her fuck some other dude. And all of a sudden, that is just not okay with me. Because what is she going to spend all this week doing? Fucking other dudes."

"Emmett..." I stopped, trying to think of how I could rephrase my earlier _that's her job_ comment without really pissing him off.

"Yeah, yeah, I know what you're thinking...I mean, I get it. She's a porn star, she has sex for a living. But that was hot when I didn't know the _real_ her. I liked the idea before she got all under my skin. Now I don't want anyone else to touch her, ever again. Especially not those steroid-popping, ball-shaving pieces of shit in those movies. But I have to put up with it. I have to spend the next two months knowing that my girl is fucking other guys. I don't care if it's her job anymore, the only one I want touching her is _me_. I mean, I was so pissed I broke all her DVDs, I just couldn't stand the thought of having them in my house anymore."

I thought for a moment and realized I could completely see his point. The Emmett from a month ago had been delighted at the idea of dating a porn star, but the reality of it could definitely be much more painful, especially when feelings got involved. "So what does she say?"

He shrugged. "She's not happy about it either, but she's a lot more practical about it. I mean, if she were to quit tomorrow and not fulfill her contract, her boss could sue her for the potential lost income from each of those films she still owes him. She's been doing this shit and putting all her money towards her business dreams, there's no way she could throw it all away like that."

"Yeah, I see what you mean. I don't know, it sounds like it's a shitty situation, but there's really no way out of it. I totally understand where you're coming from, but at least she knows what she's doing, it's not like they're hurting her or anything. And if it's only for a couple more months..."

"I know, but just the idea of it makes me want to puke. Not about Rosie, but about _them_ touching her. I just want to go rip all their fucking dicks off for even getting near her. I mean, seriously, how would you feel if you were me?"

I really didn't want to think about it, but the image of Bella in Rosalie's place popped into my head. I was a red-blooded American male, I may not have had a porn collection of Emmett's caliber, but I had a few DVDs and magazines stashed away. The thought of Bella on her knees deep-throating some guy's dick...being rammed from behind by him...him jerking off for a cumshot on her pretty face...okay yeah, now I wanted to puke. "Fuck..." I muttered.

"Yeah, exactly. When you think about Bella in that situation, it kinda changes your perception, doesn't it? Like porn is great until you happen to love the girl who's taking some other guy's cock up her ass."

I refused to even allow myself to consider that visual. "You love Rosalie?"

He sighed again and his whole enormous frame seemed to droop. "Yeah man, I think I do. I've only known her for a few weeks, but I just feel like she's the one I've been waiting my whole life for. I don't want to be with anyone other than her. And I'm going to stick with her through the next couple of months, she's totally worth it. But _man_ it fucking sucks."

"I guess the only advice I can offer you...be honest with her. Tell her how it's making you feel, otherwise if you stay like this for the next two months she'll think it's her, and you'll have problems."

"Good advice, doc," Emmett replied, evidently meaning it.

"Plus, you've got to remember...this may be messing with your head, but she's probably thinking the same things you are _and_ she still has to actually go fuck those guys."

"And girls," he muttered.

"Really?"

"Yep."

I shook my head, of course it stood to reason that Rosalie probably had to do everything that most porn stars seemed to do, but it was hard to wrap my brain around. No wonder Emmett was so fucked up right now. "Keep in mind it's just two months, tops. It's not going to be her job for much longer, and she's ditching it in part for _your_ monkey ass."

He frowned and threw back the rest of his beer. "Yeah, I couldn't handle it if she wasn't quitting. I mean, I'd probably have a nervous breakdown or get thrown in jail for beating the shit out of her boss."

"I hear that...can you imagine me taking a porn star home to meet my parents?"

Emmett's eyes widened. "Uhh, no. I mean, not that your parents are snobs or anything, dude, but I don't see the whole porn trip as really meshing too well with them."

"Definitely not." I signaled for the waitress to bring us another couple of beers. "Listen, I'm here for you if you need to talk, but I think the one you need to be talking to about this is Rosalie. Preferably sooner rather than later."

"Yeah, I will. So where's Jazzy-boy tonight?"

"Probably at home, snuggling with his woman."

"Where's _your_ woman?"

Crazy how the thought of Bella being _my_ woman already sounded so right. "She's on a business trip. It's funny, I didn't even think of it, but my mom may already know her. She works in public relations and every one of those firms in this area have my mom on speed-dial, for the Center's stuff. Bella said something yesterday about already knowing my mom..." I thought back, trying to remember her exact words. "I mean, maybe she just meant she knew _of_ her, I don't know."

Emmett perked up at the hint of gossip. "You saw her yesterday too?"

"Yeah, I knew this week was gonna be a bitch getting used to the new job, and Bella was going out of town, so we went out for lunch and then rambled over to Golden Gate Park. It was a nice day."

"She seems like a nice girl."

"Yeah, she is."

We sat in silence before Emmett finally grinned. "Listen to us, man, a couple of whipped pansies. Who'd have thought?"

"Hey, you're the whipped one, not me."

He snorted. "Yeah, that's why you had a second date two days after your first one with her. Whatever, you're whipped and you just don't know it yet."

"You say that as if it's a bad thing."

"No way. If this is whipped, I'm loving it."

I rolled my eyes and we finished our beers, talking about sports and other stuff, pretending to reclaim our masculinity by carefully _not_ discussing the women in our lives. But who the hell were we kidding? I was already wondering if it would be too late to call Bella when I got home.

Since Emmett and I didn't part ways until almost eleven o'clock, I decided against it...I wasn't even sure _where_ she had gone on her business trip, she might be on the East Coast and three hours ahead of me for all I knew. I went home, changed, climbed into bed and passed out.

.

**BPOV**

"Oh for fuck's sake, just give it up and _call_ him already," Rose grumbled from the other bed. She was propped up against a mountain of pillows with the latest _Popular Mechanics_ open on her lap. "He's probably still awake, and if he's not, then he probably turned his phone off."

"I doubt it...what if he's on call this week? Then I'll be waking him up for nothing."

"Because he's ninety years old and is in bed before eleven o'clock every night? Jesus, Bella, just call him or text him or something and stop _thinking _about it. You and I probably had a rougher day than he did, and we're still up."

"I don't know..."

"Listen, make up your mind already, because I promised Emmett I'd call him at eleven-thirty and the last thing you need is for Edward to hear _that_ going on in the background." She grinned wickedly at me and I shook my head immediately.

"No no, oh _hell_ no, you are _not_ doing that again with me sitting right here!" When she kept smirking I threw one of my pillows at her. "Seriously, I mean it!"

"So if he hears a few loud moans, just tell him who and what it is and he'll probably sympathize immediately."

I laughed out loud before something slid into place in my mind and my smile faded. "Wait...Emmett knew you were going out of town this week?"

"Obviously."

"Oh fuck, I told Edward I was going out of town this week too! What if Emmett tells Edward and he puts two and two together that we're out of town together, for the same thing? Fuck fuck _fuck!_"

Rosalie didn't reply, just licked the tip of her finger to flick over another page in the magazine, eyeing me the whole time with one brow arched.

"And yes, I know exactly what you're thinking. You really think that would be a great way for me to tell him? 'Hey, just calling from sunny LA to let you know I'm actually down here shooting porn!' Abso-fucking-lutely not."

"That scene you did with Carmen today was really hot," Rosalie said innocently.

"Don't change the subject. _Dammit_, he's going to fucking find out because I'm so fucking dumb that I'll slip and he'll figure it out on his own!"

"Yep, probably."

"You're not helping."

"I'm trying to, actually." Rosalie replied, finally setting down her magazine. "You know the only reason Emmett hasn't dumped my ass, why he's willing to wait up to two months for me to be all done with this shit? Because I've been _honest_ with him. I let him make up his own mind if I was worth it or not. Don't you think Edward would decide you're worth it?"

"I don't know," I whimpered miserably, before _Popular Mechanics_ flew across the room and hit me in the face. "_Oww_, shit, Rose! What the fuck?"

"That was the wrong answer, obviously," she snapped. "The right answer is hell yes you're worth it. And if he can't see the forest for the trees, he's not smart enough to deserve you and definitely too dumb to be a doctor."

I rubbed my face irritably. "If that leaves a mark and Victoria gets all up in my shit tomorrow, I'm blaming you."

"Bella, for God's sake, you're doing porn to pay for your father's healthcare. That's a hell of a lot better reason than 99.9% of the skanks in the business have, myself included. I've always done it for the money. You, on the other hand, are willing to bone dudes named Nahuel so that Charlie has the best care your ill-gotten gains can afford. I mean, what the fuck kind of name is Nahuel?"

I laughed a little, recognizing that Rosalie was trying to get me to smile, to relax. "Yeah, I'm a regular paragon of morality. I'll be sure to point all that out to his mother as she's showing me the door."

"You need to get over this whole mommy-hangup thing," Rose replied bluntly. "He's a grown man, he doesn't _need_ his mother's approval. And who knows, maybe Esme Platt-Cullen has some skeletons of her own hanging around in the closet. That she moonlighted as a stripper in her teens or something. You guys could end up bonding over that."

"Yeeeaaah, no, I seriously doubt it."

"Hey, don't doubt the possibility. Listen, I _am_ going to call Emmett, but I promise I won't have phone sex with him or anything. I'm actually pretty tired."

"Me too," I agreed, although I knew we both meant _tired_, not _sleepy_. We had strict orders to be on location at nine o'clock in the morning, though, so it was going to be an early night. "I'm just going to put a pillow over my head, keep the moaning and groaning to a minimum and I should be fine."

"Should I tell Emmett you say hi?"

"No!"

I smashed one of my pillows down over my head, blocking out sight and sound, and prayed that sleep would come quickly. 4:45am came early, after all.

**A/N:**

Lots of communicating going on in this chapter...just not between the two people who need to be doing it the most! At least Rosalie has Bella's best interests at heart...as long as she doesn't take it upon herself to drop any hints to the good doctor. As Edward put it...it's not her story to tell.

Poor Emmett...it's obvious he's head-over-heels, but it's hard to imagine anyone being 100% okay with the position he's in.

As always, your thoughts, musings, and predictions are always welcome! Please do think about leaving me a review or following me on Twitter, I'm lazykatevamp over there. Thanks for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author. This story is rated M for Mature and is not intended for anyone under the age of eighteen.**

**Chapter Eight**

**BPOV**

Tuesday morning found Rosalie and I dressed, or rather undressed, and waiting impatiently for our work day to start. The location was a gorgeous rented house, perched on the side of a hill with an enormous landscaped garden for the side yard, exquisitely decorated inside.

I had to admit, James' vision for the new series of _Bare Love_ films was visually amazing, and it would probably do extremely well since many OPB films were already known to appeal to women in an industry that was almost exclusively targeted towards men. James' directions to Laurent had been very specific and detailed: the individual scenes were to represent making love, keeping any and all distractions to a minimum. There was to be no fake _yeah, oh my God, _or _oooooh_ utterances on my part, the only noises we were allowed to make were those that occurred naturally, and those were to be few and far between. The sexual acts were pretty hot, but not hardcore raunchy, and the sets only added to the romantic mood. This could almost hardly be called porn, it was true erotica.

The still pictures had been taken, the scene was set and the crew was ready to shoot...but Victoria was too busy bitching out Laurent to give the go-ahead.

"I don't give a shit what he said, he's not here! I am! And I'm telling you that Alec is fine for this scene, if you had half a fucking brain you'd be able to see that!"

"Forget it, Victoria," Laurent replied calmly. Her temper tantrums never fazed him, even though she fired him each and every time he went to LA. He would always remind her that he worked for James, not her, and that she could discuss any questions about his employment status with her brother. "James specifically said no pills. This is supposed to be a start-to-finish scene, and when he shows up sweating, with a red face and a hard dick, that's not exactly start-to-finish. Get someone else in here."

"Oh for fuck's sake," Rosalie muttered next to me, and I could hear one of the crew groan quietly too.

Victoria's face was rapidly turning as red as her Viagra-popping protege's. "I am _not_ putting someone else in this scene. You can get some shots of her sucking him off afterward, and splice that in as the beginning."

"Are you out of your goddamn mind?"

"This is not fucking _art_, Laurent! You are not nominated for a fucking Oscar! It's porn and no one is critiquing it for accuracy!"

He shook his head and then turned to where Rose and I were sitting on the couch. "Rosalie, we'll film your solo scene first instead, I'll meet you upstairs in the bedroom in a few minutes. Guys, go ahead and set up there. You..." he pointed at an abashed Alec, "Go jerk off and get rid of that. And from now on, if you know you're filming with _any_ of James' girls, no Viagra. Got it?"

"Who the hell do you think you are..." Victoria started again, only to have to follow him as he turned and strode from the room, pulling out his cell phone, presumably to call James _again_.

"Well if _that_ doesn't get me in the mood for a little wank session, I don't know what will," Rose commented sarcastically. "James should have known she'd pull something like this, I don't know why he didn't come down here and deal with her himself."

I sighed and pulled on the robe I'd tossed over the back of the couch. "She's such a pain in the ass."

"I guess I'll head on up...could you hand me the vibrator?"

I reached down and grabbed the nondescript backpack we'd stashed our toys in. "Make it pretty."

"I always do!"

Rose wasn't lying, and it was no wonder James had chosen her for one of the few masturbation scenes in the _Bare Love_ compilations. With her porcelain good looks and blonde hair, she would be beyond stunning while pleasuring herself in the white-swathed fantasy bedroom upstairs. She'd be shooting later with Carmen as well, whereas I had a scene scheduled to take place on the brocade couch we were currently sitting on.

I tied the robe's belt around my body as Rose headed upstairs, followed by the quietly-grumbling crew. On impulse, I reached into our backpack again and fished out my cell phone. I hadn't wanted to call and interrupt Edward at work this morning, but I figured a harmless text wouldn't be a big deal.

_Just saying hi, hope you have a good day!_

I hit the send button and then got up to wander out into the side yard. I'd barely gotten a chance to check out the garden before filming the scene with Carmen amongst the flowers the day before, and they were truly stunning. Whoever was renting this house out had obviously kept a gardener on the payroll to keep everything looking this good.

I was examining a cascade of climbing roses when my phone vibrated in my hand, and I looked down to see Edward's name on the caller ID.

"Hi!"

"Is this a bad time for me to be calling you?" was his quick reply.

"No, not at all, I'm glad you did."

"Yeah, me too." He exhaled gustily. "I figured you just wouldn't answer if you were in a meeting or something, but I didn't know if we were even in the same time zone. I didn't think to ask you where you were going."

I cast a quick look around the garden to make sure I was alone. "No, I'm in California...San Diego." Yet another little white lie.

"Working hard?"

"Always. You? How was your first day?"

"Pretty much what I expected. Hey, I've got a patient in a couple of minutes, but when are you getting back? I promise I've got a non-stalker reason for asking."

I smiled slightly. "Late Friday night."

"Damn...I was just going to ask you if you wanted to run a marathon with me on Saturday, but I guess you'll probably be too tired."

"A...what? A marathon?"

He chuckled. "The Center's annual 5k is this Saturday, and now that I'm back in town, my mom pretty much expects me to attend all the fundraisers. I sure as hell can't _run_ a 5k, but I'll be walking it."

"Actually, that sounds really nice." Stamina was a fairly important thing in my field, and Rose and I both had gym memberships that we used religiously. "I'd love to do it with you...I mean, for a good cause." I silently cursed my Freudian slip, but Edward seemed unfazed.

"Really? That's awesome, Bella, are you sure you don't mind?"

"Nope, I'm actually already looking forward to it."

"In that case, I'll register for you today, so you don't have to worry about it, and I'll pick you up at 8am Saturday morning. Is that okay?"

"Absolutely." I couldn't help the grin that was rapidly spreading across my face.

"Great...I should probably go, but I just wanted to tell you...I can't wait to see you again."

"Same goes for me, Edward, believe it."

"Would it be okay if I called you tonight?"

"I'd love that. Any time after six-thirty or seven should be fine for me."

"Okay...talk to you soon."

"Yep...'bye." I ended the call and kept standing there, enjoying the warm flutters in my stomach and chest. Already another date scheduled with Edward...and the promise of talking to him tonight. This week couldn't go by fast enough.

I'm not sure how long I'd hung out in the garden, grinning at the flowers, when the sound of a sliding door snapped me back to the here and now. Alec was approaching me slowly from the house, a sheepish look on his face.

"Hey Isabella...I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't know."

"It's not your fault," I sighed, quickly pushing all thoughts of Edward into the safe _real-life_ section of my brain and locking the door behind it. "Just a heads-up...any time you have a scene scheduled with Laurent producing it, check with him before you do anything, even if Victoria tells you otherwise."

"I will. She told me the Viagra was standard so I didn't even think twice."

I frowned; Victoria was such a sneaky bitch, I had no doubt she'd done it completely on purpose. "You're pretty new to the industry, aren't you?"

"Yeah, this is only my third film."

He was a good-looking guy, blond and built, with a sweet face. Probably fresh off the bus from Kansas or something, and his thick cock had landed him in Victoria's office when he discovered agents didn't come looking for you, and jobs waiting tables could be just as hard to get in LA. "You'll be okay...our scene is pretty straightforward. Follow the script and then let your body go. Just pretend you're making love to your wife or girlfriend and it'll progress naturally from there."

He peeked at me from under maize eyelashes. "That won't be hard, you're gorgeous, Bella."

I sighed again. "Thanks, Alec."

"You and your friends from San Francisco...you're not like the girls here."

"No. We're not."

"Is everyone from the San Francisco branch as...normal as you?"

"Uhh...well, we shoot a lot more of the big-budget stuff, and James has a certain look he requires us all to maintain. So I wouldn't say we're more _normal_, but we don't tend to live the lifestyle outside of work as much. It's easier to keep from falling into that in San Francisco."

Alec thought that over. "Do you think I could come shoot there instead? I mean, I don't know how this whole thing works, but _she_..." He jerked his head towards the house, indicating Victoria. "Is crazy."

"If you do a good job today, and you're willing to move, I'll say something to James about you. Just keep your nose clean and stay out of Victoria's way in the meantime." He was a nice kid, I really hoped maybe James would consider moving him up to his studio instead of leaving him here for Victoria to chew up and spit out.

He nodded obediently. "Okay, thanks. Hey listen...do you want to maybe go get some dinner after we're all done?"

"That's nice of you, but I've got a boyfriend and he probably wouldn't like that, so I'm just going to head back to the hotel afterward." I'd been using that excuse on Rosalie's advice pretty much from the start. Of course, before Emmett, Rosalie had been known to go home at the end of the day with a fellow actor if the two of them had genuine sexual chemistry on-set, but that had all ended with Royce King and his psycho stalker ass.

"Oh...okay. I just thought maybe we could talk, you could give me a few more pointers so I don't piss _her_ off anymore?"

I didn't need to be a mentor, but Rosalie had been the only thing that had kept me sane through my first few weeks in porn, it was the least I could do to pass on the favor. I stood up on my tiptoes and kissed Alec's cheek, then linked his arm through mine. "Come on, let's walk."

**xoxoxoxo**

By the time Friday came and Rose and I were able to board our flight back to San Francisco, I was exhausted both physically and mentally. We'd both shot our portions of five different films, quite a lot to do in as many days. But Laurent and James were both pleased with the raw footage, and James had oh-so generously given both of us time off work until Wednesday.

"I can't believe you're going to do a 5k tomorrow," Rose mumbled, pulling a soft blanket out of her carry-on bag before stowing it and plopping down next to me. "I think you must be insane."

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but you may be right," I said tiredly. I was definitely looking forward to seeing Edward and spending most of the day with him tomorrow, but right now my thighs and back ached, I had a hickey on my collarbone from one of Victoria's cavemen, and faint but visible rope burns circled my ankles and wrists, souvenirs of the last shoot of the day.

The rented house we'd been shooting in had a gorgeous wine cellar, and Laurent had immediately sized up the room as being perfect for a mild BDSM shoot they needed for a _Spoiled Rich Girls_ compilation. It had taken a phone call from James and a hefty payment offer for me to agree to shooting it, as I normally loathed BDSM scenes, even the play ones. Luckily the "Dom" knew what he was doing and was completely respectful of my limits, but the ropes that had tied me to one of the wine racks had rubbed my skin raw. How I was going to explain _those_ away, should Edward see them, I had no idea.

"You could always tell him you're too exhausted, or you're sick or something," Rose suggested, tucking the blanket over both of us and then snuggling against me with a yawn.

"Yeah, I probably should...but I really want to see him again. I figured 5k worth of walking would provide lots of time for talking too."

She hummed approvingly. "Yep, and if he freaks out, you can just outrun him and get lost in the crowd. I don't think he will, though."

"How do you know?"

"I don't know...it's just a feeling. If of our three musketeers, both Emmett and Jasper handle the porn thing okay, the odds are pretty good that Edward will too."

"Jasper doesn't count. Alice works in administration."

"He counts...he let one of his best friends be set up with a porn star."

"Yeah...I guess." I yawned too, and it wasn't long before our flight was in the air, both of us sleeping through the short hour and a half back to San Francisco. Upon landing we stumbled sleepily outside the terminal and hailed a cab, gigantic yawns cracking our overused jaws. Neither of us bothered unpacking once at home; we heated up some soup for dinner, and as Rose settled down to call Emmett, I headed for bed.

I woke up at my normal 4:45, and decided to just go ahead and get up, since Edward was picking me up at 8am. My body was achy and stiff, but not as bad as the day before...the rope burns, however were another story. My socks would cover up the ones around my ankles, but the ones on my wrists were still glaringly obvious, even in the harsh bathroom light.

I tied my hair up in a ponytail and began rummaging through my dresser. The black skin-tight running shorts were an easy choice, but I needed to find something that could cover up both the rope burns on my wrists and the hickey on my collarbone. I was starting to get desperate when I spied my old UCLA sweatshirt at the bottom of the drawer. It was a little ragged around the edges, but it had long sleeves and would provide the perfect coverage I needed.

I tugged it over my head, tied on my sneakers, and headed for the kitchen for coffee. As I sat and sipped in the quiet kitchen, I let myself think about what I wanted to tell Edward today.

The truth, I wanted to tell him the truth. I wanted to stop worrying that I would say the wrong thing, that he would figure things out on his own. I didn't want to keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I didn't necessarily want to give him all the grisly details, but I couldn't keep lying to him either. Lie piling up on top of lie...they were bound to come toppling down eventually.

And telling him in public...as Rose had pointed out, if he reacted badly, I could cut and run. But in a crowd, he'd be less likely to flip out, maybe more likely to listen to me. To try and understand why I was only now telling him the truth.

I peeked at the microwave clock and, seeing that it was almost eight o'clock, decided to go wait outside so the buzzer wouldn't wake Rose up. I stuffed my keys, ID, and some cash into a tight-fitting wristlet, hissing when it came in contact with the tender skin there, and then headed downstairs.

Edward was just getting out of his car when I stepped outside, and he bent down to kiss my cheek without a hint of shyness when he reached me. "Good morning."

"And a good morning to you too."

"You're being an awful good sport about this 5k, you know. You've done less complaining than I did to my mom."

I laughed lightly. "I actually do need the exercise, it'll be nice to stretch my legs."

His eyes flitted down to my bare legs before returning to meet my gaze. "Well in that case, shall we go? We'll sign in and pick up our numbers when we get there, and I've got a big bottle of water for each of us."

"Sounds good," I agreed, and he reached down to take my hand.

Once we were on the road, Edward took a deep breath and turned down the radio. "Bella...I'm a complete moron that I didn't mention this to you before now, but it's not a big deal. I just want to give you a heads-up."

"Um, okay?"

"Well, my mom is going to be there today, obviously, and she's _really_ looking forward to meeting you."

Why hello there butterflies, welcome back to my stomach. "Okay."

"I just didn't want you to be taken by surprise or anything…" His beautiful face was both apologetic and nervous. "I promise, she's totally harmless."

I licked my lips. "That's fine, it stands to reason that she'd be at her own organization's fundraiser. I look forward to meeting her."

His expression relaxed only a little. "Well, I'm happy you get to meet her, I just didn't want to make you feel pressured or anything, meeting my parents so soon."

"Oh…your dad…?"

"Yeah, he's in charge of the first aid tent. So you'll probably meet him afterwards."

Most women in my position would be thrilled that they were already meeting the parents. And I _was_ excited, but I knew the butterflies were there because I was nervous too. But that was a normal reaction, right? I was meeting the parents for the first time, especially after only having a few dates…butterflies were totally normal. "As long as you don't mind, I certainly don't mind."

Edward's face finally cracked into a genuine grin. "I can't tell you how nervous I've been about that…that you'd think I was moving too fast or something. I mean, we've only known each other for a week, but I'd really like for you to meet them. They're the most important people in my life."

I reached across the console and squeezed his hand. "It's only been a week, but it feels like longer…in a good way."

"Yeah, I know what you mean." We pulled up to a red light and he turned the full power of those gorgeous green eyes, fringed with thick bronze lashes, on me. My heart gave one faint hiccup and then felt like it was falling…falling…

"Bella…we've got all day to talk, but I just…I want you to know how happy I am that you and I met and hit it off. It's completely crazy, but I've never felt this comfortable with someone as quickly as I do with you. You're just…" The light changed and he reluctantly broke eye contact as he accelerated. "You're amazing. You're funny, you're smart, and it goes without saying that you're gorgeous…"

My heart was still freefalling, my breath wasn't too far behind. "Gorgeous?"

"Well…yeah, obviously. I mean, you've got to know that…but then again, maybe that's just something about you that makes you so incredible. You really don't realize how beautiful you are, do you?"

I felt a little dizzy and I briefly wondered if the sleep deprivation and grueling work schedule from the week was catching up with me. Of course I was used to being told I looked great…after I'd been made-up, coiffed, and posed for the camera. But that was Isabella, that wasn't _me_. "I guess I've never been one to fish for compliments."

"Bella…you sure as hell don't need to fish for them. There's just something about you that _glows_."

I swallowed hard. "No one has ever said that to me before."

"I've never said it to anyone before." He brushed his thumb gently over my knuckles. "I'm not freaking you out, am I?"

"No…it sounds really really good coming from you."

"And hopefully only from me," was his quiet response. There were a few minutes of silence as he negotiated the growing traffic, and then he spoke again. "It seems like I'm always asking you for another date before the current one is over, but I was thinking…depending on how exhausted we are, would you like to have dinner tonight?"

"Yes." The response came out automatically, without forethought. Yes, yes, yes…whatever he was asking, I had a feeling my answer was almost always going to be yes.

"Great…we can make it low-key if you want, nothing fancy. I just can't wait to find out more about you, to learn what makes you tick."

"I like that idea."

He flashed me a quick bright smile as he turned a corner and we were immediately confronted with heavier traffic and a mass of pedestrians in running gear, numbers pinned to their fronts. "We lucked out, my mom gave me a parking pass so we should just need to get over to the reserved lot."

Edward concentrated on slowly moving through the crowds of people until we reached the lot in question. We both climbed out of the car, and as he came around to meet me, he gestured at my sweatshirt. "Do you want to leave that here?"

A brief hiccup of nerves, but then I was fine again. "No, I'd rather wear it."

He frowned slightly. "We've had a record-breaking heat-wave while you were gone, Bella, I know it feels cool now but it's been up to almost ninety degrees over the past three days. Do you need a t-shirt to wear instead? They've got them in the registration tent, I can go grab you one now…"

Okay, now my nerves were giving way to mild panic at his insistence. "No, really, I'll be fine. I've got a t-shirt on too, and I'll just tie the sweatshirt around my waist if I start getting hot. It's only three miles, I'll be fine."

His frown deepened. "Are you sure?"

"Yep, absolutely. This is my, ah, lucky sweatshirt. I can't do something like this without it."

Edward finally chuckled reluctantly and shook his head. "If you say so, but don't keel over on me, okay?"

"I'll be with a doctor," I returned saucily. "I'm sure I'm in good hands."

"Oh, the very best." His eyes darkened slightly and I felt my pulse accelerate in response. This chemistry between us…I'd have to be completely clueless to deny it. And if we were already moving on to sexual innuendos and not-so-innocent flirting…well I was okay with that too.

"I'll keep that in mind, _Dr. Cullen_." I turned away from him very deliberately then, but I heard him suck in a quick breath and I grinned at the realization that I'd hit a gold mine. Show me a doctor that didn't have _some_ kind of job-related fantasy, and I'd show you a liar. I'd only taken a few steps away from him when I heard him come up behind me, and then his hot hand slipped into mine.

Letting the sparks of electricity between us speak louder than any words could, we didn't talk again as we approached the registration tent. We signed in and collected our numbers, safety-pinning them on, and then Edward handed me a bottle of water and guided me over to where the thickest mass of people were gathered, chatting and triple-checking the knots in their shoelaces, calling greetings to friends.

"I don't know where the hell my mom is," Edward muttered, surprisingly close to my ear. "She was supposed to be supervising the registration tent."

"She must be pretty busy at something like this, huh?"

"Oh yeah…not only do all the media people here want to talk to her, but she has to personally oversee everything to make sure it's going exactly according to plan. She's something of a perfectionist. This retirement thing is probably going to be harder on her than on my dad."

"Oh?" I queried as we headed toward the starting line. We'd been late in arriving; it appeared that most of the participants were ready to go.

"Yeah…she's excited that they're going to do a lot of traveling, but she loves her job. My parents will be out of the country for a while starting next month. Come on, let's get to the back of the pack …the people who are running are up front."

"I'm glad you've done this before, I'm completely clueless. I do most of my running on a treadmill."

He shrugged, and then I felt his arm wrap around my waist, guiding me through the throng of people. "Like I said, I've been at every fundraiser I was available for since I was able to walk. I did the 5k every year until I left for the east coast."

His arm, even though the bulk of my sweatshirt, was hard and firm and made me tingle in places that were wholly inappropriate for the setting. "You were always an automatic volunteer, huh?"

"Oh, you bet…but I'd rather be doing this than the black-tie stuff. It's…oh, there she is."

I looked up and saw Esme Platt-Cullen ascending a stage off to the right of the enormous group gathered before her. She was a stunning woman, but her smile was warm and genuine, and her voice was equally as kind when she addressed the audience.

"Hello everyone, and thank you so much for braving this heat wave to come out for the 20th Annual Platt-Cullen Cancer Research Center 5k Walk and Run!" Applause and cheers immediately broke out, and she waited for them to wane before continuing. "Due to your hard work, and the generosity of those who are sponsoring you, you've already raised almost half a million dollars, all of which will go toward funding cancer research!"

More applause and whistles broke out from the crowd, and I turned to Edward as the obvious finally occurred to me. "I didn't…I didn't even think about getting…"

"Don't worry about it," he murmured back. "I made a donation in both our names when I registered for you."

I frowned, but didn't reply, and made a mental note to repay him whatever he'd put up in lieu of sponsorship money for me.

"That amount," Esme continued, "Doesn't even include the generous donations from our corporate sponsors, or the gifts from private individuals. Whether you're here for someone you lost to cancer, someone who beat cancer, or because you're dedicated to winning the war against this disease, the Center and I thank you, truly. With your help, we _will_ find a cure!"

The cheers and applause started again, even louder than before, and the positive energy from the crowd swelled up, almost a tangible thing. Esme smiled and turned to accept a starter pistol from a volunteer at her side. "Let's get down to the reason we're all here, then! If you're walking, please make sure you're at the back of the pack to allow the runners plenty of room. Due to the heat wave we've been experiencing, we have extra volunteers with water along the route. If you need to take a break or stop, do it. We'd rather have you back next year than to have a single one of you get heatstroke. Now, are you ready?"

An answering roar was the response.

"In that case…on your mark…get set…go!" With the last word, Esme fired the starter pistol into the air and the crowd began to slowly move forward. When the wave of movement reached us, we began walking forward as well, and I couldn't help but smile up at Edward.

"Wow, your mom's pretty amazing."

"Yeah, she is. She'll be catching up with us soon, probably, she always does the walk too."

I looked around quickly at the mass of laughing, chatting people around us. "She's going to find us in _this_ crowd?"

"Oh yeah," he replied confidently. "She's got radar or something, I swear. Listen, we didn't really have time to stretch or anything, so let me know if you need to stop, okay?"

"I will," I promised, although I was sure I'd be fine. The walkers' pace was steady but not too brisk, and I felt good even though the heat was definitely increasing as the sun burned through the haze. "Wow, it really _is_ hot today."

"I told you, record-breaking heat wave. We've been treating cases of heatstroke at work all week."

"I hope everyone is okay today," I murmured. San Francisco rarely got this hot in August, the ninety degrees Edward had mentioned earlier was almost unheard of.

"Don't worry, my dad's in charge of the medical crew here, and they've got everything from ice baths to ambulances. No one is keeling over on his watch."

"Good to know."

"_Edward!"_ A voice trilled from off to our right, and both of us turned to look. A plump middle-aged blonde woman was determinedly threading through the crowd toward us, and Edward groaned softly before smiling and waving.

"Mrs. Biers, nice to see you!"

"You too, darling, and call me Candy, you know that! Your mother mentioned that you were back in town but I had to see you for myself before I'd believe it!" Now that she was close enough, she reached out to grip his arm.

"Yep, back in town for good this time. Bella, this is Miranda Biers, a good friend of both my mother and the Center."

"Candy," she insisted, pushing out a hand for me to shake. "Nice to meet you, Bella. Keep an eye on this handsome boy, will you? There are quite a few women who'll be thrilled to hear he's back in town!"

I blinked. "Ahh, yeah, I'll be sure to do that."

"Excellent! Edward, I take it this means I'll be seeing you at the Gala in November as well?"

"Of course!" He smiled down at her, but I could see the tightness around his mouth.

"Oh, I'm so thrilled to hear it! Make sure you save a dance or three for me…oh, there's Lillian, although I barely recognize her with all the work she had done over the summer…ta-ta you two!" With that, she was off and moving through the crowd again.

"Jesus, working the room even at a fucking marathon," Edward muttered. "Old-money, big donor to the Center. Nice enough lady, but she's determined to be a cougar. Fending her off when she's had a few martinis is _not_ fun."

I shook my head, the entire rapid-fire scene that had just unfolded was surreal. "I'll bet."

"That may happen more than once, I'm just warning you."

"Hey, it looks like they're all after _you_, so don't worry about me."

"Maybe if I look a little more unavailable, they'll leave me alone," he suggested, and with that, my hand was back in his.

"I like that idea."

"Me too. So…Bella…now that I've got you somewhat alone, with no lunch or anything else to distract us…what would you like to talk about?"

There it was, the million dollar question, but I could sense that same old deer-in-the-headlights feeling coming on, and I bit my lip nervously. "Anything you want to ask me?"

"Should we play Twenty Questions?"

"It's probably a better alternative than Truth or Dare."

His lips turned up in a lazy smile. "You'll play Truth or Dare with me?"

"Not here," I clarified hastily.

"Twenty Questions, then, and I get the first question. But take a drink of water first, you're already looking flushed."

I twisted off the cap of my water bottle and took a hearty chug, glad he didn't know the real reason for my red face. I was warm enough as it was under my sweatshirt, though, so I could probably get away with passing my blush off on that. "Okay, go for it."

"Hmm…all right, first question. What did you honestly think about me on our first date?"

A small laugh puffed from my lips. "Seriously?"

"Yep."

"Well, at first I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown because you were so good-looking. And then we started talking and you were just so at ease that I felt like I'd known you for a lot longer than we obviously had. By the time we got to the mini-golf dome…" I paused, surprised at my own candor. "I already knew I wanted to go out with you again."

"You thought I was good-looking?" He had a mischievous look on his face.

"Duh, Cullen, look in a mirror some time."

"She thought I was good-looking," he mused aloud, and I giggled self-consciously.

"Cut it out, you're making me blush."

"I should probably be the one blushing. Okay, your turn."

"Fine, what did you think about _me_ on our first date?" Turnabout was fair play, after all.

He grinned. "I decided I was going to have to kill Jasper."

"And why is that?"

"He told me that you were a hottie, and he's either a master of understatement or a goddamn liar, I haven't decided which yet. Because when I saw you, hottie was an insult. You looked absolutely beautiful."

I felt my cheeks flame again and busied myself taking another long slug of water. I could feel tiny beads of perspiration starting to run down the back of my neck and along my temples, and I didn't really want to look like a sweathog when the guy I was crushing on so hard was telling me I was beautiful.

"And you were just so much fun…such a good sport about everything, laughing and making the best out of what we ended up doing instead of pouting about it. I was planning on calling you the next day even before we said goodnight."

"I was hoping you would."

"Yeah?"

"Oh yeah. Your turn."

"Okay…hmm…you told me you hate your job. If you could do any other job in the world, what would it be?"

I thought for a moment, thankful he hadn't made the question any more intrusive about my current job. "Honestly…I'd love to be a history teacher. I know I'd have to go back to school and probably get my master's degree too, but I love history and I think I'd be a pretty good teacher. I'd love to be one of those teachers who gets their students to actually enjoy learning about a subject they think is old news. Make it interesting and fun for them, you know? I had a history teacher like that in high school, and I'll never forget how much I looked forward to his assignments."

"You sound like Jasper," he observed. "He lights up when he talks about teaching."

"That's a compliment, thank you. Okay…what was the hardest part about growing up with a famous mom?"

He considered that. "Well…growing up I didn't realize that she was so well-known…I mean, she's not a celebrity or anything. And I had a ridiculously-normal childhood. I guess just always having to make sure I didn't do anything that would reflect badly on the family, since she founded the Center and all…I was in high school before I realized that I couldn't do stupid crap that could potentially hurt the Center. My mom has poured her life into it, I'd never forgive myself if my actions were detrimental to her work in any way."

A thin layer of ice started growing around my heart, cracking and tightening as he continued.

"There was this one time in college…God, probably junior year…Emmett, Jasper, and I got busted toilet-papering the dean's mansion after a few rounds of Jägermeister. I remember it like it was yesterday, campus security showed up at about the same time as the local cops, and we knew we were screwed. Jasper shoved me into the bushes and I was so drunk I just lay there while they were carted off and spent the night in jail. When I saw them the next morning, they weren't even pissed. I mean, they ribbed me about it, but later they both told me that it was no big deal for them, but it would have been a huge deal for my family if I'd gotten busted too." He paused for a moment. "I guess that makes me sound like an entitled asshole, huh?"

"No," I answered automatically, although the pain squeezing my heart was making it hard to breathe. "Not many college kids would have cared that much."

"Well, my parents gave me everything, it's the least I can do to give everything right back."

We were interrupted just then by another pair of middle-aged women who were also thrilled to see Edward back in town. He introduced me again, and they smiled at me with more warmth than Candy Biers had. They walked alongside us, chatting, as we passed the halfway point of the race, before splitting off when they saw another acquaintance in the crowd. Edward smiled down at me.

"Sorry about that. A lot of the people here have known me practically since I was born."

"No problem," I replied faintly, and his smile slowly morphed into a frown.

"Are you feeling all right?"

"Honestly, I'm fine," I insisted, although I could feel nausea thick and heavy rolling through me. I quickly swallowed down a few more gulps of water and then immediately wished I hadn't. "So whose turn is it?"

His frown didn't go away entirely, but he reached out to brush a few drenched strands of hair from my sticky forehead. "It's my turn to ask a question."

"Go for it."

He nudged my hand that was holding the bottle of water, silently urging me to drink, but the upheaval in my stomach made it impossible to consider. "Are you actually having fun today?"

"Well, yeah…why would you think I wasn't?" Lies, lies, on top of lies.

"You just seem like…you're kinda fading out on me. Do you want to stop and rest? Hell, Bella, we can stop altogether."

"No…" I insisted quickly. "It's just…I may have overestimated my recovery from this past week. It was just busy. But we're over halfway done, no point in punking out now."

"I think we should stop," was his immediate response.

"Please, can we just…keep going? I'll let you know if I need to stop, I promise." A steady throbbing was starting to tap at my temples now, but I knew it was from Edward's words earlier. Stupid crap that could hurt the Center…like dating a porn star. If I was going to confess everything, to have him figuratively run and hide in the bushes, I wasn't didn't want an audience to witness it. It could wait until later. "So…it's my turn. What do you _really_ think about Emmett dating Rose?"

Huh, evidently I'd left my common sense and verbal filter at home this morning.

"I'm happy that they're so happy," he said quietly, and I blinked at the honesty in his voice.

"Really?"

"Really. He's crazy about her, why wouldn't I be happy?"

I started to shove up the sleeves of my sweatshirt and then remembered that I couldn't. I settled instead for lifting the heavy fabric away from my back, surreptitiously trying to fan some cooler air against my sweat-drenched skin. "The porn thing, Edward, let's be honest here."

He was quiet for a long moment, his eyes staring straight ahead before he answered. "The _porn thing_ is nothing against Rosalie personally. I may have had some preconceived notions about her before we met, and she proved them all wrong. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that it's not a big thing to overcome in any relationship. But Emmett thinks she's worth it, and that's enough for him. As long as she makes him happy, I'm happy for them both. Honestly, Bella, that's all there is to it."

"I hope so. I'll kill him if he hurr-rts her." It took me a moment, but I slowly came to the realization that I'd slurred my last words, and it hadn't escaped Edward's notice. His arms went around me immediately, guiding me toward the edge of the onward-surging crowd, and I blinked fuzzily as I registered that he was flagging down a golf cart. "Where're we goin'?"

"Bella, baby, you're not okay…you need to cool off and rest. I think you're suffering from heat exhaustion."

"I'm fine," I whined, even as Edward pulled me onto his lap in the golf cart. His arms around me felt good until the golf cart took off with a jolt that rocked my stomach like an earthquake. "Ohhhh…"

"Do you need to throw up?" His voice was quiet and reassuring against my cheek, but there was no way I was going to throw up in front of this guy, at his mom's charity event, in front of the sparkliest of San Francisco society…

"No…" My voice was far away, even to my ears.

"It's okay if you need to, Bella, you don't have to pretend for me."

At his words, fuzziness started flickering around the edges of my vision. I'd only fainted a couple of times in my entire life, but there was no way I'd ever forget what it felt like. Fuzziness crowding in like black static, tunnel vision, and my vision fading regardless of how hard and fast I blinked my eyes. I whimpered involuntarily.

"Oh God…" I heard words from far away, but I wasn't even sure if they were relevant to me in any way. "Dad…where's Dr. Cullen? Dad!" Arms scooped around my shoulders and under my knees and then I was floating through air, but the only thing I could think was _I will not throw up, I will not throw up_…

A sudden blast of icy air against my skin shocked some of the black fuzz away from my vision, and I vaguely registered that I was being laid down on a cot. This was not good, this was _bad_…

"She's been on a business trip, just got back last night, I should never have made her…"

"We need to get this sweatshirt off of her." A calmer voice interrupted Edward's, but it took a moment before the meaning behind the words registered in my brain. I couldn't remember exactly _why_ the sweatshirt had to stay on, but it was _very very important. _ I balled up the cuffs in my fists.

"Nooooo…"

"Bella, baby, please…my dad is here, we've got to get your body temperature down. It's okay, I won't look, just please let him help you." There was desperation behind his voice, but my answer had to be _no_.

"Don't…_nooooo!_" I could feel hands tugging at my sweatshirt, and I swatted at them.

"Edward…son, please just step out for a bit. I'll take care of her myself. Go, _now_. Bella…Bella, you're okay, you're safe. Edward has stepped away, he can't see you. I'm going to help you, but first I'm going to have a female nurse take some of your clothes off." I couldn't locate the source of the voice, but it was calm and unhurried, and I instinctively trusted it.

"Promise?"

"Yes, I promise. I'm going to turn away now, while she undresses you, then she'll cover you with a sheet before I examine you, okay?"

"Okay."

I felt gentle hands pulling at the sweat-soaked sweatshirt and then the tank-top under it, leaving my surprisingly-dry skin exposed to the cooler air, and I began shivering involuntarily as a sheet was pulled over my bare skin and sports bra.

"Temperature?" The calm voice was back.

"One hundred four."

"Ice packs, small ones. He brought her in before it could get too bad." There was a rustling of movement in the sheet over me, and then I cried out in surprise when there was a sudden intrusion of ice-cold _things_ under my arms, at my waist, neck, and then carefully between my legs. "Bella, you're suffering from heat stroke, but you'll be okay. I just need you to relax for me, you'll be feeling much better soon. Okay?"

"Okay." My voice was still far away, but the chill of the ice packs were pulling me back into some kind of reality.

"Edward…"

"He's just outside, would you like for me to get him?"

I moved my arms and somehow registered that they weren't covered by the sheet, they weren't covered by anything at all. Out and open for the world to see. "Not yet."

"All right. You're safe, Bella, just breathe for me."

Just breathe. It was what my doctor had told me before reluctantly handing over the prescription for the Xanax. _Just breathe_. As if that would help take it all away, make me feel all kinds of better.

Just breathe.

.

**A/N:**

Oh dear...which is worse, Edward seeing those rope burns, or his father the doctor? There is such a thing as doctor-patient confidentiality, after all, but when the patient is dating his son...

As always, **thank you** for every kind word you leave me on this fic! What a tangled web we weave...and things can only get more interesting from here!

Talk to you soon!


	9. Chapter 9

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author. This story is rated M for Mature and is not intended for anyone under the age of eighteen.**

**Chapter Nine**

**BPOV**

I could feel myself starting to drift back towards consciousness, but with the sensation came an overwhelming sense of disorientation and a thick pounding in my head. My mouth felt like it was full of cotton, and _woozy_ didn't even begin to describe how my stomach felt. It was like the worst hangover I'd ever had in my life.

What the fuck had happened?

I groaned softly and forced my eyes open, slowly in case there was any sunlight to pierce my eyeballs, but they were met only with darkness. My disorientation increased. _What the..._

There was a shifting of weight next to me, and I suddenly realized I wasn't alone in the bed. _Holy fuck what did I do?_

"Bella? Are you awake?"

The moment I heard his voice, some of my disorientation melted away. Edward, I was with Edward. But where was I? Why couldn't I remember how I'd gotten here? "Yeah, I'm awake." My response came out as a croak, and I was shocked at how raspy my voice was. "I'm just...confused."

The bed shifted again, and then there was a click just before a soft glow lit the room, silhouetting Edward's figure. I cringed away from the sudden illumination, squinting as the thumping in my head steadily increased.

"Here, you need to drink some more water. How are you feeling?"

I accepted the bottle of water from him gratefully. "Not very good."

"Drink," he urged, and I tipped the bottle up to my lips. Oh God, it was the best-tasting water I'd ever had in my life, I hadn't even realized how thirsty I was. I sucked it down greedily, not stopping until I'd drained the entire bottle.

"Can I have more, please?" Well, at least my voice was a little less raspy now.

"Let's wait a few minutes and make sure that stays down first. It doesn't do you any good if it all comes right back up again."

I sighed and slumped back against the pillows, then looked around curiously. "Where are we?"

"My apartment. What do you remember?"

The fuzz in my head was slowly starting to clear, and I blinked furiously as I tried to recall how I'd ended up here. I remembered him picking me up...the 5k...and then things got very confusing. "What happened?"

Edward plucked the empty water bottle from my hand and set it on the bedside table before settling back down beside me. "You got overheated, and were one degree away from full-on heatstroke. I took you to the first aid tent and they got you cooled down. My father treated you, actually."

Dread was starting to squeeze my chest as a few memories began trickling back.

"When they decided you were stable enough, I brought you back here, I figured it would be safer for you to spend the night with your own personal doctor on call."

"Uh huh," I said faintly, before looking down. I was wearing a long-sleeve t-shirt and what felt like sleep shorts underneath the blanket. "How..."

"I didn't undress you," Edward reassured me quickly. "You were wrapped in a blanket when they released you from the first aid tent, and I'd already called Emmett to get to Rosalie. They met us here, and Rosalie helped you get changed and into bed. You really don't remember any of it?"

"I don't...I don't think so. My head hurts too much to try to remember."

"You're still pretty dehydrated. Between the heat and that heavy sweatshirt you were wearing, your body temperature was up to one hundred and four degrees. Heatstroke is nothing to mess around with, Bella, I'm thankful you're okay." His words were a gentle admonishment, but his eyes were still concerned.

"Thank you for taking care of me."

"It was my pleasure. Not every patient is special enough to rate a spot in the treating physician's bed."

I cracked a small smile at his words, and his expression relaxed immediately. "Are you hungry at all? It's almost two o'clock in the morning."

"No...just very thirsty."

"I'll go get you some more water. You just rest, go back to sleep if you want to." Edward climbed out of the bed, grabbing the empty bottle, and I noticed for the first time that he was wearing just a t-shirt and boxers himself. "Are you sure you don't want some crackers or anything like that?"

"No, thank you."

"All right, but first thing in the morning I'm making you a proper breakfast, young lady." He grinned at me, and I smiled again before he turned and walked out the door, presumably toward the kitchen.

The moment his shadow disappeared down the hall, I shoved up the sleeve of the long-sleeved t-shirt and examined my wrist. The bedside lamp Edward had turned on cast only a gentle glow, but I could still see the faint red of the rope burn there. Fuck fuck _fuck_! A memory flickered from the back of my mind...a kind calm voice, a female nurse pulling my sweatshirt and tank top off, an exam. This was not good.

The kind voice I'd heard, the one that had reassured me in the fuzzy blackness that had threatened to pull me under...it had been Edward's father. Well hello there, Dr. Cullen, how do you like my rope burns? Did you see the hickey too? And did you tell your son about them?

I heard footsteps padding back down the hallway, and I yanked the sleeve back down over my wrist, then tugged it down to my knuckles for good measure. Edward reappeared in the doorway gripping two more bottles of water and a box of Saltines.

"Here you go, and I brought the crackers too, just in case."

"Thank you," I murmured, accepting the bottle of water from him. I drained half of it as he sat carefully back down on his side of the bed.

"Is this okay?"

"Is what okay?"

"Me, ah, being here with you. I can go sleep on the couch if it would make you more comfortable."

Realization dawned across my mind. "Oh...no! No, I'm the one inconveniencing you, I'm not going to throw you out of your own bed."

"It's hardly an inconvenience," he contradicted. "Like I said, not many patients get this kind of treatment."

"Not many?" I queried, arching an eyebrow at him as I took another drink of water.

"Nope, you have to be a member of the VIP Patients Club to get in here. With gold card status." He winked playfully, and I rolled my eyes.

"Jesus, Edward...I am so embarrassed right now. I can't believe I let myself get that hot."

"Don't worry, Bella, you weren't the only one. My dad said the first aid tent was busy even before the race got started."

"Um," I muttered, picking at the bedspread with my free hand. "Did he say anything else...about me?"

Edward frowned. "No, why?"

"So I'm...okay?"

"Oh! Yes...he wouldn't have let me take you if you were in really bad shape. You just need to take it easy for the next couple of days, drink plenty of fluids, and give your body a chance to recuperate. Doctors' orders...from both of us."

I said a little prayer of thanks for what was either Dr. Cullen's sense of discretion, or extremely poor eyesight. "I guess I can handle that."

"You don't have a choice, I'm not letting you out of my sight until you're eating and drinking normally again. In the meantime, you should probably try to go back to sleep."

I polished off the last of my bottle of water again, and then looked at him closely. He looked as tired as I felt. "Have _you_ gotten any sleep?"

"I've been dozing, off and on. I couldn't really fall asleep until I knew for certain that you were going to be okay."

"I'm okay," I said immediately. "Why don't we both try to pass out...you especially. You've got to be exhausted."

Edward didn't answer immediately, and instead reached out to smooth back a few locks of hair that had pulled free from my ponytail. "I was so worried about you," he finally said, in a much quieter voice. "I couldn't have slept even if I wanted to."

I swallowed hard as his finger brushed my cheek, suddenly acutely aware that we were both half-dressed, and in his bed. The moment may have not been the most romantic, but it was definitely intimate, more so than any others we'd shared. And he must have been just tired enough to drop his mask of professional concern, because his green eyes lingered on me for a little longer than they ever had before.

"I just lay here and listened to you breathe...I wanted to make sure you kept breathing. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been okay."

"I'm...I'm sorry I put you through that. I was stupid."

He shook his head slowly. "Don't blame yourself for heatstroke, Bella."

"I'm not blaming myself for the heatstroke...just the factors that led up to it. I should have told you I wasn't feeling up to it."

"Why didn't you?"

I took a long deep breath, feeling my heartbeat accelerate as he ran his fingers back over those errant strands of hair again, tucking them behind my ear. "I wanted to spend the day with you."

He grinned faintly. "We could have made an appearance and then bailed, you know."

"I don't think your mom would have appreciated that."

"She would have gotten over it." Now his fingers were curled, and gently stroking along my cheekbone. "I wanted to spend the day with you too, I didn't care what we did."

"I'm sorry..." I started again, only to be cut off by his finger against my lips. Immediately I felt as though every single drop of blood in me rushed straight there, dancing and bubbling under his touch.

"No more apologizing."

"But I feel bad."

"What's the best way to get you to hush up with the apologies?" He was leaning in closer to me now, and every nerve in my body crackled and stood on end, like static electricity, like magic.

"I'm sure you can figure it out," I breathed, and he smiled again.

"Uh huh."

That was the last thing he got out before his lips met mine, hot and firm, but gentle and soft all at the same time. They caught and clung, oh-so-slowly moving, urging, tempting, and pulling, until the tip of his tongue teased its way along the curve of my lower lip, and then he broke away only slightly, just long enough to whisper my name: "Oh Bella..."

It was like flipping a switch somewhere; my exhausted body suddenly sizzled to life, a heady rush of desire screaming its way through my veins. Without any conscious thought, I pressed closer to him, balancing myself on one elbow so I could cup his face in my hands, mutely begging him to move closer...closer...

His hand slipped down quickly from my hair, running along my side and then snaking its way around my waist until his arm was wrapped around me, using that leverage to pull my upper body against his. In an instant, my arms were wrapped around his neck and he was moving over me, gently pushing me back down into the mattress. I moaned into his mouth as I felt the weight of his body on mine, a contact that made arousal flare hotter throughout my body.

He deepened our kiss then, and my tongue met his as he parted my eager lips. I couldn't remember the last time I'd been this incredibly turned on by a kiss, by the heavy hard press of a man's body against mine, by the fingers that were sliding down to cup my hips. The rasp of his stubble against my chin and cheeks, the absolute confidence and assurance he exuded, as though he knew my body better than I knew it myself...it was overwhelming, but I wanted _more_.

Edward sucked my lower lip between his and then nipped at it gently, moaning in approval as I scratched my fingernails down the lean muscles of his back, stopping at his waist. I gave a slight tug, hoping that he'd take the initiative and settle between my thighs so I could feel the full length of his body against me. One tug, then another, but instead of moving over me, he pulled back slightly, breaking our kiss.

"Bella...oh God..."

"What's wrong?" I whispered.

"I shouldn't be doing this...you went through so much today, you don't have to..."

"I know I don't _have_ to, but I _want_ to."

He took a deep breath and shut his eyes for a long moment. When he opened them again, his expression was calmer. "Believe me when I tell you how very much I want to keep going. But I can't. Not until your body is back to normal…I don't think you realize yet what a profound shock heatstroke can be to your system. I don't want to take advantage of you."

"Edward…"

"Shhh," he interrupted smoothly. "For my conscience, if nothing else?"

I pouted at him. "Are you playing doctor right now?"

"I'm not playing, I mean it. I'm not saying _no_, I'm saying _not now_. Okay?"

His face was completely resolute, and I realized that nothing was going to sway him. "Can I kiss you in the morning?"

"Absolutely. Now drink some more water and try to get some sleep."

"Will you stay in here, with me?"

The doctor mask slipped away as that sexy cocky grin twisted his lips up. "As long as you're not kicking me out, I'm not going anywhere."

**xoxoxoxo**

Waking up for the second time was nowhere near as confusing and painful as it had been in the middle of the night. I drifted up from fuzzy dreams to a vague memory of the night before, and realization of where I was now.

I lay quietly, my body slowly following my mind into wakefulness, and becoming aware of a warm solid form pressed up behind me, a heavy arm tossed over my waist. Edward.

I knew by his even, measured breathing that he was still asleep, and I hoped to keep him that way for as long as possible. If what I remembered was right, he hadn't really slept at all until after I'd awoken for the first time. It was Sunday morning, neither of us had anywhere we needed to be other than right here.

Thankfully, all of the water Edward had pushed me to drink hours earlier had eased my dehydration symptoms considerably; my headache was only a faint pang now, although the cotton-mouth feeling was still there. I opened my eyes long enough to locate another bottle that I knew Edward had placed on my nightstand, and I caught a glimpse of the clock radio behind it. 9:30am. Huh.

I propped myself up just enough to drink the entire bottle of water, gently put it back on the nightstand, and then slowly snuggled back against Edward's body again. He sighed slightly, his arm tightening around my waist, and then quiet little snores began escaping him. It was utterly adorable.

Gently resting my hand on the arm that secured me against him, I thought back over the events of the previous day with a far clearer head than before. Trying to do the 5k had been my first wrong move, I'd known even the night before that my body was exhausted and not up for that kind of exertion, walking or not. Trying to hide the evidence of the rope burns with a stiflingly-heavy sweatshirt had been my second. I had no one but myself to blame for everything that had happened.

Maybe Dr. Cullen hadn't noticed the burns and the hickey. Or if he did, maybe he thought they were from something else. Hell, maybe he thought that his son and I had been up to some kinky hijinks. You never knew.

_May bees don't fly in September_. I remembered Charlie telling me that on more than one occasion. He'd hated the word maybe, he'd liked things to be settled upon, in black and white. I wished I'd inherited more of his decisiveness.

Because right now, _indecisive_ had gotten me into more trouble than I could have prevented if I'd been honest right off the bat. Back in the parking lot of the golf dome, when Edward had told me his thoughts about Rosalie, I should have taken that moment to drop the bombshell. He might have been floored, but at least he could have processed it before either of us had _feelings_ getting in the way. Too late for that now.

The gleam in Edward's eyes when he'd brushed my hair back the night before…his words to me… _I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been okay_. His kisses that made me tingle and ache even as I thought about them now. I'd come perilously close to breaking the no-sex-until-he-knows rule, because I wanted him.

I wanted him physically, that was no surprise to me at all. From our instant chemistry on our blind date to the kisses we'd had the night before...I was an adult woman, not some quaking virgin who was going to deny something we both obviously wanted.

But I wanted more than that too. I'd had enough meaningless sex to fill up a lifetime, but I wanted something real with Edward. The bond that Alice and Jasper shared, the immediate connection Rosalie and Emmett had recognized in each other. I wanted _Edward_, and I wanted him to want me too. Not the Bella he thought he knew, but the real one. Me with all my faults, baggage, and issues, the woman that my friends knew and loved anyway. All of me.

Edward stirred slightly just then, and I slowly turned in his arms until I was laying on my back, looking at the mind-bogglingly sexy sight of Dr. Edward Cullen waking up beside me. He blinked sleepily and a lazy smile just barely crept over his lips. "What a nice thing to wake up to."

"Good morning to you too."

"How are you feeling?"

"Better, much better."

He hummed approvingly, shut his eyes again, and burrowed his face back into the pillow. "What time is it?"

"Almost ten. I take it you're not a morning person?"

He yawned into the pillow and I heard his jaw pop. "Not at all, it takes a little bit for me to get going. And coffee."

"I can go…" I started, pushing the covers back and preparing to sit up, but his arm tightened around my waist.

"Nuh-uh. You in my bed is better than coffee."

I willingly snuggled back up against him, and was rewarded with a soft kiss on my shoulder. "I had such nice dreams," he mumbled. "Dreams about kissing you, making love to you."

My heart tripped over a few beats, and I wondered if I'd heard that quite right. "What?"

Mischievous green eyes emerged from the pillow he'd gone face-down into as he rolled to face me. "They were very good dreams."

"It sounds like it." Felt like it too, if the firmness pressing against my thigh was what I was 99.9% sure it was. "Are you sure you're completely awake?"

"No…but if I'm dreaming again, I'll take it."

Me having to lay down the cockblock just felt so damn wrong, I wanted to cry at the injustice of it all. "Edward…"

"I know we haven't known each other long, and you can just tell me if you're not ready, but God I want you, Bella. You're so beautiful…so goddamn sexy…"

"I…"

"I've wanted you from the first night we met. It's driving me crazy…and I know we haven't been together that long, but if you want me too…"

"Of course I want you," I said desperately. This whole situation was karma kicking me in the ass, irony bitch-slapping me, and topped off with a heaping dose of raging sexual frustration. Laying there, listening to this gorgeous man tell me exactly how much he wanted me…this was a textbook example of _life isn't fair_.

The arm he still had fixed around my waist slid back then, just enough for his hot hand to slip up under my long-sleeved t-shirt and start to rub the skin of my stomach. Desire that I hadn't felt in years was running thick and quick through my veins now, heating and electrifying me just a few inches south of where Edward's fingers were caressing me.

"If you want me to stop, just say the word," he breathed, and then he was kissing me.

Some distant, squawking, rational part of my brain knew that he had to still be half-asleep, or that his inhibitions had been significantly lowered by the fact that I'd spent the night in his bed. For Edward to go from zero to ninety, after stopping _me_ the night before, had to be a sign that he was following his body more than his brain this morning. But I liked that.

I liked the feeling of his free hand curling into my hair to tilt my head back, exposing my neck for him to kiss. I liked the rigid length of his erection that he was pushing unashamedly against me now. I liked the uneven rasp of his breath as he moved his body to cover mine the way he'd refused to just a few hours ago. And I _loved_ the images that were spilling into my brain, as visually explicit as anything I'd imagined since meeting him: the muscles of his back flexing as he thrust into me. His lips half-parted in a gasping moan. Teeth biting tender flesh just enough to cause an erotic sting. And how gorgeous his face would be when he came hard inside of me.

It was his fumbling at the bedside table drawer that snapped me out of it faster than a bucket of ice water. "Edward…oh God…stop, we've got to stop…"

He blinked at me hazily, but he froze immediately. "Bella?"

"We can't…I mean, I want to, so bad, but we can't."

Realization began to dawn across his face, followed swiftly by disappointment. "It's okay, I understand."

"No, it's just…" I was grasping now, looking for anything to dig me out of the mess I'd thrown us so quickly into. "I can't. But let me…" My hands were moving without any rational thought on my part, gripping him through his boxers, trying to pop the one flimsy button that held the fly shut.

He groaned as my hands molded around his thick length. "What…what are you doing?"

"Let me give you a blowjob," I offered desperately. Something that would give him release, and no small amount of enjoyment and satisfaction for me too. But something safe.

"Wait, what?" Both his hands were on my shoulders now.

"Please, let me just give you a blowjob since I can't…we can't…" I could hear myself babbling, but even I could tell that I wasn't making any sense, and Edward obviously thought the same thing.

"Bella, baby, _stop_. Just stop. It's okay, take it easy…come on…" And with that he was crushing me to his chest, and I was crying. Maybe all the humiliation and stress of the previous day had been bottled up and hiding somewhere deep inside, I didn't know. But I did know that now I was just bawling into his neck and it was pathetic.

"I'm…sorry…"

"You need to stop apologizing for things that aren't your fault." His tone was light, but his words were firm. "We got a little carried away, a little too much, too fast. I told you to let me know if you wanted to stop, did you think I would be mad?"

"I don't…know!" I hiccuped.

"Bella…shhhh, I'm not mad. How could I be? You haven't bashed me over the head with a lamp or run screaming yet, so that gives a guy hope. I'll wait as long as you want me to. I didn't mean to push you into more than you're comfortable with."

His words only made me cry harder. I didn't deserve this, I didn't deserve this much kindness and complete misunderstanding from a guy who was better than I deserved on a good day. He thought he'd pushed me past my comfort zone, when I was really freaking out because I hadn't told him yet that I'd had exponentially more sex partners than him, in positions he'd never tried, and it was all available for $29.99 a throw.

He kissed the top of my head, his arms wrapped around me in a warm reassuring hug, all sexual innuendo gone now. I cried until my eyes burned and the headache from the night before returned. And even when I was done crying, he kept me tight in his arms, surrounding me with everything good and pure that I wanted in a relationship. Kindness. Trust. And maybe even a little love.

I felt gentle fingers brush across my forehead before he pressed a kiss there. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." My voice was dull. "I don't know where that came from."

"Remember what I told you last night? You had a tremendous shock to your system yesterday, Bella, you've got to expect that you'll be a little out of it for a few more hours."

I shook my head and tried fruitlessly to pull away. "I feel so dumb."

"I'm getting tired of you dogging on my girl all the time, you know." It took a moment for what he'd said to register in my tired brain, but when it did, I looked up at him. He grinned when our eyes met. "Yeah, we're moving a lot faster than I'd ever thought I could, but I like to think of you as my girl. Is that okay?"

I coughed dryly, guilt battling with a sudden soaring in my chest at his words. Edward immediately twisted and reached down to the floor on his side of the bed, coming up with yet another bottle of water. "Drink more, please."

He watched as I took long slow sips, and several quiet minutes slipped by before he spoke again. "My parents are expecting me at eleven-thirty…they always host a brunch for the winners of the 5k and a few other guests the day afterward. Will you come with me?"

Nervousness twisted in my gut at the thought of facing Carlisle and Esme Cullen again so soon after my dramatic departure the day before. "I'm…I'm going to take a raincheck this time, Edward. I think it might be a good idea for me to go home and get some more sleep…try and get myself back in operating order."

"Okay," he said immediately. "I understand. Can I call you later, then?"

"Actually…" I took a deep breath, if I didn't do this now, I never would. "Are you free tonight, for dinner? I'd like to talk to you when I've calmed down a little."

"Yeah, sure…unless you're going to hit me with an 'I really like you, but...' speech." His grin told me he was joking, but there was a flash of nervousness in his eyes.

"No, nothing like that," I reassured him quickly. "I just have some things I want to tell you, some stuff I think you need to know."

"Okay," he replied slowly. "When should I come pick you up?"

"Why don't I meet you there?" I wanted to have my own getaway car in case Edward decided I was a disgusting whore and that he never wanted to see me again. "It's just this dumpy little dive bar, but they have great pizza…Alice, Rose and I love it."

He wasn't happy about me driving separately, I could tell, but he didn't argue with me. I gave him directions to the bar, and then came a moment of awkwardness when we both shuffled out of the bed, him looking for pants, me looking for my shoes.

I made coffee for both of us while he took a quick shower, emerging considerably more alert and spiffy from the bathroom despite his tousled wet hair. I handed him a travel mug and he took a long drink before sighing happily and planting a kiss on the top of my head. This was much safer ground, the world we'd slipped into while in the bed had dissolved away.

He dropped me off at my apartment before heading over to his parents, and we shared a sweet goodbye kiss. I could tell he was feeling more at ease, and I kissed him once again before opening the car door.

"Tonight at seven?"

"I'll see you there…and their pizza had better be good!"

He drove off and I dragged myself upstairs, fatigue suddenly hitting me more forcefully than I'd expected. It was as though my body was going into a self-induced shut down and reset after the physical and emotional turmoil I'd heaped on it, and I decided that just crawling into bed until it was time to get up and ready to meet Edward would be in my best interest.

Rosalie's bedroom door was shut so I made a beeline for my own room, slowly shucking off clothes as I went. I climbed into the quiet safety of my own bed, and fell asleep so quickly it was more like blacking out.

A muffled but shrill ringing awoke me with a start some time later, and I immediately realized it was my cell phone, inside my purse where I'd left it early the previous morning. I stumbled over to the dresser and snatched it out; it was a 415 number, but not one that I recognized. I didn't normally answer phone numbers I didn't know, but I was still half-asleep and automatically hit the green answer button before thinking about it.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Bella? This is Dr. Carlisle Cullen…Edward's father."

.

**xoxoxoxo**

**A/N:**

So guess what? I have good news! This chapter was originally going to be much _much_ longer, until I realized I'd pretty much tried to cram two chapters into one. I'm leaving you with another evil cliffie, but the next chapter is already half-written! Huzzah!

And is it too early to start making Christmas lists? Because if not, the first thing on MY list is an Edward in my bed who wakes up ready to go like that! But since my husband would probably get a little grumpy over it, I'll settle for an EPOV first thing in the next chap (which, hey, I've already written!) to see what was going on in that gorgeous head of his.

Feel free to follow me on Twitter at lazykatevamp!

And to everyone here in the States...HAPPY THANKSGIVING! I'm one of many who do have to report for work tomorrow...but on the bright side, I'm taking advantage of the lack of supervisors to write smut all day! Yay!

Talk to you soon!


	10. Chapter 10

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author. This story is rated M for Mature and is not intended for anyone under the age of eighteen.**

**Chapter Ten**

**EPOV**

I was tired as hell and more than a little confused as I headed over to my parents' house after dropping off Bella. Everything had taken on the surreal quality of a carnival funhouse over the past twenty-four hours...from Bella's collapse at the 5k, to her inexplicable breakdown this morning. What I'd told her was true – her body was still recovering from the shock of the heatstroke – but I couldn't help but think there was more to it.

Seeing her flushed face as she lay crumpled in my arms on the way to the first aid tent had been one of the most frightening moments of my life. I had no idea why she'd been so insistent about wearing that heavy sweatshirt, but I knew now that I should have insisted she swap it out for one of the promotional t-shirts they were giving away at the registration tent. I didn't know if it was modesty or what the hell possessed her, but it was more than a little bizarre, especially in light of her actions this morning.

There hadn't exactly been a convenient moment to bring it up, but I knew too that I should have warned Bella about exactly how out of it I was in the first thing in the morning. Growing up, mornings had been my parents' version of sodium pentothal…when they knew I'd been up to no good, they just had to wake me up from a deep sleep in the morning and I'd spill my guts about anything. I had absolutely zero filter or impulse control right after I woke up.

Not that I was blaming it for what had transpired between Bella and I…it had just made me brave enough to say the things I did, and what had followed had been completely mutual and thoroughly enjoyable. At least until she freaked out and started begging to give me a blowjob.

Part of me had been ecstatic and ready to tell her to go for it. I was a man, after all, one with a raging hard-on and the _cause_ of said hard-on wiggling her sweet little body against mine. But there had been one point where everything just seemed to shift and change…when I recognized that her motivation was no longer the languid pleasure that had been burning in her eyes. She'd seemed almost desperate, but afraid at the same time.

And then for her to hit me with the whole 'we need to talk' thing, followed up immediately by her insistence on driving separately tonight…yeah, the feelings in the pit of my stomach had _not_ been good.

But then when I emerged from the bathroom, she met me in the kitchen all smiles and there it was: everything beautiful about the Bella that I was rapidly falling in…well, if not love, then its first fucking cousin…with. It was like nothing had happened. She even made me coffee, and I _liked_ seeing her in my kitchen, coffee in hand, wearing the mismatched getup Rosalie had brought over.

Bella had gotten under my skin like no other woman I'd ever met. We'd had our first date just over a week ago, I'd just gotten out of a long-term relationship less than a month ago, and yet she had me bowled over, flipping my world on its axis. I had to concede that all of Emmett's yapping about _knowing_ that Rosalie was the one for him was making a hell of a lot more sense now.

Because if I didn't care so much, if she didn't mean so much to me, then I wouldn't be so fucking fixated on whatever it was that she had to tell me tonight.

From the moment I arrived at my parents' home, I snapped automatically into the dutiful son mode. Both my parents discreetly inquired after Bella as soon as I arrived, and satisfied with my reassurances, turned their attention toward making their guests feel at home and welcome. It wasn't until almost three o'clock that my mom was chatting with the last remaining guest, and my dad steered me quietly into his study.

"Thanks for coming this morning, Edward, we would have understood if you weren't feeling up to it."

I rubbed at my eyes, knowing there were dark heavy rings under them. "Yeah, well, I dropped Bella off and I know she was going to get some more sleep. I didn't mind."

"And Bella's all right?" My father's voice was calm and kind, but I could tell he was in doctor-mode.

"Yeah, she's fine. Still a little out of it, but I'm meeting her for dinner tonight. If she's not back to normal, I'll let you know."

He nodded. "For my own peace of mind, could I ask a favor?"

"Sure, Dad, anything."

"Even though I'm not her regular doctor, I'm not going to feel completely at ease until I talk to her myself. Are you okay with giving me her number and letting me follow up over the phone?"

I laughed, but knew he was completely serious. My dad cared more about his patients than they probably realized, and he took his job seriously. "What's wrong, Dad, don't you trust my clinical assessment?"

"Of course I do, but I treated her, remember?"

"Yeah, and she'll probably appreciate your concern. I think she's kind of embarrassed, though." I grabbed a piece of notepaper from his desk and scrawled Bella's cell phone number on it.

"Really? Why is that?"

I shrugged, not wanting to spill my guts to my dad about the morning's events. "She seems really modest about some things, not to mention the fact that she's convinced she made a huge spectacle at the 5k. I tried to tell her that people were dropping left and right but I think she's embarrassed that she met you that way…if she remembers it."

"I understand," Dad replied quietly. "I just want to make sure she's all right, and that she knows she can come to me as a doctor if she needs to."

"Uh, okay." I shook my head, completely bemused, as I handed over the piece of paper with Bella's phone number on it. "Why are you so worried, though? I told you she seemed fine."

He folded the paper neatly and tucked it into his pocket. "She's special to you, isn't she?"

I wasn't going to lie, and he'd see right through me even if I tried. "Yeah, she kinda is."

"If she means that much to you, then her health and well-being means a lot to me. That's all."

"Thanks." I exhaled gustily. "I bet she'll be relieved to hear it…I'm pretty sure she thinks she made a really bad first impression on you and Mom."

"I trust my son's judgment in women," he disagreed, clapping a hand on my shoulder as we stepped out of his study together. "And there does seem to be something very special about Bella."

I couldn't argue with that.

I hung out for another half hour or so with my parents, before splitting around four o'clock. It was still way too early to head over to where I was meeting Bella, but I didn't really want to go home either. I wanted to talk with someone I trusted, someone I _could_ talk to about Bella's weird behavior.

I already knew that Sundays were a bad day to bother Jasper, since he spent most of it prepping for the upcoming week's classes, so I dialed Emmett's number instead. He may not have been my first choice for a heart-to-heart man-talk, but I'd been impressed with how insightful he'd been about his own relationship with Rosalie. Getting pussy-whipped by a chick appeared to be one of the best things to ever happen to him.

"Dude!" He answered his phone with ridiculous enthusiasm. "You're just the guy I wanted to talk to!"

"Oh? And why is that?"

"Well, I figured you'd still be glued to Bella after last night, that's why I didn't bug you. Where are you?"

"If you've got beer in the fridge, then I'm headed over to your place."

"Of course I have beer in the fridge!" He sounded indignant. "Get your ass over here, I've got something for you."

"What?"

"Come on over, and I'll show you."

I shook my head and moved into the right turn lane to head to his place. "Fine, I'm on my way. But I'm meeting Bella at seven, so don't think this night is all about you."

"You're seeing her tonight? Oh that's even better! Okay, talk to you in a few!" With that, he hung up.

When Emmett opened his front door for me a short time later, my first thought was that he'd been robbed. His living room looked like a tornado had blown through it. "Whoa…what the hell happened in here?"

"I need your help," he replied, his face completely void of any bullshit. "I've had this…revelation. Like a come-to-Jesus moment."

"Uh-huh," I said skeptically, amazed that Emmett knew what a come-to-Jesus moment was. "And what's that?"

He gestured behind him. "The porn, man, the porn stash. It's gotta go."

I stared at him in complete disbelief for a moment before a snicker bubbled up from my chest. "You had a come-to-Jesus moment…about your porn?"

"Yeah. And I'm passing it on to you."

I couldn't help it; I only half-smothered that laugh that was shaking me now. "You have got to be kidding me."

"Nope."

Still snickering, I crossed the room to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of beer from the fridge. "So…please tell me what brought _this_ on?"

He bulldozed a stack of DVDs off his recliner and gestured for me to sit. I did, and after failing to find an open spot under the mountains of X-rated material, finally perched my bottle on top of a copy of _Slutty__ Schoolgirls IV_.

"So, okay, this is what I'm thinking," Emmett began, an earnest look on his face. "I don't need this shit anymore, since I've got Rose. Plus, she doesn't know about the _amount_ of porn I've got, and I don't want her to get the wrong impression if she does find out. So I figure I'll get rid of it now, you know?"

"Yeah, okay...so why do you think I'm in need of it, huh?"

"Think about it, man...where are you supposed to get rid of a porn collection you don't need anymore? I seriously doubt the Salvation Army or Goodwill would be willing to accept that. I could throw it in the dumpster here, but then some kid would probably find it and then there'd be a mad hunt to find the pervy sex offender in the neighborhood."

"Have you tried Freecycle?" I couldn't help it, but I really couldn't hold back my laughter when Emmett's expression turned to one of semi-deep thoughtfulness.

"Huh, no, but...hey, fuck you! I'm doing you a favor here, don't be an asswipe about it!"

I tried to rearrange my features into something resembling solemnity, already thinking about how I'd relate this conversation to Jasper. "No, not at all. So...you were saying?"

Emmett relaxed again. "Seriously, can you think of any other way a guy can dispose of _years_ of porn? And not just dumb shit, the really _good_ stuff. What are you supposed to do with that?"

"I don't know, enlighten me." I took a long pull off my beer, thinking that in so many ways we really hadn't come that far since our college years after all. I might be a doctor, Emmett might be known as the most hard-ass agent in his field, but here we both were, trying to figure out where to hide his nudie videos.

"As I figure it, I can't keep this shit around because Rose might think of it as an insult. Like, she knows I have _some_ stuff, what guy doesn't? But she can't find out about the cabinet, otherwise she's going to question my motives."

"Okay..."

"So I'm going to try and maybe give some of it away on Craigslist, but for the best shit...I want you and Jasper to have it."

I choked on my beer. "Uhhhh...okay?"

"No, really. I went through and made sure Rose wasn't in any of the stuff I have left, she's got an Excel spreadsheet of all her films and everything. So don't worry about that. But there's plenty left over for you, or for when you want to, y'know, set the mood with Bella."

I squinted, trying hard to imagine a scenario when Bella and I would _need_ something to ignite the sparks between us. "Really, thanks for the offer and all, but..."

"No, it's my pleasure," Emmett insisted, before tossing a paper grocery bag at me. "Any woman who tells you she isn't turned on by porn is lying. Or even if she hasn't seen enough porn to know better, just wait until she does see it. Good times for all, my friend!"

I unrolled the top of the paper bag and took a tentative look inside. "Jesus, Emmett, it's not like I don't appreciate the offer, but I don't think I need this much help." There were at least a dozen DVDs inside, but thankfully no sticky magazines.

"Consider it a lifetime investment," he replied, unperturbed, gesturing at the stacks of DVD cases around him. "That shit never gets old. I didn't give you anything too freaky, that stuff sells for mucho dinero on Craigslist, especially the harder-to-get films."

"Yeah, uh, that's great." I rolled up the top of the paper bag again, not completely dismissing the idea of watching it myself...or with Bella...at a later date, but not entirely cool with telling Emmett that either. "Swear to God there's none of Rosalie in here? Because it won't be my fault if I catch a glimpse of something, just saying."

He scowled at me, obviously displeased at my question. "No, motherfucker, there's none of Rose in there. I haven't watched most of them in a while, but there's no way I didn't triple-check that shit."

"Well, uh, thanks for that, I guess."

"You're welcome," he replied, his good cheer back. "I'm sure Bella will appreciate it too."

I groaned. "Stop, just stop. We don't need any help in that area, trust me."

"Oh yeah?"

"I'm not giving you details, but she was begging to give me a blowjob this morning."

Emmett's eyes bulged. "Damn! Well at least you don't have to worry about her enthusiasm in the sack."

"Yeah, but I stopped her because, I dunno, it just seemed really weird. She was _literally_ begging to go down on me."

Emmett's brow wrinkled. "I fail to see why that's not hot as hell."

"Because she..." I thought back to the desperate look on Bella's face, her frantic insistence. "It wasn't sexy at all. It was like she was freaked out, and offering that up since we couldn't have sex."

"Why couldn't you have sex?"

"I..." My words froze on my lips as I realized I hadn't really processed that particular little bit of information. "I don't know. She was all into it, we both were, and then all of a sudden she's freaking out and saying that we _couldn't_. I don't know if she thought we haven't known each other long enough or what. But then she hits me with this speech about how she wants to tell me something tonight, and that she'll drive herself there."

Emmett pursed his lips and began making stacks out of the DVDs. "That's not good."

"I know," I sighed. "Fuck, saying it all out loud makes it seem even worse than I realized."

"Well, what's the worst she can say?" he offered. "That she has herpes? That she was on the rag? Chicks get freaked out about that."

"Ugh, fuck you. Hey, if it was something big, don't you think I'd have picked up on it by now? Or that Rosalie might have mentioned it to me last night?"

"No...remember what Jasper said? Those three girls are tight as hell. If Bella didn't want to tell you something, neither of the other two are going to."

I pondered over the truth in his words. "Maybe I should put the squeeze on Jasper?"

"No way," Emmett replied immediately. "She told you she wants to talk to _you_, right? Don't go snooping behind her back while she's trying to psych herself up to talk to you. Just listen to what she has to say, and don't freak out on her. I mean, unless she tells you that she's really a man or something, and somehow that doesn't seem likely."

I groaned at his logic, recognizing the truth in it. Whatever secrets Bella was keeping from me, I needed to hear them from her. She'd opened up to me about her father, I hoped she'd feel safe enough to share whatever else was on her mind. And I'd have to make sure I made her _feel_ that safe. She was already too important for me not too.

"Awww, damn, _Vampire Bitches Bite Back!" _Emmett plucked a DVD from the pile he was sorting, grimacing as he did so. "This one is a classic, I wonder if I could get away with keeping it?"

"Dude...you just gave me an entire sack full of porn and told me to watch it with Bella. Somehow I don't think Rosalie will mind if you keep a few for the two of you."

He lit up immediately at my words and started a new stack of DVDs that he'd deemed keepers. I checked my watch, then kicked up the footrest on the recliner, watching as Emmett sorted through his porn with all the care of a Library of Congress archivist. I had plenty of time before I had to go.

.

**BPOV**

_"Hello, Bella? This is Dr. Carlisle Cullen…Edward's father."_

It may be a cliché, but I swear in that moment I felt my heart stop and then drop like a stone to somewhere far down in my stomach. My legs crumpled under me, whether from the shock of hearing his voice or getting out of bed too quickly, I wasn't sure, but I ended up leaning against the dresser with the carpet scratching my knees. "Hello."

"I hope you don't mind that I'm calling...Edward gave me your phone number."

"Okay." I couldn't think, let alone speak, beyond single words now.

"I just wanted to call and check up on you. My son got you to the first aid tent before your case could become much worse, but I wanted to hear from you myself."

"I'm...I'm okay." My voice squeaked and I tried to quietly clear my throat before continuing. "I feel a lot better now, thank you."

"I'm glad to hear it. I hope you don't think I'm being too forward, but you seem to mean quite a lot to my son, and as such, your well-being is my concern."

"That means a lot to me, Dr. Cullen." _Deep steady breaths, Bella_. "He, um, Edward means a lot to me too. I mean, I know we just met, but I...I really like him a lot."

"I'm glad to hear that," he replied evenly. "So no residual symptoms? Nausea, headache, disorientation?"

"No, not anymore. I'm really fine."

He was quiet for a moment. "What I'm going to ask you next will go no farther than me, Bella, please understand that. But I can't in good conscience allow it to go by without asking you."

Shit, evidently I'd just lied to Edward's dad, because nausea was suddenly boiling up sick and heavy in my stomach. "Okay?"

"My intent isn't to embarrass you, or to force you to talk about something you'd rather not." His voice was gentle and kind. "But I couldn't help but notice certain...marks on your body. And as a doctor, I wouldn't feel right unless I asked you about them. You can tell me as little or as much as you like, this isn't something I would ever share with Edward. Is someone hurting you?"

I blinked, not understanding his question. "What?"

"Bella...the marks on your body, along with your insistence on keeping them covered, made me think that maybe someone is hurting you, physically. And if that's the case, I can provide you with resources to get help, should you need it."

As his words slowly sank into my mind, I felt the heave of nausea become worse. He thought...Dr. Cullen thought I was being _abused_. Oh God, somehow this was even worse than the wretched scenarios I'd imagined where he'd called me out on my extracurricular activities and threatened to tell his son. Once again, these kind people were thinking only the best of me, and I was lying, lying, always lying.

"It's not..." My voice was barely a croak. "It's not that, Dr. Cullen, I swear."

"If you're not able to talk about it right now, I can..."

"No, honestly, I'm not being abused." I said it out loud, hoping to convince him that no one was standing over me, coercing me. "It's...what you saw is a long story, but it's not what you think. And it's not something you need to worry about. It was an accident, and it's not something that'll ever happen again. I swear."

"Bella..."

"Please, just...please believe me." I was going to cry now, I knew it, and I just wanted to get off the phone before it started. "Thank you for calling me, I appreciate it. Goodbye." I didn't wait for his answer before I clicked to end the call, and then I just curled up on my side, right there on the carpet. And I stayed there, crying, until Rosalie heard me, came in, and pulled me back together again.

Without Rose, I probably would have sent Edward a text message, canceling on him for the evening. I didn't want to see him, or anyone else that was only imagining the good in me. Even if Edward and his family could look past the whole porn thing, it was all the lies that made me feel sicker than I'd ever imagined, hating myself for letting it get this far, and preparing myself for what was going to be one of the worst nights of my life.

It was Rose who shoved me into the shower and waited impatiently until I was done, then sat me down on the closed toilet seat to blow-dry my hair and brush on a little makeup. She picked out an outfit, pushed me into it, and then guided me to the kitchen table where she forced a turkey sandwich down my throat.

"Just in case you forget to eat tonight, but end up ordering liquid courage," she counseled.

"I can't do this."

"You don't really have a choice anymore, Bella. You could have told him a while ago, but you didn't. Now you can either tell him and see what comes of it, or dump him without an explanation and live with knowing that you not only hurt a really great guy, you threw away happiness because you were _scared_."

"I should just tell him we need some time apart..."

Rosalie made an impatient noise. "Okay sweets, you've only been dating him a _week_. It's a little early for the 'we need distance' speech. But it's long past due for the 'I do porn' conversation. Give the guy some credit, will you? How do you need me to spell this out to get it through your head? If he can't handle it, you weren't meant to be, no matter what everything else seems to the contrary. If he can handle it, even if he's not happy about it, then the two of you will deal with it. Emmett's not happy about it, but _we_ are dealing with it. Operative word: we. I didn't take away his choices in the relationship by keeping the truth from him."

"I didn't do it on purpose," I defended myself weakly. "It was like a fucking snowball, and it just kept getting bigger, faster and there was never a good time..."

"There's _never_ going to be a good time," she interrupted bluntly. "Not over dinner, not in bed, not at the park, not at his parents'. There will never be a _good_ time, but I can definitely tell you that there is a _worse_ time, and that is right after he finds out on his own. What do you think of that?"

"I know you're right," I muttered. "And I'm going to tell him, I'm just trying to think of the perfect opening line."

"Try not to think about it too much. Just explain everything. He already knows about Charlie, make sure he understands you're not doing this for the fun of it. And he'll have to realize you're telling him about all of this because he's worth it. You got me?"

"Yeah,"I sighed, before pushing away the plate with its half-eaten sandwich. "I should probably get going, I'm supposed to meet Edward in twenty minutes."

Rose shook her head. "After you told me you were going to meet him, I called him while you were in the shower and asked him to come pick you up. You sure as hell don't need to be driving if tonight doesn't go as well as planned."

"Goddamit," I started, but Rose shot me a scathing look and I shut up immediately.

"If you don't want him to bring you home, call me, okay? The last thing I need is for you to drive off the Bay Bridge in some grand gesture of self-pitying and despair."

Her words were harsh but I saw the concern behind her eyes, and I gave her a quick squeeze of thanks just before the buzzer sounded.

"I'll meet him downstairs," I said, snatching up my purse and taking a deep breath before heading out the door and down the stairs.

.

**EPOV**

To say that my anxiety had kicked into overdrive after receiving Rosalie's phone call was the understatement of the year. Bella still wasn't feeling very well, she'd said, and it would probably be a good idea if I came and picked her up instead.

I didn't mind that, of course, but just as I prepared to press the buzzer a second time, waiting for them to allow me up the stairs to the apartment, the door opened and there she stood. Her face was pale, but she looked gorgeous as always, even when she could only muster a wan smile.

"Hi."

"Bella...are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm...I'm fine." She took a long slow breath. "Thanks for coming and picking me up, Rosalie's convinced I'm not to be trusted behind the wheel yet."

"It was no trouble at all, and she's probably right. You still look a little pale."

Her big brown eyes turned up to look at me then, and I could swear I saw a faint hint of tears in them. "Your dad called me."

"Holy crap, already?" I held open the car door for her and then quickly moved around to my own, wondering if my dad's nosiness was what had her so rattled. "I'm really sorry about that, he's an old-fashioned doctor at heart, and he wanted to follow up with you himself. I hope you don't mind that I gave him your number."

"No, not at all," she replied quietly. "He was really nice."

I breathed a silent sigh of relief. "I'm glad to hear it. Ready to go?"

She nodded, and as we drove the bar she'd previously given me directions for, I tried to make small talk, but her responses were monosyllabic at most. I was getting more and more nervous, and beginning to wonder if I should be prepping myself for some kind of breakup speech. Weird how Bella and I hadn't even _defined_ our relationship aloud, yet here I was already worried about her dumping me.

When we were less than a mile from the bar, I couldn't stand the tension in the air any longer. "Shit...I mean, Bella, please talk to me. What's going on?"

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see her bite her lip and drop her head. "There's just some stuff I want to tell you, and I'm not sure how you're going to take it."

I shook my head impatiently. "Can't you just go ahead and tell me? I'm going crazy over here. If it's bad news like you don't want to see me anymore, just go ahead and spit it out. I've been imagining the worst all afternoon."

She looked over at me then, and I took my eyes away from the road long enough to meet her startled glance. "No, it's nothing like that."

"Well, what is..._shit!_" The sudden blare of a car horn snapped my attention back to the road, and I suddenly realized that I'd just almost blown through a red light. I stomped the brakes hard, both Bella and I were wearing seatbelts, but everything else that was unsecured in the car went flying.

"Oh fuck, I mean...God, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she mumbled, touching a hand to her seatbelt before leaning over to pick up her purse from the floor where it had been flung by the hard stop.

"I'm sorry, I should have been paying closer attention to the road. Dammit..." The light turned green and I felt my cell phone crunch under my heel as I pressed on the accelerator. "Okay, we're almost there, right?"

"Yes, it's that next drive up on the right, with the blue neon sign."

Gingerly pressing the accelerator while trying to dislodge my phone from under my heel was nearly impossible, and I groaned as I pulled into the lot, parked, and flipped on the interior dome lights. "Hell of a way for us to start our night," I grunted, trying to bend over far enough to reach the phone. I heard Bella gently place my sunglasses back on the dashboard, and then just as my fingers closed around my cell, I heard a paper bag rustling.

Oh fuck.

I snapped upright as fast as humanly possible, nearly braining myself on the steering wheel. I'd casually tossed the paper bag of porn that Emmett had given me onto the backseat, as I'd assumed Bella and I were still driving separately. I'd been halfway to the bar when I'd gotten Rosalie's phone call.

Bella sat frozen, twisted in her seat, her eyes flickering across the DVDs that were now strewn across my back seat and floorboards. Her hand reached out slowly to pick one up, and I cursed again.

"It's not what you think...Jesus this is embarrassing. You probably aren't going to believe me, but Emmett gave me all that shit. He has a collection to rival any video store's back room, but he's decided to get rid of all of it since he's dating Rosalie now, and he thought I'd benefit from having it instead..." _Oh God, just shut the fuck up, Cullen!_

"Have you watched this?" Her eyes were glued to the cover, and I could see in the harsh interior light that she'd picked up one with _XXX-tacy Rave_ scrawled across the cover in neon pink letters.

"No! I swear to God, Emmett gave all those to me just before I left his place."

"Has _he_ watched it?"

I had absolutely no idea where the hell Bella was going with this line of questioning, but at least she hadn't started screaming at me for being some kind of deviant yet. "I don't know, I mean, I'm sure he has at some point..."

She screwed her eyes shut. "Do you _want_ to watch it?"

"Umm..." This wasn't just a trick question, it was a goddamn beartrap. "I don't know, if you wanted to watch it with me I guess I would. But I wouldn't ever _make_ you, if that's what..."

"We can't watch this," she interrupted harshly, her eyes slowly opening again and her mouth twisting downward.

We had officially entered the _Twilight Zone_ now, I was sure of it. "Bella, hey, that's fine. I'll get rid of all of them if you want, you don't have to..."

"No, that's not what I mean," she cut me off again. "We can't watch this because...I'm in it."

.

.

.

**A/N:**

Well, at least he heard it from her. How he handles it...that's entirely up to him. How do you think he'll react? I love reading your theories!

I do want to make very clear that Carlisle's concern as a medical professional that Bella was being abused was in no way meant to make light of anyone who is/has been a victim of domestic abuse. If you or someone you know is being abused, don't hesitate to take action. Anyone in the United States can call the National Domestic Violence hotline at 800-799-7233. If you Google 'domestic violence,' it will usually bring up a list of local resources available twenty-four hours a day.

I'm on Twitter as lazykatevamp, feel free to hit me up for a follow! Until next time!


	11. Chapter 11

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author. This story is rated M for Mature and is not intended for anyone under the age of eighteen.**

**Chapter Eleven**

I'd gone into auto-pilot mode from the moment I'd seen the DVDs spilled across the backseat of Edward's car. It didn't matter why they were there, or where he got them, all I could focus on was the one that I was in.

But that was ridiculous. Real life didn't work that way. Coincidences like that only happened in bad romance novels when the author needed a handy climax to start the heroine's life down a shitty road.

There were millions of porno flicks in the world. How Edward ended up with one of the first ones I'd made was beyond me. But Rose was right, I didn't have a choice anymore, and so I told him. I thought it would be like the terror of skydiving, but instead it felt like the sickening realization that your plane is going down, and there's not a goddamn thing you can do about it.

Edward froze at my last words, before his lips just barely parted. "What?"

I gripped the DVD more tightly in my hand, wishing I could just smash it, and every single copy, into tiny little bits. "I work with Rose."

"You work..."

"I don't work in public relations. I make porn."

As I saw his face go bone-white even under the faint dome light, I could feel every part of my body slowly turning to ice. My muscles clenched, my lungs froze, and that impenetrable barrier I'd built up around my heart a long time ago settled into place. I realized with sudden clarity that _this_ would be the moment when I lost him, the moment when my lies came back to ruin the best thing that had happened to me in probably my whole life.

"Are you kidding?" His voice was raspy, and he hadn't blinked yet.

"No. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry..." The ice around my heart trembled when he suddenly clamped his eyes shut so hard that his entire face crumpled.

"Why...why didn't you tell me?"

I swallowed thickly. "I wanted you to like me."

"You wanted me to..." He barked out a short laugh before wrenching his door open and stumbling out into the parking lot. I followed him in what felt like slow-motion, knowing that this was my penance for lying, for not finding another way to support Charlie, for not giving Edward a chance when he might have taken it at one time after all.

He staggered a few steps away from the car, his back to me, hands clenched tightly in his hair. I could see his shoulders heaving, but I kept myself a few feet distant. I didn't have the right to touch him anymore.

"Why didn't you just tell me the _truth_, Bella?" he grated out after a moment. "You didn't...you didn't just keep it from me, you fucking _lied_ to me. Is that...is that what you were doing in San Diego last week? Making _porn_?"

"I was in LA with Rose," I replied dully, and that was when Edward really exploded.

"You were in _fucking LA_?" he screamed, whipping around, and I recoiled instinctively from the fury in his voice. "You were...doing...you were letting guys fuck you all week...and then talking to me on the phone like there was nothing..."

"I'm sorry!" I cried again, feeling tears start to well up in my eyes.

His fists clenched at his side and I could tell even in the dimly-lit parking lot that he was shaking. "You...do all that shit? You let _them_ do that to you? Why you, Bella, why fucking _you_?"

From the corner of my eye, I saw a burly form come out the bar's door and head directly towards us. "Edward, please calm down, please."

"You expect me to calm the fuck down when my fucking girlfriend is telling me that she lets guys screw her in every conceivable sick way for a living? Really?"

"Edward..."

"Have we got a problem here?" He was close enough now that I recognized Pat, the regular bartender, and I knew he recognized me too. "Bella, you okay?"

"Yes, we're okay, I swear."

Pat shot a glare at Edward, who had shut his eyes again and was rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. "Is this guy giving you a problem?"

"No, Pat, it's okay. Please?"

He gave me a long searching look before turning reluctantly around. "I'll be back out here if I hear yelling again."

"Okay," I whispered, before turning my attention back to Edward.

He stood silent for a long minute, his eyes still shut. "Tell me _why_."

"I didn't...I didn't know I was going to end up feeling the way I do for you. And I was scared if you knew..."

"_No_," he interrupted. "Tell me _why_ you do it."

Tears finally began rolling down my cheeks. "Charlie."

I could see the moment when realization dawned over his face, understanding followed immediately by horror. "Bella..."

"You didn't see..." I stopped and took a deep breath. "The nursing home they wanted to put him in, the only one his insurance would approve with the therapy he needed...it was like a warehouse with people just rotting there. Do you really think I was going to leave him there?"

"Bella..." he croaked again, taking a step forward.

"I was going to move back home, to try and take care of him by myself. I was back in LA to pack up my stuff when I met James." My shoulders slumped as memories from the past three years roared over me. "I make enough so that Charlie can stay at home, with twenty-four-hour nursing care. I make enough so he isn't sitting in some shitty institution, staring at the wall and waiting to die. You think I don't owe that to him? Do you know what he gave up for me? Don't you think..."

"Do you think he'd _want _you to do this?" The anger was slowly melting away from Edward's face, but it was being replaced by an anguish that was cutting me more deeply than his fury had.

"He can't really say one way or the other now, can he?"

My final words, colder than I'd meant them, hung in the air between us. Edward slumped a little more after a moment, before lifting his head and looking me directly in the eyes.

"Get in the car."

"I don't think you should be driving..."

"Get in the car, _please_. We've got to talk about this, but I'm not doing it in some shithole parking lot."

I backed slowly towards the passenger side of his car. "Where are we going?"

"Back to my place." The anger was almost completely gone now, but he looked sick beyond measure. "Please, Bella, I need you to fucking _talk _to me. I'm getting behind the wheel and I'm leaving. I want you to go with me, but I'm not going to force you or beg you. Just do it, okay?"

My mouth went dry; part of me said that it would _not_ be a good idea to go with him. I wasn't at all afraid that he'd hurt me, but years of automatic self-defense in a field where women were routinely used and then thrown away were hard to forget. The other part, though, reminded me that he deserved a long-overdue explanation, and that for anything remotely resembling respect to be salvaged between us, I owed him that.

I got in the car.

Edward slammed his own door, and we rode to his apartment in silence. Despite my worry, he drove carefully, almost mechanically, as though his emotions had checked out for the ride. When we arrived at his apartment I followed him inside, to where he strode directly to the freezer and retrieved a bottle of vodka. He took a long swallow, grimacing at the icy bite, and then offered it wordlessly in my direction.

"No thanks," I whispered.

He shrugged, dumped some ice in a glass, and poured a hearty slug of the vodka over it. Still without speaking, he went into the living room and dropped down onto the couch, staring into space in front of him. I curled up on the other end of the couch and waited.

"You're a porn star." It was a statement now, no longer a question.

"Yes."

"You...do all that stuff. Fucking."

"Yes."

"Do you fuck girls?"

"Yes."

"And all that other stuff...you do that too?"

"Edward..."

"Bella, just _please_ fucking answer me. If I have to leave it up to what's going through my brain right now, I'll lose my fucking mind."

"Okay."

"You fuck guys too."

"Yes."

"How many?"

"I don't know." My voice threatened to break on the words.

"Without condoms?"

"Yes."

"Do you suck their dicks?"

"Yes."

"And they come on your face."

"Sometimes."

"You let them fuck you up the ass?"

I flinched. "We tried a couple of times but it hurt too much."

"Do you do more than one guy at a time?"

"Sometimes."

"Do you do that really nasty shit..." He stopped, and I imagined what scenes might be going through his mind, the kind of things that stayed in LA. Ass-to-mouth, hardcore gangbangs, humiliation...shit that made _my_ stomach turn even though I'd seen it all.

"No. James is...we don't do the crazy shit here. I can honestly say...I've never done anything that I wouldn't do otherwise with someone I cared about and trusted."

I expected him to react to my last words, but instead he kept staring into space before slowly bringing the glass back up to his lips. "Do you like it?" he asked finally.

"Jesus Christ, _no_!"

"Do you fake it every time, or do you actually get off?"

For the briefest moment I thought about not telling him, but I'd already told him too much truth to start lying again now. "Most of the time it's faked. Sometimes it...happens, just because...sometimes it can feel good and your body just reacts. But I never look forward to it."

"This morning..." he started slowly, "Why...what..."

I shuddered involuntarily. "A long time ago...the last actual relationship I had...I didn't tell him about it. And we...when he found out later, he was disgusted that I hadn't told him before I had sex with him. I took away that choice from him, to know about my past. And I wasn't going to do that to you."

The hand holding the glass drooped a little. "Is there something I should know?"

"Per our contracts, we're tested every twenty-one or thirty days," I recited automatically. "We're tested across the board for STDs as well as for drugs. A positive test means suspension or termination, maybe even a lawsuit. And you're black-balled in the industry from then on."

"Have you ever tested positive?"

"No."

"This morning...if we'd...would you have faked it with me?"

I looked directly into the hurt in his green eyes. "I wouldn't have needed to. I've never, ever felt this way about anyone else. I would have told anyone else a hell of a lot sooner, as messed up as that sounds."

He grunted faintly before slumping back into the couch cushions and then slowly draining the remaining contents of his glass. "Bella...oh God..."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop fucking saying that!" he snapped suddenly. "I don't...I don't want to hear you say..."

I scrubbed my fist over my eyes, suddenly feeling so very very tired, very small, and very far away. "I'll call Rose and ask her to come pick me up..."

"No!" He dropped his glass onto the coffee table with a sharp staccato tinkling of ice against glass. "I mean...if you want to go, go. But otherwise, just...just fucking stay here with me. I don't know what to think right now. I don't know what to say, or do. But if I'm going to figure out what the fuck to do when I get up tomorrow, I want you here to remind me that you're worth it. Don't make me talk or anything, just please stay."

My breath squeezed out as a soft pant instead of a sob. "I'll stay with you."

"Just stay with me again tonight and let me get this through my head. It hurts to fucking think about, Bella, my girl..."

I stood up then, the aching in my chest increasing exponentially. He staggered toward me and his face was buried in the crook of my neck in the next second, burrowing there as though he were trying to force the whole world away. One of my arms wound around his back as the other reached up behind his shoulder, allowing my fingers to rake through his hair, letting me pretend that I was only comforting him when really I was the one hurting him. "I'll stay."

"Bella..."

"Shh," I whispered, tugging him more tightly against me. "I'll stay. I'll stay."

After a moment he stumbled off toward the bathroom and I took the moment to quickly fire off a text to Rose, letting her know I was okay and wouldn't be home that night. I'd just stepped into the bedroom I'd left only that morning when the adjoining bathroom door opened and Edward walked out slowly, clutching his balled-up clothes, clad only in his boxers. "Bella?"

He dropped his cell phone on the bedside table as I yanked back the sheets and covers on his bed, gently guiding him under them. He moved as though he were sleepwalking, limbs bumping clumsily, but his fingers immediately tightened around the clothes I still had on. "Please..."

There was nothing sexual in his question and as such nothing in my response. His head lay unmoving against the pillows, watching through flat eyes as I stripped, tearing away everything that had hidden me from him in more ways than one. I was down to my bra and panties when I crawled into bed beside him, molded my body against his back, and tucked my chin onto his shoulder.

"Will you still be here in the morning?" His voice was slurred, whether from the straight vodka or the shock, I didn't know.

"Yes, I'll be here. I promise. There's nowhere else I want to be."

We lay together silently for a long time after that, neither of us sleeping right away. His breathing was ragged, whereas I tried to make myself as silent and still as possible, hoping that he would drift off. It was still relatively early, and I had enough thoughts ricocheting around in my head to keep me awake all night.

I knew that his reaction tonight didn't necessarily predict what he would think or how he would behave in the morning. I knew he stunned, to say nothing of the pain and betrayal that had been reflected on his face. He'd wanted me to stay with him for tonight, but tomorrow morning, with the stark truth staring at him in daylight, with his emotional outburst exhausted, he might decide I _wasn't_ worth it.

It wasn't until his breathing finally slowed and evened out that I allowed myself to cry again, and even then I only let a few more tears slide down my cheeks before I clamped my lips together and forced myself to stop. All the tears in the world weren't going to fix this situation, and I didn't want to guilt-trip Edward into behaving one way or another.

Although I didn't think it was possible, I must have dozed off, because I jerked slightly when Edward's voice quietly broke the silence between us. The faintest shade of gray was coming through the window, indicating that morning had arrived.

"Bella?"

"Yes?"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

I sighed softly and shifted in the bed; at some point he'd rolled over onto his back and I could see that he was staring at the ceiling. "Edward, I never _ever_ anticipated falling for you as fast as I did. I didn't want to tell you on our first date because I thought it would be a bad first impression. I didn't want to tell you on our second date because I didn't want you to look at me differently. And from there I just kept finding reasons and excuses not to tell you, because I so desperately wanted you to care for me as much as I already did for you."

"You couldn't tell that I did?"

"Yes, I could tell." The quiet and dimness of the room was making brutal honesty much easier. "And that just made it worse. In retrospect, I should have told you right away, before you started getting...attached to me."

"But there's more?"

"Of course there is. Edward..." I took a deep breath. "Your family, your mother..."

He huffed softly. "I wondered if that had something to do with it. My parents aren't the elitist fucking snobs some people probably think they are, you know."

"I never said they were," I said gently. "But their world, their orbit...it doesn't ever intersect with someone like me."

"Someone like you..." He reached up and rubbed his eyes. "Bella, you're everything they could or would ever want for me."

"Except for the obvious. Be honest, Edward. I know that your mom is one of the most giving, selfless people in the entire city, but what mother would actually _want_ her child, her only child, to be with a porn star?" He didn't answer, and I doggedly continued. "In some ways, the idea of her reaction, and your dad's, scared me more than yours."

He didn't answer right away, and I knew deep in my heart that Edward was acknowledging the truth in my words. To even pretend to deny them would only compound the lies we were trying to unravel now.

"Is it worth it?" he finally asked.

"Yes," I replied immediately. "I...I know that's not what you want to hear, but you have to understand my point of view. Like I told you last night...the nursing home they were going to put him into...Jesus, Edward, you're a doctor. You have to know what some of those places are like. I knew it was bad when I toured it...people lined up in the hallway in wheelchairs, staring at the wall or bent over so far they were practically falling on the floor. It fucking stunk, like shit and puke and death and I could still smell it on me after I left. The hospital was discharging him regardless, so I thought maybe I could get a transfer arranged within a day or two and get him out of there. He freaked out so bad, though, that they ended up sending him back to the hospital by the end of the day.

"His insurance through the police department was barely covering anything, and we were working on trying to get his Social Security Disability set up, but he didn't qualify for Medicare yet, and the social worker told me the state's Medicaid program wasn't going to pay for anything other than what he'd already been put into. So I flew back to LA to sell my car and pack everything up, to move back to Forks and see what I could do about getting some kind of job to help supplement his SSDI, or to see if I could take care of him at home myself. That was a pipe dream, of course."

"What happened then?" he asked quietly.

"I met James," I said simply. "I was working part-time, waitressing, and I went in to tell my boss I was quitting, and why. James was in LA on business, and he overheard part of the conversation and...well, made me an offer. He said I could give it a try for a month without a contract, to see if it would work out. Then he fronted me enough money to live off of for a couple of weeks.

"The money was, and still is, good. Charlie had to spend six weeks in the nursing home before I had enough to get him back home again, and he'd lost so much weight, and was in such bad condition..." I squeezed my eyes shut against the memory. "When I think of how he looked then, and how he looks now, then yeah...I can't say anything but of course it's all worth it. It doesn't mean I like it, but it's worth it."

"But if he knew..."

"Edward, in a perfect world, I wouldn't be in the position I am now, making decisions for a man who was completely healthy before one split second took it all away. But just like he made decisions for me when I was a kid, I'm making them for him now. Just because he'd probably rather be in that shitty nursing home than to have me doing porn, it doesn't mean I'm changing a goddamn thing."

"Isn't he getting Medicare now?"

"Yes, but it doesn't pay enough to cover all the care that he needs, in-home."

Edward's phone chirped from the bedside table, and he grabbed it, muttered a curse, and then began typing out a text message.

"Do you want me to go? So you can get ready for work?"

He snorted and threw his phone back onto the bedside table. "Yeah, like I'd really be able to concentrate at work today. That was my dad, I just told him I'm taking a sick day."

"Okay," I said simply, and then waited as he went back to rubbing his eyes.

"All right, Bella, I'm just going to ask the stupid fucking asshole question here, not because I don't think you've considered it, but..."

"Of course I've thought of doing something, _anything _else," I cut him off, knowing immediately where he was going with his query. "But I'm a college dropout who was majoring in history. My last two years of work experience have been in the adult film industry. It doesn't make for a pretty resume. McDonalds would probably even turn me down."

"Have you got enough money to take care of him for as long as he lives?"

I groaned softly as his words punched into my head the single biggest worry that made me sick with anxiety whenever I thought about it. "Of course not. And I'm not stupid enough to think that I'll be in this business forever, or even too much longer...there's always someone new, willing to work for less, willing to do more, someone younger and prettier. If you make it to thirty in this industry, it's a miracle. I just don't know yet what I'll do. For now I'm willing to do whatever it takes to put away every single penny I can, planning for the day when they tell me I'm through."

"It's that much, his expenses?"

"It's _thousands_ every month, Edward. Not just for the nurses, but for all his medical equipment, his medications, physical therapy, arranging transportation to Seattle for his doctor appointments...even with the benefits he has now, it's still more than what most people make at their day job in a month."

"And you make that much money, doing...porn?"

"Give or take a little, I made right around ten grand for this past week. Granted it was a busier week than normal, but yeah. It pays well."

He fixed his eyes back on the ceiling again. "What's it like?"

"Why do you want to know?" I asked cautiously.

"Because I don't want there to be any more fucking lies or secrets between us, Bella. I want to know the truth about all this. I want to know what's real and what's all in my head."

_This is it_, was the bleak thought that ran through my head. He'd asked last night about some of the specific acts I performed, but I somehow knew that this moment would be the tipping point of whether or not we still had any kind of relationship.

"The company that we all work for, it's basically split into two parts. James runs the outfit here, his sister Victoria runs the one out of LA. The LA department is the more hardcore stuff, lower budget, faster turnover. Here James has a dedicated studio and he does the higher-end films, more still photo shoots, things like that. Comparatively speaking, I'm lucky that James found me instead of Victoria."

I saw his jaw clench. "So...when you went to LA...were you...?"

"No! It's just that outdoor shoots aren't very practical here, so sometimes we're sent down there to get exterior scenes done. James' assistant producer goes with us anytime we shoot in LA, to make sure Victoria doesn't try anything shady. She's an evil bitch, to put it nicely."

"How do you do it? I mean, how do you actually get into a mindset where you can _do_ that?"

"It took a long time," I murmured, remembering back to the first few dark months when I'd started, waking up every morning and wishing I was dead. "I just...I check out. I turn my brain off and just do what I'm told to do. They all know me as Isabella, so it's easier to pretend it's not the real me doing all those things. And...it got easier after a while. I was lucky that Rose showed me the ropes, she made it a lot easier for me. Once you know the ins and outs, the tricks of the trade, how to make a scene go right the first time, it just runs smoother.

"You know how you hear about Hollywood actors saying there's nothing sexy about filming sex scenes? You'd be surprised how true it is for porn too. Especially with James, and his visions of cinematic grandeur...we're constantly having to stop and start, get into positions that don't feel remotely sexy, and by the end of the day you're pretty much worn out."

"Do some of them like it?"

"Of course. Rose enjoyed the hell out of it until she met Emmett. Granted she had a plan for life beyond porn, but she liked it."

I could see his eyebrows scrunch together. "Did you ever, ah...with Rose..."

"Yeah," I laughed softly. "More than once. My very first scene was with her, that was how we met."

"Your first film was a...lesbian shoot? Isn't that weird?"

"No...for new girls who are completely inexperienced, a lot of times they have a girl-on-girl shoot as her first one. Scenes with guys tend to be, uh, a little more aggressive in general, and then the whole thing with knowing how to pose, what to do, how to end it..." I shifted nervously, this was getting more detailed than I was sure he wanted to hear. "At least with another woman, unless you get some diva bitch, she's going to know how to make you feel better, and empathize with you."

"That's fucked up," he stated simply.

"That's your opinion," I replied immediately. "Rose got me through something that probably would have killed me to do otherwise. And like I said...it gets easier."

"So why hasn't Emmett seen any of your films, and recognized you?"

I shrugged slightly into the pillow. "He probably has. We look a lot different when we're all made up and have our hair done. That one he gave you...the one with me in it...we were supposed to be club kids so we were all wearing these crazy wigs. Mine was pink."

Once again a heavy silence settled over the room, and Edward lay unmoving, one arm flung over his eyes. "So...that's it, huh?"

"Unless there's anything else you want to know."

"I take it that's a hickey on your collarbone?"

"Yes. I wanted to keep the sweatshirt on for the 5k because I had ropeburns from the last shoot on Friday."

He grimaced. "I don't want to know anymore about _that_."

"Edward...I'm not saying you have to make a decision here and now, but I need to know what you're thinking. If you want anything more to do with me, or if there's even going to be an 'us' now." I wasn't sure where the strength in my voice came from, but the self-respect that I still had buried somewhere deep down inside was stirring. I'd laid myself bare before him, but I wasn't going to beg or humiliate myself to get him to stay. I couldn't do that and still respect him in the end. "If you need some time to think, I understand. But if you already know the answer now, just tell me."

He rolled over onto his side then to face me, and for the first time I saw tears sparkling in his bloodshot eyes. "Bella...I was falling in love with you. So much that it scared me, because it's not supposed to work that way, that fast. But I was willing to dive in headfirst because I'd never _felt _that way before. And I'd have been a fool to blow that chance just because we weren't following the rules."

He was speaking in the past tense, and the ominousness of it made my stomach heave. "I know."

"I had all these thoughts and plans, thinking about us doing things in the future, there _being_ an us. I was so happy it almost didn't seem possible, or real. And then all of a sudden I found out that in a lot of ways, it wasn't."

I caught the sob building in my chest before it could erupt from my lips and give me away, exposing the pieces of me that were falling apart at the raw honesty in his words. "I understand."

"It would be like starting over again, trying to wrap my brain around this. I mean…I'm fucking crazy about you, Bella. I _want_ to try. I want to tell you and tell myself that it doesn't matter, but that's bullshit because we both know that it does matter."

"Yeah." The lump in my throat was twisting and constricting my words now.

"Because you won't, or can't give it up, can you?" He reached out a single finger and touched my cheek gently, as though I were spun sugar or a snowflake, something that might melt and disappear against the heat of his skin.

"I can't."

He swallowed hard. "You don't want to do this, but you're doing it because it's worth it. And you've found ways to deal with it, because in the long run, it's worth it."

"Yes."

"I want to do that too, Bella. You're worth it. God, you're worth it. I just don't know how. I don't know how to convince myself it's okay for another man to have sex with you. I don't know how to keep away the insecurity that's going to hit me every time I kiss you or touch you or make love to you. I don't know how to make it all right in my brain, but God, I want to try. I just don't know how."

"I don't know how either," I whispered, tears erupting again and trickling down my cheeks. "There's never been anyone who mattered enough for me to try. But I'll do anything and everything I can to make us work, if that's what you want."

"Bella," he groaned, and in the next second the space between us vanished as he reached out to wrap his arms around me and dragged me close to the warmth of his body, against his smooth skin. "I want you. God, I've wanted you from the minute I saw you, a whole fucking eleven days ago. Everything about you tells me that there's something special about you, about who we are when we're together. I want to be strong enough to be there for you, to be secure enough to know you want only me, but I'm so goddamn scared. I'm scared that this whole fucked-up thing could ruin one of the best things that's ever happened to me."

I tilted my head back, my wet cheek sliding against his, seeing determination in eyes that were swimming in an ocean of uncertainty. "I'm scared too. I don't know what to say or what to do to make all this okay. Maybe there isn't any way to. But if you're willing to try, then I am too."

He pulled me tighter against him, tucking my head under his chin and beginning a slow rhythmic stroking of my hair, a motion meant to soothe me even as I felt the slight tremble in his body. "I'm willing to try."

I closed my eyes and breathed in the warm scent of him, those words being the only reassurance I needed. He was willing to try. And for now, that was enough.

**xoxoxoxo**

**A/N:**

Okay, first off, for all of you who are reading both this fic and _Dirty Little Secrets_, I do apologize for the unfortunate timing of both of the last chapters. You know what I mean. It was NOT planned that way, but sometimes it just ends up happening.

Second, THANK YOU for all the AWESOME reviews, theories, and thoughts you shared on the last chapter! I've said it before and I'll say it again…your reviews mean more than you may realize. Sometimes they make me think about something I've never considered, sometimes they just give me motivation when I need it the most. You guys rock!

Lastly…Edward is willing to try. Because of course Bella is worth it! Words are good in theory but can be harder to put into practice…any thoughts on what obstacles these two are setting themselves up against?

As always, I'm on Twitter as lazykatevamp, please feel free to hit me up for a follow! Talk to you soon!


	12. Chapter 12

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author. This story is rated M for Mature and is not intended for anyone under the age of eighteen.**

**Chapter Twelve**

**EPOV**

_Fuck my life_.

This was not the kind of thought I should be having at the moment. I was laying in bed with a gorgeous woman in my arms, a woman who'd been monopolizing my thoughts practically every day since I'd met her. Sunshine and sex and smiles all wrapped up in one beautiful package, with a brain and a wicked sense of humor to boot.

I should have known it was too good to be true.

I didn't even really remember too much about the night before, after Bella's confession that her twist on "public relations" was, in fact, making porn. I did remember how stark-white her face had turned as she'd answered each of my questions, my guts twisting with every affirmative answer she'd given. Visions of Bella doing all that shit...it made me sick. It made me want to puke. I wasn't even going to lie to myself about that.

But Charlie...the desperation in her voice when she talked about how everything she did was for him, the unhappiness etched in her face, the resolution when she confirmed that it was indeed worth it. She hated it, but it was worth it.

Wouldn't any good parent do whatever it took to provide for their child? That was the position Bella was in, but with a hell of a lot fewer options.

I may have been a doctor, but I didn't know as much about the insurance, billing, and costs side of healthcare. From her words, though, it sounded as though Bella had exhausted every other conceivable avenue to keep her father healthy and in an environment conducive to a good quality of life. Deciding to do all that in a home environment, with round-the-clock care...I couldn't even begin to imagine the costs, even with benefits picking up some of it.

It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fucking fair. It wasn't fair that Bella was basically prostituting herself to pay for her father to have quality healthcare. It wasn't fair for me to ask her to stop, and I knew what her answer would be even if I were to. And shit, it sure as hell wasn't fair to me to have to decide if a relationship with a porn star was worth it.

_Bella_ was worth it, I knew that with every fiber of my being. There was something about this woman that had me tied up in knots, ready to leap into a relationship without a second thought. I wanted her in every conceivable way; I wanted to be her friend, her lover, her _boyfriend_. I wanted to know everything about her, and for her to know everything about me. I wanted what Jasper and Emmett had, and up until last night, I was sure it was all within my grasp.

Neither of us had spoken in some time, she lay quietly in my arms as I gently ran my fingers through the silk of her brown hair. I'd made myself stop thinking about details and particulars, because I was semi-convinced I'd just completely lose my shit if I did. And that wasn't fair to her.

She hated the porn as much as I did...but she was the one who had to do it.

How did you go about having a relationship with a porn star? What if someone recognized her while we were out on a date? I guessed punching the fucker's lights out wouldn't be an option, so I was I supposed to just...sit there while she smiled and signed an autograph or something? What I was supposed to do the next time she had to fly to LA? Was I even allowed to complain if I had a long shitty day, knowing that hers was worse, for entirely different reasons?

I just didn't know. I didn't want to think about it anymore, but I couldn't help it. It was a big ugly sickening lump in my chest, something I didn't know how to ignore or get rid of.

After a while, I heard her stomach growl slightly and realized that neither of us had eaten since sometime yesterday, since we'd skipped dinner. I sighed and turned my head to kiss the top of hers. "Hungry, baby?"

"Yeah." Her voice was faint, but she sounded calm. "I could make us some brunch, if you like."

I kissed her head again and gave her a squeeze before slowly letting her go and sitting up in the bed. "Nah, let's go out. Waffle House or something super-normal like that."

Her tentative smile was the first real one I'd seen on her face in a while, and it made me feel a little better. "You're back on the west coast, mister, they don't have Waffle Houses here. Don't you remember IHOP?"

I groaned reluctantly and swung my legs over the side of the bed. "Damn, I'm gonna miss Waffle House. The starving student's restaurant of choice."

"I'm sure they're not that different, all things considered. So…your dad's not going to be mad at you for calling in during your second week on the job?"

I shook my head and shuffled over to the dresser, pulling out jeans, boxers, and a t-shirt. "No, he knows I wouldn't have done it if it wasn't something serious. I'll text him later."

"What are you going to tell him?" I heard the quiet rustle of fabric behind me and knew she was pulling on her clothes from the night before.

"I...I really don't know yet, Bella. Let's not talk about it just yet, okay? Let's wait until we get to the restaurant. Neutral ground."

Without even thinking, I yanked my boxers down and was halfway through tugging the clean ones up my thighs when I realized what I'd done. "Oh...shit...uhhh..." I pulled them into place and turned to face a pink-cheeked, grinning Bella. "Sorry about that. I wasn't even thinking..."

"It's okay," she giggled softly. "That was a nice, if unexpected, view."

"I guess you're used to it, huh?" _Fuck_, those were _not_ the words I'd meant to come out of my mouth.

She shrugged. "It's not the same thing. At all. And yours is one of the best-looking asses I've had the pleasure of being mooned by."

_Thank you God for giving this woman a sense of humor._ "I'll have to moon you again soon, then."

Her smile widened. "You won't hear me complaining. You looked sexy getting dressed."

"Bella," I grumbled, doing my best to sound threatening instead of excited, "If you keep talking like that, we'll never get to the fucking Waffle…uh, IHOP."

Her pink lips parted as if to take me up on the offer, but then she shook her head and peeked at me through lowered lashes. "I _am_ pretty hungry, so I guess I'd better behave myself."

Jesus, it was a testament the crazy chemistry between us that I still wanted nothing more than to throw her back on the bed, rip her clothes off, and bury myself balls-deep in her sweet little body. Now that all the shock was wearing off and my brain was starting to work again, evidently my hormones had returned and my dick was ready to go. I forcibly pushed back thoughts of Bella's body under mine and yanked on my t-shirt and jeans, then held out a hand to her. "Ready to go?"

We walked outside to find a gorgeous warm day, and we rolled down the windows and turned up the stereo as I drove us to the IHOP. We accepted our slightly-sticky plastic menus from Jennie the waitress, placed our orders, and then eyeballed each other across the tiny Formica table.

"So..." I started, not even sure where to begin or what I was going to say.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked softly. "I think we've both had a chance to recover from me dropping the bomb on you that way."

"Yeah, I do...I'm just not exactly sure what to ask, or even what I want to know. Like, obviously it's working for Rosalie and Emmett..."

Bella cocked her head to the side. "Yeah, theirs' is a different situation, though. Rosalie has an exit date. I don't. I've got to keep doing whatever it takes to keep making as much money as I can."

"There isn't _anything_ else you could do...?" I knew I was sounding like an asshole again, but it just seemed inconceivable to me that there wasn't something else this gorgeous smart woman could do.

"Short of robbing a bank, I can't think of anything. If you do, let me know." There was no sarcasm in her words.

"I didn't mean to make it sound like you were dedicated to this as your lifelong career or anything..."

She snorted. "Trust me, if I hit the lottery, James wouldn't get two weeks' notice. I'd just be out of there."

"Wouldn't you have to pay him for the films you still owed?"

Her eyebrows went up. "How did you know that?"

"Something Emmett said about Rosalie, why she isn't quitting right away."

"Ah." She leaned back in the booth. "Yes, that's true, but I'm sure if I hit the size of lottery I'm aiming for, I'd just pay his ass off. My contract is coming up for renewal, actually, so let's both just keep our fingers crossed about that, huh?"

"You bet." I exhaled gustily. "Is there anything you..._don't_ want to talk about?"

"No...I want to be honest with you. If there's anything you're curious about, I'll answer you. Even if it's not something we ever have to discuss again."

"Yeah but..." I shifted in my seat.

"Trust me, Edward, I've developed a pretty thick skin. Nothing you can come up with is going to offend me."

"Even though it's _me_ asking?"

She hesitated at that. "I don't have a problem answering any questions you may have. Insults might be a bit harder."

"I would never insult you," I said immediately. "Not intentionally, anyway. I can't guarantee something stupid won't come out of my mouth...like earlier."

"You don't have to walk on eggshells around me, Edward." Her big brown eyes met mine squarely. "I like the idea of having everything open between us."

"Okay..." Might as well take the bull by the horns. "I guess I'll just be blunt, or clinical, or whatever. You said that you're tested...for drugs and diseases?"

"Every twenty-one or thirty days," she replied promptly. "Depending on exactly what things you're willing to do in the films, or if you've given them any reason to doubt you in the past. If you fail a drug test, you may either get in trouble or be fired, depending on what the drug was. If you fail a STD test, you're through. With _everyone_. Word travels quick in the industry, and you'd be lucky to get a job working some truck-stop strip joint after that."

"That seems like a lot of risk," I said doubtfully. Granted, my bias as a doctor was probably getting in the way, but I couldn't imagine putting my health and career in the hands of coworkers so easily.

"It is risky, but condoms aren't sexy on film. Hell, they're not sexy in real-life either, but porn is supposed to be a fantasy."

"So if we were to..." I was pretty sure my face was turning beet-red at this point.

"If you and I were to have sex, I'd want us to use condoms, yes. For peace of mind for both of us."

"Yeah." There was a long moment of silence as the waitress delivered our meals and refilled my coffee. "So...how do you deal with it, mentally? I mean, I'm not going to assume that it's hell on earth every second of every day..."

Bella speared a bit of scrambled egg. "No...it's not. I like most of the people I work with, and James really is a good boss. The sex thing...it took some time to get used to that, but for the most part we try and strike a balance between professionalism and being able to laugh at ourselves. It's _work_. It's my _job_. Don't people ask you how you're able to deal with telling people they have cancer, or that their child isn't going to live to see kindergarten?"

"Of course..."

"But it's your _job_, so you find a way to do it. That's how it is for me too, Edward."

"What do you hate most about it?"

To my surprise, Bella put down her fork and considered my question for a moment. "Honestly, it's not the sex. It's the fact that I'm not proud of what I do. Some people enjoy it, like I told you before. Rosalie got into it because she genuinely enjoyed sex and saw the potential in being paid for something she liked and was good at. A lot of my coworkers don't give a shit if someone tries to give them a hard time, or calls them a whore, or worse, because they're proud of their work.

"But for me...it's not that I think less of myself, or of my coworkers for being adult film actors. I genuinely don't. They're making money legally and paying taxes. It's just...it's not the life I would have chosen for myself. I'm not proud of it. It's not something I felt comfortable telling you about on our first date, and I sure as hell wouldn't want Charlie to know. I'm not ashamed of myself...but I'm not proud either. Does that make sense?"

"Kinda..." I said slowly. Bella was obviously confident enough to defend herself and her career, but it was clear she wasn't the type of girl who would have ended up doing porn under anything but the circumstances she'd found herself in. "Has it ruined sex for you?"

She threw her head back and laughed. "No, just the opposite! I've only been with one guy in a relationship, that I cared about, since I started doing this. And I was already so tired of having sex with people I didn't necessarily even know, in front of an audience, and it not even being that much _fun_, that sex with someone I cared about was amazing. It doesn't even compare to what I do on-camera."

Well _that_ was good news, at least. "Aren't you afraid of negative reactions down the line?"

She shrugged again. "It's crossed my mind...that maybe someday I'll be married with kids, and they won't let me serve on the PTA because I'm an ex-porn-star. But that was always so abstract...right now my main concern is my father. And until I met you, there was no one else important enough to me that it mattered. I have Rosalie and Alice, and they both love me for who I am."

I blinked. "Alice?"

"She works there too...she's James' executive assistant. It's how I met her."

I set my coffee down before I asked the next question. "So...Jasper knew about this all along, then?"

Her face fell when she realized exactly what I was asking. "Yes."

I squeezed my eyes shut and willed myself to stay calm. "I'm gonna _kill_ that bastard..."

"Why? My life isn't his story to tell. My job was my business to tell you."

"Yeah, but Bella, Jesus..." I rubbed my hands roughly over my face. "You're talking about one of my best friends. And he's known this whole time, when I didn't?"

"I've known him longer than I've known you," Bella objected. "It wasn't like he just found out yesterday. He's known since before you'd even considered moving back here. And again...it wasn't his story to tell."

I groaned softly, her words were logical but I was still silently pissed at Jasper. I would definitely be having a conversation with him sometime very soon about this shit. "_Please_ fucking tell me that Emmett doesn't know."

"Not that I'm aware of."

"Thank God for that at least," I muttered, looking down at my cooling stack of pancakes. "Any other surprises for me?"

She sighed a little. "Unless there's something else you want to know about my job, you already know a lot about me, Edward. Everything else I told you was true, that was all me. I told you about all the things I like and dislike, my favorite bands, movies, hobbies…that was all really me. None of it has changed."

"Yeah, I guess I could understand that." I took a tentative bite of my pancakes. "Anything you want to ask me?"

"Well, yeah, but they're all things I'm pretty scared to know the answers to. Like, if you even want to try to have any kind of relationship with me after this, for example."

I chugged some coffee before answering. "Bella…I told you, you're worth it. That's not to say I'm not freaked out or upset, because in some ways I still am. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you I'm totally cool with it."

"I understand," she said quietly, her eyes on the table now.

"Hey, I wasn't done," I corrected her, putting down my coffee cup to reach across the table, holding my hand out to her. She slowly put down her fork and wrapped her fingers around mine. "I think we should just…keep doing what we were doing…getting to know each other and trying to be as normal as we can be. I mean, I don't necessarily want to know all the gory details, okay? But otherwise I'm going to try and be there for you Bella…you've got way too much shit on your shoulders and no one to share it with."

The corners of her mouth turned down slightly and she still hadn't looked back up. "Thank you."

"As for what we're going to tell my parents…well, I guess we'll tell them whatever you're comfortable with. Like you said, it's your story to tell, not mine."

She finally looked up then. "You still want me to meet your parents?"

I chuckled, I couldn't help it. "Well, yeah. You've already kinda met my dad anyway, even if you don't remember it."

She flushed a deep red. "He, um, he wanted to know about the marks on my body, when he called me. He thought that I was being abused."

Of course he would think that, and in a flash I understood why he had been so quietly insistent on following up with Bella himself. My dad wasn't just a great guy, he was a dedicated physician. "What did you tell him?"

Bella fidgeted a little. "I just kinda said something about it not being what he thought, that it was an accident, and that it would never happen again."

"Well, obviously I can't tell you that his concern for you went away after that," I replied slowly. "But it's not like he's going to go all Spanish Inquisition and torture the truth out of you. He knows you can go to him if you need help, but he won't push it."

"What about your mom?"

"She thinks you work in public relations, so if you don't want to tell her the truth, we'd better come up with a different story."

"More lies," she murmured, her shoulders drooping slightly again. I gave her hand, still in mine, a reassuring squeeze.

"Hey, Bella…you can tell her the truth if you want. It seems like you've got it stuck in your head that my parents are these famous celebrity uppity types, but they're not. They love me, and they want me to be happy. I'm not saying they'll run out and buy copies of your movies for family film night, but it's not like they'll spit on you or anything."

"But your dad's a doctor and…"

"Bella," I interrupted her, knowing exactly where she was going with this train of thought. "Did you know that my dad's parents weren't filthy rich? They were great people, but they were blue-collar and proud of it. My dad was the first one in their family to go to college, and his parents worked their asses off to help make that happen."

She blinked in surprise. "But…"

"He met my mom there two weeks into their freshman year. They dated all the way through college and the day after graduation he put a ring on her finger and asked her to marry him. They got married three months later, and it was actually my mom's money that put my dad through medical school. That's the reason why my mom's last name is hyphenated…she was supposed to gain control of a chunk of her inheritance when she got married. But _her _parents…and if you want to meet some stuck-up society assholes, that was them to a tee…insisted that she keep the Platt name in some form in order to get the money.

"My parents talked about it and decided that a _name_ wasn't important enough to cause a fight with her family over money. My grandparents had already founded the Platt Cancer Research Center, although it was focused exclusively on fundraising then. When my dad finished his fellowship he came on board as the staff oncologist, and they started branching out into areas other than just fundraising. Grandmother and Grandfather Platt liked him a lot more after that." I rolled my eyes, remembering my stiff, snobby grandparents. "They changed the name of the Center at the same time as all the other changes. Suddenly, the name Cullen was right on up there with Platt. I bet my dad's Irish immigrant ancestors would think that's a riot."

"I had no idea," Bella breathed. "How did I not know any of that?"

I laughed. "Because it's not that important, Bella. Normal people don't give a shit about stuff like that. My parents aren't celebrities, or royalty. Just because their names or pictures pop up on the _Examiner's_ society page from time-to-time doesn't mean they live under a microscope."

She pursed her lips. "But even _I_ knew who your parents were before I'd even met you."

"But you didn't know about my dad's family, did you? And it's because no one cares about stuff like that any more. I mean, some of the ancient old-money biddies might still remember that my mother supposedly married beneath her, but otherwise, no one knows, because it's not important."

I could tell Bella was thinking it over. "I still say dating a porn star trumps marrying beneath you."

Jennie the waitress came back over just in time to hear her words, and I snorted out loud when I saw the look on her face. "I guess it depends on who you ask, baby."

"Um, more coffee?" Jennie looked mortified as she filled my cup back up again and then scuttled away to the next table.

Bella and I sat there for another hour, talking about various topics, before she finally asked me to take her home. She wanted a shower, and neither of us had slept well the night before, so I didn't push for her to come back over to my place, or for her to invite me up to hers. We both had a lot of stuff to think about and process.

Just so we wouldn't part with Bella thinking I felt any differently for _her_, I reached over and took her chin in my hand as she was unsnapping her seatbelt. "Hey," I said softly.

She looked up, and those beautiful brown eyes turned me inside-out, just as they always did. "Yes?"

I didn't stop to ask permission, or if it was okay, or if it was even something she wanted from me in that moment. I leaned over and kissed her, hard, almost too hard. I wanted those soft lips to be only mine in that moment, I wanted her to be thinking only of me, I wanted to take away everything unhappy in her life and just make things easy for us. Simple. Uncomplicated.

She whimpered against me, and I pulled back for just a moment, then placed a softer kiss on her lips. "Call me if you need me, baby. Call me even if you don't. Call me whenever, okay?"

"Okay," she whispered in return, and I gave her one last sweet kiss before I reluctantly let her go. I watched as she walked into her apartment building, then I turned around to glare at the paper bag that still sat in my back seat. I had some research to do.

**xoxoxoxo**

The first thing I did when I arrived back at my apartment was to dump all the DVDs from the paper bag onto the floor next to my desk, shuffling them around with one foot while I waited for my laptop to boot up. _XXX-tacy Rave_ was easy to pick out with the hot-pink lettering, and I picked it up, opened the case, and pulled out a DVD emblazoned with the title and a picture of some chick sucking on a neon lollipop pacifier.

Without a second thought, I snapped the disc in half.

Holy shit, I was feeling better already.

I broke the two pieces into halves again, and then I put them through my desk-side shredder, thankful for the fact that I sometimes worked from home meant I had a professional-grade shredder that chewed up discs as easily as paper. Then I turned my attention to the exterior case.

Did I really want to do this?

No…but I needed to. I had to. If I was going to know Bella, to accept her for who she was and what she did, I needed to know exactly what I was getting into.

Bella's picture wasn't on the front or the back of the DVD case, thankfully, but from what she'd said, she'd only worked for the one company. Just above the hot-pink _XXX-tacy Rave_ was _OPB, Inc. Presents_ in only slightly smaller letters.

Fuck it, it was now or never. I typed 'OPB, Inc' into Google and waited to see what would come up.

The website popped up at the top of the search results immediately, and I clicked on it, and then clicked on the disclaimer button affirming that I was in fact a legal adult and not some horny teenager trying to outfox Net Nanny. The screen blinked and I half-expected my anti-spyware and pop-up blocker to start blowing up, but instead a fairly simple website loaded.

What I was _not_ expecting was for Rosalie's picture to be the first one my eyes landed on.

"Aww, fuck," I muttered, immediately scrolling down with my eyes averted as though Emmett were standing right behind me and ready to pound me into a pulp for getting a halfway-decent eyeful of his girlfriend's impressive rack.

About halfway down the page, I found what I was looking for. On the sidebar there were links to OPB movies, ads, and promotions urging me to sign up for membership, but as soon as I saw a box that read _Meet the Crew_, I clicked it.

A biography page of sorts popped up, just like one you'd see on any company's webpage, except for the fact that the portraits were all of the stars naked in various poses, or appeared to be screenshots from their movies. Rosalie's was the first one again, and I carefully ignored hers as I skimmed over the various names. They didn't seem to be in any type of order, and I was looking at faces instead of names, so it took two passes through the page before I found Bella, listed simply under 'Isabella.'

I clicked it. And that's when I really started feeling guilty, because I was seeing all there was to see of my girl's beautiful body online, before I got to see it in person.

The girl in the picture didn't even look like Bella. She was wearing heavy makeup, with smokey eyes half-hidden by long black eyelashes, her lips were a dark red, and her face looked leaner. She was reclining back on a black leather chaise, her arms draped lazily over her head, her hair teased back before cascading in loose waves down over her shoulders.

And her body…God, it was beautiful. It was a neat package of sweet curves and classical lines, porcelain-white skin, perfect breasts and legs that seemed to go on forever. Her legs were crossed coyly at the knee, denying me a glimpse at the promised land, but I rather looked forward to getting to see for myself instead of over the internet.

I shouldn't be looking at her like this, I shouldn't be perving over something that I knew made her so unhappy, but I couldn't help it. Her face may have been an overly-sexualized version of the one I was familiar with, but her body…she was stunning. I'd been too much in shock the night before to truly appreciate it when she'd stripped down to her underwear and snuggled behind me in bed, and now I kicked myself for it. I'd had this gorgeous woman wrapped around me the night before and I'd been too fucked up in my own head to appreciate it.

I reluctantly tore my eyes away from her picture to read the short bio beside it.

_Isabella knew she was made to be in front of the camera from the moment she stepped on stage as a shy high schooler. "I was a Catholic schoolgirl up until ninth grade, then I went to a public school. I didn't know anyone, so I joined the Drama Club," she confesses, "And it gave me this whole other persona. I could be naughty if I wanted, I could be a bad girl, and then go back to being the good girl I _really_ was. Now it's the other way around…I can be an angel on film and then go back to being the hellcat I've turned into. I should probably be spanked more often than I am…_

There was more in the same vein, but I stopped reading, disgusted, wondering which one of her coworkers had helped her come up with that pile of crap. From the hours of discussions we'd had, I knew Bella had never been a Catholic schoolgirl, nor had she been in the Drama Club. I wondered how many of the biographies were remotely based on reality.

At the end of the spiel there was a link, Click here for a list of Isabella's films!, which I carefully ignored. Ogling my girl by herself was one thing, but I really didn't want to get a list of who she'd done what with. Instead I scrolled back up to the picture of Bella alone.

I clicked the picture, and to my delight, it opened up a new page with a larger version of it. I was free to be an even bigger pervert, evidently. Curiosity tore at me, though, and I ignored the temptation of her body to focus more closely on her face.

It was beautiful, but she didn't look like _my_ Bella. I realized suddenly that this was what she'd been talking about when she said that she just turned off her mind and did what they told her to do…this beautiful girl in front of me was a mask, a façade. When I looked at the seductive droop of her eyes, I saw nothing of the warm sparkle of Bella's. The sex-kitten pout was nothing like her easy smile. The Bella I knew was beautiful and sexy without even trying. This was pure artifice. Gorgeous artifice, to be sure, but it had nothing on my _real_ girl.

Suddenly disgusted with myself, I clicked out of the screen, and then the internet altogether. Why was I sitting here looking at porn when I'd spent the night and half of the day with the real thing? Not just the real thing, but the better version? What the fuck was wrong with me that I had even considered throwing away something as genuinely amazing as her, just because she was in a situation that was virtually out of her control now?

Because I was a fucking insecure douche. No, I still wasn't 100% okay with anyone other than me, man _or_ woman, having sex with my girl, but she had the harder job. She had to actually _do_ it.

I had some shit to think about and come to terms with. I needed to have a serious fucking talk with Jasper and find a way to clue Emmett in. But first, I needed to make sure Bella truly understood that I'd decided she was worth it, and fuck anyone who said otherwise.

I looked at my watch, realizing I'd only dropped her off just over an hour ago, and she'd mentioned trying to take a nap. Instead of immediately reaching for my phone to call her, I got back on the internet and did a quick local search for a florist near her apartment, one with high ratings and a same-day delivery guarantee.

Because if I was going to start considering Bella as my girlfriend, I needed to grow a pair, and I needed to start acting like her man.

.

**A/N:**

Aww, you've gotta love a man who sends flowers! Even if it was right after perving over naked pictures of his girl on the internet…hmm, should Edward have even gone there? Or in his shoes, would you have done the same thing? I know what I would have done, and all I'll say is the curiosity killed the cat…but satisfaction brought the cat back!

Big hugs and kisses and smooches to the ladies of the TwiFic Pimps for knocking me clean off my feet by including my canon fic, _I Don't Believe in Vampires_, in their "Best Smut" category for the 2010 Year in Review Podcast! Considering the company in that category, saying that I was honored would be the absolute understatement of the year!

And then Kari/TwiCharmed had to further make my head go 'splodey by giving me her "Best 1st Chapter EVER" pick and including me in her Smut Hall of Fame! Whoo-hoo! I'm not just saying this because I'm biased, but if you're not listening to these ladies, go NOW. Intelligent, thoughtful, funny discussion of Twilight fanfic! What's not to love? www(DOT)twificpimps(DOT)com

I wish you all a very merry holiday season!

Hugs,

Kate


	13. Chapter 13

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author. This story is rated M for Mature and is not intended for anyone under the age of eighteen.**

**Chapter Thirteen**

**BPOV**

"…So anyway, by the end of it they'd both calmed down and neither of them had a black eye or a broken nose, so I'd count that as a successful talk." Alice finished, before stealing a quick glance at her Blackberry. "Really, Bella, that was a conversation _they_ needed to have between the two of them."

I sighed. Rosalie, Alice, and I were having lunch at a little café not far away from the studio, as Rose had just finished a shoot that morning and I was scheduled to be in makeup at 1:30. "I just wish he hadn't gotten so pissed about it. I told him that it wasn't Jasper's story to tell."

"True, but this is one of his best friends who was keeping a huge-ass secret from him," Rose pointed out. "Logic doesn't enter into the equation, especially when it's a secret like _that, _and about his girlfriend."

"I don't know that I'm his girlfriend yet," I mumbled, ignoring the look Alice and Rose exchanged.

"Bitch, please. He calls you his girl, he practically punched out one of his best friends over you, and he wants to be with you even though you're going to be banging some other guy this afternoon. I'd say that makes you his girlfriend even if he hasn't spit that exact word yet."

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. It was Wednesday, two days since I'd told Edward everything he wanted to know about my day job. True to his word, he'd ostensibly gone back to acting the part of the new boyfriend: I'd gotten flowers Monday, he'd called me each evening since, and we had a date planned for Friday night. It was an almost overwhelming relief to be able to concentrate on what was hopefully becoming a _relationship_, but Alice's revelation clued me in that there was more going on in Edward's head than he was letting on.

According to her, Edward had shown up unannounced at their apartment Tuesday night and immediately began yelling at Jasper, demanding to know how he could have kept a secret like that from him. Alice had retreated to the bedroom to let the two of them hash it out, albeit with her ear to the door, and had only now finished filling us in on the details.

"Do you think I should tell him I know he went over to your place?" I asked, fiddling with my straw wrapper.

"Yes, but see if he brings it up first," Alice advised. "He's got to realize that you'd hear it from me, right?"

"Right," I said quietly. "He didn't say anything else?"

"I told you everything he said," she replied gently. "The conversation was mainly between the two of them, about them. He was pissed, Bella, but he was pissed at Jasper. You guys have already cleared the air between you, he needed the same thing with Jasper. I mean, can you imagine if one of _us_ kept a secret that huge from you? Wouldn't you be upset?"

"Yes, I get it. I just…ugh."

"As far as I know, he hasn't told Emmett yet," Rose interjected. "I'm pretty sure he'd tell me if he had."

I turned that thought over in my mind. "Rose…do me a favor? Will you tell Emmett?"

Her eyebrows shot up. "Uh, sure, if you want me to. But why?"

I peeked at the time on my cell phone and then fished for my wallet. "Because unlike the thing with Jasper and Edward, Emmett knows _nothing_, and that makes it my story to tell. I'd rather he hear it from you. I don't want Edward to feel like he's admitting some shameful secret to his friends, and I know you won't make it out that way. Please?"

"Sure, Bella, I'm seeing him later today. But I don't think Edward would make it out to be that way, considering it's _Emmett_ he'd be talking to."

"Either way, I'd rather he hear it from you. Okay ladies, we've got to get going."

"Oh, Bella," Alice said quickly, "I almost forgot. James is having me send out an e-mail later today, but I wanted to give you both a heads up. With the convention six weeks away, he wants to have the first two _Bare Love_ compilations finished and ready for distribution right before that. One of the booths is going to be completely dedicated to it, actually. So he's upping the filming schedule…after next week, everyone is going to get busy. So if you want to get back to Forks before then, you'd better go soon."

I groaned; I'd managed to conveniently forget about the Adult Film and Entertainment Showcase, held in Vegas every year at the beginning of October. It was a huge marketing and networking event for OPB, Inc., and all the contract stars were expected to be there. Last year Rosalie had been OPB's biggest draw since the _Fairy Tale Fantasy_ series had just hit the market, and I knew James was eager for _Bare Love_ to do the same thing this year. It went without saying that Rose and I would be promoting that heavily...three days of standing in excruciating heels and skimpy lingerie, posing for pictures and signing autographs.

"Plus, they're having the website revamped too," Alice continued, "Although I don't know why they put it off this long."

"What are they changing?" Rosalie asked curiously. I'd only visited the website once, there wasn't really much to it, so any change would probably be an improvement.

"They're going to update the biographies, take some new still pictures, stuff like that. But the big deal is they're expanding the Members Only section and adding streaming live cams, chat, that sort of thing."

"Umm, live cam of _what_?" I asked uneasily.

"Well, they want to have a 'behind the scenes' stream, more movies available to download online instead of buying hard-copy, and some interactive stuff with the talent too." Alice dropped her eyes, looking uneasy for the first time, and Rose snorted.

"In other words, virtual sex with strangers via a webcam?"

"Yeah."

"Are you fucking _kidding_ me?" I blurted out. "I'm not a fucking hooker, for Christ's sake!"

"I know, Bella, it's not necessarily going to go over well with everyone and that's why it hasn't been announced yet." Alice gave me a sympathetic look. "But both he and Victoria are all gung-ho on the idea, so it's definitely going to happen."

"Great," I muttered, slouching back. "I can't _wait _to figure out how I'm going to tell Edward about _that_."

"It is going to mean more money, though," Rose pointed out. "That sort of thing isn't in your contract, so he'll have to renegotiate with you. Aim high and don't give in. You know he'll be after you and I to do it for sure."

Money, it was always about money. Shit, I guess I was a hooker after all. "So this involves, what, jacking off for the camera?"

Alice bit her lip. "I think it's more interactive than that...like, people on the other side would be able to tell you what to do, that kind of thing. James and Victoria are trying to get caught up with all the other big companies, and the future of porn is on the web. They can charge for a Members Only area, then charge an additional fee for interactive virtual sex, and have movies and clips that people can purchase immediately. It means they won't just be keeping up with the competition, revenue could potentially go through the roof."

"From a business perspective, it's a good move," Rose said sourly. "But I was trying to get these last few films worked off my contract so I could kick this job to the curb, and this'll mean renegotiations for everyone who'll be doing the new stuff, right?"

"Yeah." Alice frowned. "I know he doesn't have new contracts drawn up yet, but you might want to push him for more movies sooner rather than later. Tell him you want to take some time off over the holidays or something, and want to make sure he's got plenty of material with you before then."

"Good call. You'll let us know about anything else you hear coming down the wire?"

"You know I will."

Rosalie and I were definitely lucky that we were such close friends with Alice, it meant that we found out about everything well before the other employees and definitely before James realized we knew.

"So Bella..." Rose shifted her attention to me. "Are you ready for this afternoon?"

"It's not my first shoot, you know," I replied quietly, but I knew what she was getting at. Things had changed irrevocably now with Edward, and this was the first shoot I'd be doing since opening up to him over the weekend.

"Who are you shooting with?"

"Benjamin. It's some kind of restraint-without-restraints deal, where he's got to hold me down without using anything except his body."

"Sounds hot," Rose said speculatively, putting her elbow on the table and propping her chin against her hand. "And at least it's Benjamin."

I nodded absentmindedly, Benjamin was an old pro, one of the actors who'd been with James and Victoria the longest. He was probably the most professional male talent they had, and working with him always went smoothly as a result. "Yeah, I need to read the script again after I get there, but it sounds easy enough."

Alice checked her watch. "Speaking of this afternoon, we do need to go. See you later, Rose?"

"I'm seeing Emmett tonight, so I'll probably catch up with you ladies later." She shoved her chair back. "Call me if you need to talk or anything, okay Bella?"

I nodded again without speaking. I could just as easily talk to Alice, but Rose had the distinct advantage of knowing what I was going through at the moment. It wasn't the shoot itself that was bothering me...I knew I'd just go into auto-pilot mode as usual...but the other news Alice had shared with us had me concerned.

She brought it up again as we drove together back to the studio. "I thought about not telling you until after the shoot, but I don't like keeping anything from you, especially something like that."

"I know, and I appreciate it," I replied honestly. "On the plus side, like Rose said, it'll definitely mean more money."

"Oh definitely...it'll be a per-performance thing, just like your per-film rate now. The more you do, the more you make. I don't think they'll actually be ready for it to go live until after the convention, but they'll be pimping the hell out of it."

"Of course."

"Have you told Edward about the convention yet?"

"No, I keep forgetting about it, but we have a date this Friday night, I guess I'll tell him about it then. The other stuff I'll wait on until it's actually closer to reality."

Alice hummed thoughtfully as she pulled into a parking spot at the studio. "Are you sure you want to tell him about that on your date?"

"I should probably tell him to his face, yeah. Why?"

"I was just thinking...you guys are going to try and keep the porn thing as separate and strictly-business as possible, right?"

"Yes."

"Well, who talks business on a date with their boyfriend, especially if it's a touchy subject? Why don't you tell him about the convention over the phone tonight, to give him time to process it, and then you can enjoy yourself on your date. Because if you tell him about it Friday night, I don't think your date will end up being much fun."

I absorbed that; Alice definitely had a point. "I guess you're right...besides, he might be more okay with the convention than me heading to LA to shoot for a week again. The only thing that's sore after Vegas is my hand from signing so many autographs."

She laughed as we walked into the building and then waved as she turned into the front office, toward her desk. "I'll talk to you later."

"Okay," I replied, before heading down the hall toward the women's dressing room. I wasn't too concerned with the shoot's script, since it was all pretty much on Benjamin to lead, but it wouldn't hurt for me to give it a once-over again.

"Isabella..." The voice came from behind me just as my hand closed around the doorknob of the dressing room, and I turned to see James leaning out of the editing room. "Have you got a second?"

"Sure, what's up?"

"Come with me."

I followed him curiously further down the hall into the main studio, the crew was putting the finishing touches on the set for my shoot, but James pulled me into a quiet corner where it was relatively private. "I was just working on the footage you shot with the blond guy, Alec, in LA. What did you think of him?"

Oh Alec, poor sweet Alec, with his Viagra-induced boner. "He was a really nice guy. He asked me about moving and shooting here, actually." I didn't mention Alec's dislike of Victoria; she may have been a crazy bitch, but she was still James' sister and he was touchy about anyone other than himself or Laurent criticizing her.

"Hmm, that's what I was going to ask you about. The two of you looked great together, do you think I should ask him if he wants to move up here? How was he to work with?"

I thought back to the two shoots I'd had with Alec; his innocence off-camera was endearing, but he was surprisingly confident while filming. He took direction well and loosened up considerably as the shoot went on. "Yeah, I would definitely say he'd be a great fit here, he was a really nice guy, not too jaded yet. I think he must have been a hot-shit jock or something back in the Midwest, but he's not a jerk."

"Good." James gave a decisive nod. "The footage of the two of you was absolutely hot, I loved it. I'm going to have Alice call him today and see if he can be up here on Friday. I know you don't have anything scheduled that day, but would you be able to come in and shoot with him? I want to see it in person."

I hesitated; my date with Edward was at seven, and a full day of fucking and sucking wasn't exactly how I'd hoped to get ready for it. "What time?"

"You'll be out of here no later than five. And it'll be an easy shoot, straightforward bedroom scene. I hate to throw the kid straight into the deep end, but if the two of you look as good together in person as you did on film, then I think I'll want him to come along to Vegas."

I nodded, not sure what else he needed me to say. "I should probably go get ready..."

"Oh...yes, of course. See you in just a bit."

The dressing room was empty when I went inside, took my clothes off, and locked them up with my purse. I slipped on the skimpy cocktail dress that wardrobe had left for me, along with the miniscule g-string, pulled a robe over it all, and strode quickly down the hall to where hair and makeup awaited me.

Thankfully Nikki and Tami, the hair and makeup artists, were too busy continuing their conversation to pay anything other than perfunctory attention to me, so I sat quietly thinking about the remainder of the week ahead. I'd have to rush to get home, showered, and changed to be ready for Edward at seven on Friday, but it wasn't as though he knew whether or not I'd be filming that day anyway.

It was a strange little dance we did around the whole topic, when we talked on the phone now. He asked me how my day was, and my answer was always "fine." When I talked to him this evening, I'd tell him that my day had been fine, even if the shoot ended up being a disaster. He never asked any other questions, I never volunteered any other details.

We had plenty of other things to talk about anyway...I'd learned even more about him, his family, his career, his plans for the future. Last night he'd told me about Tanya, and her desperation to marry a doctor, especially one with Edward's family connections.

"Do I need to worry about her showing up here?" I'd asked wryly.

"Nah, she wasn't psycho or anything. Besides, moving cross-country would involve too much effort when she could just go find herself another doctor."

"You're selling yourself short...I can't imagine you being so easily replaced." He'd laughed at my words, but I meant them. I couldn't conceive of finding anyone else like Edward.

I shut my eyes obediently as Tami began applying the heavy black liner and shadow that were practically porn-industry-standard. Edward had suggested that we have a casual dinner and then head over to the Academy planetarium for a special exhibition they were running, and I was definitely looking forward to another chance to snuggle with Edward in the dark. The first two times we'd ended up in his bed had been so utterly off-the-wall, I couldn't wait to just have some normal cuddling and maybe heavy making out with him.

"All done!" Tami sang, whipping away the cape that had covered up my costume. "See you on set, Isabella!"

"Okay," I murmured, before consciously making an effort to lock thoughts of Edward away. He was the last thing I wanted to be thinking of as I headed down to fuck another guy.

Alice was already in the studio, her Blackberry glued to her ear and clipboard in hand, keeping a wary eye on James as he fussed over the lighting. Benjamin sat patiently waiting off-set, and he waved when he saw me. I went over to join him and sank down in a chair next to him. "Hi Ben."

"Hey Isabella, it's been a while. How's everything going?"

"Going good, you?"

"Couldn't be better, did you hear that we just had our second baby?" Benjamin was married to Tia, one of James' former stars, and she'd quit the business when she'd found out she was pregnant. One quickie Vegas wedding and a furious meltdown from James later...Tia had been OPB's biggest star at the time...and she was blissfully happy, living a normal life in the suburbs.

"No, I hadn't heard, congratulations! Boy or girl?"

"A little girl this time, looks just like Tia did when she was a baby. Life is good, I tell ya."

"Sounds like it."

"Anything new with you?"

I shrugged uneasily as thoughts of Edward began peeking into _business-time_. "I've got a boyfriend now, so that's a plus."

"Nice! He in the biz?"

"Nope, he's a doctor, if you can believe it."

Benjamin's eyebrows shot up. "A doctor, damn. You ought to play naughty nurse with him, really make his night."

I chuckled. "Oh, the thought has crossed my mind, believe me."

"Speaking of playing...you good on the script?"

The script, oh shit. "Dammit, I gave it a once-over when James first sent it to me, but I completely forgot to look at it again."

Benjamin handed me his copy. "We're a couple coming home from a late-night date, I start putting the moves on you, the usual. Then I'm going to hold your hands above your head, and you need to get really into it, you enjoy being restrained, held down. Even when we turn over and you're riding me, I'll be holding your arms behind your back. When I'm going down on you I'll hold your thighs down with my upper arms and your wrists with my hands. Then he wants me holding your head back by your hair when we finish. Sound okay?"

I nodded, it was nothing I hadn't done before, and in truth, I really did get off on being restrained during sex. Not with ropes or handcuffs, but with a man's body. I'd loved it when Jacob would pin me against the wall and hold me there while he fucked me hard and fast...and the thought of Edward doing the same and more made a quiver of arousal warm my lower abdomen.

"Benjamin, Isabella!" James called from across the set. Benjamin stood and reached down to help me up.

"Ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be."

An hour later, though, I wasn't quite as sure. Since it was one of several scenes from a _Bare Love_ compilation, we'd skipped the usual publicity and cover shots, and gone straight into the shoot. Benjamin was being his usual wonderful self, but the scene wasn't gelling and James made sure I knew it.

"Isabella! Don't...struggle with him...just stretch and strain against him! Don't make it look like he's raping you, for God's sake!"

I cringed at his callous words; James could really be an asshole when filming wasn't going according to plan. "I don't..."

"Like I said, pull slowly against him, don't thrash around like you're not enjoying it!"

That was the problem, though, I _wasn't_ enjoying it. I'd never enjoyed it the way Rosalie had, even if it had been pleasurable from time-to-time, but tonight just felt _wrong_. And I knew exactly why it was off this time, even if I hated to admit it to myself. I wasn't going to think about _him_ as Benjamin lay patiently over my body, propped up on his elbows, his cock still inside of me.

James made a noise of disgust from behind the camera. "Okay everyone, let's take a ten-minute break and then I want to start this part over again."

Nikki and Tami scuttled over to me as Benjamin slowly pulled out and gave me a puzzled look. "Everything okay?"

"Oh sure," I muttered, accepting the bottle of lube from the makeup artist.

"Is there anything else I could do?"

"No, I'm just having an off-day." I eyed James who was still fuming behind the scenes, reviewing the footage we'd shot already.

Benjamin nodded before rolling off the bed and reaching for a bottle of water. A few minutes later, James stomped over with Alice trailing in his wake. He took a deep breath in an obvious effort to calm himself before speaking. "Isabella. What's going on? You're never like this."

"I'm just having an off-day, James. Tell me what I'm doing wrong and I'll fix it."

He shook his head. "You're phoning it in here, and you look like he's torturing you instead of pleasuring you."

I couldn't miss the sharp knowing look Alice suddenly shot my way, behind James' back. "I'm sorry."

"Just...try and get more into the mindset of the shoot, okay? You know and trust the man who's doing this to you. I want it to look languid and erotic, not panicky or anxious."

"Got it. I'll fix it."

"I know." The lines in James' forehead smoothed out somewhat. "You're a professional, Isabella, I can always count on you. We can't have off-days in this business, you know that."

"Yes, I know."

He nodded and strode away, but Alice lingered behind for a moment.

"Don't say a fucking word," I muttered to her, and she rolled her eyes at me before tossing me my robe.

Ten minutes later with hair tweaked, makeup freshened, and lube applied, I found myself back underneath Benjamin, listening to James fret over the camera angles as we waited for our cue.

"Isabella?" Benjamin said quietly, too low for anyone else to hear, "Can I make a suggestion?"

"I'll take anything at this point."

"I won't ask if you and your new boyfriend have gotten it on yet, because it's none of my business, but try to picture him doing this to you. I picture Tia when I'm having a rough time keeping it hard or coming, and it works, it really works. Just imagine that I'm him, that it's him doing this to you."

I bit my lip, hard. The last place I wanted to think of Edward was here, but if I blew this shoot, James would go thermonuclear. "Doesn't that fuck with your head?"

"No, as long as it's _him_ that's getting you aroused in your mind. Think of it this way...lots of couples watch porn together or read sexy stories, to get in the mood or to spice things up. That's all you're doing, just in a more hands-on way. He's the one actually benefiting here." He winked at me. "What's his name?"

"Edward," I whispered.

Benjamin bent to rub his nose against my cheek, just above my ear. "Shut your eyes."

I did.

"Imagine this is Edward doing this to you...imagine it's his hand wrapped around your wrists, making you give into him until all you can do is enjoy what he's doing. Imagine this is his body stretched out over you, imagine it's his cock that's slowly driving you crazy. Think about how incredibly sexy you are to him when he looks down at you. Try to imagine him moaning your name."

I huffed out a soft breath, but Benjamin's words and suggestions were having their intended effect on my body. I did as he instructed, and let myself remember the erotic scenes I'd conjured up as Edward and I had tangled together in his sheets, before panic and lies got in the way. Thoughts of Edward's lean hard muscular body flexing in all the right spots as he slowly thrust into me; his tongue licking and teeth nipping, the absolute beauty that his face must reflect when he came.

I kept my eyes shut as fingers ran slowly up my arm and a hand curled around my wrists; I let out an involuntary moan as it tightened just slightly. Soft lips ran down over my breasts and then teeth scraped gently over my hardening nipples; I arched into the sensation. A gasp was my reaction when a hard cock pushed back into my now-wet pussy, and when I wriggled a little, a palm reached down to hold my hip in place against the mattress.

It was starting to feel good, _so good_, and it was Edward that was doing it to me.

**xoxoxoxo**

"Think of it this way," Alice pointed out after swallowing a bite of the Thai takeout we'd picked up before going back to my apartment. "Think of Benjamin as a dildo. A lifesize, breathing dildo. You think of Edward now when you get off with your vibrator, right? Same thing."

"I didn't come," I said immediately. I wanted that made clear.

"But you almost did," Alice said mischievously. "Bella Swan, I've watched you have sex way too many more times than any friend ever should. I know your tells by now. If thinking about Edward gets you through your day job, then do it!"

"It just feels _wrong_," I protested feebly. The shoot had ended up being a success and James had been delighted when we'd finally finished. "I want Edward and the job to be two separate things. I don't want to associate him with that."

She waved her hand airily at me. "I'm going to channel Rosalie here and tell you to just _get over it_, Bella. Yes, porn and boyfriend are separate when you're with him. But imagine if you worked some horrible mindless job and sat in a cubicle from nine-to-five...are you telling me you wouldn't fantasize about your fuckhot boyfriend every once in a while, to brighten up your day?"

"There is something seriously flawed with that argument. I'll let you know when I can verbalize exactly what it is."

Alice laughed. "It's not like you're cheating on anyone, thinking about another man while fucking your husband. I think Benjamin is a genius to have suggested it, and it obviously worked!"

"So you think it's a _good_ idea for me to think about Edward while I'm shooting porn? Every time?"

"Sure, why not? Like Ben said, Edward is ultimately the one who will end up benefiting from all this pent-up sexual frustration. And he'd probably rather you be fantasizing about him than anyone else."

"I can't argue with your logic," I grumbled, poking at my pad thai. "But I'm sure as hell not going to tell him I'm doing it."

"Actions speak louder than words," Alice grinned. "If he invites you back over to his place on Friday, go over there and let him reap the rewards of your on-the-job practicing. Two weeks is more than long enough to wait for some real between-the-sheets action, especially with the chemistry you two have. It seems like you two have been together longer than that, actually."

"Yeah, it does," I murmured thoughtfully. "Speaking of whom, I'm surprised he hasn't called yet."

"Well he'd better not be over at my apartment, beating up my boyfriend," Alice growled. "I've got to get going anyway. See you tomorrow, right? Oh, and Friday...Alec will definitely be here so you're on. Shoot starts at three."

"Three?" I gasped. "James promised I'd be out of there by five!"

"Well, he changed his mind, evidently. What time is Edward picking you up?"

"Seven!"

"In that case, I strongly suggest you have everything laid out and ready to go, missy. Just in case things run super-late."

**xoxoxoxo**

It was 6:35 when I ran in the door, breathless, on Friday. The shoot itself had been a piece of cake, James had been delirious with joy over the footage, and Alec was beyond grateful that I'd helped to get him permanently moved to the San Francisco division. Even with everything going perfectly, however, the shoot hadn't ended until just after six, and I'd given myself the quickest of clean-ups before throwing my clothes on and flying home.

"Hi and bye!" Rosalie sang as I ran past her to the bathroom, tearing off my t-shirt and yanking the ballcap off my rats' nest of sex-hair.

"You taking off?" I hollered from the bathroom.

"Yep, dinner with Emmett. What time is Edward picking you up?"

"In twenty minutes!" I hopped under the stinging spray of the shower and immediately started working conditioner through my hair to get the knots out. "It's a good thing we're not going any place fancy, because I don't think I can get that dolled up in twenty minutes!"

"Do you need help?" she offered. "Emmett can wait a few minutes."

"Umm...yeah, if you don't mind." I dumped a handful of facial cleanser into the palm of my hand and began scrubbing off the thick makeup from the shoot. "Could you get my Sevens out of the second drawer down, and that that white J. Crew sweater you got me for my birthday? And whatever bra and panties would go under those?"

"Sure thing."

After a few moments, as I was rinsing the shampoo out of my now-smooth hair and reaching for my loofah, I heard the bathroom door open. "You're good to go, babe, it's all laid out on your bed, I'm going to toss all my stuff into my new purse and then I'm out. Just put on some mascara, lip gloss, the Bobbi Brown Shimmer Brick and you'll be perfect! Have fun tonight and I'll see you at the studio tomorrow, okay?"

"Same to you," I called, furiously scrubbing the loofah and shower gel over my body. "Thanks again, Rose!"

I was rinsing off as I faintly heard her heels clicking down the hallway, and I guessed I had maybe five minutes left at best before Edward got there. Just enough time to get dressed, and then hopefully he'd be patient enough to give me another few minutes to brush on a little bit of makeup before we headed out.

The last of the suds rinsed away, I turned off the water and groped for my towels. I wrapped one in a turban around my head and then rubbed the other furiously over my skin, drying off every last drop of water. I hung it back on my towel rack and yanked open the door, letting cool air rush in and swirl the steam from the shower around my naked body. If I could get into my underwear before he buzzed, I could be in the jeans and sweater before he got to the front door.

I skidded into the hallway, intent on practically leaping into my bra and panties, when a movement from the living room caught my eye. A figure that wasn't supposed to be there.

Edward. Frozen with a bouquet of flowers gripped tightly in his hands, his lips just slightly agape in shock. I'm sure my expression reflected his own, for as often as I was accustomed to being naked in front of people, realizing that _he_ was seeing me in my full glory wasn't something I was even remotely prepared for. Save for the towel on my head, I was on complete display…and even from a distance I could see his eyes move over me, burning a path from head to toe.

I wasn't sure whether to be mortified or electrified, or both. So in the end, when he crossed the short distance between us in a few quick steps, his arms wrapping hard and fast around my waist, his lips descending to mine, I simply did what came naturally.

I kissed him back.

.

.

**A/N:**

I do apologize for the delay in this update…whenever there's a new _Dirty Little Secrets_ chapter in the works/just published, everything else tends to take a backseat!

SO! Tell me what you think…does Alice's rationale about thinking about Edward during the "day job" make sense if it gets her through work, or is Bella right in wanting to keep the two completely separate? I know if my boyfriend was that hot I'd be fantasizing about him non-stop during the workday…but I'll just leave it at that. ;-) Next chap we'll find out if Bella told Edward about the convention yet, and what his thoughts were about it. Oh yeah, and maybe some lemonade!

For all you lovelies who are reading _Dirty Little Secrets_…HOLY COW my twin and I have been nominated for a Golden Lemon Award, in the "Best Lemon With a Pairing That Made Your Jaw Drop" category. C'mon, this category practically SCREAMS DLS, but go over and give ALL the (amazing) nominees a looksee, and vote for your favorites! www(DOT)goldenlemonawards(DOT)com


	14. Chapter 14

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author. This story is rated M for Mature and is not intended for anyone under the age of eighteen.**

**Chapter Fourteen**

**EPOV**

I didn't want to think of Monday as the true beginning of my and Bella's relationship. We'd had incredible chemistry and bonded so quickly before that, to completely dismiss everything _before_ Monday was completely impossible. In truth, part of me wished we had that time back: when it was just the two of us, sparks flying, endless potential, no messy complications.

At the same time, though, Bella and I had _honesty_ between us now, and I was glad for that, even while it was tearing me apart at the same time.

Tuesday had been remarkably less painful than Monday, at least at first. I'd learned a long time ago to block out any kind of personal problems while I was at work, I had patients who trusted me to be there one hundred percent and make them my absolute priority. I didn't let myself think about Bella, or about anything she'd told me, as I moved steadily from patient to patient. I dodged a lunch invite from my obviously-curious dad, opting instead to drive to a nearby park after grabbing a burger from a local fast-food place.

I sat in my car and let myself think then, as I slowly downed my lunch.

Bella. Oh Bella. _My_ Bella. Already I wanted to see her again, wanted to kiss her again, wanted to see the smile and warm sparkle in her eyes. I could call her, but I didn't know if she was at work or not...I had no idea what her schedule was like. Was she having sex with some other guy, right at that moment, while I was sitting there thinking about her? Was some disgusting sleazeball running his hands over the body and face I already thought of as _mine_?

Did I even _want_ to know?

_That's not Bella_, I reminded myself for the hundredth time since seeing her picture on OPB's website the day before. _That's not my Bella. _

Part of me did want to know exactly what she was doing at work, if that's where she was, and in excruciating detail...but it was for the wrong reasons. I wanted to know so that I could see what the absolute worst could be, so that I didn't have to leave it up to my imagination. Because if left up to its own devices, my imagination could conjure up some pretty sick shit.

I thought again about how she'd explained the differences between the part of the company she worked for, and the one in LA. She'd answered my questions honestly, telling me what she'd done and what she didn't do. And I felt better for knowing all of it, instead of thinking that my girlfriend was potentially filming some kind of crazy gangbang with a dick in...

Suddenly nauseated, I wrapped up the remains of my burger and shoved it into the bag, then booked it back to the office. I didn't want to think about that shit anymore.

I wasn't sure if it was the burger or nerves that sat so heavy in my stomach for the rest of the afternoon, but something else was beginning to itch at the periphery of my mind, even as I forced myself to concentrate on my patients. Something that was really starting to piss me off, the more it itched, and by the time I peeled out of the parking lot at the end of the day I was heading straight over to Alice and Jasper's apartment.

Alice opened the door to my knock, confusion immediately clouding her features. "Uh, hi Edward, come in."

"Is Jasper here?"

"In the living room."

I was being rude and I knew it, but I'd built up one hell of a head of steam on the way over, and I needed to let it out, or I really was going to blow. I stomped into the tiny living room where Jasper sat, surrounded by what looked like term papers. "Why the _fuck_ didn't you tell me?"

Jasper lifted an eyebrow at me before sighing and throwing down the pen in his hand and turning to Alice. "Hon, could you leave us alone for a bit?"

I wasn't sure if Alice left or not, because I was already ranting, letting loose the fury and betrayal I hadn't wanted to dump on Bella. "You're supposed to be one of my best friends, you fucking asshole, and you didn't tell me? What the _fuck_, Jasper?"

Jasper remained unruffled, and for some reason that just pissed me off more. "Edward, it wasn't my place to tell you."

"Bull-fucking-_shit_. Some chick is more important than me? Some random chick I just met _that night_? You fucking sat there and listened to Emmett yap about Rosalie being a porn star, knowing all along I was being set up with one and you didn't think I had a right to know?"

A tiny flicker of anger crossed his face then. "Is that what Bella is to you now, then? Just some chick?"

"Fuck no! But I didn't even fucking _know_ her at the time! And I would like to have known about it before I started having fucking _feelings _for her!"

"Why does her job change that?" he asked quietly.

"Because it's fucked up, man! I'm falling head-over-heels for her, and that's scary enough without having to remember that she screws other people for a living. You don't have a clue where I'm coming from, do you?"

"Not in the way you're asking, no," he said slowly, considering his words. "But I've known Bella longer than you have. She's best friends with the woman I intend to marry someday. She has reasons for what she does, and if you're going to get hung up on the porn thing and let _that_ ruin any relationship you might have with her, then I'll tell you straight-out that you're making a huge mistake."

"I didn't say...I don't _want_ to let it ruin our relationship," I sputtered. "But don't fucking blow me off like it's no big deal!"

Jasper sighed and then jerked his head towards the couch. "Sit down and cool off, will you?"

"Don't fucking tell me to cool off, just answer my fucking question!" I started pacing back and forth, feeling better as I poured my anger into frenetic movement. "I would have thought that you, of all people, would have maybe trusted me a little more than that. I wouldn't have even necessarily said anything to her, but a little heads-up going in would have been nice."

"And again, would it have changed anything? Except that you would have been expecting her to show up looking like some cheap hooker when that's not what she is. She would have been at a disadvantage from the get-go, having to prove to you that she's not a whore. And you would have been surprised, but you'd still have been waiting for the other shoe to drop. The part where you were reminded that she was a porn star."

I froze in my pacing to give him a withering look. "So _that's_ why you didn't tell me? You seriously were thinking more about her and how all this shit might ultimately affect her instead of how it _is _affecting me?"

"No, that's not why, even though everything I just told you is true and you know it. I didn't tell you because..." Jasper tilted his head back and took a deep breath. "Bella is the sum of many different parts, and her job is absolutely the least of them. Almost to the point to where it's a non-issue."

"Except maybe to her potential boyfriend?" I queried bitterly.

"I can't deny that," he admitted. "And if I'd honestly known you guys were going to hit it off the way you have, I...I still can't say that I would have told you, but I would have told Alice to get Bella to be more honest, sooner. Something that big...man, it's not my story to tell. Especially since she's no porn star. She's not like those other skanks, even though I can tell it's still somewhere in the back of your mind that she might be. You're afraid of what you might find out about her, or about what she does."

I clenched my jaw as I finally stopped my pacing. "She's been honest with me...I asked her exactly what she does, and what she's done, and she answered all my questions."

"Then what are you afraid of, Edward? Seriously, I know you're pissed at me, I get that. But what the hell are you still mad at Bella about? That she didn't tell you sooner?"

"I never said I was mad at Bella," I said quickly.

He shrugged. "There's something eating away at you, though, I can tell. Just spit it out."

I slouched over to the couch and slowly sagged down on it, turning his words over in my mind. "Jazz...rationally, I get it. I know she wouldn't be doing porn if she had any other choice. I know about her dad. I understand it. I'm not mad at her...I'm mad at the situation, that in this country right now, a woman feels the need to whore herself out so her dad doesn't end up dying from a bedsore infection in some shitty-ass nursing home. I'm mad that she could do so much with her life, if she wasn't chained to this one."

"And?" he prompted.

I rubbed my fingertips in hard circles against my temples, fighting the headache that was building there. "Okay yeah, I'm pissed off that I have to deal with these images in my head. How many other guys have to deal with the fact that their girlfriends are fucking other people on a regular basis? That by the time I see her at night, she's already given some other dude a blowjob? That when we do end up having sex, I'll have it running through my mind that it's nothing special for her, since she's been there and done it all? How do I fucking make that _okay_ in my head?"

Jasper sat back in his chair, temporarily silenced by my outburst.

"I never saw this coming. I wasn't expecting to fucking fall for her like this...God, I just got out of a relationship, moved across the country, started a new job, and then _she_ comes out of nowhere and it's like...like being hit by a freight train. I've never felt this way about anyone before, let alone this fast. And everything could have just been perfect if it wasn't for that _one fucking thing!_"

"It's never going to be perfect, Edward," Jasper replied finally. "You know about Alice's debt, how do you think I felt, sitting there in the rental office and them telling us there's no way in hell they can rent to us if her name is on the lease, because she owes more money in credit card debt than I make in a year? I looked at her, and it was like looking at a stranger, like I was seeing her in this whole new light. Now I know debt isn't the same as the porn..." he cut me off, seeing that my mouth was already opening to protest. "And our life isn't perfect. It still isn't. But we love each other, and bottom-line, that's enough. That makes it all worth it."

My headache was starting to pound harder. "She _is_ worth it. I've already decided that. She's stronger than I can even imagine being, and if she can deal with it, then I should be able to as well. I should be able to support her and tell her that it doesn't matter...but it does! And she'd know it was a lie if I told her otherwise. It matters because I'm a selfish prick that doesn't want anyone else touching his girlfriend, even if it is just her job."

Jasper didn't respond right away, getting up instead and retrieving two bottles of beer from the refrigerator. I popped the cap off mine and took a long chug of it before speaking. "How long have you known Bella?"

"Ever since she started working for OPB. She and Alice hit it off right away."

I felt like the world's biggest asshole for continuing to harp on the topic, but at the same time, I'd hate myself more if I just gave up on it. "There's _nothing_ else she can do, money-wise, for her dad?"

His eyes softened. "Believe me when I tell you that she's considered a million different things, but nothing that has a guaranteed income of that size. If something came along, she'd be out of there in no time flat. But she and Rosalie are OPB's biggest stars right now, did you know that?"

"Not really."

"Oh yeah, James loves those two. He's going to have a stroke when Rosalie leaves."

I grunted out a non-verbal reply and took another long pull off my beer.

"Edward...I know you're not asking for advice here, but I'm going to give it anyway. You need to be honest with Bella about all this. If you don't, it'll end up building up inside of you until you blow up again. She needs to know exactly how you're feeling."

"Whoa," I chuckled, a wave of déjà-vu hitting me.

"What?"

"I gave Emmett almost that same advice before I knew about Bella. It's a hell of a lot easier giving that advice than taking it, I can say that now."

"It's true, though."

"Yeah, it is."

We sat in silence for a little while longer before I remembered Alice. "Hey, man, I'm really sorry I barged in here like that. I'm still kinda pissed that you didn't tell me, but it's not really _you_ I'm mad at. I'm mad at the whole situation right now."

"I know. It fucking sucks, Edward, I'm not going to try and convince you it doesn't. But you and Bella are going to have to come to some kind of...balance for dealing with it. Don't let that one thing, as big as it is, be what drives the two of you apart."

"Yeah...I guess I didn't have my head wrapped around it as well as I thought I did."

"And just as a heads-up..." Jasper lowered his voice to just above a whisper. "Alice probably heard everything you said, which means Bella will probably hear about it too. You might want to mention your little visit here tonight so she doesn't think you're keeping anything from her."

"Will do," I muttered, tipping my beer back again, wishing everything didn't have to be so fucking complicated.

**xoxoxoxo**

I left not long after that, letting Jasper get back to his stacks of term papers, headed straight home, and called Bella. She was obviously excited to hear from me, and despite my earlier resolve, I didn't bring up any of the shit that had been going through my mind all day, or my ranting at Jasper earlier. It was so nice to be able to have a normal phone call with the girl I was already thinking of as my _girlfriend_, I didn't want to ruin it.

Without even intending to, I told her about Tanya, and her reaction was surprisingly unconcerned. Bella was obviously confident enough in herself not to worry about ex-girlfriends who lived across the country. It was just another thing I liked so much about her...that sense of practicality and her ability to weigh what was really important in a situation.

Talking to her also helped me to forget about the porn thing. I asked her how her day had been, but I didn't dig for any details, and she didn't offer any. At the moment, I was happier in _not_ knowing what her work schedule was.

I asked her out for dinner for Friday night, she said yes immediately, and we settled on seven o'clock. It wasn't until I yawned so hard that my jaw cracked that she teasingly sent me off to bed, instructing me to have sweet dreams about her.

Before I went to bed, though, I took a long shower and jerked off for the first time since before the 5k over the weekend. Her voice just had that affect on me...I could probably listen to her read the back of a cereal box, and I'd still get hard. Remembering her warm little body wiggling against mine Sunday morning...it made me come harder than I'd imagined a shower wank could.

Laying in bed later, I let myself think about the possibility of sex with Bella again, something that had been too close to the porn thing for me to recently imagine with any amount of enjoyment. Now that I was starting to get slightly numb to the idea of her job, though, I didn't mind picturing her back here, between my sheets. In fact, I was hoping that it might become a reality sooner rather than later. She'd been ready to go Sunday morning, until her conscience stopped her.

Wednesday was a better day at work, and to my pleasure, Bella called just as I got back home.

"Hey, are you busy?"

"Nope, you have perfect timing." I dropped my keys and wallet on the table by the door and reached up to loosen my tie. "Just walked in the door, actually."

"How was your day?"

"Kinda crazy since Dr. Gerandy took the day off, but it makes time go by faster. How was yours?"

"It was fine." She sounded tired, but she didn't elaborate on the statement. "Hey listen, I just wanted to give you a heads-up about something. Well, a couple of somethings."

"What's that?" I tucked my phone against my shoulder as I opened the refrigerator and perused the mostly-bare interior. I really needed to get my ass to a grocery store.

"Well, first off, I hear you went over and visited Jasper last night?"

Holy shit, Jasper wasn't kidding about those girls being tight with each other. "Uh, yeah, we had a little talk. It was just some stuff he and I needed to get sorted out between the two of us."

"So I heard." She didn't sound angry, though. "Everything good now?"

"Yep. He, uh...well, he kinda helped me get some clarity about how I wasn't really pissed at him, and definitely not at _you_, just at the whole situation. Hell, Alice probably gave you the play-by-play anyway, didn't she?"

"Not quite," she laughed softly. "But the, uh, _situation_ was the other thing I wanted to give you a heads-up about."

Oh _fuck_. "Um, okay?"

"It's still aways off, but I wanted to tell you that I'll be out of town the first week of October. There's, um…a convention in Vegas that Rosalie and I will have to go to. I'll only be gone for a few days, but I wanted you to hear about it sooner rather than later, and from me."

"A...wait, a convention for _porn_?" I abandoned the refrigerator and went into the living room, dropping down into an armchair, my appetite suddenly gone. "They have those?"

"It's really not a big deal, at all," she said hastily. "We're literally there to just, uh, promote this year's films and the new stuff coming out. We sign a lot of autographs and get our pictures taken. We don't do...you know..."

"Okay, I..." I exhaled hard and started again. "God, Bella, I really hate feeling like we're dancing around the whole topic now."

"I know," she replied softly. "I don't like talking about it with you, but...I want to be honest with you from now on...if that's still what you want?"

I could hear the sudden uncertainty in her voice, and I knew exactly what she was getting at. "If you're asking if _you're_ still what I want, then the answer is yes. And yes, I want you to be honest with me. I'm just still getting used to the idea and I'll probably say some more stupid shit, and _no_ I don't really want to hear any gory details, but I want you to feel like you can talk to me if you need to, okay?"

"Okay. And ditto on everything you said. It goes for me too."

"Well then hit me up, baby. So you'll be gone at this convention signing autographs and stuff at the beginning of October?"

"Yes, that's really all there is to it." The relief in her voice was obvious. "If it weren't for the shoes we have to stand in all day, it would be the easiest thing ever."

"Thank you for letting me know. So is it a week, or what?"

"Not even...James and Alice will be there the entire week before, getting everything set up, but the rest of us just fly out for the show itself. I'll be gone for a long weekend."

"Ehh, I guess that means manly bonding time with Emmett and Jasper, then. Pizza and beer and baseball while our women are busy."

"You guys really _haven't_ changed that much from college, have you?" I could hear the smile in her voice now, and damned if my dick wasn't already jumping the gun and getting hard.

"Not really. It's kind of scary how little we've really changed." I relaxed back further into the chair with a sigh, deliberately steering my mind away from my hard-on as I listened to her chatter away.

**xoxoxoxo**

Friday evening I got to Bella's place about five minutes early. I'd stopped to buy her a bouquet of flowers on the way, and that little errand hadn't taken as long as I'd thought. I found a parking spot and was just about to buzz her apartment when the door to the building opened and Rosalie stepped out.

She was obviously heading out for a date with Emmett; she looked fabulous, and she smiled when she saw me. "Edward, hi!"

I immediately forced any and all thoughts of the naked picture I'd seen of her out of my mind. "Hey Rosalie, how are you doing?"

"Never better! Going out with that big lunk of a friend of yours." The glow in her face took the sting out of her words, though, and I grinned back at her.

"He's been called worse things. Is it okay if I just go on upstairs and knock?"

Rosalie hesitated, and then twisted her arm to look at the delicate watch on her wrist. "Umm...yeah, you should be good. Actually...Emmett can wait a few more minutes, I'll let you in myself. Bella's running a little late today, and she's probably right in the middle of getting dressed or putting her makeup on."

"Oh, I can go wait in the car for a bit," I said quickly. Although the idea of catching Bella half-dressed was appealing, I knew Rosalie wouldn't let me get _that_ lucky.

"No, it's okay...just promise you'll stay in the living room. No peeking in her bedroom." She gave me a playful poke in the chest as she turned and strode back into the apartment building, me right behind her.

As we climbed the single flight of stairs, her cell phone rang. "Oh crap...hello? Yes, I'm on my way right now...ugh, beauty takes time, don't you know that?" She fumbled for her keys and I could plainly hear Emmett whining on the other end of the line. "Yes, I remembered to bring them..._yes_ I'm sure. Yes!" She finally shoved the key for the apartment door into the lock and twisted, then nudged it open with her shoulder.

"Should I just...?"

Rosalie nodded and motioned for me to go ahead into the apartment. _Stay in the living room!_ she mouthed, before speaking out loud to Emmett again. "_No_, you can't take pictures. God, how many times do I have to tell you this..." The door clicked softly shut behind her, and I was alone in their apartment.

I stood awkwardly, not sure if I should move or call out for Bella or what...I definitely didn't want to scare the hell out of her if she came out of her room and wasn't expecting to find anyone there. Shit, I should probably just sneak back out and knock on the door so I didn't have to…

Except that just then a door down the hallway was yanked open and a naked Bella rushed out.

A _very_ naked Bella.

I saw her mouth drop open in a startled little o, but she didn't scream, or jump back into the bathroom, or really even make an attempt to cover herself. She looked shocked, for sure, but she didn't seem afraid, or horrified.

And maybe that was what unglued my legs, because before I knew it I was in motion, dropping the flowers somewhere along the way, drawn to her without a question in my mind that _this_ was supposed to happen. And she knew it too; her hands rose up to tangle in my hair as my arms went around her waist and I pulled her against me, hard. Sweet soft tongue, hot eager lips, the lingering dampness and warmth of her skin…and she was all _mine_.

.

**BPOV**

I wasn't sure whether I was going to kill Rosalie the next time I saw her, or kiss her. But at the moment, it didn't matter, because _Edward _had his arms around my naked body and he was kissing me like his life depended on it.

I moaned into his mouth and tugged slightly on his hair as he pressed harder into me, flattening my back up against the wall, pushing us close enough together that I could feel his rapidly-hardening erection beneath his pants. I ground against it unashamedly and he broke away from my mouth for a moment to moan, letting his head drop slightly.

"Bella...oh _God_...Rose let me in...she said you...ohhh..."

"I figured as much," I muttered, before nipping at his jaw. "That had to be a surprise, catching me in my birthday suit."

"You have no idea," he breathed against my neck. "God, you're so fucking beautiful…"

"Flattery will get you everywhere." I gasped as his hips pressed me further into the wall. "I've got a bedroom, we don't have to stay here in the hall."

He ran his lips down the length of my neck and nipped at my collarbone, just before bending quickly at the waist and then sweeping my completely stark-naked self up in his arms. I shrieked and grabbed at the towel as it slipped off my head. "What are you doing?"

"You said bedroom, I'm providing the fastest means of transport to get you to it. Which door?"

"The open one!" I squirmed a little, but his grip on my body only tightened as he strode down the hall to my room. And if I was going to be completely honest with myself, I didn't really _want_ him to put me down.

I quickly revised my opinion when he crossed the room in three strides and tossed me playfully onto the bed, and then was over me a split second later. "You didn't see that coming, did you?"

"You weren't counting on me being stark naked and waiting for you, were you?" I countered, plunging my fingers through his hair as he started kissing my breastbone again.

"No," he muttered against my skin, "That was an unexpected and wonderful surprise."

I ran my hands down his back, gasping in delight when his wandering lips ran smoothly up over my breast and brushed over a hardening nipple. "Is this okay?"

"Fuck yes!"

Emboldened by my response, he licked it slowly several times before finally sucking it between his lips and tugged on it slightly with his teeth. The sheer erotic jolt that rocked my body and went straight between my legs made me moan out loud; I hadn't felt like this in a very long time.

"You're so beautiful, Bella, Jesus Christ." I could hear him mumbling as he finished teasing my breast and moved to repeat the sweet torture on the other one, but most of my concentration was on the rock-hard cock I could feel throbbing through his jeans, against my leg.

"Edward...please...take some clothes off."

He continued the licking and sucking for a few more seconds, before finally releasing me and looking up. Lust had darkened his green eyes until they were more dark jade than emerald. "Are we really going to do this?"

I blinked, hoping like hell that he was either just going the extra mile as a gentleman, or was kidding. "Um, yes? I mean, I hope so."

He grinned wickedly. "Me too. But I don't have...I didn't bring any protection with me. I should probably run out and get something before you start pulling my clothes off."

"Oh!" I blurted out, never more thankful for a last-minute impulse that had me throwing a box of condoms into my basket at the grocery the day before. "I, uh, I've got that covered. Literally."

His eyebrows went up. "My resourceful girl...were you hoping for this to happen?"

"You know I was," I growled, already tugging at his button-down shirt. He watched me struggle for a moment before grinning even wider, sitting back on his heels, and tugging it over his head in one easy move. Watching the smooth movement of the lean muscles in his chest and abdomen made me throb even harder, and I wondered briefly if I was leaving an embarrassing damp spot on the leg of his jeans.

"Pants too!" I demanded when he moved to stretch back out over me.

"Oh God," he moaned softly. "Bella, baby, I'm not going to last very long. I've wanted you like this from the moment we first met."

"Umm," was my brilliant reply as I took matters into my own hands and expertly popped the button and unzipped his jeans. I hooked my fingers under his boxers and shoved them, along with his jeans, down his thighs. He lifted up and, with some wriggling and kicking, managed to get them off along with his shoes.

He was crawling back up over my body again when a wicked idea seized me. I'd felt the heavy thick weight of his cock against me more than once, but I hadn't seen it yet, and I really really wanted to. "Edward? You still have your socks on."

The look on his face, when he lifted his lips from where they'd been sliding back toward my breasts, was priceless. "What?"

I batted my eyelashes at him. "As ridiculously fucking sexy as you are, the socks aren't doing it for me. Take 'em off."

He shook his head incredulously. "Socks. Okay, fine."

He sat back on his heels again, and positioned as he was between my spread legs, I now had the absolute honor and privilege of being able to eyefuck his glorious body from the top of his head down to where his cock thrust out from between his thighs.

I'd seen a lot of cocks over the past two years. I'd seen big ones, small ones, thick ones, ones that had a definite crazy bend to them, uncircumcised, cut, showers and growers. Some were better looking than others. But if it weren't almost ridiculous to even think it, I would have said that Edward's cock was _beautiful_. It was the absolute ideal length, width, shape, and size. It was the kind of cock that dildos should be modeled after. His dick was _perfect_.

At some point, I evidently just stopped moving and stared at him. My eyes may have glazed over and I know my jaw dropped a little, something Edward evidently took as a compliment since his smirk returned as he reached back to slowly peel off both his socks and deposit them neatly on the floor. "Like what you see?"

"Uh-huh." Good God, his dick had reduced me to monosyllabic responses.

"You did that on purpose, didn't you? Sneaky, Bella," he said mildly, still sitting between my knees.

"Oh my God." My hand was moving of its own accord, and I propped myself up on the opposite elbow so I could reach him. His eyes followed the progress of my hand as it skimmed lightly up his thigh and over his hipbone, but he shut them when I finally reached my goal and slowly wrapped my fingers around him.

"Ohhhhhh...fuuuuuuuuck," was his guttural response as I gave him an experimental squeeze. "Oh God, your hand...fuck..."

"We'll get there." Mindful now of the faint trembling that had started in his thighs, I slowly stroked upward from where I'd gripped him midshaft, watching as his thick tip swelled at the pressure, then relaxed when I stroked back down. The thought suddenly struck me that I wouldn't really mind if we stayed like this, my hand stroking him until he lost control, coming in hard spurts onto my body. I had a feeling that watching Edward come might be one of the most sublime things I'd get to see in my life.

The trembling in his thighs increased as Edward began mumbling profanity again. "Oh fuck, oh shit, Bella oh God, oh God...feels so good baby...ohhh..."

I tightened my grip and stroked a little more firmly, and his moans immediately increased in volume and frequency. "Ohhhh...baby, oh God, baby you've got to stop...you're gonna make me come..."

"That's the idea," I giggled. His hand unclenched from the bedspread and he put it over mine, stilling my movements as he sucked in a long ragged breath.

"You jerking me off until I come on you is _not _how our first time is going to go," he finally contradicted.

"I wouldn't mind you coming in my mouth," I whispered saucily.

"Jesus fuck...Bella, I want to be inside you _now_. Before I completely lose my fucking mind."

I smiled sweetly at him and wiggled my fingers, still pressed around his cock. He moved his own hand and I half-turned to fish the box of condoms out of my bedside table drawer. I'd just grabbed the box when I felt a single finger slip over my clit and then down along my drenched pussy.

It was like being electrocuted. I was incredibly aroused already, but the contact of his finger was like a live wire or a branding iron, tracing an acute line of fire through the heavy pleasure that was already pulsing there. I arched my back and whimpered, freezing with the box of condoms in my hand, as his finger reached my entrance and traced a circle in the wetness there.

"So pretty, so wet..." His finger was moving back up again, and this time when it reached my clit it lingered there, rubbing smaller circles. A tension that was like having my abdomen drawn together from the inside started building, and my body froze involuntarily.

"Turnabout is fair play." I could barely hear his voice over the roaring in my ears, but I knew it the second he lifted his finger away from my flesh.

"Whaaa..." I whined, feeling the imminent orgasm start to slip away. I opened my eyes to see Edward's jaw clenching as he shut his eyes.

"Bella..._please_ get a condom on me now, before I lose my fucking mind."

I didn't even bother trying to open the small box neatly; I practically ripped it to pieces in my haste to get at the foil squares inside. I opened one more carefully, pinched the tip, placed it over the head of his cock, and then rolled it down. He shuddered hard, and as soon as the condom was completely seated over his length, he scooted back and then stretched out over me again.

"Are you sure you're okay with this, so fast?" he gasped against my ear.

Deciding to let my body do the talking, I tipped my pelvis so that he fell precisely where I wanted him. "I want you…Edward please, oh God please…"

The trembling that had been running through his body was even more pronounced now as he lowered his body closer to mine and placed a very long, sweet kiss on my lips. It was almost chaste, but it was in direct contrast to what was going on lower down.

The skin of his thighs slid against mine as he pushed into me, just a little bit. A gentle nibble on my lip and another push. A long swipe of his tongue that traced but didn't part my lips, and a deeper push. His hand came up to frame my face, and my mouth slowly opened under the gentleness of his as one final long stroke seated him completely inside me.

I gasped at the feeling of his hipbones against my inner thighs, but it disappeared into his mouth. He was kissing me with more force now as he slowly pulled out and then reentered me at the same pace. His lips quickly became urgent and demanding, and his thrusts into me soon followed suit, but his hand never strayed from where it cupped my face, and his thumb stroked gently over my cheekbone.

I wrapped my legs around his waist and he changed the angle of his thrusts so that the friction became almost maddening. I tugged on his hair and he sucked hard on the skin just behind my ear. By the time both of us were sliding down the inescapable slope to climax, we were gripping, clawing, pushing and crying until suddenly, we were there.

I came first, the searing sweet burn paralyzing me as one of Edward's plunges resulted in a hard firm pressure against both my clit and my pubis, pushing against my G-spot from the outside. It spread outward from there, aching, stiffening, flooding through my body, arching my back off the bed until with a cry I collapsed back against the bed and let the rhythmic pulses of my body push him over as well.

Edward managed a few more erratic thrusts before he came too, and some hazy part of my brain realized I'd been right: the sight of Edward Cullen coming was something that would be burned into my brain for the rest of my life.

He lay down carefully on top of me, our sweat-slick skin sliding easily together as we both just breathed for an endless moment. I felt him slowly softening inside of me, and he winced as he reached down to hold the base of the condom before pulling out. My hips popped agreeably as I finally closed my thighs together.

"Where should I, umm," Edward finally spoke, referring to the condom.

"Here, I'll take care of it." I gathered up all my will and heaved myself off the bed, taking the condom from him and heading down the hall to the bathroom. By the time I returned, Edward had rolled over onto his back and pulled the sheet up just enough to cover his hipbones. He smiled lazily and reached out his arms when I walked, slightly wobbly-legged, back into the room.

"Hey you," he whispered as soon as I was snuggled back into his embrace.

"Hey yourself."

"That was…I mean, I wanted it to be a little more planned out for our first time…and I swear to God I usually last longer than that, but oh God Bella…"

"Hush up," I mumbled, curling tighter against him. "That was perfect. Two thumbs up. Fucking amazing. I want more."

"But I wanted it to be more than just a quick…"

"Edward," I cut him off. "You…_we_…were amazing. Beyond amazing. You'd get a big stamp of approval from any woman, let alone a porn star."

I don't know if it was the lack of blood in my brain or what, but within a couple of heartbeats I realized that Edward's entire body had stiffened under me, the arm wrapped around my back as hard as iron. And then it hit me what I'd said, even though I'd meant it in jest.

"Oh shit," I muttered, "I didn't mean that. Wrong thing to say. I didn't mean it like that, it's just…"

He exhaled slowly, and then he slowly began to stroke my hair. "It's okay. That was a compliment, I get it. I should take it as such."

"Edward…"

"No, baby…it's okay. Relax. Just be here with me right now, okay? Just you…" here he paused and punctuated what he was saying with a kiss on the top of my head, "…and me. That was amazing, and I can't wait to do it again. Okay?"

"Okay," I whispered, burrowing my face into his skin. Post-orgasmic high, sex-brain, we'd blame it on that. I just needed to make sure it didn't happen again.

.

.

.

**A/N:**

Oooh la la, some quick and to-the-point lemonade! Edward may have had more planned for their first time, but it's real life and there's always their second time…and third…and so on!

Edward seems to be sorting through his issues remarkably well…maybe? Let me know what you think: could you be in a relationship with an adult actor/actress, even if the feelings and connection are there? And will these two?

There were a few reasons for the delay in this update, but I can pretty much guarantee they won't happen again (RL+writers block+etc etc etc). Feel free to hit me up for a follow on Twitter, I'm lazykatevamp over there and love hearing from you! Until next time!


	15. Chapter 15

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author. This story is rated M for Mature and is not intended for anyone under the age of eighteen.**

**Chapter Fifteen**

**BPOV**

"I want you to come meet my parents."

At that moment, I was extremely glad that I wasn't eating or drinking anything, and was snuggled comfortably in the warmth of Edward's arms, in his bed. At least this way I could hide any kind of nervous reaction I was definitely going to have over his words. "Umm, why?"

He chuckled softly and then kissed the top of my head. "Because we've been dating for a month as of tomorrow, and I _want_ my parents to get to know you. Plus, my mom is now threatening to follow me home after work if I don't bring you over soon, and that could be a little weird."

I lay silently for a while, turning his words over and over in my mind. A month, we'd been together for a month. By any conventional timeline, I certainly should have met his parents before now. We'd settled into a comfortable routine of spending almost all our free time together, and Edward had even given me a key to his apartment a few days prior. At some point along the way, "I" had morphed easily into "we." Despite the topic of my job still being somewhat off-limits, we were turning into a perfectly normal couple, and I was happier than I would have ever believed I could be. And the sex…the sex was mindblowing, and just kept getting better.

With that thought in mind, I let my hand wander down his bare thigh, hoping to distract him. "I don't want to talk about your parents when we're like this. It's too weird."

His hand ran down over my back and squeezed my ass firmly. "Then stop what you're doing for a second."

"_Edward_…" I whined, but he grinned and pulled on me, shifting us until I was perched on top of him, his hands firm on my hips.

"No distracting me with that gorgeous body, okay? Baby, my parents really want to meet you. They're leaving for Thailand in a few days, and then they're going to head to Australia after that. And to be perfectly honest, I think my mom is more than a little hurt that she hasn't gotten to meet you yet."

There was no reproach in his words, but the message was clear: there was no way I could keep putting this off.

It wasn't that I didn't want to meet them, in fact, it really bugged me that I hadn't. It wasn't Edward's fault or Esme's lack of trying, since I was always invited too whenever Edward went to their house for dinner. The fault was squarely mine, and it all boiled down to the fact that I was a chickenshit coward.

"Fine…but are we really going to have this conversation now?" I muttered, trying to wiggle back off him. Edward's hands held me right where I was.

"Hey…look at me, okay? Yes we're going to have this conversation right now. I know exactly what's going through your mind, and I don't like that we're not talking about it."

"If we both know what I'm thinking, then why do we need to discuss it?" I wiggled again, hoping his dick would get hard and then I'd have a legitimate excuse to distract him from this line of conversation.

"Bella, stop it." The lightness in his voice disappeared entirely, and I froze at the sound of it. Okay, he apparently was totally serious. "I know what _you're_ thinking, but do you have any idea what _I'm_ thinking?"

Guilt punched me hard and fast in the stomach. "Umm, I'm not sure?"

"Exactly. So listen, please." He sighed and rubbed his hand roughly over his face. "I know you're nervous. I know you're not exactly sure what to say when the small talk turns to what you do for a living. I get that. But it bothers me that you're automatically assuming my parents will hate you because of it. It bothers me that we can treat our relationship as 100% normal except for that one thing. And it _really_ bothers me that you apparently think so little of yourself that you keep stalling on something that should be really important to you."

Ouch, that stung.

"Baby…my parents are wonderful people. They won't give a shit about what you do, as long as you made me happy. And you _do _make me happy. I'm fucking crazy about you. In the completely unlikely event that my parents threw you out of their house, I'd be right there behind you, going too. But that's _not _going to happen. Okay?"

I swallowed hard over the lump that was growing solidly in my throat. "I guess I didn't realize it was such a big deal."

"Of course it is." His eyes softened, and he lifted a hand to rub his fingers over my cheek. "You're my girlfriend, I _want_ you to meet my parents. I want our relationship to be everything it should be, not just what we think we can get away with. Okay?"

I took a moment to make sure I wasn't going to cry or do anything else to completely humiliate myself. "Okay."

"Come here." He pulled me down so that I was laying on top of him, his strong arms wrapped firmly around me. "Let's go over there tomorrow. I'll pick you up at six."

I nodded silently against his shoulder, and he kissed my forehead. "And no worrying, please? It's my parents, not the Spanish Inquisition. They're going to _love_ you, and I've got your back no matter what."

His words were comforting, but I couldn't help the little niggles of doubt that snuck into my brain whenever I was least able to keep them out. I didn't doubt Edward, or his feelings for me, but it was easy to say and mean one thing when everything was going well. If his parents hated me, though, it wouldn't be quite as easy for him to completely dismiss their reaction. Edward loved his parents, and even though I knew he meant it when he said he'd have my back regardless, _really_ going up against them would be another matter altogether.

**xoxoxoxo**

I wasn't quite the nervous wreck I was sure I'd be when Edward picked me up promptly at six o'clock the next day, but that was only by the intervention of a stiff martini and another one of Rosalie's patented "Get the fuck over it!" pep talks. She and Alice had even managed to talk me into wearing something other than a little black dress, and I had to admit that the soft blue wrap dress I was wearing looked pretty good.

Edward whistled appreciatively when he saw me. "You look _gorgeous_."

"Thanks," I murmured, fingering my clutch purse. "It's not too much?"

"No, it's perfect. You look good enough to eat." He planted a loud smacking kiss on my lips and I couldn't help but smile at his enthusiasm. He looked pretty fantastic as well in tailored pants and a crisp dark-green button-down that complimented his eyes. "Let's get going, my mom is probably already standing at the window, watching for us."

The early Saturday evening traffic was light, and I stared out the window, refusing to allow myself to have another mini-nervous breakdown. I'd barely slept the night before, and despite a nap that afternoon, my eyes were still burning. Only the continuing flickers of anxiety that danced in my chest were keeping me wide awake, and I jumped when I felt Edward's warm hand gently clasp mine.

"You okay?"

"Yes, just nervous." I took a deep breath, turned away from the window, and smiled gamely at him. "It's not every day a girl meets her boyfriend's parents for the first time."

His returning smile was more genuine than mine, and he lifted my hand to his lips before pressing a quick kiss on the back. "I meant what I said, Bella. No matter what, I'm there for you. Just…give them a chance, okay?"

"I will," I promised, and he gave my hand another reassuring squeeze.

Carlisle and Esme Cullen lived in a neighborhood I'd only ever driven through, on one of the nicest streets in the Nob Hill district. Their house was large, but not obnoxiously so, although it practically screamed of old money. My heart started hammering again when Edward came around to the passenger side of the car to open my door, and the hand I slipped back into his was damp with sweat.

"Hey," he whispered against my ear. "Relax and breathe, Bella. Just breathe."

"I am breathing," I replied faintly.

He squeezed my hand again. "Would it help if I told you how proud I am of you, and that I love you?"

His words made my heart freeze for a second and then start beating triple-time, and I couldn't help the smile that crept involuntarily across my lips as I looked up. "You love me?"

"Just because I hadn't said it yet didn't mean that I didn't feel it." His lips brushed over my ear and I shivered, my goofy grin growing wider. "I love you, you beautiful, adorable, sexy, wonderful woman."

"He loves me," I repeated, and Edward let out a snort of laughter just as the front door of the elegant house before us opened.

I'd seen Esme Platt-Cullen in pictures and from a distance at the 5k, of course, but up close there was absolutely no denying her beauty or the honest warmth that radiated from her smile. Caramel-colored hair fell in soft waves around her face, bright emerald eyes were trained on me, and her perfect cupid's bow lips were curved up in delight. She stood patiently in the door for about two seconds, then laughed and ran down the stairs with an agility of a woman half her age. Without a moment's hesitation, she came straight to me and wrapped me in a strong hug.

"Bella! I'm _so _happy to finally be meeting you! Welcome to our home!"

"Hey, what about me?" Edward complained good-naturedly.

"I see you all the time," she replied pertly, before turning her attention back to me, clasping my hands in her own. "I was afraid he was never going to share you with us, even though he talks about you all the time."

"I, um..."

"Mom, you're going to scare her off before she even gets in the house!" Edward reclaimed me from his mother, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "Bella, this is my mother, Esme Platt-Cullen."

"It's a pleasure to meet you," I finally managed to squeak out. "Thank you for having me over."

"You'll be welcome any time, my dear. Let's go inside so you can meet my husband, his restraint is considerably better than mine." Esme led the way into the beautiful front foyer, where the sound of our heels clicked on marble and echoed off the rich wood-paneled walls. A man I recognized immediately from his pictures stood there waiting for us.

My throat closed up as Edward formally introduced me to his father, all of us pretending that we hadn't unofficially met or spoken on the phone before. I had no visual memory of Carlisle Cullen from my embarrassing incident at the 5k, but his movie-star good looks were literally dazzling in person. He shook my hand warmly and pressed a light kiss to my cheek, welcoming me to his home just as genuinely as Esme had.

Esme ushered us all into the formal living room, and I gasped involuntarily at the gorgeous décor. It literally looked like some award-winning set piece from a magazine, but it was beautiful without feeling cold. "Oh my...you have a beautiful home."

Edward's mother beamed at my compliment and sat down, patting the sofa cushion next to her. "Thank you, my dear. Interior decorating is something of a hobby of mine, when I'm not working."

"You did all this?" I blurted in disbelief, before realizing how rude my words sounded. "I mean..."

She laughed as I sank down, red-faced, next to her. "It's what I studied in school, and it would have been my career if I hadn't gone into the family business. Now I do it for pleasure instead."

"Which means that every room in the house is on a regularly-scheduled rotation of redecorating," Carlisle chuckled. "The solarium is currently her project, _again_. Bella, may I offer you something to drink?"

"A glass of white wine would be wonderful."

"Of course." He smiled before leaving the room, and Edward winked at me from his perch on a chair across from us.

"The only rooms Mom isn't allowed to touch are Dad's study and my old room. And she's just itching to get her hands on both."

"And if you're not planning to utilize your old room any time soon, it's next on my list," Esme said pointedly. "As Erma Bombeck wrote, when the kids move out, you don't lose your children, you gain closets. And as for your father's study…"

"It's just fine the way it is," Carlisle finished for her, returning to the room with a glass of white wine for both Esme and myself. "It's mostly bookshelves anyway, Bella, there isn't really anything for her to redecorate."

Esme laughed and I could feel myself relaxing in the easy family atmosphere. Edward was right, there was absolutely nothing pretentious or snobbish about his parents, and the knots in my chest untied as I took a sip of my wine.

"I could at least put up new drapes or something, but…well, Bella, would you like a tour? We've got a bit of time before dinner."

"I'd love one," I answered, and Esme's immediate smile of delight proved my answer was the right one. Leaving Edward and Carlisle in the living room, she chattered non-stop as she guided me through the first level of the exquisitely decorated home. Every single piece of furniture, painting, and _objet d'art_ was absolutely perfectly placed, but the overall effect still never came across as stuffy.

On the second floor landing, I paused before a series of framed sketches, each one signed and depicting what appeared to be scenes from the Civil War. "Are these…?"

Esme hummed affirmatively next to me. "One of my Platt ancestors was something of an amateur artist. He drew these while fighting with the Union army. A few of his sketches ended up in a newspaper of the time."

"_Harper's Weekly_?"

"Why, yes." Esme shot me a surprised look. "Are you a Civil War buff?"

I blushed. "No, it was just the first period newspaper that came to my mind. I was majoring in history in college before I had to drop out."

"I see." Her words were neutral, but I could tell she was too polite to ask what she wanted to know.

"My father was in an accident while I was at UCLA…I had to drop out to take care of him, and then get a job to help pay the medical bills."

"Oh my dear, I'm so sorry!" Esme touched my arm, genuine sympathy in her eyes. "Is he…?"

"He requires around-the-clock care, but he's doing as well as can be expected. He's at home…in Forks, Washington. I try to go see him at least once a month or so, when work permits."

"That must be very hard for you." There was no artifice in her voice, and she rubbed my arm with a mother's soothing touch. It was something my own mom had never been very good at, and I bit my lip against the emotions that bubbled up.

"It is. But he was…he _is_ a great dad. I'm sorry, it's still kind of hard for me to talk about." I took a hasty gulp of my wine, and Esme wrapped her arm lightly around my waist.

"Let's go back downstairs," she said gently, rightly guessing that our current topic of conversation was a touchy one. "Dinner should be just about ready, and I know I'm famished. I was so excited to meet you tonight that I forgot to eat lunch."

I choked out a little laugh. "I hope I didn't disappoint."

"To the contrary, I can see why Edward cares about you so much," she contradicted. "And I can't tell you the joy it brings to my heart to see him so happy. He hasn't been like this in a long time."

"Not even with Tanya?" I wanted to kick myself the moment the words left my mouth, but Esme shook her head, looking thoughtful.

"No, not at all. With Tanya he was…like a different person. Much more stiff and…well, I'm not even sure how to put it. But even his body language was different. He never seemed completely relaxed around her, but with you…" She turned the full force of her green eyes on me and smiled. "It's like he's breathing again."

I exhaled in a shaky whoosh. "That's good to know."

"Yes, it is. Now come on dear, let's go see what trouble the boys have gotten into. They know better than to meddle in the kitchen, but they may have snuck down to the rec room for a game of pool."

Esme kept her arm around me as we descended back down the stairs, only to find Carlisle and Edward engaged in a furious game of backgammon. At Esme's cheerful announcement that dinner was imminent, though, they both stood and Edward reached out to take my hand.

"Shouldn't I go help?" I whispered to him, but he shook his head as we followed his father into the dining room.

"She has meals down to a science, believe me. My dad and I know better than to get in her way."

Esme flitted in and out of the kitchen, and almost before I could blink, the table was covered with steaming dishes of food, all of which smelled absolutely divine. My stomach growled appreciatively; I could cook, but I rarely had an occasion to do anything fancy. The dinner before me, though, could have just come from the kitchen of San Francisco's best restaurants, and Edward laughed at my stunned expression. "Mom didn't mention she's also a gourmet chef in her _other_ spare time, did she?"

"I like to keep my family well-fed," Esme sassed back, sinking gracefully into her chair and picking up her own glass of wine. "May I propose a toast? To new friends, and to their health and happiness."

We clinked glasses, and Carlisle immediately began carving what appeared to be a perfectly-done Beef Wellington. I was thinking about surreptitiously patting my mouth to be sure I wasn't drooling when Esme spoke again. "So despite being ridiculously stingy with your time, Edward told us that you're in public relations, Bella. Do you work for a firm here, or are you freelance?"

My stomach dropped down into my shoes, and I could feel Edward stiffen slightly beside me as well. Despite thinking of this exact moment obsessively the night before, despite the words I'd rehearsed endlessly in my head, I literally felt as though my heart was going to pound out of my chest.

"Um, actually, I wasn't very clear when I told Edward that. I mean, I was joking, but I didn't make it clear that it was a joke, so ummm…" I took a deep breath. "I'm actually an actress, but that doesn't sound very grown-up or responsible, so I tell people I'm in public relations instead."

Esme laughed. "Well, that's sort of true, I suppose."

_You have no idea_. "That's what I thought too."

"That's wonderful that you're doing something you enjoy for a living…are you in theater or films?"

"Films. Nothing famous or anything, though. I guess I should qualify that I'm a struggling actress." I felt Edward's hand fumble for mine and squeeze it gently, but I didn't dare look at him. "I get enough roles to pay the bills, that's about it."

"Are they indie films? There's a wonderful little theater not far from here showing films that are in limited nationwide release. We go sometimes when our schedules permit."

"Which unfortunately isn't often enough," Carlisle added, setting a filled plate in front of me. The food that had tempted me just moments before now made my stomach twist with nausea, and I wished I'd thought to pop a Xanax before coming over.

"That's about to change, though," Edward interjected, and I silently gave thanks that he was with it enough to easily change the subject. "Mom and Dad are going to be traveling for a while, taking advantage of this thing called _retirement_."

After a few more of my inquiries, Esme was chatting excitedly about their upcoming visits to Thailand and Australia, with Carlisle occasionally adding a comment or two. Traveling internationally was something I'd never had the opportunity to do, and as I calmed down enough to eat, I peppered the two of them with questions.

"I'd love to see the pictures when you get back," I told her honestly.

"Oh, we'll take hundreds my dear. After we get back from Australia we'll be here for a while, I always have a lot of obligations to fulfill for the Center during the holidays. Parties and fundraisers and such…you'll be coming, won't you?"

"She'll be my date, yes Mom," Edward said dryly. "Calm down."

"I'm just making sure!" Esme hopped up from her chair and returned a moment later bearing a tray with individual goblets of what looked like white slushees. "Have you ever had _granita_, Bella? I fell in love with it when we visited Sicily on our honeymoon, it's like sorbet."

"I've never even heard of it," I confessed, wondering exactly when Esme had had time to make and dish up dessert. Edward hadn't been kidding when he'd told me his mother was like June Cleaver.

"I can't make it with Sicilian authenticity, of course, but it's made with love. Would you like some coffee?"

"No thank you," I murmured, before spooning up my first taste of the _granita_. The taste was nothing like I'd expected, a rich flavor of almonds instead of the strong artificial lemon of the Italian ices I occasionally bought at the grocery. "Oh my goodness…this is wonderful!"

Edward was laughing quietly next to me. "Is it August, Mom?"

"Hush," she chided without anger. "I thought she'd enjoy it."

"It's delicious," I said quickly, fairly sure that I was missing some kind of inside joke, but not wanting to pry. "I've never had anything like this."

Carlisle leaned over and kissed his wife's cheek. "It _is_ delicious, everything was." At his touch, she turned to him with a softer smile, and the look they exchanged spoke volumes. The affection between them was almost palpable, and I felt a twinge of regret that I'd missed having parents as in love as Edward's obviously still were.

They recounted a few stories of their days in Sicily as we finished the dessert, and then my hands fluttered involuntarily toward my empty plate as Esme stood. "Can I help you with the dishes, please?"

"No no, absolutely not." She made a shooing motion with her hands. "The dishes can wait, they aren't going anywhere. Let's go sit down and finish our wine."

"Hey, I turn into a pumpkin at ten, just so you know." Edward's words came from behind me as we all stood, and then his arm was around my waist, pulling me tightly against him. "I'm on-call tomorrow."

Esme scowled playfully at her husband as she led the way into a comfortable den. "You couldn't have pulled some strings to give him the weekend off?"

"My love, as of yesterday I'm officially _retired_, remember? I have no say about who's on call on what day anymore."

"But…" Esme's protest was effectively cut off by her son.

"I was supposed to be on-call today, Mom, and Dr. Gerandy switched with me."

"What are the odds you'll actually be called in for something?" she countered.

"But won't you feel terrible if I _am_ called in at five a.m. and I didn't get my beauty sleep?" Edward stepped forward and planted a firm kiss on the top of his mother's head. "I'll bring Bella back over again, you don't have to worry that this is the last time. Sorry, Dad, it looks like you're on your own with the dishes."

"I'll let it slide this time, son." Carlisle stepped forward and gave Edward a brief hug, then turned to me. "Bella, it was so wonderful to see you. Please come over again soon."

"I'd love to…" My words were half-muffled as Esme pulled me into another strong embrace.

"Yes, you really must. We'll be back for six days in three weeks, before Australia. I'll plan on the four of us going out for dinner. And maybe even taking in one of those indie films I mentioned?"

My stomach quivered, but it was only a tiny flip instead of a heavy churning. "That would be nice."

With a few more goodbyes from Carlisle and Esme, and Edward's firm arm around my waist, we were out the door and in his car. After we were both settled inside, he leaned over and kissed me. "I'm sorry if you felt like I rushed you out of there, but otherwise we'd be there until midnight. Once my mom has you in the den, it's hard to leave. I've fallen asleep after dinner in there a few times."

I giggled as he started the car, feeling slightly euphoric. "I think they liked me."

"Liked you? Are you kidding? She made you _granita_." He pulled the car smoothly out onto the street. "Do you want to go home, or would you like to go to my place?"

"Your place. And yes, what was with the _granita_?"

His hand snaked over and rested warm and firm on my leg. "Their wedding anniversary was August 29th. My mom only ever makes _granita_ for their anniversary, she never _ever_ makes it any other time of year, let alone for when I brought a girlfriend over. To say she liked you would be the understatement of the century."

"Oh." I wasn't sure if it was the sweet relief of this evening I'd dreaded for so long being a success, or if passing the parent-test was an aphrodisiac, but I was downright giddy. "Something of a stamp of approval, then?"

"To say the least." His hand inched slightly higher on my thigh. "They're absolutely crazy about you. Almost as much as I am."

"And how much is that?"

He groaned so quietly that I almost didn't hear it. "Do you want me to tell you now, or show you when we get back to my place?"

"Why not both?" I was feeling saucy, and let my own fingers dance over to his leg, up his thigh, and over his stiffening erection.

He groaned and pushed his foot down harder on the accelerator. His apartment was closer to his parents' home than mine was, and within a few minutes he was pulling into his reserved parking spot. We kissed as we stumbled into the lobby, groped each other in the elevator, and by the time Edward had managed to unlock his door and pull me inside, I was already tearing at his pants.

"Ohhh fuck, Bella, baby…" he panted as I dropped to my knees before him, pushing his back up against the wall.

"Let me prove how crazy I am about _you_," I purred, making short work of his pants and boxers. When both had pooled around his ankles and I was inches away from one of my favorite parts of his body, I forced myself to slow down. I absolutely loved going down on Edward, but as wound up as we both were, neither of us would last very long if I attacked him like I wanted to. Instead, I rested my hands on his thighs and rubbed my cheek against his cock. "Mmm, I want this."

He raked his fingers through my hair. "Baby, please…oh please…"

Still moving slowly, I turned my head enough so that I could run my lips up and down the length of his shaft, just brushing over it. "Please what?"

"Please suck on my cock before I fucking explode," he replied harshly, and I moaned slightly in response before trailing my tongue over him, from base to tip. Edward wasn't usually overly-demanding during sex, but it always turned me on beyond belief when he was. I flicked at the ridge of his head slightly, fluttering over it, just before swiping another wetter lick over his full length again.

This time he groaned loudly, and I took pity on him, wrapping my mouth around his shaft as I worked my way back up. When I reached the tip, I didn't hesitate before pulling him into my mouth in one smooth movement.

I was fairly sure that the thump I heard above me was Edward's head falling back against the wall, and I began sucking and stroking him in earnest. When his other hand joined the first, threaded through my hair, I took a deep breath and then swallowed his rigid cock easily down my throat. It was a move I knew he loved, even if he never asked how I got to be so good at it.

"Oh baby, that feels so good…oh God, you're so fucking sexy…fucking me with your mouth…"

His words shot a bolt of lust straight down through me, and I started moving more forcefully, tightening my lips around his shaft. His moans increased in volume and frequency immediately, and I began laving him with my tongue even as I kept up the movement of my head.

I could feel myself growing wetter with every grunt and moan from him, my own pleasure amplified by his obvious enjoyment of what I was doing to him. I sucked, I licked, I nibbled, I teased, until finally a telltale trembling began in his thighs. "Bella, baby…oh God I'm gonna…"

At his words, I clamped down on him firmly with my teeth safely behind my lips, squeezing him hard. The fingers in my hair tightened, and with one long gasping moan, he came in my mouth. Hot spurts hit the back of my throat, and when I swallowed around him he almost sobbed in pleasure. I waited until the last pulses were through before letting him gently pull free, giving one last flick against his head and smiling as he hissed at the feeling.

"Holy _fuck_, baby…" He staggered over to the couch, half-pulling up his pants and boxers before collapsing there. "I'm not complaining, but where did _that_ come from?"

"I just love giving you a blowjob," I teased, curling up next to him. "And I know you like it too."

"Damn right I do." He took a few deep breaths before combing his fingers through his hair, making it stick up even more than usual. "You're so fucking sexy when you're like that…like you can't even wait to get me into the bedroom…"

"Uh-huh…you bring that out in me, I guess."

He trailed a finger down over my breast to where my nipple was poking proudly against the fabric of my dress. "So what have you got on under here?"

I rubbed my legs together, enjoying the immediate increase in sensation. "Hmm…something innocent enough to meet your parents, but interesting enough to get your attention."

It definitely did get his attention, and even as he dropped to his knees, pulling my hips to the edge of the couch, intent on burying his face between my legs and returning the favor, I remembered something vitally important that I'd been too wound up to tell him earlier.

"Hey," I murmured, just before the first swipe of his tongue against my clit stole my breath away. "For the record…I love you too."

.

.

**A/N:**

Aww, well at least she remembered to say it!

Meeting the parents, always somewhat nerve-wracking, but at least it went well! Somehow I don't think Esme's "indie theater" shows any of Bella's movies though! And a month together for our two horny lovebirds…well that just brings us closer to October, Vegas, and a certain convention!

I'm on Twitter as lazykatevamp, please feel free to hit me up for a follow! THANK YOU for every review you leave, your thoughts mean the world to me!


	16. Chapter 16

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author. This story is rated M for Mature and is not intended for anyone under the age of eighteen.**

**Chapter Sixteen**

**BPOV**

This was bad. This was really _really_ bad.

**ADDENDUM TO CONTRACT** (descriptions of new services listed on attached contract):

Webchats with customers: _Contractee will participate in text-only webchats with paying customers, available in fifteen-minute increments, up to and including the following: inquiries about contractee's interests, hobbies, etc; questions about movies/appearances by contractee; sex chat; "talking dirty," etc; and other topics that customer initiates. Contractee may embellish/change details as may benefit the conversation._

Web-based live-stream video with customers: _Contractee will participate in one-way video live-stream with paying customers, available in fifteen-minute increments, structured as follows: one customer at a time may watch the contractee via a one-way video stream and may direct the contractee via text-only chat to participate in acts up to and including the following: removing clothing; masturbation with and without props; interaction with another contractee (kissing, caressing, mutual masturbation, oral sex, vaginal and anal sex, requests for ejaculation shots, etc.)._

Web-based interactive video chat with customers: _Contractee will participate in two-way video chat with paying customers, available in fifteen minute increments, structured as follows: one customer at a time may chat via webcam with contractee and may direct the contractee verbally to participate in acts up to and including those listed above. Contractee will interact with the customer directly, up to and including: conversation; favorable commentary about customer's appearance and desirability; using the customer's name; indicating that the customer is responsible for contractee's arousal and climax; and following all direction the customer may request as long as those directions are not harmful to or restricted by the contractee._

James had to have written this. There was absolutely no way a lawyer could have looked at this and approved it for attaching to our new contracts.

_-All text-based and video-based chats are to be monitored by a producer and may be terminated at any time should the customer become abusive or inappropriate (including threats or requests which may be harmful to the contractee)._

_-Any acts which an contractee is unwilling to do must be discussed in advance with the producer. The producer and contractee will determine what acts are normal and appropriate within the scope of the contractee's job description._

_-The contractee should not "break character" during the course of a text or video web-chat._

_-The contractee should not refuse any request by a customer as long as it is appropriate within the scope of the contractee's job description. Polite redirection may be used for inappropriate requests. Producer will intervene and/or end the chat if inappropriate requests continue._

_-Contractees should not attempt to exchange personal contact information with customers for the purpose of soliciting additional payment or arranging to meet in-person._

_-Contractees should expect to participate in 1-2 text and/or video-chats per week, or more according to customer demand._

_-Contractees will be compensated on a per-chat basis, in increments of fifteen minutes, as detailed on the contract._

I rubbed my suddenly-throbbing temple, hoping that my face didn't reflect the absolute horror I was feeling. "James," I started carefully, "This is an awful lot for me to have to take in. Why don't we wait until after the convention to really sit down and go over this?"

He shook his head a little more impatiently than usual. "None of this is something you don't already do for a film camera, Isabella."

"I understand that...but this whole thing about interacting with strangers, having _them_ dictate what I'm supposed to do...I'm a little uncomfortable with it." What I really wanted to tell him was that it was verging on prostitution and even porn stars have to draw a line somewhere, but he'd already had one meltdown earlier in the day when Rosalie gave him her bad news. She'd informed him that her horoscope forbade her from signing any new contracts until after the holidays, and that news hadn't been received very well. James was already tense with the convention just over a week away, and his biggest star refusing to commit to his new feature had put him very on-edge.

"I know, it'll be a learning curve for all of us." He wasn't even looking at me as he spoke, choosing to scroll through his Blackberry instead. "But as you can see, either Laurent or myself will be monitoring each and every one of these chats. They'll end immediately if things start to get inappropriate. What exactly is freaking you out?"

"The, um, interactive element of it, for one."

James scowled at his Blackberry. "The future of porn _is_ interactivity, Isabella. We can't afford to fall behind when our competitors are responding to customer demand. Surely you understand that?"

I took a deep breath. I did, from a business standpoint I genuinely did understand where he was coming from. Alice had warned Rose and I about this weeks ago, and I knew it was going to happen regardless of what argument I might come up with. Nevertheless, I wasn't comfortable with the vague descriptions of the chats in the addendum, and I sure as hell wasn't going to sign something committing me to another year's worth of movies _and_ two chats per week without a better understanding of what I'd be doing.

"James...I…"

He finally looked up at me. "Is it the money?"

"No, not at all…the money is fine." The money was _more_ than fine, actually, and doing even a couple of half-hour "chats" per week would be a very nice boost to my paycheck.

"What's the problem, then? Listen, if you really absolutely _have_ to wait until after the convention, fine. But I want to be able to start selling these packages immediately afterward, and you can't do that if you haven't signed the contract. Okay? You'll receive the final copy on Monday, and I'll need it signed no later than two weeks from today. That's more than generous considering I'm not really asking you to do anything you're not doing already."

Irritation colored his face, and I desperately wished we weren't having this conversation right at this moment. James was a good guy and a decent boss fifty weeks out of the year, but the stress of the convention always morphed him into Asshole Boss. "Yes, I see that, and I don't think I'll have a problem with _that_ part of it…"

"Good," he snapped, turning to walk away.

"But…wait…"

"Isabella, _what_?" He looked completely exasperated now.

"Um, this line…about the anal sex…"

He didn't flinch, and part of me wondered if he'd been expecting me to bring that one little detail up. After a couple of painful and decidedly un-sexy tries at anal sex, I hadn't been asked to do it again, and James never pushed the issue. Teasing fingertips were the only things that got near my ass now, and even that wasn't exactly enjoyable. It wasn't in my contract that anal was off-limits, but not doing it did limit some of the roles I could do. I was fine with that, and I'd thought James was too.

"Yes…about that…Bella, I'd really appreciate it if you could start working on it. I'm not saying you need to be able to have full-on anal sex right away, but it's going to make it hard to promote you for these chats if pretty much all anal play is off-limits."

I swallowed hard. "It hurt, remember?"

"I know." He paused for a moment and then deliberately softened his voice. "Like I said, you're not going to get reamed effective immediately, so don't freak out. But you can start working up to it…with vibrators and plugs. I can 100% guarantee that a lot of these chat customers will be very interested in seeing a beautiful woman play with her ass, and they're more than happy to pay for it. So go ahead and start experimenting yourself, then we'll see where we are for the chats and movies, okay?"

"What if I can't do it?"

James took a deep breath, and I could see that the moment of patience he'd summoned for me was being quickly used up. "Then I'll have to offer the roles that I would otherwise hand to you to other girls, even new ones if need be. Do you understand?"

I did, and it was enough to clamp my mouth shut. James saw the understanding on my face, gave me a quick smile, and then strode away, already clicking away on his Blackberry again. I stood there for another moment, dread thickening in my throat, my heart racing.

My contract may have tied me to a certain number of films per year, but OPB, Inc., wasn't bound to me. Were I to refuse to perform acts that were considered "normal and appropriate for the job description," or even…hell, even if I gained too much weight, OPB could terminate my contract effective immediately. I wasn't sure if that would be a better or worse thing than being reassigned to LA.

_I'm not really asking you to do anything you're not doing already…_

It was practically unheard of for a porn star to not be willing to do at least a little anal play in this day and age. Especially since there was _always _someone willing to replace you.

_I'm not saying you need to be able to have full-on anal sex right away…_

It probably wasn't so bad, once you got used to it. Rose liked it and had no problem doing it on camera. Plenty of women…and men…enjoyed it. I'd just never really thought I'd _have_ to do it to keep my job.

Because that had been the underlying message in James' words.

He needed talent that was willing to perform, and he couldn't afford to waste time or resources on someone who couldn't. If a chat customer was willing to pay a mortgage payment's worth to see me fuck my own ass with a dildo, then I was expected to do it.

It made me want to puke.

I had already finished filming, showered, and changed by the time James had waylaid me with the draft copy of my new contract, all I had to do now was scoop up my purse and head out the door. It was late, almost seven, and I'd planned to head straight over to Edward's after work, but now I just didn't want to.

I didn't want to see him and have to hide the turmoil I was feeling at the moment. Really, all I wanted to do was take a Xanax and crawl under the covers of my own bed, and maybe cry if I needed to. I knew seeing Edward and feeling his arms around me might make me feel better, but…I didn't want him to touch me.

He deserved better than to wrap his arms around a girlfriend whose thoughts were miserably preoccupied with what size buttplug she should go buy. He deserved one who was completely focused on him, on their time together…not one who was feeling like a whore with her new contract in hand.

I dialed his number as I walked out into the damp cool evening air, and he picked up on the second ring.

"Hey baby!" He sounded happy to hear from me, as always, and I felt a guilty lurch in my chest. "You on your way over?"

"No, I um…I think I'm just going to go straight home tonight."

"Oh…okay…is, uh…"

I could hear it in his voice…wanting to ask what was wrong, but afraid to hear the answer nevertheless.

"I'm just really tired, hon. Long day." That was the most I would usually say about my work day, if anything.

"Do you need anything? Do you want me to…?"

"No, it's fine, don't worry. I'm just tired." I unlocked my car and sank down into the driver's seat, trying to force a lighter note into my voice. "I'll be okay tomorrow."

"You're not getting sick, are you?"

"If I were, I have the best doctor in the world to take care of me, right?" I smiled a little. "Talk to you later?"

He hesitated. "Okay, but call me any time if you need me, all right?"

"I will. I love you."

"I love you too, baby."

**xoxoxoxo**

"It's not that bad you know," Rosalie offered, pouring another shot. Some friends might bond or commiserate over coffee or shopping, Rose always preferred the relaxing comfort of booze when there was something especially touchy to hash out. "And it's not like _bam_, there's a finger or a cock up your butt. If anybody every does that, punch them in the nuts…or the tits."

I laughed a little. "Where's Emmett tonight?"

"Philadelphia," Rose replied flippantly. "Last-minute thing."

The tequila burned as I tossed back my second shot. I knew next to nothing about Emmett's job as a sports agent, but I'd gathered from Rose that there were a lot of those last-minute, gotta-move-now moments in his career. "That sucks."

"Yeah well, you know." Rosalie chugged her own shot. "Why aren't you over at Edward's? Were you hoping I'd take one for the team and introduce you to the joys of butt sex?"

We both cracked up over that one, and as the warm tingle of the tequila started meandering through my bloodstream, I felt the tension in my body melt a little. "Thanks for the offer, but I'll figure it out."

"No problem. So…answer my question."

I shoved my empty shot glass across the table at her. I had no intention of getting drunk, but sometimes the warmth of the booze was better than the pleasant haze of the Xanax. "Eh, I was feeling emo I guess. James and the contract thing."

"Ah. And?"

"I don't know how I feel about the whole interactive aspect. On the one hand, it's quite a bit of money for not that much work. On the other…I just don't like the idea of some stranger telling me what to do. And I somehow don't think Edward will like it either."

"Yeeeah." Rose pursed her lips and poured us each another shot. "Emmett's not thrilled about it either, but at least he knows I won't have to do it for too much longer. He did threaten to buy one of the streaming videos with me, but I told him I'd fucking kill him."

"Why buy the cow when you're getting the milk for free…or however that saying goes?"

"Exactly." We solemnly clinked shot glasses and then tossed them both back. Rose screwed up her face at the bite, and I carefully put my glass down a safe distance away from her bottle.

"So…exactly how did you manage to dodge the contract thing, if you're going to be doing the interactive stuff after all?"

"I told him I'd sign an addendum to my contract adding four chats per week to the films I still have to do." She rolled her shot glass between her fingers thoughtfully. "I don't think he really believes I'm going to bail on him."

"He's in denial," I murmured. Rosalie was OPB's biggest star, biggest draw, and biggest money-maker, but she'd been very good about keeping her plans a secret. James would probably have a stroke when she gave him the bad news. "I guess I might as well go ahead and sign it when we get back from the convention. I don't really have any reason _not_ to, do I?"

She smiled sympathetically at me. "Well…"

"Aside from Edward."

"What do you think his reaction is going to be?"

I blew out a long breath. "Probably not good. But then again, porn is porn is porn. Different kinds of porn are still porn. I think it all goes into his 'do not think about' file anyway."

"You guys don't talk about it?"

"No, never." I thought back over the weeks Edward and I had been together; after the initial discovery and disclosure, we'd never spoken of it again. If he noticed the occasional bite mark or scratches on my body, he never mentioned them. For my part, I tried to leave work at the studio and not think about it when I was with him. It seemed to be working for both of us.

"Hmm…do you think that's healthy?"

"I don't know if it's healthy, but it's necessary for our relationship right now."

"Is that why you're over here talking to me about this whole contract thing, instead of him?"

I shot her a dirty look. "No you skanky bitch, I'm talking to you because I miss you and you're my friend and we don't actually see each other much anymore. And because you understand what I'm dealing with."

Rose cocked her head at me. "So, are you going to tell him about it, then?"

"Tell him what? That there's going to be a new way for people other than him to fuck me? Probably not. Porn is porn is porn."

"You're the one who said you thought it was bordering on prostitution," she pointed out calmly.

"All the more reason not to tell him."

"Fine," she sighed, before reaching across the table to swipe my shot glass away from me for a refill. "Just don't claim I didn't say I told you so."

**xoxoxoxo**

**EPOV**

I was just leaving the hospital Sunday night when my phone rang. I was tired and discouraged; I'd been called in to the hospital when one of my patients with coronary artery disease arrived in full cardiac arrest. With his history, the attending physician wanted a consult with me, and I'd spent the last hour trying to calm down the patient's frantic family. His chances weren't looking good.

On top of that was the ever-present knowledge that _my_ girlfriend was in Las Vegas, at some kind of _porn_ convention. She'd assured me that it was boring as hell and that James was the only one conducting business…they were just there to look pretty. It didn't ease my mind much.

Bella's job was the big ugly fucking white elephant in our relationship, and I was sure it was getting to her just like it was getting to me more and more. I hated having anything that we _couldn't_ talk about, especially since we talked about everything else. We didn't have secrets between us anymore. I was madly in love with that beautiful woman, my parents adored her, and I was already having crazy thoughts about putting a ring on her finger some day.

But the porn…the porn kept coming back, like a psycho ex you can't keep out. As much as I loved our sex life, I couldn't help but remember why she was so good at certain things. I saw red marks on her body, and I saw her bite her lip to keep from moaning in pain when she moved the wrong way on what must have been an especially strenuous day. There were times when a quiet little cloud seemed to hover over her, stresses that she didn't want to tell me about. And the time just over a week ago when she shut me out completely and went home instead of coming over. It killed me that she didn't want to tell me what was hurting her, and I hated myself for letting her keep it inside.

She hadn't been able to get back to Forks before the convention this weekend, and I knew that had upset her a lot. We'd talked about me going with her at some point, and it meant the world to me that she was willing to let me into that part of her life. Charlie's health and well-being was the sole motivation for doing what she did, and I knew it was another reason why she didn't complain. In her mind, it was worth it.

Part of me did want to know everything. I wanted to be a fucking man, _her_ man, to take her in my arms and ask her to tell me everything. I wanted her to be able to cry to me if she needed to, rant if she wanted to, and explain the things that I didn't understand.

But I was a big fucking pussy, apparently.

Like this convention…she'd asked quietly if I wanted to know exact details, and I said no. Then as soon as she fell asleep that night, I snuck onto my laptop and Googled the stupid fucking thing anyway. I guess I _did_ want to know the details, I just didn't want to hear them from _her_. Because it made the connection way too real.

I scowled down at my phone as it rang insistently, the caller ID flashing Emmett's name. He'd texted me that he'd be back in town today, and we'd made some tentative plans to get together to kick back and watch the 49ers game. Right now, though, I just wanted to go home. Bella was getting back into town first thing in the morning, and I was planning on getting a full night's sleep before I gave her a screaming orgasm or five.

"Yeah?" I answered half-heartedly.

"_Dude! _Where are you?"

"I got called into the hospital today, I don't know if I'm up for…"

"Shut up and get over here, now!"

I chuckled. "I didn't know you cared, man."

"No, seriously you've got to…" He sputtered over his words, trying to rush them out before his brain could catch up. "Fifteen minutes. It starts in fifteen minutes!"

"What does?"

"The…it's on…the convention! Footage of the convention!"

"_What?_"

"One of the premium channels is doing a…just shut the fuck up and get over here! We've got to see exactly what our girls are up to!"

"Emmett, I don't want to fucking see that," I protested feebly.

"Bullshit. See you in fourteen minutes." And with that he hung up, and I drove over there, because he was right and I did want to fucking see it.

Exactly fourteen minutes later my ass was parked in Emmett's recliner as he tossed me a beer. One of the premier channels that Emmett subscribed to was doing a program called _Behind the Scenes at the Adult Film and Entertainment Showcase_, and we were now glued to the screen.

"Should we call Jasper and let him in on this?" Emmett asked absently, not looking away.

"Nah," I replied shortly. I was pretty sure Jasper wouldn't be able to understand exactly why we were so fixated on the show now.

An hour into the two-hour show, and we hadn't seen anything especially salacious. The scantily-clad commentator teetered around the enormous convention hall on spike heels, spotlighting new companies, up-and-coming talent in the porn industry, and the strangest array of gadgets and sex toys I'd ever seen. It was interesting in its own way, but compared to what we'd been hoping to see…

"I hate to admit it, but this is kinda boring," Emmett finally complained.

"Uh-huh." I cracked my neck before throwing my tired body back and shoving the footrest up. Despite the subject matter at hand being sex, sex, and more sex, there was only so much the channel could show. Even the convention itself was just like any other convention I'd ever attended…concrete floors, an enormous room with harsh lighting, neck lanyards draped over the bulging guts of its attendees. Even the female attendees looked pretty…well…rough.

"And now finally, what you've all been waiting for!" chirped the commentator. "Some of the newest innovations in the porn industry! Tired of just watching? Get ready for _interaction!_"

"Aww shit, I read something about this," Emmett yawned. "It's porn in 3-D, but improved. And they've got virtual porn now, like for gamers? You can build your own porn star and fuck other people virtually. It looks like The Sims."

"I loved The Sims," I chuckled, remembering my old college time-suck standby. "So you can make your Sim have a twelve-inch dick? And get all the tail?"

"Yeah, how cool is _that_?"

I snorted. "Cool except for the fact that they're fucking _Sims_, dude. I don't get off on cartoon porn, sorry."

"It's innovation!" Somehow I wasn't surprised that Emmett was defending the industry. "You can tell them what to do, and they respond to you!"

"Following down the trail blazed by some of its larger competitors, but with its always-unique twist, is OPB, Inc! If you thought some of the bigger companies had cornered the market on interactivity…you ain't seen nothing yet!"

The commentator winked at us. Emmett and I froze. And then the cameras went to Rosalie and my Bella.

"In a move that's being branded insane genius by some, futuristic by others, OPB, Inc. will now be offering text _and_ streaming video chats with some of its biggest contract stars! Now you can make your biggest fantasies come to life with some of _your_ dreamgirls!"

It cut to a shot that ran rapidly up and down Rosalie's body as she wiggled her ass and then blew a kiss at the camera. Emmett cursed.

"OPB co-founder James Mitchell spells it out for us!"

The next shot flashed to a man in a dark red button-down, blond hair shoved roughly back from his pale features. He looked like any normal guy in line with you at Starbucks, not the head of a porn mini-empire. This was Bella's boss…

"Taking this step catapults us beyond just meeting or getting an autograph from your favorite porn star," he explained smoothly. "Imagine that fantasy responding to your every whim…her seeing you, talking to you, getting off under _your_ instructions. Whether you want to just talk to some of OPB's contract stars or live out your own porn, it's there for you."

His words barely scraped along the surface of my consciousness before the next shot had him with his arm around Bella's waist. My Bella…

No, not my Bella. In another setting, I would have taken the time to appreciate the white corset with its black ribbon trim, the matching pleated skirt that barely covered her panties. But this Bella had smoky eyes that batted alluringly at the camera, hair that twisted down in ringlets instead of soft waves. She stood on sky-high heels, her weight cocked onto one hip, into James' body.

"Oh my God, that's amazing, can we get a demonstration?"

"Of course!" A montage of the commentator squealing with glee over some tramp responding to her verbal commands ensued. It was a video chat. Like Skype, except that my Bella would be on one end, and an entire world of sick fucking perverts would be on the other. All of them telling her what to do.

"And this video chat, what _exactly_ can we expect to see?"

James smiled easily. "Whatever you want…whatever you've seen in our movies, we can do. You just tell us what you want, we're here to give it to you."

The final shot started at white shoes with black ribbon bows, encasing feet and slim ankles I knew like the back of my hand. It ran up her long pale legs, to thighs, over hips, waist, breasts and a neck that I'd buried my face in when I'd insisted on dropping her off at the airport three days before.

Then it moved to her face, over lips that I'd thought were mine, to eyes I _knew_ were…and she winked.

Staring into those eyes, that was when I realized..._that_ Bella…the Bella on the screen…apparently that was my Bella too.

.

.

A/N:

Hmm, porn is porn is porn, huh? Sounds good in theory but I'm not sure about practice!

Thank you for all your kind reviews, I sincerely appreciate them! If you're on Twitter feel free to hit me up for a follow, I'm lazykatevamp over there! 'Til next time!


	17. Chapter 17

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author. This story is rated M for Mature and is not intended for anyone under the age of eighteen.**

**Chapter Seventeen**

**BPOV**

I was in a much better mood when our plane touched down than I'd been a few days prior. The convention had been a success, as far as such things went, and James was delighted with the amount of publicity that had been garnered for both the webchats and the _Bare Love_ series. My feet were killing me, my face ached from hours of smiling, and I must have signed a thousand autographs and posed for as many photos.

I'd missed Edward a lot, of course. I'd barely talked to him on the phone since we never got back to the hotel before midnight, and had to be available for interviews in the morning. We'd managed to sneak a few calls in during my brief breaks, but for the most part, we'd had to go without communicating for the longest time since we'd met.

He'd sent me a short text just as I was boarding the plane, asking if I was still planning on coming over that evening. It made me smile; I'd sent him more than a few texts randomly over the weekend telling him exactly what I wanted to do to him when I got home, and he'd had some ideas of his own.

As soon as we were off the plane, I turned my phone back on, hoping there would be a voicemail or another text from him. He'd offered to pick Rose and I up from the airport, but I'd turned him down, hinting that he could leave work early instead. Monday was his busiest day of the week, but he usually spent his last hour there doing paperwork...something he could easily do first thing Tuesday morning.

The usual reassuring weekly voicemail from Charlie's nurse pinged on my phone, along with a couple of unimportant e-mails. Nothing new from Edward, though, and I yawned as I followed Rose to the baggage claim.

"So, are you coming home with me, or what?" she queried.

"Yeah, I'd like to get a solid nap in before I head over to Edward's later. I'm thinking about going over early and making a nice dinner for us."

She cracked her neck and then groaned. "I'm gonna shower, change, and then I'm picking Emmett up from work for a late lunch. Sure you don't want to come with us?"

"Nah, I'm good, but thanks. James gave me the final copy of my contract this morning, and I haven't had a chance to look at it yet. I think I'll sit down and read over it." I snuck another peek at my cell, but there was still nothing new from Edward. It must be a busy day for him too.

"When does he want it signed by?"

"He gave me until this Wednesday."

"Make him wait until Wednesday morning, then," Rosalie advised. I nodded and stuffed my phone back into my pocket as the next cab in line pulled up and popped the trunk.

**xoxoxoxo**

Flying always made me tired, so after a quick shower and writing a list of ingredients I'd need to pick up on the way to Edward's for chicken parmigiana, I curled up in my bed. I sent him another text letting him know that I was home and that I couldn't wait to see him later, and then almost immediately dozed off.

The soft chime of my phone woke me some time later, and I sat up, mildly disoriented. My alarm clock said that it was just after 2pm...I must have been even more tired than I thought.

The text was from Edward, finally. _Can't leave early today, but I'll be home by six-thirty. Love you too._

I smiled and typed out a reply to him. _I'm thinking Italian for dinner, and then you can have me for dessert._

Normally a text like that would have had him calling me within seconds, but after a few minutes passed with no response, I frowned and got out of bed. He must be having a day from hell, and I was glad that I'd have a hot dinner waiting for him when he got home.

After getting dressed, I threw a load of laundry into the wash and then sat down to sort through the mail that had arrived while we were out of town. Three giant bills…one for a new medication Charlie's doctor wanted to try, and two for medical equipment. Annie was great about making sure she explained any changes in Charlie's care to me in advance, so the bills weren't a total surprise. The insurance was only covering some of the equipment costs, though, and none of the new medicine, so I cringed a little as I wrote out the checks. Annie and Lana's paychecks would be automatically withdrawn from my account this week too.

By the time I'd finished catching up, it was four o'clock, and I decided to head out. First a quick stop at the grocery, and then less than an hour later, I was letting myself into Edward's apartment.

I smiled as I shut the door behind me and flicked on the lights; Edward hadn't brought up the possibility of us moving in together, but I spent more time here now than I did at my own apartment, and we both referred to it as home. I already knew where everything was in the kitchen, and in no time I was humming softly along to a song on the satellite radio as I reduced the heat on the tomato sauce and waited for it to thicken.

At six I uncorked the Sangiovese I'd bought and set the small dining room table for two, and just before six-thirty I heard Edward's key in the lock. I had my arms around him before the door even shut behind him.

"Hi," I whispered, planting a long kiss on his lips. "I missed you."

Edward squeezed me. "I missed you too baby, so much." We shared another quick kiss, and then he pulled away. "What smells so good?"

"Chicken parmigiana. I thought I'd try a new recipe."

"Sounds great. I'll shower and change real quick, then." He reached up to loosen his tie, stepping into the brighter light of the kitchen, and I frowned. I knew he must have been having a rough day, but honestly…Edward looked like hell. His eyes were puffy with faint shadows under them, and he obviously hadn't shaved that morning. His shirt and tie were still neat, but his pants were creased as though he'd slept in them…although on second thought, it didn't look like he'd slept much at all.

"Hey…are you okay?"

He gave me a tired smile. "Rough night, rough day…I'm exhausted. I'll be right out, okay?"

I nodded slowly, and then turned to pour the wine. Had he maybe gone out last night? It was doubtful…he never stayed out too late on a Sunday. And he'd been the one teasing me about being well-rested for tonight. Very strange.

I plated the chicken when I heard the shower turn off, and waved teasingly it in front of him when he padded back into the room in jeans and an old t-shirt. He smiled again as he sat down. "This is exactly what I needed. Thank you."

"You're welcome." I held out my wineglass to his. "Here's to dessert, what do you think?"

"I think I'll drink to that," he replied immediately, and clinked his glass against mine.

The chicken parmigiana had turned out beautifully, and I was hoping Edward would tell me what why he'd looked so rough, but he didn't bring it up. He seemed distracted, and the conversation grew increasingly one-sided as he answered my lighthearted questions with one or two-word replies. He was picking at his half-eaten chicken when I finally put my fork down, my own appetite gone.

"Edward, what's wrong?"

"I told you, long day," he replied evasively, and I took a deep breath.

"I can tell there's something else wrong. What aren't you telling me?"

I thought I saw irritation flicker across his features. "Nothing, Bella, Jesus. I'm just tired."

"Um, okay…so should I sit here and continue to pretend everything's fine while you do an even worse job of pretending that you're just tired?" My words came out a little more sharply than I'd intended.

"I didn't ask you to _pretend_ anything," he retorted.

"Okay then, I'll stop pretending." I threw my napkin on the table. "I barely hear from you all day, and when I see you, you look like hell. Then you can hardly bring yourself to talk to me, which means we'll be talking about _my _weekend soon, since I'm running out of things to ask you about."

He glared at me. "That sounds like a _great_ idea, Bella. Let's just do that."

I blinked at the sudden sarcasm in his tone, but I had a feeling I'd just gotten closer to hitting the nail on the head. "Okay, so I'm getting warmer…you're pissed at me about the convention? Isn't it a little late for that?"

"Do you really want to have this conversation now? I didn't want to ruin your dinner."

"Oh believe me, that ship has sailed." I shoved my plate away and then clenched my fists in my lap. "So you're pissed about this weekend. I _asked_ you if you wanted details about it and you said no. I told you there was nothing to worry about. I told you…"

"Why don't you tell me about these webchats you'll be doing?" he interrupted.

I blinked at him in silence for a moment. "How did you…"

"Did you fail to notice all the cameras around you this weekend? And, I don't know, the _interviews_ your boss was doing?"

"Of course there were cameras and interviews, the whole point of the convention is promotion. But…"

"Were you going to fucking tell _me_ about it?"

I swallowed, hard. However he'd found out was irrelevant now. "I don't know. I wasn't sure if you'd _want_ to know."

"Bullshit." He shoved his chair back and rubbed his hands roughly over his face. "I may not want to know every detail of your work day, but I sure as hell think I have a right to know about something like that."

"It's nothing I'm not already doing…" I started weakly, but my words trailed off when I saw the look on his face. He was furious, but there was hurt there too. It was exactly how he'd looked the night he'd found out about the porn.

"Do you actually believe that? Do you actually fucking _believe _that? Bella, it's one thing for you to do it for your _boss_, with your _coworkers_. Doing whatever some sick fuck with a webcam and plenty of cash tells you to do is something else entirely. What if he wants to see some guy piss on you, and you say no, but he offers more money and your boss says yes? What then?"

"That wouldn't…"

"The fuck it wouldn't!" he yelled. "It's just one thing after another in this business, isn't it? How much are you willing to let that sick fuck put you through? When are you finally going to realize that your father would rather be dead than see you do this? When are you going to say _no_ to James whoring you out?"

The words had just barely passed his lips when he caught his breath, realizing that he'd gone too far. A stabbing pain shot through my chest, spreading outward throughout my body, and I stood on shaky legs. "I'm leaving."

"Fuck…_fuck_! Bella, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that…"

"No. You shouldn't have." My purse was in my hand, and I was on autopilot now. I could stay numb until I was alone. Numb was something I was good at.

"Baby…please don't leave…I just…"

"Fuck you."

He knew better than to grab me, and I didn't let myself hear anything else he said as I left, slamming the door hard behind me. I drove in silence, mechanically, and ignored the regular muffled beeping of my cell phone, buried deep in my purse. When I got home I went straight for the kitchen cabinet and threw back two Xanax with a glass of water, resisting the urge to take another one. I may have been a _whore_, but I wasn't fucking stupid.

Then I sat at the kitchen table and waited for them to kick in.

Somewhere deep inside, I was faintly surprised that I wasn't crying, but this hurt went too deep for tears. The things he'd yelled cut more painfully than anything a stranger or James could have said to me. Not because his words weren't true…in a fucked-up way, they were…but because hearing it from _him_ hurt ten times more. I'd come to accept the porn in my own mind, and to be somewhat thankful that I had a job that could take care of Charlie. I hadn't expected Edward to ever be completely okay with it, but I certainly hadn't anticipated the words he'd flung at me tonight.

The slow fuzziness of the Xanax was just starting to work its way through me when there was a quiet knock at the door.

"Bella, it's me."

I stiffened in my seat. "How did you get in?"

"One of your neighbors recognized me and let me in downstairs. Baby, I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry."

"Go away."

There was a long silence. "I'll leave, if that's what you want. But can I please just apologize to you, face-to-face? And then I'll go, I promise."

Part of me wanted to tell him to fuck off, but my more logical side, along with the Xanax, prevailed. This was not a conversation I wanted my neighbors hearing, especially if it came down to Edward apologizing for calling me a whore. I stood on wooden legs, crossed the room and unlocked the door.

He looked even worse now than when I'd seen him earlier, but he was careful in his movements as I stood aside, letting him in, before I turned and went back to sit at the kitchen table. I didn't want to sit anywhere that would give him an opportunity to get too close.

Edward carefully shut the door behind him and locked it, pausing to take a deep breath before he came to sit across from me in the kitchen. He put his elbows on the table and jammed both hands into his hair.

"I'm sorry."

"You said that."

"I'm a fucking asshole."

"Yes, you are."

If he was surprised by my response, he didn't show it. Instead he rubbed his eyes and then braced himself on his folded arms. "Do you want me to go? Or do you want me to talk? I'll do whatever you want."

"How about listening?"

"Okay," he agreed quietly, and then it was my turn to rub my eyes. I hadn't planned on having an actual discussion tonight, and Xanax gave numbness, not words.

"First off…yes, I should have told you. I should have told you weeks ago when we found out it was a possibility, and then days ago when I knew it was a certainty. It's something you have the right to know about, even if you don't want to know everything. And even if you've said you don't want to know details, maybe I was just using that as an excuse to _not_ bring it up. So that's my fault. When it comes to need-to-know, this was a biggie."

I saw the muscles in his forearms clench, and I knew he wanted to interrupt, but he stayed silent.

"Second…I'm quite aware that every day, I'm whoring myself out. It's not exactly something I could forget. I had come to terms with it before I met you…it was a means to an end, and I didn't have to be accountable to anyone for it. It was just sex. But now I have someone I love, and am accountable to, and yes, that changes everything. Don't ever think I've forgotten that for a moment. _Everything_ changed the minute I met you."

"Bella," he whispered, but I kept talking over him.

"And I could forgive everything you said, because it's true, and I shouldn't have let you find out this way. But what you said about Charlie…" I stopped and took a deep breath. "There's no doubt in my mind that he'd rather be dead than see me doing this. But he's not dead, and he's not dying. He's not on life support. Short of going up to Forks and putting a bullet in my father's head, there's nothing I can do except take care of him. Maybe he'd _want_ me to put a bullet in his head regardless, I don't know. I'll never know that. But I sure as hell know that if it takes me fucking ten guys at once while the internet watches to ensure that he's comfortable and safe, I'll do it. I came to terms with that decision a long time ago. I guess you have to make a decision too."

His face twisted, and despite the harshness of my words, I felt sick at his heartbroken expression. I hated myself for hurting him like this, but he had to understand that there was nothing else I could do.

"Are you giving me an ultimatum?" he finally asked.

"No. I'm not asking you to choose one thing or the other…but you have to decide if it's worth it or not."

"_It?_ You mean our relationship? What do you _think_ I'm going to say?"

I bit my lip hard before responding. "I don't know Edward. I can't presume that you'll think looking past this kind of thing is worth it. I'm not asking you to get over it or be okay with it. I hate it too, I fucking _hate_ it. I hate that it has this kind of power over us. But I don't know what else to do. Just this morning alone, I wrote out checks for almost five thousand dollars in medical expenses. Another two grand is coming out later this week for his nurses. If you can find me another way to pay for all that, I'll do it. But I don't know what else to do."

When he lifted his head to look at me this time, there were tears shining in his eyes. "I don't either baby. I'd give you every penny I had if it would fix this, I'll do it right now if it'll give you a month or two…"

"It won't fix anything, though," I said dully. My anger from earlier was slowly dying out, and the familiar numbness was taking over my senses again.

Edward pulled in a deep shuddering breath before extending his hand across the table to me. Without even thinking, I took it. "I'm sorry I can't give you what you want, Edward."

"You gave me _you_," he whispered. "I love you, Bella, I love you so much it hurts. I'll do anything for you, I'll give you anything you need. But I don't know how to be okay with all this. I'm not going to lie to you, I just don't know how."

Raw pain sliced through my heart. "Neither do I."

"I shouldn't have said all that shit earlier, and I'm so sorry for it. For all of it. I don't have an excuse."

"Except for the fact that your girlfriend is a porn star. If…" I paused for a moment to gather my last bit of resolve, ignoring the pain screaming through me. "If you can't…if you don't think you can be with me, I understand. It's not what I want, because I'm selfish enough to want you to stay with me. But I'll be the first one to say I understand if it hurts too much."

"Oh Bella," he murmured, and in a moment he was up and around the table and pulling me into his arms. "It hurts, it hurts a whole fucking lot. But not having you would hurt me a thousand times more."

He hugged me tight against his body, and a convulsive shudder went through him when I finally made my arms move to wind tightly around him too. After a moment he pulled away just enough to frame my face in his hands and meet my tired eyes. "I love you. I love you no matter what. I love you because you're _you_. I just need you to tell me what to do."

"I don't know," I muttered fuzzily. The emotional exhaustion and the Xanax were definitely getting the better of me, and Edward frowned.

"How many Xanax did you take, baby?"

"Two. I'm just so tired."

"I think we could both use a really good night's sleep. I'm going to help you to bed, then…do you want me to go?"

"No." The hurt from his earlier words wasn't forgotten, but I needed him holding me more now than I needed to nurse a grudge. "Stay with me, please."

"Okay." He pressed a kiss to the top of my head before bending and scooping me into his arms. I started to protest, but his solid warmth against me felt too good, and when he lowered me onto my bed, I shut my eyes. I was asleep before I even felt him curl up behind me.

**xoxoxoxoxo**

**EPOV**

Bella fell asleep almost the instant I tucked her into bed. I lay down and pulled her into the curve of my body, reassured by her even breathing. I wasn't worried about her overdosing accidentally or intentionally on the Xanax, but I hated that my words and actions had led to her taking them. I _was_ a fucking asshole.

I could still barely believe that I'd lashed out at her the way I had, and it would have served me right if she hadn't even allowed me into her apartment, let alone forgiven me. I'd gotten too drunk to drive at Emmett's the night before and spent the night in his recliner, waking up just in time to fly to work. I'd changed into the fresh shirt and tie I kept in my office, but a day-long splitting headache and my anger over the whole porn situation had built up into me snapping at Bella. After she made me a wonderful dinner from scratch, no less. Some boyfriend I was.

Fuck, the shit I'd said to her...this didn't even really qualify as our first real fight. My words had been completely inexcusable and hateful, all because I was a jerk that was taking his insecurities out on someone who didn't deserve it. Should Bella have told me about the webchats? Hell yes. Did that justify the things I'd said to her? Never in a million years.

I loved Bella, and I would kill anyone who would dare to say those kind of things to her. I was supposed to be the person who loved her unconditionally, her rock when anything got her down. I was supposed to be the one she could lean on when things got rough, when life got painful. Instead I'd been the one hurling insults at her, as if she didn't have to deal with enough of that shit every day. I'd gone back on everything I'd promised her about trying my best to deal with a life that affected her far more directly than it ever would me. For as long as I lived, I'd never forget the sound of my own voice and the ugly accusations I'd flung at her about Charlie wishing he was dead and James whoring her out. I wasn't even going to pretend to myself that _anything_ justified those words.

What I'd told her later was true, though…I didn't know what to do. I felt helpless that I couldn't get her out of the situation she was in, and I hated that I couldn't figure out how to just _deal_ with the situation like she did. If I could afford to pay for Charlie's care, I would, but she made more money than I did and still didn't have enough saved up to take care of him for another ten years. Bills for medicine, medical equipment, nurses, doctors, therapy…even with Charlie's benefits, it added up. And she wasn't willing to sacrifice his quality of life so that Medicare would kick in more. I couldn't really blame her for that.

I didn't want to insult her by assuming she hadn't looked into every conceivable option to pay for Charlie's care, but then again, I didn't know enough about Medicare and disability to guarantee it. If there was some other funding source that could ease the financial burden, and let her take some other job, I knew she'd do it in a heartbeat.

Moving carefully so I wouldn't disturb her, I propped myself up on one elbow and eased my cell phone out of my back pocket. Her steady breathing told me that she probably wouldn't wake up, but I didn't want her to overhear part of my conversation and take it the wrong way. I'd rather tell her about it in the morning.

I rolled off the bed and slipped quietly out of the room, down the hall and into the living room. A quick check at the time before I hit the speed-dial, and the person I most needed to talk to answered.

"Edward?"

"Hey Dad, listen…I need your help."

.

**A/N:**

Hmm, what in the world might Carlisle be able to help with? Any guesses?

I don't normally like to spoil and say something will or will not happen in my stories, but I do want to assure you that NO, Bella will not be overdosing on her Xanax. She's just using it more than anyone should have to.

I love reading your reviews, and I have to say your thoughts from the last chapter really blew me away. I can't tell you how much it means to me that you put so much thought and time into your comments, and I truly enjoy reading them! Thank you!

I'm on Twitter as lazykatevamp, and if you happen to also be curious about some of Peter Facinelli's non-Twilight/Nurse Jackie roles, please check out PFachWatchalong on Twitter (link is also in my profile). Brits and I watch PFach movies and share our honest thoughts. We try to be funny too!

Until next time!


	18. Chapter 18

******Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

******All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author. This story is rated M for Mature and is not intended for anyone under the age of eighteen.**

******Chapter Eighteen**

******BPOV**

4:45am, and I snapped awake, just as I did every morning. My heart began pounding as usual, but within the space of a few deep breaths, it began to slow and I didn't break out into a prickly sweat as I'd used to. Since I'd started waking up with Edward beside me more often than not, the panic hadn't been as bad.

We were both laying on our sides, and his arm was draped over my waist. I'd evidently fallen asleep in my clothes, but I was too comfortable to get up and take them off now. We'd have to get up in less than an hour anyway, so Edward had time to go back to his apartment before work, and there was no point in waking him up now.

I sighed softly and rubbed my face against the pillow. The whole nightmare of the evening before was coming back to me now, and thinking about it was like poking a sore tooth. It hurt like hell but I couldn't stop doing it.

Remembering the things Edward had yelled at me hurt, but I'd forgiven him, even if I hadn't said the words. His words had been hateful, but deep down I recognized it was anger and betrayal that had spawned them. I didn't _deserve_ the things he'd said, but I'd chosen to ignore the little voice that had urged me to tell him about the webchats. Rosalie _had_ been right, and although Edward may have still been upset about the entire idea, there wouldn't have been deception on my part thrown into the mix.

Last night had definitely been a wake-up call. Edward might not need to know exactly how many people I had sex with on any given day, in what positions, and involving what scenarios, but from now on he needed to hear about everything else from _me_. Telling him about the new contract was going to test my resolve on that matter, but he was right…he deserved to know.

I reached up and began stroking the arm he had clasped firmly around me, and in response he sighed in his sleep and began a very soft snoring against my neck. The absolute familiarity of it made me smile.

I loved this man so much. Sometimes I wasn't quite sure how I'd gotten to be so lucky, that he loved me too, that he was willing to work around the mountain of baggage I'd dragged into our relationship. Although I'd understood on a superficial level before, now I truly knew why porn stars were rarely in committed relationships with people who weren't in or intimately familiar with the business. As much as we might try to tell ourselves that _it was ____just__ sex, _a giant part of a healthy relationship was sex, and yet I was giving it away almost every day. It was like having a third person in our relationship, one who took and took and gave back nothing emotionally except trouble.

It truly had been so much easier when I was single. But I wasn't willing to give Edward up just to make things easy on myself again.

I kept stroking his arm and thinking, until he stirred behind me. "Hey baby…what time is it?" he murmured sleepily.

"Almost five-thirty."

He groaned. "Shit, I've got to go…I have to stop by the hospital to see a patient before I go into the office."

Disappointment flickered inside of me. "Is everything okay?"

His hand squeezed my hip and he kissed my shoulder. "I don't know yet, he's a pretty sick man and it was touch-and-go as of yesterday."

I sighed and rolled over onto my back, Edward's tired face coming into view just above mine. "I understand."

"Baby, listen…" His fingers reached up to brush against my cheek. "We need to talk, really sit down and talk. There's some stuff I want to ask you about, and I guess there are some things you need to tell me about."

"Yeah. I should be home by five today."

"Since I ruined all your hard work on dinner, why don't I make it up to you? Let's go somewhere nice tonight, okay? I don't spoil you as much as I should."

I couldn't help but smile at that. "You don't have to spoil me at all."

"And that's exactly why I want to…because you don't expect it." He bent down and brushed a gentle kiss over my lips. We were both usually more frisky in the morning, but I could tell the shadow of our fight the night before was still looming over us. I appreciated that he wasn't trying to pretend that everything was fixed and forgotten. "I love you, Bella."

"I love you too."

He gave me another sweet lingering kiss before reluctantly rolling out of the bed; he'd slept in his clothes as well. "As long as nothing comes up, I'll come pick you up here at seven. Dress up."

I smiled and made a mental note to have Alice pick out a LBD from the pictures on her phone. "Will do. Have a nice day."

"You too." He bent and gave me one more kiss before turning to grab his wallet, keys, and phone from the dresser. "I'll call you later."

"Okay."

After I heard the front door shut behind him, I shut my eyes and wondered if it was even worth trying to go back to sleep. I was due at the studio at 9am sharp, as Marcus was going to be taking still photos of the contract stars for the webchat profiles. James had mentioned that he already had a web design company hard at work on the chat site, and that he wanted to launch it as soon as possible. The interest in it had been considerable at the convention, and the sooner it went live, the happier he'd be.

I lingered in bed a little longer before finally getting up and making my way into the shower. My eyes were a little puffy, but we'd gone to bed so early that I'd actually gotten a decent amount of sleep. Thank God for small favors.

Rose was already at the studio when I arrived, having evidently spent the night at Emmett's. James was talking animatedly to her, but waved me over the moment he saw me come in. "Isabella! Perfect timing…I want to show the two of you what we've already got done so far!"

He'd mentioned in Vegas that construction was being done on the studio in our absence to accommodate the webchats, but I was still surprised at how much had been accomplished. Two of the smaller props and storage rooms just off the main studio had been cleaned out and the walls and ceilings painted a bright white. A large sturdy white table had been installed in one, the studio's Liberator Black Label Esse in the other.

"All of this can be swapped out, of course, depending on what the customer is interested in," James explained. "They're installing the camera equipment in a bit. Both rooms will be set up for the one-way and two-way video chat. I'm having a cubicle in the front office cleaned out for the text-only chats."

"Sexy," Rose drawled.

"The text-only chats are probably going to tend to be less sexual in nature anyway," he continued, unperturbed. "You'll get more of the fans that actually do just want to talk to you, get to know more about you, that sort of thing."

"So how exactly are you and Laurent going to monitor all this too?" I queried nervously. I knew that if push came to shove, we could literally just get up and walk out of the room, but I was hoping the obvious presence of a staff member would keep some of the freaks from getting too out of line.

"We'll be able to do it from anywhere in the building wirelessly. I can be sitting in my office and watch everything you're doing in here, and see the chat window too. We'll actually be able to monitor a couple at once, if need be. I'm not as concerned about the text-only chats, obviously, so we probably won't even need to monitor those, as long as it's with a star I trust. Speaking of…I'm sure I won't need to worry about monitoring either of you after we all get used to it. You're both professionals, you know what's appropriate and what isn't, and I trust your judgment."

"Obviously, but this is a whole new medium, James," Rose pointed out. "At what point do we just tell them to cut it out, as opposed to calling the whole thing off?"

"The customer will be told in advance what you're willing to do and what you're not. If they stray into an area they shouldn't in the heat of the moment, just redirect them. If they're completely out of line, we'll shut it down. I really don't think we'll have too much of that; they all have to sign a no-refund agreement with a digital signature. And for the amount of money we're charging, these will be discerning customers that won't want to waste it."

Rose shrugged. "Okay, so when should we be expecting to start this?"

James scowled slightly. "Probably not until next week for the video chats, setting up the technology ended up being a little more time-consuming than I'd been told. We don't want to half-ass this and have it crash on us halfway through, especially since the first few sessions will be with trade people, for articles and reviews and such. I'll want one or both of you doing those, obviously. I think we'll be on-board to start the text-chatting tomorrow. Speaking of which…" James caught himself and then turned to Rose. "Why don't you go on to hair and makeup? Isabella will be there in just a minute, I want Marcus to start with you two."

She nodded, giving me a sideways look, and turned away. James waited until the door shut behind her before he spoke again. "Did you bring the contract?"

"Um, no," I muttered, staring down at the clips on the Esse. "I forgot it at home, but I figured since you said I had until tomorrow…"

James hummed. "Should I have any reason to be concerned, Isabella?"

I looked up quickly. "About what?"

"You ___are_ planning to sign it, aren't you?"

_Fuck_. This was exactly why I should have been honest with Edward about things as they came up, instead of putting them off. But truly…was I planning to sign it? Was there any reason I shouldn't? The additional movies weren't as big of a deal as the webchats, but I couldn't do one without the other. I didn't really have much of a choice.

"I…yes, I am…I guess I'm just nervous."

My boss sighed and sat down on one end of the Esse. "About the webchats?"

"Yes."

James' face was infinitely more patient than the last time we'd had this conversation. "I know you are, Isabella, and I'm sorry if you feel that I'm making you to do something you're uncomfortable with. I can't force you to sign the contract, obviously, but you can't work for me without a contract, and right now, I need all my stars who are doing movies also available for the webchats. Those two things are going to play off each other. Customers who see you in a film may jump at the chance to interact with you live, and after doing _that_ they'll want to see more films when you're not available otherwise. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Again, I'm sorry if you feel like I'm pressuring you, but you have to realize this is strictly business with me. Everything I do for OPB is business. You've always been the same, a consummate professional that never gives me any reason to worry about anything. And in return, I've tried to do my best to promote you as one of my biggest contract stars. I want us to continue that relationship."

"I do too," I murmured. It wasn't entirely a lie, James _had_ been very good to me, and the position I was currently in was enviable from an industry career standpoint.

"Okay then…" He took a deep breath. "What is it exactly about the webchats that you're uneasy about? I know it's new and it will take some getting used to, but you won't be doing it all on your own."

"I guess…just the idea that some stranger is telling me what to do. I can trust you and Laurent, I'm comfortable with you. But a total stranger…" I bit my lip, knowing it wouldn't do any good to tell James that my boyfriend hated the entire idea, that reason wouldn't carry any weight with him whatsoever. My personal life wasn't his problem.

"Are you comfortable with a stranger having you do things that you already do? Masturbating, straightforward sex, things you've already done and still do?"

Try as I might, I couldn't really come up with a reason to say no. "I guess so."

James nodded. "So it's the unknown, that a stranger might ask you to do something and you'll be forced to do it? Isabella, _you_ have all the power here. You've made it very clear what things you simply aren't willing to do, and I like to think I'm very respectful of that. Would you agree?"

I nodded silently. It was true, he'd never bullied me into doing anything that I flat-out couldn't or wouldn't do. Victoria would have been another matter, but James and Laurent protected us from anything she might have tried.

"The same is true with these chats. If someone wants you to do something you can't or won't do, you don't have to. I'm not going to force you to do something unreasonable just because a customer offers more money to see it. I'm a businessman, not a monster, and you are a very valuable investment for me. I'd rather turn down one customer than lose your trust and our working relationship forever. Do you believe that?"

"Yes," I said finally. "I do."

He tapped his fingers thoughtfully against the Esse. "The anal thing…I know I was a little bit harsh on you about that when we talked about it before. But again, consider it from a business viewpoint. Anal is pretty much standard now, you know that. I can't force you to do it, but if a potential customer sees that you're not available for _any_ anal play whatsoever, they're going to pass over you for someone else who is. You and I both end up losing money and a customer."

I took a deep breath. "I've been thinking about that. I know you're right, and I'm willing to try, for the chats and for film. But just toys and fingers or whatever for now, no sex. Not until _I'm_ ready for it, if I ever am."

He pursed his lips, and I could see he was thinking it over. "I think that will be doable. I don't want you forcing yourself to do anything that might hurt you, but honestly…you may find it's not as bad as you think, once you've worked your way up to it."

Rosalie had told me the same thing. "So…otherwise…I don't have to do anything that I wouldn't anyway?"

"No, and I'm sorry if I didn't make that abundantly clear." James stood up, clearly considering our conversation closed. "I can have Alice print off another copy of the contract so you can sign it today."

"No, it's okay…I'll bring my copy in tomorrow. I promise."

He didn't like that answer, but I could tell he was still trying to end on a positive note. "All right then…hair and makeup are probably waiting for you. I'll see you in a bit."

As I hurried through the studio to the dressing room, I felt a strange sense of empowerment humming through me. James and I had discussed my choices and comfort levels before, of course, and he'd agreed to some of my conditions, while I'd acquiesced on others. But never before had I done anything like negotiating with him, and I had to admit it felt _good, _having come out on top of something important like that. He was right, the anal was essentially an industry standard, and I knew I could work up to it now that I didn't have to worry about sex right away. Feeling as though I were in control for once was nice.

Now I just had to cross my fingers that Edward would be able to listen and understand what I would have to tell him that night about the webchats…that they were essentially just a live version of what I already did for the camera, nothing more. Whatever profile or interview he'd seen about them had probably put the most salacious spin possible on them, and I had to make him understand that it wasn't really that bad after all.

I hoped he would understand.

******xoxoxoxo**

******EPOV**

I'd been on-edge pretty much since I'd gotten off the phone with my dad the night before, and it had taken me forever to fall asleep, even with the reassuring warmth of Bella curled in my arms. I'd just listened to her breathe, my lips pressed against her hair, feeling her heartbeat under my palm.

When we were together like that, I was reminded that she was worth everything. All my insecurity, all my jealousy, all my helpless anger over her job…when we were together like that, it was the reminder I needed that at the end of the day, it was just us. Just Edward and Bella.

I'd breathed in the sweet scent of her, thinking back over my conversation with my dad. He'd listened quietly as I explained with a minimum of detail that Bella's job was placing an undue amount of stress on her, and couldn't possibly provide for both herself and Charlie for much longer. My father not only had years of experience in the medical field on me, but he also had contacts across the country, and that was what I was banking on.

_"__You won't be able to access any kind of private medical information about him without her consent, Edward. You know that."_

_"__That's fine, that's not what I need to know." My hand tugged through my hair in frustration. "I just…I need to know if every single funding source for his care has been explored. It's not fair to her, Dad, she's working herself into the ground to pay for all of it. I mean, Jesus, there's got to be __something____ else out there!"_

___Dad was silent for a long moment. "You said he's receiving SSDI, and Medicare now?"_

_"__Yeah…he received a settlement from the logging company, and he's got a pension too. But I get the impression those are just a drop in the bucket."_

___His voice was thoughtful. "There's a guy I went to college with…I haven't seen him in years, and we weren't that close, but I saw mention of him in the alumni newsletter. He's an attorney specializing in Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security. He might be able to give you some answers."_

My dad must have gotten to work immediately, because the attorney had called me himself while I was on the way to the hospital that morning. He'd listened to my explanation, had a few questions, and then asked how urgently I needed answers. I'd told him bluntly that I'd pay whatever his usual fee was, along with any kind of charge for expedition that might be levied. We'd hung up with him promising to have answers for me by the end of the day.

Now it was five-thirty, and I'd be leaving in a half-hour to go home and clean up before going to pick up Bella. I'd managed to score last-minute reservations for us at ___La Folie_, and although I knew I couldn't wine and dine my way out of my behavior the night before, I was hoping it would be a nice evening for both of us. Although…we needed to talk. And maybe talking in the neutral setting of a public restaurant would be a good idea since neither of us could flip out and fly off the handle in a place like that.

I swung nervously back and forth in my desk chair, ignoring the day's paperwork in front of me, my thoughts growing more frenzied by the moment. More than anything I wanted the attorney to find something, _anything_, that could take care of Charlie without forcing Bella to cover his staggering medical bills. Part of me, though, was nervous about what Bella might say. That she might be angry about me going behind her back, second-guessing all the things she'd done a few years back. But as long as Charlie's health and well-being was the end-result, it was all good, right?

Right.

I'd just given up and was pulling off my white jacket when my cell phone buzzed loudly across my desk. I snatched it up and had it open within a second.

"Hello?"

"Dr. Cullen? This is Stefan Gerard."

His voice was easy and comfortable, and I forced myself to calm down. "Yes, hello."

"Just wanted to get back to you with everything I found out today. As I said earlier, you do understand I wasn't able to access any of Mr. Swan's private medical information, correct?"

"Yes, of course. My girlfriend has shared all of that with me anyway."

"All right then." I heard papers shuffling on the other end of the phone. "Everything I have to tell you is a matter of public record, but I hope it'll help. You said Mr. Swan is receiving both Medicare and SSDI. Are you familiar with those two programs?"

"Not really," I admitted. "I don't usually deal with the payment side of my field."

"All right. SSDI is Social Security Disability Insurance. It's based on work history, how many years worked, how much money paid into the system, and how many credits you accrued. Because he was disabled after working for many years, Mr. Swan was qualified to receive SSDI payments."

"Is it income-based? Like, how much he was making as a cop before? Or his household income now?"

"His income and assets now have nothing to do with the size of the SSDI payments. It would if he was receiving straight SSI, but he could be a millionaire and would still receive the same amount in SSDI."

"So his current household income…or his daughter's…has nothing to do with it?"

"No."

"Okay." I exhaled slowly, my hopes of Bella's income affecting her father's payments evaporating. "I was hoping that if the income providing for him was lowered, his payments would increase."

"Not in this case, no. You mentioned that Mr. Swan also has Medicare. He would have become eligible for Medicare two years after he was disabled. That is now his insurance, and covers things like doctor visits, medical equipment, and some of the home health care costs. Do you know if he's receiving any physical or occupational therapy?"

"Umm…" I wracked my brain, but I couldn't remember Bella mentioning either one. "I'm not sure. Does it cover his medications?"

"He would have to be signed up for Medicare Part D for any prescription coverage."

My head was starting to hurt. "You said Medicare should cover the home health care, though?"

"Somewhat. It would pay for medical equipment such as his wheelchair, and medical supplies, as well as pick up some of the in-home nursing costs. The SSDI payments could be applied to anything his payee sees fit. But you're not just talking about medical care, Dr. Cullen. From your description of the situation, his nurses are also supplying homemaker services such as cleaning, laundry, and other tasks like shopping. That is definitely not covered by Medicare, and I can assure you that they don't do it for free."

"But if Medicare covers in-home care…"

"Medicare covers some of the costs," Stefan corrected me. "Twenty-four-hour in-home care is not a covered benefit. Picking up the balance of those costs is probably a formidable amount, your girlfriend is very lucky she has the income to do so."

I let my forehead thump against my fist; this was _not_ what I'd been hoping to hear. "Theoretically speaking, can you think of any way to get the costs down?"

"I'm not a medical professional and I'm not familiar enough with his case, Dr. Cullen, so it's impossible for me to say. I do know that sometimes the services of a home health aide can replace those of a nurse for non-medical personal care, and Medicare does cover that."

I jotted ___home health aide_ down on a piece of scrap paper. "Who would determine if a nurse isn't necessary twenty-four hours a day? His treating physician?"

"I'm sure the physician would be consulted, but per the records I found today, Ms. Swan has full guardianship of her father. Unless her decisions were placing his health or life in danger, she would be the one to ultimately determine who provided what services."

I was quiet for a moment, processing everything he'd told me. "Okay, again…theoretically…if my girlfriend's income was reduced and she was no longer able to pay for the balance of care, what would their options be?"

"Most likely a nursing home. Medicare won't cover much, but Mr. Swan's personal assets will be reduced after private-paying for it over a period of time. He may qualify for Medicaid then, and that would cover his stay."

"Bella said the nursing home his insurance approved was disgusting," I said doubtfully.

"She may have been referring to his private insurance, through his job. She could certainly look at other nursing homes now, perhaps one closer to her home? Not all nursing homes take Medicaid, but there are plenty that do. And oversight is much more strict now. If her ability to pay for the in-home care is becoming an issue, I'd suggest you ask her to shop around in the Bay area."

I didn't even bother writing down _nursing home_. I was fairly sure I already knew what Bella's immediate reaction would be, but I'd bring it up to her anyway. "Any other suggestions?"

"With the limited information I had available to me, I'm afraid not," Stefan apologized. "But I'd be more than happy to take on Mr. Swan's case, should your girlfriend need legal assistance with regards to her father's care."

"I'll pass that on. Okay…thanks."

He thanked me politely, and I sat and stared at my cell phone for a long time afterward. My hopes of finding some way to help supplement the costs of Charlie's care had come to nothing, and in some ways, I was even more discouraged than I'd been before.

If I had even a glimmer of hope that Bella would accept it, I'd offer her every cent I had. My trust fund was still largely untouched, except for the costs of medical school, and my work salary was decent, if not extravagant. But I knew as well as I knew my own name that Bella would never accept anything that she viewed as a handout, or charity. She just wouldn't.

A quiet knock at my door snapped me out of my thoughts, and when my office manager informed me that she was locking up, I realized just how late it was. I'd have to move it to not be late picking up my girl or losing our reservations. I'd have to think about everything I'd just heard on the fly.

******xoxoxoxo**

"I'm not putting him in a nursing home, Edward."

Bella's voice was quiet, but firm, and I knew better than to push her. "Okay baby. I just…I didn't want you to think I was sneaking around your back or anything, but if there was anything else that could be done…"

She gave me a faint smile. "I know, I understand. And actually…it really means a lot to me that you cared enough to try. It's just…I hired an attorney too. And he said pretty much the same thing. I did visit a few more nursing homes, but they were all the same, even the nice ones. Do you know they have separate wings or areas for Medicaid residents? And a different kind of bed, even? Like lepers or something."

"No, I didn't know that." I reached across the table for her hand, glad when she tucked it immediately into mine. "I just want you to be happy, and Charlie to be well."

She bit her lip and looked away from me, but not before I saw tears well up in her eyes. "Thank you."

I squeezed her fingers. "For what? I didn't get much accomplished."

"No, but…" She stopped and took a deep breath. "You care. That's more than anyone else has been able to give me."

"Of course I care. I fucking love you so much it hurts, and I just want to see you happy. Getting out of the porn…it's not a condition for our relationship, baby. But I know you'd be happier if you didn't have to do it, so I figured it was worth a shot."

"I know." She really looked like she was about to break down and cry in the middle of ___La Folie_ now. "I just can't believe you went to all that trouble."

"It's worth it." I rubbed my thumb over her slim fingers. "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay." She bit her lip again. "I just…I have to tell you something."

I tensed a little, a completely involuntary reaction. "Yeah?"

"I…well, James gave me a new contract that includes the webchats. And he wants it back by tomorrow."

I forcibly squashed back my reaction to hearing that fucker's name. "I see."

"I guess I…I really don't know what to tell you. It adds on some more movies, but James and I talked today. I have the final say on if I have to do something or not. He can't _make_ me do anything I'm not already okay with."

"So you're signing it." I didn't mean for my voice to go so flat, but it was a statement, not a question.

"I guess so." She curled her fingers against mine. "It's not going to change anything, I promise. And anything new…you'll hear it from me from now on, I promise. Just trust me, okay?"

I gave her a weak smile. "Trusting you has never been the issue, Bella. It's all those other creeps I don't trust."

"I know you may not believe this, but...it's not as bad as you think. I'm not a prostitute. I can't be forced into doing anything. And the only other people touching me are my coworkers, and none of them have an interest in me beyond our professional relationship. It's just a job, that's all."

That was the understatement of the year, but I knew she was doing her best to reassure me. "I'll keep telling myself that, baby. I promise I'll try."

******xoxoxoxo**

Bella looked at me questioningly when we pulled away from the restaurant and I steered the car in the opposite direction of home. "Where are we going?"

"I need to swing by and check on my parents' house, I forgot to go by last week." My parents were in Australia now, and loving every moment of their vacation together. I tried to check on the house at least once a week, but I'd been so preoccupied with Bella leaving for that stupid convention, it had completely slipped my mind. Plus a couple of other thoughts had _entered _my mind.

"Oh." Bella reached over and took my hand, and we rode in a comfortable silence until I pulled up in the driveway. "Do you want me to come in with you?"

"Yeah...it won't take very long, I just check to make sure everything's still in one piece, but I'd rather not leave you out here." I wrapped my arm around her to ward off the chilly evening air, keeping her close as I unlocked the front door and turned off the alarm system. "And I want to show you something."

"What's that?"

"Upstairs...come on."

Lights in each of the rooms were on automatic timers, and I flipped on the chandelier light over the staircase as we ascended. Bella hadn't been back to my parents' after their first meeting, and I could see her looking around curiously at some of the things she must have missed the first time around. I, on the other hand, was on a fucking mission. Reaching the door I wanted, I gave Bella a little squeeze as I urged her in ahead of me, the light from the hall providing faint illumination.

"What's this...oh! Your room?" I could hear the smile in her voice, and I brushed aside her long dark hair to kiss her neck.

"Uh-huh."

"And what are we doing in _here_?"

I pressed more warm kisses against her skin, moving down the curve of her neck to where it met her shoulder. "Believe me when I tell you that most men have at least some fantasy of defiling their childhood bedroom."

She moaned a little and pressed back against me, and I pulled her closer by her hips. "I refuse to believe this room hasn't already been _defiled_ before now, Edward Cullen."

"Mmm...maybe. Can't remember." I let my teeth graze lightly over her skin and felt goosebumps rise up immediately against my lips.

"We could have done this in your apartment, you know." She reached back to thread her fingers through my hair and gave it a gentle tug.

"I was thinking...that maybe...you would feel free," I murmured, punctuating my words with more kisses, "To let loose...a bit more...with no neighbors to hear."

"Are you saying you want to hear me scream?"

I let my right hand drift from her hip over to her inner thigh, and was rewarded with her gasp when I brushed against her heat, burning even through her clothes. "Scream, moan, beg me for more at the top of your lungs...whatever you want." I began balling up the fabric of her dress in my fist, pulling the hemline up until I could slip my fingers under it, sliding them over her lace panties.

"Oh God..."

"I love making love to you Bella, but tonight I was thinking something a little more...vigorous...would be fun."

"Like what?" She was squirming against me now as my fingertips danced over her most sensitive parts.

"I love kissing you, I love licking you, I love loving you...but tonight I really want to _fuck_ you."

She moaned again, louder this time, and melted back against me, into my body, my hard cock now resting snugly against her ass. We'd certainly done our share of dirty talk before, but I really meant what I said...I don't know if it was the caveman inside of me, wanting to claim her, but I wanted to fuck her harder and better than _anyone _ever had before. I wanted to listen to her scream as she came on _my_ cock. And I wanted to come inside of her because she was ___mine_ and I could.

She was wiggling now, trying to turn around, but I held her firmly by the waist and slipped my fingers under her panties to meet wet bare skin. So fucking wet, and all for me. I pushed my fingers further down, probing just slightly, just enough to tease. Little frustrated cries were escaping her, and when I slipped back up to drag a fingertip over her clit, she jerked reflexively against me.

"Edward, please..."

"Please what?" I murmured, kissing her neck.

"I...ohhhh...I don't know, I just want..."

"Multiple choice, then." This time when I slid back down, I pushed two fingers deep into her, curling them forward and prompting another long cry of delight. "Do you want me to keep you here until you come on my fingers? Do you want me to lick you until you come in my mouth? Or do you want me to fuck you slow until I can't be gentle anymore, and you come on my cock?"

She arched her back, almost rising up on her toes. "I want you to fuck me, oh God, I need you inside me so fucking bad..."

I was glad she picked the third option, for as much as I would have been happy to do any or all three, my cock was aching to be buried deep inside of her. I reluctantly pulled my drenched fingers from her body and then guided her, still turned away, over to the bed. When she started to pivot towards me, I gripped her hips again, forcing her to face the bed. "Take your dress off, baby."

She obliged, and I watched greedily as she pulled the zipper down the back of her dress. I could have offered to do it for her, but there was something exquisitely erotic about watching her unveil creamy flesh and then a black lace bra and panties. She was quivering by the time the dress pooled around her ankles, and I rubbed her thigh as she kicked the garment to the side.

I pushed the delicate straps of her bra off her shoulders, taking my time to reach forward and cup her breasts in my hands. Her nipples were straining against the lace of the cups, and when I slid my fingers against them, she whimpered. "Please..."

"Please what?" I repeated, looking down over her shoulder so that I could see her breasts in my hands, nipples taut between my fingers. A slight wiggle on her part, and the bra fell down to her waist, the straps sliding over her wrists. Her hands came up immediately to cover mine as I squeezed her, and her head fell back against my shoulder.

"I need you inside..."

"Take off your panties for me."

Her hands fell to her hips, tugging down the lace thong along with her bra. The moment she was completely exposed, I dropped one hand down to resume stroking her, while the other began cupping and squeezing her breast more firmly. Her head was again resting against my shoulder, and I took advantage of the position to kiss along her jaw. I had never felt so incredibly possessive of her before, it was almost an angry feeling. She was ___mine_. Even if others touched her body, it was mine, and she would only ever respond to ___me_ this way.

"Bend over the bed, baby."

She fell gracefully away from me, her pale body gleaming in the moonlight that streamed through the window. It was a striking contrast against the dark covers of the bed, and I just watched as she propped herself up on her elbows, her high heels tipping her ass invitingly up toward me. So fucking beautiful.

"Do you know what just _seeing_ you does to me?" I asked softly, unbuttoning my shirt just enough so that I could pull it over my head. My belt buckle was next. "Just seeing you makes me hard enough to come, just watching you, just knowing this beautiful fucking body is _mine_."

"Yours..." she replied immediately. "Only yours."

My pants and boxer briefs were at my feet now and I yanked them off, jerking my shoes and socks with them. When I was completely nude, I reached for the purse Bella had dropped on the bed and found the condoms she always carried now. She was still adamant about always wearing a condom with me, and although I would have loved the feel of her wet hot skin surrounding me without a barrier, I knew she was right. Luckily I was extremely good at getting one open and unrolled onto my cock in record time. She was still bent over the bed, waiting for me, and I ran my hands over her beautiful ass. "Spread your legs and let me feel you."

She was so fucking hot, and so wet, that as I dragged the tip of my cock up and down over her pussy, I had to grit my teeth and concentrate on not coming from that alone. It was always a battle at this point...part of me wanted to take her hard and fuck her unrelentingly so I could get to that gorgeous feeling of coming inside of her...but a greater part of me wanted to prolong it, to make her come and let her own climax drag me to the point of no return.

I could hear her long satisfied moan as I sank deeply into her, seating myself to the hilt, the warm contractions around my cock making my legs shake. I looked down at where we were joined: my hands gripping her hips, holding her firmly against me. I watched as I slowly withdrew, my cock covered in her arousal, before I pushed back in again with more force. The comforter balled up in her fists.

From there, I couldn't have stopped myself if I tried. My thrusts became more and more relentless, fucking her, claiming her, making her _mine_. I couldn't even slow long enough to reach around to touch her clit or her nipples, I couldn't stop pounding into her. Bella's moans of delight became more and more high-pitched, until she was keening at the top of her lungs, a long drawn-out cry. Her back arched as she came up off the covers, fiercely meeting each of my thrusts.

"Oh God, oh God...Edward oh God...I'm coming, oh God..."

I felt her pussy clamp down hard around me for a long moment before the rhythmic contractions of her orgasm pushed me over the edge. An inhuman growl escaped me as the feeling roared up from deep in my abdomen, the pleasure that almost bordered on pain. It was like fire, spontaneous combustion, satisfaction like no other as I came hard, pulsing inside of her.

Even with the overwhelming explosion of pleasure that was rocking my body, I didn't stop thrusting deep and hard into her, only slowing when her upper body collapsed onto the bed. I could hear my own ragged gasps and Bella's quick pants as I finally pushed into her one last time, and then slowly pulled out, my cock feeling heavy as hell. I pulled the condom off and tied it up before dropping it on one of my discarded socks.

Bella's legs were quivering like Jell-O, and I laughed tiredly as I urged her forward fully onto the bed. She collapsed at once, and I kissed her cheek before curling up beside her.

"That was...that was just...whoa." She giggled slightly at her own words. "Where did _that_ come from? I'm not complaining but it was unexpected."

"I was feeling unexpectedly caveman," I murmured, shutting my eyes and burying my face in her hair. "Are you okay?"

"Okay? I'm fucking _glowing_ right now."

"I wasn't too rough on you?"

"I like it a little rough," she whispered coyly, and I made a mental note of that. "Just tell me what I need to do to bring out the caveman in the future."

I grunted at her and she giggled again. "All you have to do is ask, baby, just ask."

.

**A/N:**

RAWR, here's to a little rough caveman sexin' eh?

So the webchats are a certainty after all...are you feeling reassured by James' explanations? It'll be interesting to see the reality after the picture he painted...

THANK YOU as always for all your reviews! And feel free to follow me over on Twitter under lazykatevamp! Until next time!


	19. Chapter 19

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its Characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original Characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author. This story is rated M for Mature and is not intended for anyone under the age of eighteen.**

**Chapter Nineteen**

**BPOV**

The video webchat thing…was _bizarre_.

Once the technology was up and running, James and Laurent tested it themselves, spending endless hours to make sure it was working right. They usually asked either Rose or I to be the guinea pig, something we were more than happy to do since it meant a paycheck with little to no work.

They did test-runs to check on everything from what colors and styles of sex toys came across the screen most effectively, to what positions were unflattering and to be avoided. There could be no do-overs or photoshopping in this medium, and they were determined that everything be as perfect as possible.

When they were convinced that everything was as ready as it could be, each of the contract stars had to undergo training on how to interact with the technology. It was so incongruous it was almost laughable…more like a bunch of office workers attending an in-service than anything else.

For the one-way video chats, the customer's typed chat appeared on a large-screen television underneath the expensive web-cam, so that we could easily see what they were typing even as we performed. For the two-way chats, their faces showed up there instead.

The first few chats I did were demos, for industry articles and reviews, and although the entire thing was definitely awkward at first, they never requested anything too strange or kinky. The masturbation requests were the easiest, of course, but even when we got requests for full-on sex, it was fairly easy to slip back into work-mode and forget about the faces on the screen peering back at us.

Then it went live for the public.

Rosalie and Benjamin did the first "real" two-way video chat, which she later reported to me as being creepy but interesting in a voyeuristic way.

"It was like having sex in public, or knowing that someone was watching through your bedroom window," she mused, twirling the last of her margarita. Emmett had gotten suite tickets to a 49ers game, so he, Jasper and Edward were having their male bonding time while Rosalie, Alice and I had a long-overdue girls' night.

"Did you like it?" Alice queried, looking up from painting her toenails cherry-red.

"I didn't really like it or dislike it," Rose replied, her face twisting up thoughtfully. "It was just weird. I guess it was like the first time I did anything new in front of the camera, it'll take some getting used to."

I listened silently. My first two-way video scene was the next day, and James had already handed me a printout of the customer's preferences. Girl-on-girl oral, toys with vaginal and anal play. He'd requested that I partner with Steph, a nice enough girl although she tended toward diva behavior sometimes. Nothing I hadn't done before, and James had even spoken with Steph regarding my conditions about the anal play.

"I guess if you're the type that gets off on being watched, it would be fun." Alice finished her toes and gestured for me to put my foot in her lap. "Does your date tomorrow want to see some toe-sucking, Bella? Gotta make 'em look pretty, just in case!"

"He didn't specify foot fetish as a preference, so I'm probably safe," I shot back.

"He could still ask you to do it, though." Rosalie heaved herself off the couch and went into the kitchen, returning with the margarita pitcher and a bag of Doritos. "The dude yesterday changed his mind at the last minute and had Benjamin give me a facial. He just started yelling 'Come on her face!' and poor Ben just barely made it."

"Oh sick!" Alice held up her margarita glass. "How much of him could you see? Because you know he was totally jerking off."

"No shit," Rosalie snorted. "We could really only see his head and shoulders, but there was movement south of there."

My stomach twisted in disgust. "Seriously?"

"Well, yeah, Bella. What do you think people do while watching porn? They're either masturbating or fucking. People don't sit around watching porn and knitting."

"I _know_ that, it just didn't cross my mind that I'd have to actually watch it."

Rose gave me a sympathetic look and filled my half-empty glass back up again. "I know, I'm just teasing you. It hadn't crossed my mind either, until I actually looked at what he was doing. But for what they're paying for these chats, James isn't going to tell them to cut it out unless they actually focus the camera on their dick."

"What did he look like?" Alice asked curiously.

"Just an average guy, like the ones we meet at the conventions. I thought for sure I'd get some creepy perverted old dude, but he looked just like anyone you'd pass on the street."

"_I'll_ probably get the creepy old dude," I grumbled, and Rose laughed.

"Just keep telling yourself that nothing bad could really happen. If he turns into a creeper, James pulls the plug. It's not like _The Ring_, where the perv can come through the screen after you."

I shuddered. "Thank you so much for that visual."

"I'm just trying to put it in perspective for you. How many video chats are you already scheduled for?"

"So far, the one tomorrow, one next Wednesday afternoon, and then two the week after that."

Rosalie's eyebrows shot up. "That's it? Wow, I would have thought he'd have you booked solid already."

I gave her a half-grin. "James already informed me that my refusal to have anal sex on camera is cutting into my appeal."

She pursed her lips. "Well that's _good_, then, right?"

"It is for me. Except that he asked me how it was coming along." I'd been practicing on my own, and I'd gotten to the point where toys weren't painful, and it at times even felt good, but I was still afraid I'd tense up on camera. Rose had gone with me to the sex shop and helped me pick out a Butt Sex for Beginners package, but I knew she didn't truly understand. She enjoyed anal sex; and I didn't judge her for it at all, but it wasn't something I was to the _enjoyment_ phase of yet.

Alice patted my right foot and gestured with the polish wand for me to put my left in her lap. "Have you thought about, um, practicing with Edward?"

"What, anal?"

"That's a good idea, actually." Rosalie grinned at me. "You'll get more comfortable _and_ have a positive association with it!"

I snorted. "I don't think that would go over very well. 'Edward, could you please stretch out my asshole for the camera? Thanks!' Yeah, not so much."

Rose rolled her eyes. "You don't have to spell it out for him, silly. You guys have sex and he doesn't automatically assume whatever kinky fuckery you get up to is a test run for work. This is just something new you want to try. Oooh, even better yet, tell him you've never done it before! That'll get him!"

"I don't even know if he'd like it!" I protested.

"All guys like anal," Alice and Rosalie said at the same time, before bursting into laughter. I threw a Dorito at Rosalie's head.

"Shut up! They do not!"

Rosalie laughed harder before wheezing out a reply. "Bella, for a fucking porn star you are unbelievably naïve sometimes. When it comes to guys and anal, there are two types. The type that is totally into it, and the type that is but lies about it. Oh, and then people who think that sodomy should still be illegal, but they don't count."

"I really don't think Edward would be into anal!" I took an enormous pull off my margarita and was rewarded with an immediate brain freeze. "Ow!"

"Bella, he bent you over his childhood bed and fucked your brains out. He's kinky enough that he'd be up for it…hell, maybe he's done it before. I think it's a great idea. If nothing else, look at it this way…when you finally do get around to doing it on camera, do you want your first time to be with one of the guys at work, or with Edward?"

"Oh." That was something I hadn't even considered.

"It's kinky, it's taboo, but it can also be really fun. Yeah, you can trust the guys at work not to hurt you since they do it all the time, but with Edward it would be something meaningful, not just another scene on camera."

"You're making it sound like he'd be taking my virginity," I said sourly.

"Well, he kinda is," Alice pointed out. "Just not the kind most people assume you're talking about when you say you're a virgin."

"This is starting to sound like a movie." Rosalie's voice changed to sound like the stereotypical begging-for-it porn star. "_Bella's Virgin Ass_. _Cum and get it!_"

Alice laughed so hard that she accidentally smeared polish down my toe. "Oh my God, that is awful!"

"I am _done_ having this conversation with you two. Pass the fucking Oreos already."

**xoxoxoxo**

5:55 the next day found Steph, James, and I in one of the video webchat rooms. Steph and I were dressed in lingerie, and a basket of various vibrators and dildos sat on the large low table we'd be using as our stage. A discreet unlabeled bottle of lube sat behind the basket.

"Okay, just remember that what this guy listed as his preferences are things that he will definitely want to see, but he can still come up with other things on the fly. As long as it involves the two of you, and it's something you're willing to do, then do it. I'll be monitoring the whole thing, and I'll give him a warning if he gets inappropriate. If he continues to be inappropriate, I pull the plug. Make sure you look into the camera a lot, they want to feel that you're acknowledging them. Any questions?"

Steph shook out her long black hair. "Yeah, how exactly does this end? Do we just keep going, or…?"

James re-checked the printout in his hand. "He paid for half an hour. So he gets thirty minutes, or he can opt to end it any time before that. When there's five minutes left, a timer will pop up on the lower right-hand side of your screen. He won't be able to see it, but that's your cue to finish things up and come. Until that timer expires and the screen goes off, you're on _his_ time, so stay in-role until the last minute."

Steph smiled and flipped her hair again. She was looking forward to the experience; I was just resigned to it now. Rose's words from the day before kept echoing in my mind…_what's the worst that could happen_?

"Just remember all the rehearsals we did and everything you learned about not blocking his view. When you're going down on each other, do it at an angle to the camera so he can see. He's not paying to see the back of your head blocking the action."

There was a discreet knock on the door before it cracked open and Alice popped her head through. "He just logged in."

"Thanks, Alice." James turned back to Steph and I. "Ready, ladies?"

Steph's more enthusiastic yes definitely more than made up for mine, and James nodded briskly. "Enjoy yourselves, then! See you in half an hour."

He left the room, shutting the door firmly behind him, and Steph turned to me with an excited grin. "Isn't this cool?"

"It's something all right."

"So, if he doesn't say, how do you want to start it? The usual?"

The usual…the rubbing and kissing and licking before heading south for the real action…the typical script for almost any lesbian scene. "Sure, sounds good."

"Want me to go down on you first?"

"If he doesn't care, sure."

There was a beep before James' voice came out of the speaker in front of us. "Thirty-second warning, ladies."

Steph and I both turned to the camera and wrapped our arms each others' waists, the pose James had asked all girl-on-girl scenes to start with. We had to greet our _date_, after all.

The blackness of the screen lightened slightly, before a flicker and a guy's face appeared. He was leaning into the camera, apparently adjusting it by the shakiness of the picture. A red dot in the upper right hand corner of the screen told Steph and I that we were linked and live, and we both put on big smiles.

The guy finished fiddling with his webcam and sat back, an uncertain grin on his face. Rosalie had been right, he looked like any of a million people we'd met at conventions…nothing remarkable about his face, nothing to set him apart. "Um, hi ladies."

"Hi Jerry!" Steph and I chorused in unison.

"We're so glad you joined our little party tonight," I purred, already firmly in Isabella mode. "Steph and I are going to have some fun, and we're hoping you'll _come_ with us."

"Especially since we can see you," Steph agreed. "You're so fucking hot, I love that you're going to be watching us and talking to us while we play."

Jerry's grin grew wider. "Yeah, me too."

From there, Steph and I went through _the usual_. We made sure to keep the view unobstructed and stared directly into the unblinking eye of the camera while making our best porn-faces and sex noises. I was glad James had drilled into our heads the importance of looking into the camera and not at the face staring at us from the screen, because I saw Jerry's arm moving slightly and I had to kill the mental image immediately.

Jerry did more commenting than requesting, telling us repeatedly how sexy we were and how he loved watching us. It wasn't until I was laying back, legs spread, propped up on my elbows as Steph went down on me, that his first request came.

"Oh God, that's so fucking hot…oh my God, fuck her with a…um, a…"

I reached into the basket at my side, pulled out a realistic-looking dildo and licked it before addressing the camera. "Do you want her to fuck me with this?"

"Yes…I want to see her fuck you with it…"

I moaned approvingly while somewhere in the back of my mind absently giving thanks that my body…_Isabella's_ body…was trained to at least appreciate the pleasure lavished on it during these scenes, and that I was wet enough so that it wouldn't rub me raw.

Steph gave Jerry a little show with the dildo, turning to stare into the camera while sucking on it, before using it on me. I increased the frequency and volume of my moans accordingly.

At the fifteen minute mark, I faked a porn-orgasm and Steph and I switched spots. She knelt on the table with her ass facing the camera. "What do you want me to do to her, Jerry?"

"Lick her pussy, but I want you to fuck her ass too." Jerry had gotten much more confident in his requests, and I felt immediate relief that I'd dodged that particular bullet. I did as he instructed, and Steph rewarded him with more high breathy yelps of pleasure.

"Yeah Jerry, yeah!" she cried, and I barely caught myself before I rolled my eyes. This was what we were supposed to do, after all. "I know that's _your_ big fat cock fucking me, isn't it? Fuck me with your big cock!"

Jerry's moans confirmed that yes, that was indeed his big cock fucking Steph. From the corner of my eye I saw the five-minute warning pop up at the bottom of the screen, and I unobtrusively squeezed Steph's big toe to give her the heads up.

"Harder, fuck me harder, fuck my ass harder, Jerry!" My arm was starting to hurt. At least when we were filming, there were enough breaks to give us time to shake off any muscle cramps. Steph was wriggling around so much it was almost impossible for me to keep up. "Oh God, I'm coming Jerry, I'm coming all over your big hard cock, ohhh fuck, ohhhhhhh…" With that, all her muscles clenched and Steph had a real orgasm.

From the noises Jerry was making, it sounded like he was too, and I slowed down my thrusts. Steph was gasping like she'd just run a marathon.

We did the wind-down…more kissing and rubbing of each others' bodies, until the timer hit ten seconds and we both bid Jerry adieu. The screen blinked to black and Steph pulled away from me to collapse onto the table. "Holy _shit_, that was fucking _amazing_."

"Thanks," I said automatically, tossing the dildos into a paper bag on the floor for the production assistant to clean up.

"No, I mean being _watched_ like that…you were great too, Isabella, but holy _fuck_." She panted for a few more moments. "Wasn't that just the hottest thing ever? That was one of the best orgasms I've had in a while."

"Really?"

"Are you kidding? Getting my ass fucked while some stranger watches _live_, oh my God that was the most amazing thing ever."

"Well, that's good." I grabbed one of the robes left for us and tugged it on.

"What did you think?"

I shrugged. "I thought it was kinda creepy, to be honest." Creepy was an understatement. Now that the scene was over, Isabella was slipping away and Bella was coming back with knots in her stomach.

"Creepy? No way…fuck, I could get used to this."

There was a perfunctory knock at the door before James strode in. "Ladies, that was _amazing."_

"I know, right?" Steph dragged herself into a sitting position. "Sign me up for as many of those as you want, James. I'm up for _anything."_

"You're always up for _anything_," James said dryly, before turning to me. "Isabella, you all right?"

"I'm fine," I replied mechanically. "Everything went okay?"

"Okay is an understatement. That was incredibly hot. I already knew the camera loved you…_both _of you," he corrected quickly. "But that was something else. Jerry literally booked another date as soon as you were done. But we're scheduling three weeks out now, isn't that amazing?"

"Yeah, it is." The use of the word _date_ was making me sick. "I'm going to go get cleaned up now."

"Sure thing, I'll see you tomorrow."

I nodded, stepped into my discarded slippers, and quickly left the room. I made it to the private bathroom just outside the office area and managed to lock the door behind me before I bent over the toilet and threw up.

**xoxoxoxo**

That night, wrapped in Edward's arms, I couldn't shake the sick feeling that had followed me home. Edward had sensed my mood and didn't press me to talk about it, letting me lay quietly as he stroked my hair and kissed my head every so often.

It wasn't until ten o'clock that I brought it up. We were snuggled together in bed, but we both were still semi-clothed and Edward had a _M*A*S*H_ marathon on the bedroom television.

"I did my first two-way video chat today." I tried to keep my tone neutral, and Edward picked up the remote to mute the television before taking a deep breath.

"And?"

"I guess…it wasn't as bad as it could have been, but I hated it."

"Why?"

"It was creepy. There was another guy practically in the room with us, telling us what to do, getting off on it."

Edward tensed slightly behind me. "He…"

"Like, he was jerking off the whole time, and he came. And Rose reminded me that's what people normally do while watching porn, but I didn't want to fucking _see_ it."

"You _saw_…"

"I mean, I couldn't _literally_ see it, but…you know what I mean. Normally when I'm filming, I just get into this headspace so I can do everything I have to do. And I did today too, but thinking back on it makes me sick. Literally sick. I threw up afterward."

I could feel the tension in Edward's body, but he took another deep breath and I realized he was trying to stay calm, to let me share my bad day with him like any normal boyfriend would. "What did your boss say?"

"That the whole thing had looked amazing. I have to do another one Wednesday."

"How often are you going to have to do them?"

"Right now I've only got a couple each week. James says they're not as likely to book me because I don't do anal." The second the words slipped from my mouth, I cursed myself. I had _not_ meant to tell him that.

"Oh…" There was surprise in his voice. "I guess I just assumed…"

"Remember I told you that I'd tried, but that it hurt too much? I haven't tried again since then. I mean…" I paused and chose my words carefully. "I might enjoy it under the right circumstances, but obviously I haven't _found_ the right circumstances yet. So…"

"What would the right circumstances be?"

"Well, um…I mean, I'd probably enjoy it with you, because I trust you and everything, but I don't know if you'd even be interested in it."

His breath left him in a whoosh and he forced out a strained chuckle. "I'd definitely be interested in it…but I'm not sure I'm quite up for that tonight."

"I didn't mean…"

"I know." He pulled far enough away from me to roll me onto my back. "Baby…I can't give you advice when…if it's a bad day at work. Rosalie would do that better than I ever could. But I can listen. It's not fun, but it's not fun for you either, and if it makes you feel better to talk about it, then I'll listen."

"I don't know if it makes me feel better or not." I could feel tears starting to well up in my eyes. "Sometimes I think it was easier when I _wasn't_ telling you anything at all. I hate that you have your face rubbed in it because I want to be honest with you. But I couldn't shake this funk I was in afterward, and I didn't want to lie to you about it."

"I don't want you to ever lie to me either. I'll find ways of dealing with how I feel about it, just like you do. But I don't want you to ever feel you can't talk to me about something, even if it's something you know is going to…upset me. When it's you and me, it's Edward and Bella. It'll be us against the world sometimes, right?"

I smiled weakly. "Yes."

He leaned down and kissed me gently. "I have rotten days too. We'll get through them together. In the meantime…are you working tomorrow?"

Tomorrow was Saturday. "Nope."

"Me neither. Let's spend the day together doing something completely frivolous and fun. Go to the zoo or something, I don't know. Then come home and screw like monkeys. What do you say?"

"I say _yes, please_."

His smile this time was more real. "You took the 28th off, right?"

The Platt-Cullen's annual black-tie fundraiser was on the 28th, and Esme had called me herself to make me promise I'd be coming with Edward. I'd been to fancy parties and so-called black-tie weddings, but an actual black-tie society event was going to be a new one on me. "I did, and the day after, just in case we party too hard."

"Oh yeah, those old-money fundraisers are known for partying too hard," he snorted, before leaning over to kiss me again. "You never know what some of those old farts might get up to."

.

.

.

**A/N:**

My most sincere apologies for the delay in this update, finishing _Dirty Little Secrets_ and putting up a couple of outtakes has kept Brits23 and I hopping! It's complete now if you'd like to check it out, just click on my profile to find it!

So was the first video webchat what you'd thought it would be? Better or worse? Can it only go up or down from here? I look forward to what you think is ahead!

I'm on Twitter as lazykatevamp, hope to see you over there too!


	20. Chapter 20

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its Characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original Characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author. This story is rated M for Mature and is not intended for anyone under the age of eighteen.**

**Chapter Twenty**

**BPOV**

"Bella, you've got to keep it on there, stop taking it off!"

"It hurts!"

"No shit it hurts, that's why you need to keep the icepack on it." Alice let out a hiss of exasperation.

"How bad is it?" I heard James' voice as he came into the room, and I cracked open my good eye to peer at him.

"It hurts like _hell_." Just speaking made pain ricochet through my cheek and head.

"She needs to go to the doctor, James."

"It's _that_ bad? Let me see." It wasn't a request, and Alice reluctantly lifted the icepack away from my eye. Judging by James' immediate reaction, it must have looked horrible.

"Jesus…Alice, take her to the nearest ER and have them look at her. Charge it to the company card. And call me as soon as she's seen a doctor."

I moaned. "Is my eye still _there?_"

"Well it's hard to tell since it's swollen completely shut and purple, but yeah, I think it's still there." Alice helped me to my feet as James left and, without any preamble, yanked my robe off. "What's your locker combination?"

I gave it to her and then moaned again. "Oh my head…"

Porn-related injuries didn't happen too often…an accidental fall while teetering in Lucite heels was the most common…but apparently I'd raised the bar for OPB, Inc. Alec and I had been finishing a scene for one of the _Bare Love_ compilations when his gasping told me that he was about to come. I started to sit forward, as the script called for him to come on my chest, but apparently Alec had forgotten that detail. In his scramble to get up my body and finish on my face, his knee connected directly with my right eye. Unfortunately for us both, it was too late for him to pull back, and I felt his first hot spurt hit my neck as I let out a bloodcurdling scream.

The next thing I was aware of were James' curses and Alec's panicky apologies as Alice and one of the production assistants helped me into the dressing room, where Alice immediately pressed an icepack to my eye.

"Are you sure you got all his jizz off me? Jesus…"

"Yes, I wiped it all off. Hold the icepack on while I help you into your panties."

"Do all friends do this for each other?"

She snorted as I stepped into my panties and she pulled them up my legs. "Probably not. Jeans now."

Painfully, with Alice's help, I was finally clothed with my purse tucked under my arm. "Do we _have_ to go to the ER? I can assure you this isn't the first black eye I've had in my life."

"Bella," Alice lowered her voice. "James paying for this visit is what passes for health insurance, okay? If your cheekbone is fractured or God forbid something is really wrong with your eye, let _him_ pay for it. Now come on, let's go."

I couldn't argue with her logic. Luckily for us, the closest ER wasn't very busy on an early Thursday afternoon, and I was taken into the back right away. The doctor took one look at my face and sent me straight down for x-rays. After determining that Alec's knee hadn't broken any bones, he gently pried my swollen eye open and examined it.

"You're very lucky, Miss Swan, I think it looks much worse than it is." The doctor pulled out a pen and starting writing discharge instructions. "I do want you to go see an ophthalmologist to make sure there wasn't any other damage done to the eyeball itself. And if you have any of the symptoms I asked you about, come back to the ER immediately. We're going to get you a dose of acetaminophen right now, and I'm writing you a prescription for it too. Cold compresses for the first two days, warm ones after that. Any questions?"

"No," I murmured. I'd had enough bumps and bruises as a kid to know the drill. "Thank you."

Alice was on her phone when I came back out to the waiting room. "Yes, I'll let her know. Okay, I'll be back in as soon as I take her home."

"Was that James?" The pain in my head was diminishing a little, but only being able to see out of one eye was disorienting, and I was glad for Alice's firm hand on my elbow as she handed over the company credit card to the front desk.

"Of course. He wants you to go home and rest, he rescheduled the shoot you were going to do tomorrow. He wants you to come in Monday to see if makeup can cover the bruising."

"Fat chance of that, I don't think there's any makeup in the world that will cover this up that quickly." I sagged tiredly into the passenger seat of Alice's car. "If he wants to pay Tami overtime to spackle on extra…oh _shit_."

"What?"

I dropped my head back against the seat. "The fucking black-tie is next week, Alice, what the fuck am I supposed to _do?_"

"It's not until Friday," she soothed. "Between Rose and I, we can cover up anything that's still there. Eight days is plenty of time."

I groaned; I'd been nervous about picking out a _dress_, now I was going to have to show up on Edward's arm at the Platt-Cullen charity black-tie with a major shiner. "How am I going to explain this to Edward's parents?"

"Bella…calm down. You won't have to. It'll have faded enough by then that we can cover it up no problem. Stop freaking out, okay?"

I inhaled slowly and tried to take Alice's advice on the way back to my apartment. Eight days probably was enough for the worst of the bruising to lighten a little, at least enough to cover with makeup. I wouldn't be going out in public for a few days if I could help it, though.

Despite my protests, Alice insisted on walking up to my apartment with me. Rosalie was there, on the phone, but she unceremoniously hung up when she saw me. "What in the _hell_ happened to you?"

"Catfight with Bree," I muttered. Rosalie's eyes widened before she turned to Alice.

"Seriously? Because I will taint-punch that bitch so fast…"

"More like a fight with Alec's knee," Alice clarified primly, plumping up some pillows on the couch and directing me to lie down. "He forgot where the cum shot was supposed to go and _bam_, his knee went right into her eye."

"Fucking amateurs," Rose muttered in disdain. "Are you okay? Do you need to go to the doctor?"

"Already been," I sighed. "I've got pills, I'm supposed to ice for two days and then switch to warm compresses. And then I have to report back to work on Monday."

"Seriously? Let me see!"

I lifted the icepack far enough from my face so that Rose could inspect the damage, and she whistled. "Wow…it'll be smoky-eye makeup for you all week, sister. Good thing the worst of the bruising is _above_ your eye. It looks pretty awful, though."

"I've got to get back to the studio," Alice interjected. "Bella, are you going to be up for getting your dress on Saturday?"

I stifled another sigh. Alice had declared that none of my LBDs were suitable for the fundraiser, and that I needed something new for such a high-profile society event. I'd balked and informed her that dropping a grand on a new dress was _not_ in my budget. We'd compromised by agreeing to buy an off-the-rack dress at one of San Francisco's most expensive women's-wear stores. As much as I wanted to tell her that _no_, I probably wouldn't be up for it, I needed to get that last thing taken care of.

"Yes, Alice, I'm still up for getting the dress."

She grinned and handed me my purse. "Sounds good, I'll pick you up at ten am sharp. Later, Rose!"

"Later."

I heard the door slam shut behind her, and I lifted the ice pack away from my face again. Rose was studying me speculatively. "How bad is it? Honestly."

"It's bad," she said bluntly. "But on the plus side, his bony knee didn't pop your eyeball out or anything."

"Thanks for putting it in perspective. You think we'll be able to cover it up next Friday?"

"Oh yeah," she said confidently. "You've got a whole week for the purple to die down, and we can work with yellow and brown. I don't think you'll be shooting on Monday, though."

"I have two video chats…one Wednesday, and one on Thursday."

She shrugged. "Let James worry about whether or not they can cover up what's there. Can I get you anything?"

I was tired, but the Excedrin Migraine they'd given me at the hospital was already making me too jittery to think about a nap. "No…I need to call Edward and let him know I need a raincheck for dinner tonight. What are you up to?"

"Not a damn thing…Emmett's out of town again, so I can get us some dinner in a bit, see what movies are on demand?"

"Sounds good to me."

"Okay, I'm going to call him back since I hung up on him…if you need anything, just yell for me, okay?"

"I will."

I rummaged through my purse for my cell as Rosalie left the room. I was disappointed that I was going to have to cancel on Edward…we'd had a wonderful day at the zoo the Saturday prior, but due to both of us having a crazy work-week, we'd only seen each other once since then. I could invite him over for dinner with Rosalie and I, though, as long as he didn't mind watching a chick flick afterward.

Half-expecting Edward's voicemail to pick up, as he wasn't due to be off for another couple of hours, I was pleasantly surprised when he answered. "Hey baby!"

"Hey yourself. Busy?"

"Not at the moment, what's going on?"

I adjusted the icepack on my face. "I'm going to have to bail on dinner tonight, I'm really sorry."

"Is everything okay?"

"Well, um…" I quickly ran through how I could sugar-coat the afternoon for him and then decided I was too tired to try. "I kinda got a black eye at work today, so I'm not really up for going out."

There was a moment of silence on the other end of the line. "What do you mean, you got a _black eye_ at _work?_"

"I doubt you want details, so…"

"Yes, actually, I do." His voice was steely.

"Long story short, I accidentally caught a knee in the eye. It looks worse than it is, so…"

"Where are you?"

"Um, at home?"

"Baby, get someone to drive you over here, I can't leave but you need to see a doctor, just in case."

"I already _did_ see a doctor, Alice drove me to the ER right afterward."

"Which hospital?"

"Mercy. Why?"

"Did they do x-rays? I want to talk to the doctor you saw."

I squinted, and then flinched at the pain it brought my bruised face. "Why? He said I'm okay, that I should see an ophthalmologist to be on the safe side, but that I'm okay…"

"Bella, just fucking humor me, okay? Did you put me down as an emergency contact or anything?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact I did." I wasn't sure why Edward was so upset, God knows he'd seen a million things worse than a black eye in his career.

"Do you remember if you listed me as someone to whom your information could be released?"

This conversation was making my head hurt more than it already did, if that were even possible. "I think so, there was a checkbox that said something like that…"

"I'll call you right back. Are you home alone?"

"No, Rose is here, Edward calm _down_ already…"

"I'll call you back in a few minutes." And with that, he hung up.

"Oh for fuck's sake," I muttered, before tossing my phone to the coffee table and slowly sitting up. I'd skipped lunch and my stomach was grumbling accordingly, so I dumped the icepack into the sink before popping a Lean Cuisine into the microwave. While that cooked, I ventured into the bathroom for my first real look at my porn-related injury.

My right eye was swollen completely shut, puffy above and below, with dark purple ringing it completely. The deepest of the bruising was just above my eye socket, below my eyebrow, and I immediately understood why the doctor had taken x-rays. Fainter violet streaks extended down to my cheekbone, but hopefully those would fade more quickly.

The beeping of the microwave in the other room interrupted my thoughts, and I went back to the kitchen for my late lunch.

**EPOV**

After I hung up with the doctor who had treated Bella at the hospital, I forced myself to sit back and take a few deep breaths. Even after the doctor's reassurance that her black eye was just that, an uncomplicated black eye, I still couldn't help the frustration and concern that was bubbling just under the surface of my professional mask.

The main thing that kept nipping at my mind was _how_ she'd gotten a black eye. A knee to the face, she'd said…it didn't take too much imagination to figure out what had probably been going on. Whatever Bella had been doing in front of the camera that ended up with some fucker's knee making contact with her eye…consciously I didn't want to think about it. Unconsciously, images kept forcing themselves into my mind, just as they always did when I allowed myself to think about her job.

My brain was all over the map, although I was fairly sure I'd been doing a decent job at hiding it from Bella. I'd meant it when I told her the week before that I wanted her to be able to talk to me, but even as she'd shared sparse details about the video chat, my stomach had been roiling at the idea of it. Then when she mentioned the possibility of anal sex with me…I was a fucking man, of course I liked the idea. Except that the next thought in my head was that maybe she'd start doing it on camera after practicing with me.

I loved Bella, so much that it fucking hurt. I wanted to know everything about her day so that I didn't have to imagine the worst, but at the same time the thought of her detailing all of it to me…I knew there was no way I could handle it. At least when it was just the two of us together, having fun, it was just _us_. And that was the most wonderful feeling in the world. I just didn't know how to reconcile the two worlds she lived in, and quite honestly, my brain was getting tired of banging up against that problem all the time.

I took one more slow breath before I picked up my phone and called her back. She answered, her tone already wry.

"Everything up to spec, Dr. Cullen?"

I bit my tongue; I'd maybe been overreacting a bit by calling the hospital, but goddamn it… "Please make sure you follow up with the ophthalmologist appointment. Your doctor didn't think there was any real damage done to your eyeball, but they'll need to check again after the swelling goes down." My tone came out a little more clipped than I'd intended, and there was a brief moment of silence on her end.

"Edward…why are you so upset?"

"Oh I don't know, because my girlfriend got a fucking _black eye_ at work. Why would I _not_ be upset?"

"I told you I was okay. I went straight to the hospital. You're telling me you've never had a black eye before?"

"I've never gotten one while I was giving some dude a blowjob, no." I wasn't quite sure why there was anger boiling up in my words now, but they were out before I could stop them.

"I wasn't giving him a blowjob, if you need to know. It was a cumshot gone wrong." Her voice was equally sharp now. "It might make it onto a blooper reel if you'd like to see exactly how it went down."

"That's just fucking…"

"You know what, Edward? I have a splitting headache, I can't see out of one eye, and fighting with you is making my shitty day worse. If this is how you want our conversation to go, then we should probably just hang up now."

I pounded my desk with a clenched fist. "_No_, I don't want to fight with you. I'm just worried sick about you, okay? I'm pissed that it happened. And I'm frustrated that I can't leave work right now to come over and take care of you."

"Rose is going to get us some dinner later, and we're going to watch a movie." Her tone was less acidic now, but still cool. "She's a pretty good nurse."

"Does that mean you don't want me to come over?"

She sighed. "Honestly Edward…yes, you're more than welcome to come over, but leave the bitchy attitude at home. I don't want to fight with you, and I don't have the energy to put up with your jealousy or paranoia or whatever it is that makes you say shit like that."

I couldn't have been more stunned than if she'd slapped me. "You really think that?"

"I don't know what I think." She suddenly sounded exhausted. "Listen, I want to go lay back down. Yes, I'd like you to come over later, if you still want to. It's up to you, just call me if you decide not to, okay?"

"I'll be over." I said the words automatically.

"All right, see you then. 'Bye."

She'd hung up before I realized that she hadn't said _I love you_.

**xoxoxoxo**

**BPOV**

By Saturday, thanks to regular applications of cold packs and sleeping with my head elevated on a mound of pillows, the swelling around my eye had completely vanished. The bruising was another matter, and even after Rosalie's best efforts with Dermablend and makeup, it was still obvious that I was covering something up. Alice showed up on our doorstep at 10am sharp with a mischievous smile, carrying a small paper bag.

"They don't really suit your face shape, but I figured they'd work for going out in public," she explained, handing the bag to me. Inside was a pair of enormous Jackie-O style round sunglasses. "And before you say anything, I got them at the drugstore. Consider it my gift to you for allowing me to still drag you out today."

"Thanks, Alice," I laughed, giving her a hug.

"Ready to go? Is Rose coming too?"

"Nope, she's shooting today so it's just us. Do I look okay?" I'd tried to dress up a little bit, being that we were going to one of the more expensive stores in the area.

"Perfect! Come on, I'll drive, and I'll tell you what we're going to be looking for." It was a good thing Alice had researched the dress code for the event, because to me, "black-tie" had simply meant "dress-up." According to Alice, though, it meant a long evening gown for me, and she'd even gone as far as calling Edward to find out if his shirt studs and cufflinks would be set in gold or silver, and what color his mother would be wearing.

We'd parked and were walking into the store when my phone beeped in my purse. I pulled it out with a half-grin, already knowing who it was.

"Edward again?"

"Yep." I read the text message on my phone and chuckled. "He wants to see a picture of me in whatever we end up getting."

"No way, no how," Alice said immediately. "You're going to be gorgeous and I want him to be completely floored when he sees you for the first time."

I shook my head. "It's not my wedding dress, jeez."

"I don't care, he's going to have to wait. After that crap he put you through on Thursday, he can _wait_." I just shook my head again. I'd forgiven Edward for his angry words two days earlier, and he'd been extra attentive since then. I wanted to tell him that thinking before he spoke in the first place would be preferable to having to make it up to me, but I'd decided to let it go.

As Alice steered me toward what looked like an even more expensive part of the obviously expensive store, a saleslady approached us. She was dressed even more elegantly than some of the mannequins, and had it not been for her small tasteful nametag, I would have assumed she was another shopper. "Good morning, ladies. My name is Lauren, is there anything I may assist you with?"

"Yes, please." Alice was obviously fully in charge of this expedition, and I was more than willing to let her be. "My friend Bella needs an evening gown for a formal black-tie event."

"Of course, please follow me." Lauren led us over to a small private mini-salon, complete with a raised dais in front of a curved bank of mirrors. "If you'd like to wait here, I can pull some dresses for your consideration. Is there a particular style or color you'd prefer?"

"Nothing green. In terms of the style…" Alice cocked her head and looked inquiringly at me, I shrugged. "I think she'd look good in just about anything, don't you?"

"I agree." Lauren looked me over appraisingly. "I have a burgundy Badgley Mischka that would look stunning on you…and there's the new Vera Wang styles, although they're not quite as formal. Perhaps a Halston…may I ask which event this is for?"

"The Platt-Cullen fundraiser on Friday." I felt pretentious even saying it, but the instant the words left my mouth, Lauren's mouth formed a small o before she regained her composure.

"In that case, you'll certainly need something very elegant, but unique. Have you already picked out your jewelry?"

I looked at Alice helplessly…was I supposed to have picked out jewelry first and _then _the dress?

"We actually have a selection to choose from," Alice lied smoothly. "We won't have a problem matching something to whatever dress she picks out."

It was on the tip of my tongue to try and somehow politely inform Lauren that I was on a budget, when she put her finger to her lips thoughtfully. "You said no green, correct?"

"Right…I mean, I like green, but I guess that's what Esme is wearing, so I'm supposed to steer clear, according to my friend here."

Lauren's eyebrows shot up, surprised. "You know Mrs. Platt-Cullen?"

"Yes, she's my…well, my boyfriend's mother."

The look that came over Lauren's face in that moment was one of shock. "Edward Cullen is your boyfriend?"

"Yes?" I hoped she wasn't an ex-girlfriend.

"And…you're accompanying him to the fundraiser?"

"Yes?" This was getting stranger by the minute, and from Alice's confused look, I knew she was as in the dark as I was.

"If you'll excuse me for just a moment, ladies…" With that, Lauren hurried away and Alice and I exchanged blank looks.

"Well that was…rude!" Alice finally exclaimed.

"Yeah, I don't…" My words trailed off as Lauren scurried back over to us, an elegantly-dressed man with her.

"Ladies, this is Alistair Mulcahy, the manager of the store."

"It is a pleasure to meet you." Alistair's voice was refined, with a faint British accent. "My apologies, your name is…?"

"Bella, Bella Swan," I said quickly. "And my friend Alice Brandon."

"Thank you for allowing us to dress you for the fundraiser, Miss Swan," Alistair said, and after a polite nod to Alice, took my hand and kissed it. "Mrs. Platt-Cullen is a treasured client of ours, and has been for many years. It would be an honor for me to wait on you personally."

My mouth went dry as I had my own personal _Pretty Woman_ moment. "Oh…thank you."

"Lauren tells me that you will be accompanying Mr. Cullen on Friday?"

"Yes…I don't need anything super-fancy, though…"

"Fancy is not necessary, but _unique_ is essential. As Mr. Cullen's companion, you will be included in many pictures, including those that will appear in the _Gazette_ and online. Is this the first event you will have attended with him?"

This was getting surreal. "Yes."

"Everyone will be wondering who you are as well, then. We cannot allow you to be anything but lovely _and_ distinctive. Of course any of our dresses that you may choose off-the-rack are available to you, but please allow me to make a suggestion?"

It was gratifying to note that Alice's face was as stunned as I'm sure my own was. "All right."

"We have a new couture line, by a local designer, that we will be debuting next week. We are the only store in the city that will be carrying it, and as such, it will be very exclusive. It would be an honor if you would consider wearing one of those dresses, and we can certainly guarantee that there will be no other woman there wearing the same gown. There are quite a few that are truly elegant, and would be perfect for the occasion."

"Mr. Mulcahy…"

"Alistair, please."

"Alistair…please know I sincerely appreciate the offer, but…" God this was humiliating. "I really don't think I could afford a brand-new couture gown."

If he thought I was an idiot, his smooth face didn't reflect it. "I apologize, Miss Swan, I should have made myself more clear. We would like to lend you the dress, free of charge, to wear for the evening. Simply make sure that, when you are asked, you say you are wearing an Irina original. You don't need to say more than that. We would also provide you with a matching clutch and shoes, which would be yours to keep."

"That is…incredibly generous of you. Thank you."

"Thank _you_, Miss Swan. We shall select one for you today, do any needed tailoring, and then deliver the gown to your home, then pick it up at your convenience."

"I'm actually getting ready at the Cullens' home, so if you could just deliver it there, that would be wonderful."

"Of course." Alistair turned and made a quick gesture at Lauren, who took off as fast as she could on her pencil-thin heels. "You are welcome to select whichever you like, but there is one in particular that I can already see on you. Champagne-colored silk, strapless, organza ruffled tiers over the mermaid skirt. The bodice is beaded so you won't need anything but a distinctive pair of earrings. Yes, I hope you will consider that one, because you will be stunning."

He turned and gave some rapid-fire instructions to another woman who had appeared from nowhere. She ran off as quickly as Lauren had.

"Miss Swan, Miss Brandon, may I offer you something to drink?"

Both Alice and I shook our heads, and Alistair asked politely before seating himself next to me. "Please do give my regards to Mrs. Platt-Cullen as well. She normally goes directly to the designer for the season's events, but we have the pleasure of serving her needs during the rest of the year. An absolute joy to know, and a true asset to San Francisco society."

Alice and I nodded automatically, and Alistair continued to chat lightly until Lauren and another woman reappeared with two tall racks of clothes, carefully hung and covered with what looked like white muslin. Alistair quickly shuffled through them before finding the one he wanted and unwrapping it carefully.

He was right, it was an absolutely gorgeous gown, and at my nod, he had Lauren escort me into the private changing room to help me into it. If she was surprised at my lack of hesitation in stripping down to my panties in front of her, she didn't show it. "With your figure, you won't need any kind of support hosiery or bra under this, and we'll send along a panty with it too." She carefully zipped up the back and then smoothed her hands down my sides. "Actually…I don't think this will even need to be tailored. It fits you perfectly."

Alistair agreed immediately with her assessment when I stepped out of the changing room, and after seeing the ecstatic look on Alice's face, I knew this was the one…especially since I wasn't going to argue with _free_. After I changed back into my clothes, Alistair peppered me with questions regarding my shoe size, comfort level, and even Edward's height. He measured my feet himself and assured me that he would send three sizes of the shoe he ultimately picked out, then promised that the dress would be delivered to the Cullens' on Friday afternoon. By the time Alice and I left, with Alistair's card in my purse, I was half-convinced I'd dreamed it all.

"I can honestly say I've never witnessed _that_ kind of treatment," Alice declared as we pulled out of the parking lot. "I mean, I knew the black-tie was a big deal and that Esme is well-known and everything…but that was like celebrity treatment! Just imagine if you and Edward get married! You could have service like that every time you went in!"

"Whoa, Alice, chill out. I don't know if I'd _want_ that kind of treatment all the time. I'm not _that_ fancy."

"That dress sure was fancy. I wonder how much it cost."

"A lot." I grinned wryly. "There was a hand-written tag pinned to the label. Three _thousand_ dollars."

"Holy _shit_," she gasped. "Don't spill anything on it!"

"Are you kidding? I'm going to be too nervous to eat!"

My phone vibrated soundlessly in my hand just then, and I smiled when I saw it was Edward. "Hello?"

"Hey baby! All done?"

"I'll say…exactly how much does your mom spend in that place every year?"

Edward burst out laughing. "You got the ass-kissing treatment, huh? It's one of her favorite places to shop, but how did they find out?"

"They asked what the dress was for and it snowballed from there."

"Did you get one?"

"Um, that's an understatement. They're lending me a three-thousand dollar dress for _free_, just because I'm your arm candy for the night."

He was still chuckling. "As long as you're happy with it. What does it look like?"

"It's…it's too hard to describe. Very pretty, though. And you can't rip it off of me afterward, because they're coming to pick it up the next day."

"Duly noted. What are you girls doing for the rest of the afternoon?"

I smiled. "Rose is working, Alice and Jasper have plans. What are you up to?"

"I have a couple of errands to run myself, but I'd love to come over and ravish your lovely body, and then spend the evening doing whatever you want."

I pulled down the sun-visor mirror and scowled at my reflection. Rose truly had done an amazing job on my eye, and Alice's Jackie-O sunglasses hid the worst of it from the light of day, but I wasn't in the mood for going out again. "Yes please to the ravishing, then let's order in and just watch tv or something. I don't really want to go out."

"Sounds like a plan, baby. How about you're naked and waiting for me in, oh, an hour or so?"

"Sounds like a plan to me too. Love you."

"I love you too."

.

.

**A/N:**

Hmm, I sure wouldn't mind VIP service like that, especially the _free_ part!

Next up, the black-tie!


	21. Chapter 21

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its Characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original Characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author. This story is rated M for Mature and is not intended for anyone under the age of eighteen.**

**Chapter Twenty-One**

**BPOV**

Friday, I was surprisingly calm as I drove up to the Cullens' home and parked in the back. Despite the disaster from the previous Thursday, the subsequent days had been almost perfect.

James had taken one look at my rainbow-colored eye on Monday and promptly sent me home, declaring that there was no way makeup could cover the bruising to his standards, and that I didn't need to worry about working the rest of the week. I'd managed to score a dirt-cheap airline ticket to Forks and left that afternoon, after stopping by to see Edward for lunch and then a quickie in his office.

It had been wonderful seeing Charlie again, although I felt guilty that it had been so long since my last visit. His nurses assured me that he was doing well, although I made sure to put on enough makeup every morning to cover my bruised eye. I wasn't sure if seeing it would upset Charlie or not, but I didn't want to take a chance.

I'd just gotten back into town that morning; Alice and Rosalie had picked me up from the airport and, after lunch, sat me down and scrutinized my eye. Esme was having a professional hairdresser over to the house that evening and had generously offered his services to me as well, but I wanted to have Alice and Rose do my makeup. Explaining away a black eye to my boyfriend's mother was not how I wanted to start the evening.

It was healing remarkably well; the bruising under my eye had definitely faded enough to cover with concealer and foundation, and we'd unanimously agreed to go with dramatic eye makeup to cover the deeper bruising along my browbone.

Between Rose and I regularly doing our own makeup for shoots in LA, and Alice being no slouch herself, I was delighted with the transformation when we finished. There was absolutely no hint of the bruising we'd hidden under a subtle smoky-eye look, and to balance that, my lips were an understated nude. Alice had painted my nails to match my lips, and even in the casual outfit I was wearing over to the Cullens', I already felt glamorous.

I arrived at five o'clock on the dot, and Edward came out of the house to meet me. He whistled.

"Hey there, gorgeous. Am I allowed to kiss you?"

"Just a peck on the lips," I said primly. "Rose and Alice would have my ass if I let you rub all their hard work off."

"I thought _I_ was going to have your ass," he murmured against my lips, letting one hand drift down to rest on my hips. I could feel my face heating up.

"I may have said something like that."

"Uh-huh." He kissed me slowly again. "Plus, I can think of plenty of other places I could kiss that wouldn't mess up your makeup."

"Edward…" I gasped. "What brought this on?"

He chuckled. "You've been gone since Monday, you show up looking incredibly fucking hot, and I'm horny."

"We are _not _having sex in your parents' house with them here!"

"I could be very quiet," he said hopefully.

"No! Your dad is probably looking out the window right now…"

"My dad is getting dressed. Come on baby…"

"No, and that's final!" It was a supreme test of my willpower, but I managed to pull away from him. "Save all that pent-up energy for _after_ the party."

He scowled mischievously at me. "As long as you know what to expect, then fine. Come on inside. Are you hungry? They're not serving dinner until eight."

"I had a snack while Rose and Alice were working me over, but thanks." I followed him into the living room, which had apparently been transformed into a mini-salon. Esme sat on a high-backed stool, looking incredibly elegant in a one-shoulder forest-green gown that draped beautifully around her.

"Bella dear! You're right on time!" She smiled warmly at me as the hairdresser fussed with her caramel-colored curls. "Your dress was delivered this afternoon, I had everything put in one of the guest rooms for you. Christoph can fix your hair whenever you're ready."

"Why can't she get ready in _my_ room?" Edward protested.

Esme fixed him with a severe look. "Because _you_, my son, need to get dressed as well. And a lady needs her own space preparing for an evening out. Bella, if there is anything at all that you need, please just let me know."

I thanked her and Edward guided me up the stairs to the guest room Esme had indicated. It was spacious and well-lit, and had a full-length mirror in the corner. My dress was wrapped up securely in a garment bag and hanging from a polished wooden clothes tree. A larger package sat on the bed, and I unwrapped that first.

Alistair really had thought of everything, I marveled. There were sheer stay-up thigh-highs and a seamless tiny pair of panties; the delicate high-heeled shoes were wrapped individually in tissue paper in their own box. Last of all was a gorgeous beaded clutch that would just hold the bare minimum items I was bringing along.

I stripped, then redressed in the wispy lingerie before carefully opening the garment bag. Even more carefully, I wiggled into the dress, and was just contemplating how I could pull up the tiny zipper in the back when there was a gentle knock at the door.

"Bella? May I come in?" It was Esme.

"Um, sure." Well, there were more awkward things in the world than your boyfriend's mother having to zip you up, and I gave her a rueful smile as she slipped in the door. "You have perfect timing, I need a little help."

"Of course!" She quickly pulled the zipper up the bodice and fluffed up some of the flounces on the back of the skirt. "What a lovely dress, Bella, you look absolutely beautiful. Edward told me that Alistair took care of you?"

"That's an understatement."

She laughed. "They're so pretentious at that store, but I love their clothes. I just wanted to tell you that Christoph is ready for you. We'll be leaving in about an hour, I can get you something to nibble on if you're hungry?"

"Oh no, I'm fine," I said hastily. "I'll just get my purse and shoes and I'll be right down."

"Don't put on your jewelry just yet, Christoph is _very_ particular about anything getting in his way. And don't worry about your shoes yet either, you may as well be comfortable for as long as you can."

She continued chatting easily with me as we went downstairs together. Christoph decided on a sleek updo for my hair, and when he'd finished, I went back upstairs to the guest room for my shoes, earrings, and clutch.

When I searched through my purse, though, the little pouch I'd stashed the simple diamond earrings in was missing. "What the…" I muttered, rummaging a little more frantically before finally upending the entire thing on the bed. Wallet, lip gloss, keys, all the usual junk…but no jewelry. This was bad.

I snatched up my cell phone, debating frantically whether to call Alice or Rose. I _had_ to wear some kind of earrings; they were the only jewelry I'd planned to wear. I briefly toyed with the idea of asking Esme if I could borrow a pair of hers, then quickly dismissed it. I had no doubt that she'd lend me any pair I liked, but it would just be too embarrassing, having to ask.

I'd just made up my mind to call Rose and see if she was still home when there was another knock at the door. "Yes, um, I'll be right down!" I called frantically.

The door cracked open and Edward peeked in. Despite my panic, I was temporarily distracted by the sight of him in a tux. From his tousled hair, down to the tips of his polished black shoes, my boyfriend looked like a fucking sex god.

"Holy shit you look sexy…but, um…I'm kinda having a mini-crisis here, so…"

"What's wrong?" He strolled over to my side.

"I can't find my earrings, I could have _sworn_ I put them in my purse, but I can't find them…and I can't go without _some_ kind of jewelry, especially with this hairstyle…shit!"

"It's that big of a deal, huh?"

"Yes, it is, and if I don't call Rose now…" I stopped and stared at Edward, confused at the grin on his face. "What's so funny?"

He cocked his head to the side. "I may or may not have bribed Alice into sneaking them out of your purse."

I gaped at him. "Why in the hell would you do that?"

"So you wouldn't have any reason to protest when I gave you these." He brought his hands from behind his back, revealing an open black velvet box.

A black velvet box with a pair of very expensive-looking diamond-and-pearl earrings in it.

"Edward…oh my God…" I couldn't think of anything else to say, and he grinned as he put his hands on my waist, gently turning me to face the full-length mirror. He took one earring from the box and handed it to me; I put it on automatically.

They were gorgeous: a perfect champagne-colored pearl dropped from a fan-shaped filigree of more little diamonds than I could count. Edward handed me the other one and then bent his head to kiss my bare shoulder.

"Unlike the dress, those do _not_ have to go back to the store."

"How…"

"Alice and I went on a shopping trip while you were gone this week. Between her knowing what your dress looked like, and me knowing what I wanted to buy you, we decided on these. Do you like them?"

"Like them?" I choked out a laugh. "They're gorgeous, but you shouldn't have…"

"Stop right there," he said quickly. "There is no 'shouldn't have,' I wanted you to have something that belonged to _you_ tonight. Plus, I wanted an excuse to buy you a gift. Jewelry seemed like a good way to go."

I wanted to protest again, but the determined look on his face stopped me. I took a deep breath and then smiled, turning to face him. "Thank you, Edward. I _do_ love them."

He pulled me closer to his body, and I shivered at the wave of lust that rippled through me. "You look so fucking beautiful tonight, Bella."

"You're not so bad yourself," I breathed, just before his lips met mine in a scorching kiss. I could feel myself melting into him as his hand pressed me against his rapidly-hardening cock. I had just let out a soft whimper when there was a sound at the open door.

"Ahem." It was Carlisle, looking equally as handsome in his tux, a grin tugging at his lips. "I'm sorry to interrupt you, but the limo is here."

I felt my face turn fire-engine red and jumped away from Edward's body as quickly as I could, even as Carlisle turned away.

"Thanks a lot, Dad," Edward drawled.

"Next time shut the door, son," he called back.

"Oh my God, just shoot me now," I moaned.

He snorted. "It could have been worse."

"Edward, I was practically dry-humping you. You have a _hard-on_."

"Well, I _did_, until my dad busted me groping my girlfriend. I feel like I'm back in high school."

I ignored that and touched up my lipstick, before quickly scooping up my clutch, tucking the lipstick, a compact mirror, my ID, and a couple of twenties inside. "I take it that means we're ready to go?"

"Yep, let's go."

Carlisle was kind enough to not bring up the scene he'd just witnessed, and as soon as Esme finished a phone call with her assistant, we got into the limo. The black-tie was being held at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art, and Edward had already told me that there would be a red carpet and press awaiting us. Both the Center's publicist and Esme's assistant had been given my name for the inevitable questions that would arise, and Edward and I had privately decided that I would simply tell people I was a caretaker for my disabled father. Telling the press that I was an actress might lead to Google searches that I'd rather avoid.

I took a deep breath as the limo stopped in front of the museum. There were photographers assembled there, more than I'd thought there would be. My elegant appearance tonight was a far cry from Isabella's image, but I still couldn't help but be nervous.

Edward squeezed my hand reassuringly before he and Carlisle exited the other side of the limo. The driver opened the curbside door, and Esme took Carlisle's hand before stepping out. Immediately an explosion of flashbulbs went off, and my nerves went into overdrive. I barely remembered to take Edward's hand as he helped me out of the limo.

Edward had told me that we wouldn't really be expected to answer any questions, just to pose for pictures. I could see that Esme was already busily chatting with some of the reporters, Carlisle at her side.

"Why are there so many reporters here?" I asked Edward quietly, trying to keep a smile on my face.

"There always are…this is the first big event of the season. Plus, there are going to be a few celebrities here tonight."

We moved along the red carpet slowly in Esme's wake, posing for pictures when asked. I could hear my name repeated behind us as the Center's publicist answered questions about Edward Cullen's date for the evening. When we finally made it inside the museum, Esme's assistant, Siobhan, came forward immediately.

"Everything looks great in there."

"We are the first ones here, right?" Esme asked, all business now.

"Yes, but I just got a phone call that the mayor's limo is literally thirty seconds away."

Esme nodded and then turned to Edward and I. "I'm going to spare you two the receiving line, just mingle and be your charming selves. Edward, you know the drill. Enjoy yourself, Bella!" With that, she and Carlisle were off again.

I let out a long breath. "Whoa."

Edward took two glasses of champagne from a waiter and handed me one. "Thank God we don't have to do the receiving line, it's boring as _hell_. Want to look around? We can't take the drinks into the galleries, but we can peek at the setup until there are people here for us to schmooze."

"How many people are coming to this thing?"

"Umm, just over four hundred, I think."

I cast a stunned gaze over the room we stood in. "Four hundred?"

"Yup, most in here, but there's seating in other room…" Edward gave me a quick tour, explaining how the seating plan corresponded to the amount the guest had paid for their plate. "We'll be sitting up front with my parents, of course. Not that Mom eats that much…she's on her feet almost all night, chatting people up. There's a silent auction that'll be going on all night in the Caffè Museo too."

"What do they auction off?"

"People donate all kinds of things…vacations on their yachts, or at their places in Europe. Designers donate stuff, artists. It's a pretty eclectic mix…let me know if you see anything you like."

"Oh, no, you've given me enough expensive stuff for the night," I said hastily. "I feel _so_ out of my league, it's crazy."

"Don't worry, you'll fit in fine. Everyone is here because they're either rich, or famous, or both. So just listen to them talk about themselves and you'll be fine." He slipped his arm around my waist as we moved back into the atrium.

To my surprise, the people I met were pleasant enough; some were stuffy but no one was outwardly snobbish or rude. I met the mayor, and had to refrain from pinching myself when I was introduced to Robin Williams. There were a few other celebrities there as well, and scores of people who'd actually flown in from out of town to attend. There was a professional photographer snapping photos, as were many of the guests.

By the time we sat down for dinner, I mildly surprised to realize that I was having a good time. Edward was utterly charming to everyone but never left my side, and I managed to have some interesting conversations with several of the guests. One younger couple in particular peppered me with questions about hiking in the Hoh Rainforest when they heard I was from Forks.

Esme made a charming speech welcoming everyone to the dinner and thanking them for their generosity toward the Platt-Cullen Cancer Research Center. She reminded them about the silent auction and encouraged them to enjoy themselves. Then she sat down, and waiters quickly began serving dinner.

After eating, Esme flitted off with Siobhan, but Carlisle remained at the table with Edward and I. Edward was deep in conversation with one of the other guests at the table, and Carlisle smiled at me. "Are you enjoying yourself, Bella?"

"I feel like Dorothy dropping into Oz," I confessed, and he laughed. "Everyone has been nice, though."

"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. The next major event is the holiday party, just after Thanksgiving. It's much less formal than this, and I prefer it myself."

I fingered one of my new earrings. "That's definitely good to know."

He leaned toward me confidentially. "I remember the first big society event I attended with Esme…I was nervous as hell that I'd say the wrong thing, or do the wrong thing." I smiled, remembering what Edward had told me about his father's blue-collar roots. "I was wearing a borrowed tux and didn't have the first clue about this world. After a while, though, I figured out that we're all exactly the same. Some of us may have more expensive clothes or a name that goes back to the _Mayflower_…but under all that, we're all just human."

"I need to keep reminding myself of that," I murmured. Despite Carlisle's encouraging words, I knew that the vast majority of those in attendance would view a porn star in their midst as something akin to a cockroach infestation.

He looked thoughtful for a long moment. "Don't let anyone tell you you're not good enough, Bella. Some of the people here might think they're better than anyone else because of money or a name, but they're not. As I said, the first time I came to one of these events, I felt like a misfit. But after awhile I realized it was all in how I viewed myself. No one can make you feel inferior without your permission."

"Eleanor Roosevelt," I replied automatically, then reached over to squeeze his hand. "It's good advice, and I'll try to keep it in mind."

"I'm glad." He returned the gesture, and for the briefest of moments, the kindness in his eyes made me wish more than anything that I could confide everything to him. The real reasons behind my nervousness tonight, the feeling I couldn't shake that I wasn't quite good enough to be mingling in this crowd. But that was impossible, and I pushed back the thought as soon as it crossed my mind.

The general atmosphere of the crowd had relaxed considerably after the champagne, pre-dinner cocktails, and the wine served with dinner and dessert. I myself was feeling pleasantly buzzed, and more than a little bit horny as I looked over Edward in his tux. Following his father's example, he hadn't loosened his bowtie or taken off his jacket, unlike some of the other attendees, and I couldn't get over how amazing he looked. Edward on any given day was unbelievably sexy, but Edward in a tux was making me think very naughty things about what we might get up to after the party.

He turned to me with a lazy grin as his mother made a general announcement that the winners of the silent auction were about to be revealed. "Come on, baby, let's go see if I won that week on a tropical island off Brazil for us."

"You didn't," I hissed, horrified. "Edward Cullen, if you spent more money on…"

"I won't have spent it unless I won," he drawled, and I realized he was as tipsy as I was. "Come on."

He tucked his hand into mine, and I was about to follow him through the crowd to the Caffè Museo when a hand gently touched my elbow, and I turned to face a stranger.

He was older, with a fringe of gray hair around his head, and gave me a puzzled smile as I faced him. "Yes?"

"Bella Swan?"

"Um, yes?" I repeated. I felt Edward stop and turn back toward me.

"I didn't want to interrupt during dinner, but I wanted to catch you before you left."

"Dr. Banner?" Edward's voice came from over my left shoulder.

"Edward, hello. I'm sorry for imposing, but I just…ever since I got here tonight, I've had this feeling that Bella and I have met before, and I'm trying to figure out how."

There was a moment of numbness before ice started flowing through my veins. "I'm sorry, but I don't think we have."

"Oh, but I never forget a face!" he insisted. "Your name sounded familiar when someone mentioned you earlier, but now that I've seen you…I'm quite certain we've met before."

I sucked in a ragged breath. "I'm sorry, but…"

"Are you sure about that?" Edward's voice, slightly harsher than normal, even as he wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me against his body. The tension flowing off of him was palpable. "Bella hasn't been to LA for a few years."

I nodded woodenly, supporting Edward's lie. "I think you've just met someone who looks a lot like me."

Dr. Banner's eyes swept over me, lingering longest on my face. "I apologize if I'm mistaken, but…I'm almost certain we've met. I knew it from the moment I saw you."

"I don't think so." Edward's voice was suddenly icy. "Sorry for the mix-up."

Dr. Banner blinked slowly in confusion. "If you say so…I just…I was sure…but maybe I'll figure it out tomorrow. I've had a few drinks tonight, but I'm sure I'll remember…your face is so familiar."

Edward's arm was now as hard as steel around my waist. "They say everyone has a twin. Goodnight, Dr. Banner."

He pulled me away almost immediately, and I followed silently, forcing back the wave of nausea that was rolling over me like a freight train. Of course the whole evening had been too good to be true. I'd been a fucking idiot to think it would be. To assume that, in a room full of red-blooded men, not one of them had stumbled across a video of me fucking or sucking or whatever else was preserved in posterity for anyone to see and remember.

I had a vague sense of surprise when Edward resumed pulling me in the direction the entire crowd was moving, toward the Caffè Museo. "Edward…"

"We are _not_ talking about this here," he snapped back, and the sudden fury in his voice shut me up fast. The look on his face was one I'd never seen before…not on the night I'd first told him the truth, not when he found out about the webchats.

The rest of the evening passed in a dull roar on the periphery of my consciousness. Edward's face remained completely impassive, despite the rigidity of the arm he had locked around my waist. I sipped automatically on a final glass of wine while Edward swiftly threw back two full tumblers of Johnnie Walker.

I hadn't worn a watch, but I was vaguely aware of it getting later when the crowd began to thin out. Couple after couple came up to thank Esme, she in turn thanked them on behalf of the Center. It wasn't until the last of the people had gathered in the foyer of the atrium, chatting absently as they waited for their limousines to pull up, that Carlisle and Esme finally found us again.

"Oh, it all went so well, and I'm so tired, but it's well worth it," Esme chimed happily, before her gaze slipped over to her son. "Edward?"

"Great job, Mom," was his sullen reply.

I could see her bite her tongue even as Carlisle put an arm around her shoulders. "It was perfection, dear, but we're all exhausted. Let's get home."

Esme's face was a study in conflicting emotions, but courteous to the end, she turned to address a couple that was claiming her attention.

I was too-conscious of the fact that Edward had finally let go of me, and that he was no longer clenching my hand or waist. The sudden contact of a timid hand on my shoulder made me jump, and I turned toward it with a tiny yelp.

"Bella?" The face belonging to the hand was surprisingly delicate, and looked very tired. "I'm so sorry to interrupt you, I'm sure you're about to leave."

Conscious of the eyes on me, I forced a smile. "It's fine. I'm sorry, Mrs…?"

"Banner, but please call me Mary. I understand you met my husband earlier?"

"I…well, yes." Unconsciously, I could feel myself tensing for some kind of indignant-wife-verses-porn-star showdown.

"I must apologize for his behavior…Dr. Banner is not always himself when he's in his cups, so to speak."

I had to stifle back a hysterical giggle at her old-fashioned phrase.

"But I just wanted to let you know that he didn't mean to alarm you, and that he finally figured out where you'd met before…silly old fool." She shook her head indulgently. "He was a part-time professor at UCLA for a few years, just retired, in the history department. He never had you in any of his regular classes, but he substituted for one of his fellow professors one day, and was very impressed with your argument against his lecture regarding the…well, I confess I forget which war it was, but apparently you made quite the impression on him. It never ceases to amaze me how well he remembers his former students."

I was shaking, an involuntary reaction that started somewhere deep inside. "I…yes, I was an undergraduate there for a couple of years. Thank you for telling me."

"My pleasure, dear, it was nice to have met you. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Edward's furious eyes met mine as she walked away, and even through the nausea that continued to roll in my stomach, I felt confusion too. Why was he so angry at me?

"Edward, Bella?" Esme called. "Our car is here, let's go."

The atmosphere in the car on the ride back to the house was decidedly different. Esme was obviously unhappy with Edward's curt replies to her chatter, and more than once I saw her cast a concerned glance at Carlisle. He in return squeezed the back of her neck reassuringly and made calm conversation. I politely answered any questions they directed at me, and tried to catch Edward's eye.

When we pulled up to the house, Carlisle helped both Esme and I out of the car before frowning at his son. Edward was yanking on his bowtie and jacket.

"Such an exhausting night, but worth every second of it," Esme sighed. "Sleep in as late as you like tomorrow, Bella, we'll be having brunch instead of breakfast."

I'd forgotten that I'd originally planned to spend the night at the Cullens' home, but from the look on Edward's face, I now wasn't sure if it was such a good idea.

"Thank you, Esme, but I think I may just go home after all…"

"Nonsense. I'm sure you're tired, and if you like, you're more than welcome to make use of the guest room instead of my son's." With that pointed remark, she leaned forward and kissed my cheek. "Goodnight, dear. Goodnight, Edward."

Carlisle took her arm, and the two of them went into the house, leaving me with a glowering Edward. "Do you want me to stay the night, or not?"

"You heard my mother, you're more than welcome to stay."

I hissed in a breath, suddenly angry. "You're acting like a two-year-old."

"Am I really?"

"Yes, you are. I know you're upset, I'm upset too! But I'm not acting like a drunken jealous asshole either."

He snorted. "Maybe you would if you walked a mile or two in my shoes, baby."

"Are we really having this discussion here? _Now?_"

"Do you have any better ideas?"

"Yeah, maybe when we've both calmed down and you're sober?"

"This is a discussion maybe I should be _more_ drunk for," he muttered, and I clenched my jaw. There was nothing on earth that would make me insult Esme and Carlisle's hospitality by having a fight about porn in their home. I'd have to apologize to Esme tomorrow, but I was leaving.

Edward followed me into the house silently, but left me alone when I went into the guest room and shut the door firmly behind me. I shed the dress as quickly as I could and re-hung it on the clothes tree. I didn't even bother taking off the thigh-highs before I wiggled back into the clothes I'd worn earlier, then gathered up the rest of my things, along with the clutch and shoes Alistair had told me to keep.

I wasn't exactly trying to tiptoe out, but I left the house quietly, only to find Edward leaning up against my car. "No way you're sneaking out of this discussion, baby, no way no how."

I ignored him, stashing my things in the trunk before getting in the driver's side door. Edward jerked open the passenger side and flopped onto the seat, leaving the door open so I couldn't drive away. We sat in silence for a long moment before he shoved his hand roughly through his hair. "So is this a standoff or what?"

"You tell me," I ground out, frustrated. "Okay, so somebody recognized me tonight…kinda. If I'd known it would piss you off _this_ much, I would have come down with a last-minute case of the flu or appendicitis and stayed home."

"Oh, so now you don't want to be seen in public with me?"

"Stop twisting my words!" I finally shouted. "Apparently it's the other way around! Everything was fine up until that point, so all I'm left to assume is that you have no problem being with Bella, but _Isabella_ is a whole different story. I hate to break it to you, but we're kind of a package deal. I tried my best to make sure that wasn't the case tonight, but I guess I failed. I can't control who has and hasn't seen me fucking on film, so I don't know what else you want me to do!"

"Quit the fucking porn!" he yelled back, his voice echoing in the car.

"You think I wouldn't if I could? Jesus Christ, Edward, why are we fighting over this again?"

"You _do_ have fucking options here, your father doesn't have to have in-home nursing care around-the-clock, I could help you find a good place for him…"

"So you're telling me I have to put our relationship before the needs of a man who raised me, who now depends on me for _everything? _Are you really that selfish?"

He turned to glare at me. "How do you think _I _feel about all this, Bella? Put yourself in my place. You can't expect me to be magically okay with it."

"I _don't_." My frustration was nearing the breaking point. "I've _never _expected you to be magically okay with it. When I finally told you the truth, _you_ made a decision that it was worth dealing with. Well I hate to tell you this, Edward, but _you're_ the one going back on that decision. Something comes up with the porn, shit hits the fan, we fight, we make up, then we keep doing it all over again. We can't keep _doing_ that."

"Everything was perfect tonight," he groaned, more to himself than to me. "Then seeing that old fuck, thinking that maybe he'd jerked off to you…odds are that he wasn't the only one in the room that had…I just couldn't handle it. I can't fucking _share_ you, Bella."

My breath squeezed painfully in my chest. "Is that an ultimatum?"

"No…it's just the truth. You're right, I told myself and I told you that I can handle it, but I can't. I can't share my fucking girl with every horny motherfucker with a webcam, or even a DVD player. And it just keeps getting worse…tonight was like I was _meeting_ those motherfuckers. Like they _own_ a part of you that I want to keep all to myself. And I don't know if I ever can be okay with that. Could you?"

"I don't know." I forced the numb words past my lips. "I'm sorry, Edward…I'm sorry I can't tell you what you want to hear."

His head fell back against the headrest as he squeezed his eyes shut. "Bella…you and I have something…something that I was willing to go against every possessive male instinct in my body for. I fucking love you. But I can't share you, and you're telling me that you don't have a choice…so therefore I don't either."

"I'm sorry," I whispered again, tears starting to burn in my eyes. "I would give anything to change…all of this."

"I know." He sighed and turned his head toward me. "So what now?"

"I love you, Edward," I said quietly. I had to force myself to say the next words, even as my heart was crying out against them. "But maybe we should just…spend some time apart. Just to get some clarity on this whole thing…our relationship, the porn, our feelings. Maybe with some distance we can figure out what we both want, and what we are willing to compromise on…if at all. I don't know, maybe you'll be happier without all of it constantly weighing you down."

He frowned. "What about you?"

I quickly brushed away a tear, not wanting to break down yet. "I have the easier end of the deal. I know you thought that I had the harder end but…really, you do."

A long sigh escaped him. "So…what, this is goodbye?"

"I think it needs to be, at least for a while."

"Is it what you want?"

"No…but I think it's what we both need right now. Goodnight, Edward."

He leaned over and gently kissed my wet cheek. "Goodnight, Bella." With that, he heaved himself out of the car and stumbled off toward the house.

I started the car and drove back home. Back to numb.

.

.

**A/N:**

Happy chapters that end on a sad note, even when they're necessary, make ME sad. Do you think Bella and Edward are right to decide on some time apart, to get some clarity? Let me know what you think! I'm on Twitter as lazykatevamp too!


	22. Chapter 22

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its Characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original Characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author. This story is rated M for Mature and is not intended for anyone under the age of eighteen.**

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

**EPOV**

Waking up the morning after something bad happens sucks. What's worse is when you feel the dread, and know that _something_ is seriously fucked up, but in that fleeting second where you feel the _dread_ before you even remember what is causing it...it fucking sucks bigtime.

And then the moment you _do_ remember...it just gets worse from there.

Saturday morning went exactly that way. I had a screaming headache, my mouth tasted like ass, and my stomach was rolling in a very bad way. But worse than all that was the memory of Bella driving away from me.

I hadn't drunk enough to forget the things I'd said. I'd been wrong to take out my anger and frustration on Bella, but for the first time, I'd told her the raw honest truth. For a time, I'd genuinely thought I'd be able to handle it, that I was strong enough and confident enough to deal with her job and all its myriad implications.

I'd been dead wrong.

Just the thought of her words..._maybe we should just spend some time apart_...made my stomach heave. I didn't want time apart from my girl. I didn't want time apart or a separation or a break-up or whatever the fuck this was. I wanted _Bella_. But she'd been right...we'd just keep fighting and making up over and over again, and that wasn't what I wanted for our relationship.

_I don't know, maybe you'll be happier without all of it constantly weighing you down._

Of course I'd be happier if my girlfriend wasn't a porn star. But that didn't mean I'd be happier without _her_.

I groaned and rubbed my eyes, squinting and cursing the mid-morning sun that was pouring through the windows. I became aware that I hadn't even really undressed last night; I still wore my dress shirt and tux pants. Coffee, I needed coffee. Then I needed to figure out how to deal with the seriously fucked-up mess I'd made.

I changed clothes slowly, fumbling with my cufflinks and shirt studs, before slipping into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I could hear my parents' voices downstairs in the kitchen, and stumbled down to meet them.

My mother was laughing at something my father was saying, but her happy expression disappeared when she saw me.

"Hey." I _really _needed coffee. "Bella went home last night."

"I figured as much when I saw her car was gone. What happened?"

"We had a fight."

"I'm not surprised, considering your behavior last night." My mother wasn't the type to bitch at me, but I could tell she was pissed. "What in the _world_ got into you?"

"Mom, it's a really long story, I'm hungover as hell, and I'm trying to figure out if I even still have a girlfriend or not, okay? Cut me some slack."

Neither of my parents said anything else about the topic after that, instead talking about the evening's highlights. I ignored the brunch and pounded back a second cup of coffee before going back upstairs and packing up my stuff.

By the time I got back to my apartment, my headache was intensifying. The more I thought about it, the more convinced I was that I'd screwed up royally by agreeing to "time apart" from Bella. I'd wanted to talk to her about maybe helping to pay for a nice nursing home, one in San Francisco so she could see him regularly, even though I wasn't sure if she'd go for it or not. Of course, my drunken ranting about not being able to deal with her job had pretty much killed _that_ possibility. It would just come out sounding like our relationship was conditional on her getting out of the porn industry.

Well...wasn't it?

I obviously couldn't deal with it, no matter what I told myself. My reaction the night before when I thought Dr. Banner had recognized Bella just proved it. It wasn't that I was embarrassed by, or ashamed of her. Fuck, if she wanted to be open and proud about it, I wouldn't give a shit. If anyone had a problem what my girlfriend did for a living, I'd tell them to fuck off.

But it was the very nature of _what she did_ that I couldn't handle. I couldn't make myself be okay with other men having sex with _my girl_. Every part of me, especially the part of me that loved her so much rebelled against it.

By three o'clock I was sitting in my apartment, staring stupidly at my phone. I was pretty sure this hiatus in our relationship meant I wasn't supposed to call her, even though I desperately wanted to apologize for what I'd said. Even more than that, I wanted to beg her to rethink the whole "time apart" thing, but rationally I knew that wasn't a good idea either, at least not the next morning.

In the end, I called the one person who would tell me the truth.

"If you're calling me to beg for my help to win her back, just hang up now," Alice said flatly.

My heart sank at her words. "No, I wouldn't do that. I guess I was hoping you could tell me...I don't know...is she okay?"

"No she's not okay, you asshole. Did you think she'd be out skipping through daisy fields today?"

"I didn't mean that..."

Alice was silent for a long moment. "She's hurting, Edward, but you need to leave her alone. You two were just...stuck in this cycle of fighting and making up, and it wasn't going to get any better. Last night was the final straw, I suppose. She's right, you two need to spend some time apart so you can figure out if _either_ of you want to deal with this. I know that both of you think your relationship is worth it, but it's obviously not working, is it?"

"No." The word stuck in my throat, and I swallowed, hard. "So...I shouldn't call her, or..."

"Absolutely not," Alice said firmly. "I know you're probably thinking I'm overreacting and just don't want you near one of my best friends, but 'time apart' is just that, Edward. For all intents and purposes, the two of you aren't together right now, understand?"

There was an aching hollow pain in my chest. "I guess...if that's what she wants."

She sighed. "I don't think either of you _want_ it, but you _need_ it."

"Yeah," I said quietly. "Will you just...I'm here if she needs me, for anything. Can you tell her that? And that I'm sorry for acting the way I did?"

"I will," Alice promised. "But until then, leave her alone, okay?"

"Okay. Thank you."

"Goodbye, Edward."

**~o~**

I wasn't really surprised when Emmett called me a couple of hours later. "You, me, Jazz, and Shooters."

"Thanks for the offer, but..."

"It wasn't an _offer_, emo-boy, it was an order. We're outside your building right now, get your sorry ass down here."

I dragged myself off the couch, calling Emmett every name in the book as I did so.

"Yeah yeah, whatever, fuck you, get down here."

Jasper was in the passenger seat of Emmett's Jeep, and he turned to me as I flopped in the back. "So...we hear you fucked up royally last night."

"Thanks for the sympathy. You know, I could really just call your girlfriends if I need my balls busted any more."

"True enough," Emmett agreed. "Not saying that maybe you two don't need to break up for a while, but it sounds like you were a total douche."

"I _was_ a total douche. And we didn't break up, we're just taking some time apart."

"Same difference, dude."

When we were finally settled at Shooters, Emmett eyed me speculatively. "So...what happened? I mean, we know the details, but what finally set it off?"

"This guy thought he knew her, and it turns out he _did_, but it was from when she was at UCLA. It just...I don't know, short-circuited something in my brain. We'd been having a great time, it was all good, and then _wham_...almost like meeting someone and having them say 'Hey, I boned your girl.'"

"That's a bit of a stretch," Jasper pointed out.

"Yeah, I know, but I can't explain it any other way. Maybe the same thing would have happened if we'd met one of her coworkers by chance somewhere. I mean...I'm not ashamed of her. I wish she wasn't doing porn, but I'm not embarrassed by her or anything. I just..." I struggled to explain what had been simmering in my head all day. "Let's say if tomorrow she stopped doing porn, and found another way to take care of her dad. I wouldn't give a shit if anyone found out about what she used to do, and if she wanted to tell people all about it, I'd support her in that. My parents would be shocked as hell, but they'd have to get over it because Bella is what I want."

"Okay, following you so far," Jasper said, and Emmett nodded.

"But that's assuming it's in the _past_. And right now, fucking other dudes on film and on the internet is _current_. And I can't share her like that, I just _can't_. I wish like hell I could, and I guess I tried to tell myself for a long time that I was handling it, but I wasn't, not really. First I didn't want to hear anything about it, and that didn't work. Then I wanted to know about it so I didn't assume the worst, and that didn't work. Then last night, when I thought I'd finally _really_ come face-to-face with it, I blew a fuse. I was wrong to take it out on her the way I did, but..."

"It was going to happen at some point," Jasper stated plainly, and I nodded.

"I want to make it work with her, I love her so much it hurts. But the way things stand right now, they _can't_. We can't keep going around and around, hurting each other. But I don't even know where I stand with her right now...I mean...am I supposed to wait a week and then tell her I still love her? Do we check in with each other? I mean..." I gestured helplessly. "I've never just taken 'time apart' from someone. I don't know what to do."

"I hate to tell you this, man, but I think you just need to _not_ be together for a while...and not just for a week." Emmett gave me a sympathetic look. "No checking in, no apologizing for being a dick and telling her you still love her, no using us and her friends as go-betweens...you guys are broke up. I mean, it's going to hurt like a motherfucker at first, that's a given. But down the line if you _both_ still think you're meant to be together...well, you're going to have to figure it out."

"What the fuck is going to change that will make it better if we tried again?"

"If it gets to that point, you really might want to consider couples' counseling or something," Jasper suggested. "Because if you two really love each other as much as I think you do, I don't think you'll ever forgive yourself for not trying _everything_ before giving up. If Bella is _the one_, and you let her get away..."

I shook my head, cutting off the rest of his words. My friends' advice was sound and I knew it, but I couldn't even imagine _not_ being with Bella in the future. Bella _was_ the one for me...at least in _my_ mind. Maybe she changed _her_ mind after I blew it all to hell.

**~o~**

**BPOV**

Being numb now was completely different than it had been before Edward. Before, I hadn't been entirely happy, I didn't love my job, I was worried about my dad. All of those things created anxiety and insomnia that I controlled with Xanax when it got bad. But I'd been able to laugh, to go shopping, date every once in a while, and have fun with my friends.

Being numb _now _involved pain, so I guess in that way, I wasn't really numb at all...more on autopilot. I'd come home Friday night and cried until I was almost physically ill. It had taken every ounce of resolve I had to drive away from Edward, knowing that I was most likely leaving our relationship at that moment too. He'd made his feelings clear enough; he couldn't handle me doing porn. He'd understood in a logical sense why I was doing it, but it didn't mean that he was capable of accepting it.

It hurt too that he had apparently either disregarded or been in denial of my feelings about putting Charlie in a nursing home. I'd told him about why I wasn't willing to do it, and he seemed to accept it. But then he'd hired his own lawyer to find out what Charlie's other options were...including a nursing home. And then Friday night, when he'd said he could help me find a nice place for him...what part of _no_ didn't Edward understand or accept?

I'd weighed all my options over the years and kept coming up against the same obstacles: Charlie's utter panic at any kind of domestic change, the deterioration of his health during his six weeks in a nursing home before I'd gotten the in-home care arranged and paid-for. He'd only been forty-three years old at the time of the accident. He should have had many more years to continue saving up for retirement, along with Social Security and his pension. He shouldn't have needed all the drugs and care that he ultimately did.

And there was no way in hell I'd put him in a nursing home on Medicaid. No fucking way. If it meant that I had to sacrifice things, then I would.

Even if it meant sacrificing my relationship with Edward.

I wasn't sure if there was some cold ugly thing inside of me that allowed me to even _think_ that...perhaps it was the same numb reserve that got me through the porn day after day. Maybe it was a coping mechanism, I honestly didn't know.

All I _did_ know was that breaking up with Edward hurt, and it was a pain that cut through any veil of _numb_ I tried to swath myself in. I loved him. I still _was_ sure that we were meant to be together, but our relationship, as it stood, was almost toxic. We were stuck in an ugly cycle that had been a ticking time bomb all along, as much as we'd tried to deny it to ourselves.

I didn't tell him I wanted time apart to hurt him...it was just the opposite. He wasn't happy, obviously, and I wanted him to have a chance to figure out if he _would_ be happier without me and my baggage. It sounded self-pitying, I knew, but I truly meant it. I loved him enough to want him to be happy…even as the selfish part of me wanted him back.

I lay awake all night, my eyes swollen and dry after I finally finished crying. I thought for sure that I'd fall asleep from sheer exhaustion, but I was still awake when Rosalie got home early the next morning. She popped her head in my open door, the expectant smile on her face fading when she saw me. "Oh my God…are you okay?"

"Edward and I broke up." My voice was a ragged croak.

"Oh Bella…" In a second, she'd flown across the room and climbed into my bed. "Honey, I'm so sorry."

"Me too."

Rose pulled her cell out of her back pocket and pecked out a quick text, then pulled me into her arms. "I just texted Alice to come over."

"Okay."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not until Alice gets here," I sighed. "I don't really feel like going through it twice."

She hugged me tighter. "Want me to make coffee?"

"Yeah."

She gave me one last squeeze before bouncing off the bed, and just as she was pouring the finished coffee into mugs, I heard Alice letting herself in the front door. "What happened?"

"Here, have some coffee."

Their footsteps came back down the hall, and Alice let out a little cry when she saw me. "Bella…what happened?"

"Edward and I broke up." I accepted the cup of coffee Rose handed me, and sat up against the middle of the headboard with Rose and Alice bracketing me.

"Did you have a fight?"

"No…well, yeah." I took a deep breath and a sip of coffee before continuing. "Everything last night was perfect, I felt like fucking Cinderella or something. Literally, _everything_ was perfect. And we were having such a good time…and then this guy came up and kept insisting that he knew me."

Rose sucked in a quick breath and Alice's eyes widened.

"And…I was polite and told him that no, we'd never met…and I found out later that he was actually a history professor at UCLA and he remembered me from there. But Edward just…he went off the deep end."

"At the benefit?" Rose asked incredulously.

"Kinda…like, he started drinking pretty heavy then, and he wouldn't talk to me, but he wouldn't let me get a single step away from him either. When we got back to the house, I went inside and changed and packed my stuff up because there was no way I was staying. And he got in my car and…I don't know. He basically said I had to quit the porn. And that he had been planning to help me find a 'good place' for Charlie. But basically that he just couldn't deal with the porn anymore. And so I told him that we'd be better off spending some time apart, to see if we both feel better not constantly fighting and making up over something that I can't change right now. Then I came home."

There was a long silence after my words, before Rose finally spoke. "I'm not saying I'm happy for you, Bella, this fucking _sucks_. I know how much you two love each other. But you were always on this roller coaster…you'd fight, you'd make up. Rinse and repeat."

"I know," I said quietly.

"And in some ways, that was _worse_ for you than it was _good_ for you being with him. Do you understand what I mean?"

I took another long drink of coffee before answering. "I do, yes, in the rational sense. Doesn't make it hurt any less."

"Of course it doesn't. Aside from the big obvious problem, you two were perfect together. And maybe at some point in the future, if something changes, you'll be perfect together again. But in the right here, right now, you two are not good together. You spent too much time defending a choice you made long before you met him, and he spent too much time being pissed that you're boning other guys every day. How is that a healthy relationship?"

"It's not." Admitting aloud that our relationship wasn't a healthy one felt like an ugly lie, but really, I couldn't deny it. "This just feels so _wrong_."

"Which is exactly why you need some distance," Alice spoke for the first time. "It's easy to say that you're meant to be together except for this one tiny detail…but that tiny detail is actually what derailed your relationship."

Impossibly, I could feel the beginnings of tears starting to fill my eyes again. "What else could I have done?"

"Nothing," Rose said firmly. "Unless something drastic happens to change Edward's mind about what he's willing to _honestly_ accept, nothing will change between you two. And in the meantime, there's no point in you making each other miserable in between the times when you're also happy and blissfully in love."

I squeezed my eyes shut hard at her blunt words. They were like a knife in my heart, but she was right. "I guess I shouldn't call him then."

"Only if you want to drag it out and make it hurt ten times more. Bella, look at it this way…maybe down the road, and I'm talking weeks or months, you'll realize that he really _is_ the one. And if he still feels the same way, you'll need to start all over again. But right now, give yourself some time and space to think and process without the temptation of all the _good_ things you guys shared. Because otherwise you're getting right back on that roller coaster. And for right now, it's time to get off."

**~o~**

It was very strange how time works when something you care so much about is no longer there in your life, something to make plans around, something to share with. In some ways, it felt like everything slowed down, like I was underwater. Edward called Alice to ask her to pass on an apology for his behavior the night before. Part of me was hurt that he couldn't have called and said it to me directly, but part of me was glad too…because hearing his voice again would have undone all the thin threads of resolve I kept desperately trying to spin.

In other ways, time sped up, frighteningly so. I went back to work. I made films. I did more webchats, although still not as many as James would have liked. I'd worked up to some light anal play for the webchats and films, but I still wasn't ready to go all the way. I could tell that James was alternately understanding and frustrated about it, and that scared me a little bit.

Three weeks after Edward and I broke up, Rosalie counted up the single-digit number of films she still owed James and then gave him the bad news. To say that he didn't take it well was the understatement of the year. First he offered her a raise, then tried begging and cajoling before he lost his legendary temper and scared the hell out of everyone in the studio with his ranting. Rose stood her ground and calmly told him that she intended to honor her contract for the remaining films, but that there was no set number on the webchats, and therefore she was _done_ and any further threats of litigation could be directed to her lawyer.

Four weeks after Edward and I broke up, I went home and spent a few days over Thanksgiving with Charlie. I felt confident enough to send Annie home to spend the majority of the day with her family. She fed him and took care of all his other medical needs before bustling off, sternly making me promise I'd call immediately if anything strange happened.

Before I'd gone to live with Charlie full-time in Forks, he'd usually spent Thanksgiving fishing with Billy Black, but after I moved in I'd felt obligated to make an effort. A turkey for two, stuffing, canned cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, and apple pie was our usual fare, but I didn't feel like going to all the trouble for just myself. I found some leftover pot roast Annie had made and nibbled on that as Charlie and I watched football on the flatscreen.

Four weeks and four days after Edward and I broke up, Benjamin came up to me at work and, in a quiet respectful voice, told me that James had asked him to start coaching me on "the anal sex thing." I almost broke down and cried right there, but pulled myself together enough to inform Benjamin that until James approached _me_ about anal sex _coaching_, I wasn't doing it. He'd agreed with me and gave me a hug, before promising that if we did end up doing it, he'd be as careful and gentle as humanly possible, and do everything in his power to help me enjoy it.

Five weeks and two days after Edward and I broke up, I took advantage of a weekday off to go shopping. Christmas was only a few weeks away, and I preferred to get all my shopping done in advance, before the malls and stores became complete zoos. My shopping list was pitifully short: Alice and Jasper, Rose and Emmett, Renee and Phil, Charlie and his two nurses, and the obligatory "boss gift" for James. After an afternoon of shopping, my list was complete, and I just needed to wrap everything up. I managed to wrangle the pile of bags out of my car while still gripping my keys, and made my way toward the apartment building.

Just as I was passing by a parked black Mercedes, the window rolled down, and I heard a soft voice call my name. I froze for a moment, and then turned slowly.

It was Esme.

"Bella…I'm sorry if this is a bad time but…may I please talk to you?" Her eyes were pleading and her face was utterly sincere, so after a moment I let out my breath in an unsteady whoosh. "Yes…of course. Please come in."

She was out of the car in a split second. "Let me help you carry those."

"No, I've got them…"

"Nonsense." In her easy efficient Esme Platt-Cullen way, she soon had shuffled most of the bags into her hands. "Now you can unlock the doors."

I led her up to my apartment in a daze, thankful that Rose and I were fairly neat and I didn't have to worry about it looking like a dump. In truth though, I was almost too stunned to care…the sight of Esme and her bright emerald eyes, so like her son's, had put me into a state of shock.

I didn't let myself think of Edward too often, because it just hurt too much. The pain of not being with him hadn't lessened, only dulled around the edges because that was the way I had to keep it, or else I'd go crazy.

After two weeks, I thought maybe he'd call me. He didn't. After four weeks, I'd convinced myself that he _had_ found life easier without a porn star girlfriend, that the respite from the bickering and frustration had eased his mind. And by the fifth week, when it fleetingly crossed my mind that maybe I should buy him a Christmas present _just in case_…the dullness had reminded me that five weeks without speaking definitely classified as an official breakup.

I still had the earrings he'd given me; I wanted to give them to Jasper, to return to him. I didn't know why I hadn't already. Maybe I'd make it a New Year's Resolution.

Every happy thought, every happy memory, every moment spent in his arms…I wanted to take them out of the box I'd locked them away in…but it was like cradling an armful of razor blades. It hurt _so much_…and so in the end, I just hadn't.

Now, though, sitting across from an obviously-nervous Esme Platt-Cullen, I could feel those memories coming back at me, and the tightness in my chest intensified. "Would you like something to drink?" I finally managed.

"No dear, but please don't refrain for yourself on my account." I shook my head, and she twisted her hands together anxiously. "Bella, I know I've pushed myself on you here, and I apologize. If you want me to go, I will."

"No, not at all." My voice cracked, but I steadied it. The woman before me had never been anything but kind, accepting, and open-handedly generous…the least I could do was be a bit more gracious. "I won't say I'm not surprised, but…I'm glad to see you."

She flashed a little smile at me, still fiddling with the rings on her fingers. "I'm so glad to see you too, Bella. Carlisle and I have missed you very much."

I bit my lip; there wasn't really any response I could make to that.

"And so I hope you'll forgive my actions and words today…I'm being enormously selfish here, and I realize it." She stopped and took a deep breath. "I'm not here to apologize for whatever my son did to…cause your relationship to end. I don't know what prompted it, but I'm not blind and I certainly saw his behavior at the black-tie. He's a grown man and responsible for his own actions. I'm not going to ask you to forgive him, although…I very much want to."

"I don't understand."

Esme squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. "As I said, I'm going to be enormously selfish here, Bella. I don't know if you've been happier since the two of you parted ways, and that's why it's taken me so long to approach you."

"I'm not." The words were out before I could stop them, even as I felt my heart cracking open. "I miss him…I miss him so much."

Her mouth quivered. "Bella, darling, he misses you too."

I shook my head. "No."

"Yes, he does," she insisted. "Every day, every _single_ day since you two have been apart, he's been miserable. A grown son doesn't necessarily confide in his mother anymore, but he doesn't have to. I know my son as well as I know my own heart, and he's hurting as badly as you are…your eyes look the same as his do! Seeing him that way is tearing me apart, and I can tell it's doing the same to you! Please, Bella, forgive me coming here and telling you all this, but I couldn't _not_ tell you. He loves you so much still, and he misses you. He _needs_ you. The two of you were just perfect…you were everything Carlisle and I wanted for our son, as a daughter-in-law."

Every word she spoke was like an acidic slash on my heart. "Esme…we can't…" I stopped and took a deep breath. "There are reasons why Edward and I can't be together."

Her expression was utterly heartbroken. "What could be enough to keep the two of you apart?"

My mind was spinning; part of me wanted to tell her it was none of her business, part of me wanted to confide and cry in her arms. But in the end, I could really do neither. "They're just…reasons."

Esme shuddered all over before seemingly taking control of herself, straightening up in her seat and balling her fists at her sides. Her eyes met mine, and now the pain that had been there before was replaced by a look of fierce determination.

"Is it the porn?"

I froze.

That question…from Esme Platt-Cullen's perfect mouth…this was not possible.

Seeing that I wasn't capable of answering, Esme began talking again, her words tumbling out faster. "Carlisle and I have known for some time, Bella, since well before you and Edward broke up. And it's not…it's not the ideal situation for you as a woman but…Bella, we don't care! I don't give a damn _what_ you do as long as _you're _happy, and making my son happy!" Tears were spilling over her cheeks now. "But if you were afraid of what _we_ would think, and that's what caused all of this…I'll _never_ forgive myself for not telling you sooner!"

"How did you know?" My words came out automatically, my mind still so shocked that I could barely process her words.

"We didn't have you…investigated or anything like that, please believe me. We trust our son's judgment, and we've absolutely loved you from the beginning. But little things…they just didn't make sense. That first night he brought you for dinner, you told us you were an actress, and you didn't disagree when I said you were lucky to do something you enjoy. You said you were a struggling actress, helping to pay your father's medical bills. But you didn't seem unhappy.

"Then…Edward called his father, asking for his help. He said that you were under an enormous amount of stress and pressure to pay for your father's medical bills, and his around-the-clock nursing care, and that he wanted to find something else for you no matter what it took. That simply didn't sound like the same thing you'd told us, and my husband was concerned. He knows even better than I do how much such things cost, and no struggling actress could even begin to pay for the services Edward said your father was receiving."

Esme reached across to take my hands in hers then, and numbly, I let her. "Please understand, what we did then was not out of any doubt of your character or intentions. We could both see how much you and Edward loved each other. We were simply confused at the discrepancies and thought maybe if we understood the situation a little better, we could help you. We didn't want to press you for details, we understand it's a private family matter…"

"So you _did_ have me investigated." My words were dry as sawdust, but I didn't feel any anger or betrayal.

She nodded. "Not to the depth that you may be thinking, but enough to discern your current employer and the nature of the business. If it had been any other woman…I don't know that I can say I'd be _all right_ with it. But Bella…he loves you so much, he _still_ does. And we do too. I've _never_ seen my son as happy as he was those months with you. So we agreed that it didn't matter…if Edward knew about it and was still happy with you, that was enough for us."

"But…it couldn't have been public…how would that have reflected on the Center?" I asked slowly.

She shrugged. "Darling, believe me when I tell you that there are _much_ more scandalous things in our little world to gossip about than that. It would have caused a stir, of course, but it wouldn't have affected the fundraising or the donations to the Center at all. Even if someone _had_ threatened to withhold a sizable donation based on _your _career, I could turned that threat on them quicker than you know. If you and Edward could have withstood it, then it would have been a sensation for a few days, and then died down just as quickly."

I shook my head, cold hard facts starting to filter back into my consciousness. "Esme, it wasn't just…I mean, I didn't want you and Carlisle to find out because I _did_ want you to like me, and yes, I was concerned about how it might reflect on Edward, or your family, or the Center. But that isn't why we broke up."

The resolute little fire in her eyes dimmed slightly. "What?"

I hesitated for a moment; this mind-bending conversation with Esme didn't necessarily give permission for _every _intimacy. "I…do what I do for my father, to take care of him, yes. And I wouldn't be doing it if it weren't for that fact. But it is what it is. Edward couldn't handle his girlfriend doing porn…and I don't blame him for that," I added hastily. "It's why you almost never see successful relationships between someone who's in the industry, and someone who is as far removed from it as Edward is. It just doesn't work. It can't work."

She flushed slightly. "I could understand that."

"And as long as I'm doing it, he's decided he can't be with me. I don't judge him for that."

Esme was quiet for a moment. "If you could find another way to support your father's care, would you take it?"

"Of course I would! I don't _enjoy_ making pornography, and I'm certainly not happy that it's come between myself and Edward." I bit down hard on my lip before continuing. "But I'm sure you know what medical costs are like, and I'm not willing to warehouse him into a nursing home just to make things easier on myself. It will be _millions_ of dollars over the complete length of his lifetime, but...my father took me in when my mom decided her new husband was more important than I was, he was a better parent in every sense of the word. Believe me, I've done the research, I've begged attorneys and social workers to give me _some_ kind of alternate scenario that has him happy and healthy. But no one has yet. And until they do, then my father is _my_ responsibility, and I don't regret that, not one single day."

She nodded faintly. "I believe you, please believe me, I do. No child should have to make the choices you have for their parent…but at the same time, I would do it in an instant for the health and well-being of my son. I understand you, truly."

"Esme…" I steeled myself for my next words. "I'm glad you came here today, and for what you told me. But it doesn't change anything. Edward and I…we were happy, except when we _weren't_. And unfortunately, my job made him unhappy a lot of the time. I'd told myself that maybe he'd moved on, that being apart was the best thing for us…and right now I don't know if it is or it isn't. I'm miserable without him. I still love him. It kills me to hear that he's still hurting over this. But all this knowing and hurting…it still hasn't changed anything. If Edward and I were to get back together right now, we'd find ourselves right back at this point, and I can't…"

My voice broke here again and I shoved my face into my hands, angry that I hadn't been able to hold myself together long enough to make her understand. After a moment, though, I felt her fingers stroke gently over my head.

"Oh Bella…I wish I had some kind of magic wand to fix all this for you. Not just out of selfishness for my son, but for _you_. Isn't there anything we can help you with?"

I forced myself to look up then. "Don't tell Edward you came here today, please."

Sadness crumpled her face. "I won't."

"But thank you, thank you for telling me the truth. There aren't…there aren't very many people like you who wouldn't judge me."

In the next second, before I knew what was happening, I was swept up onto my feet in a fierce hug, Esme's arms wrapped firmly around me. "Oh my dear girl, didn't you believe a word I said? Yes I'm a selfish mother, but we want you back too. Porn or no porn, don't ever think you can't come back to us, Bella."

I swallowed back the last of my tears as I let her hold me. It was the first time in a long time that _not_ feeling numb hadn't felt bad.

.

.

**A/N:**

Hooooly cow…did you see Esme's confession coming? Should she have made it earlier? But would it have made a difference?

I want to thank ALL of you for your WONDERFUL reviews, especially on the last chapter. It means the world to me that so many of you take the time to leave such thoughtful reviews (even as they range from one extreme to the other) and I also want to thank you for sticking with me through this!

I have ONE tiny favor to ask…if you originally found MYOKoM through a rec or review, please do let me know in the comments! It's always a pleasure to find out you're being rec'd when you had no idea!

I'm on Twitter as lazykatevamp, hope to see you there too!


	23. Chapter 23

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its Characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original Characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author. This story is rated M for Mature and is not intended for anyone under the age of eighteen.**

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

**BPOV  
**

Despite running a pornography business, James and Victoria took the holiday season seriously, and they closed up shop starting a week before Christmas, not resuming filming until a week after New Year's. It was a nice perk, although it meant three weeks of no income, and I already had my ticket to Forks booked.

I hadn't heard any more from Esme after her confession two weeks earlier, and part of me was glad. After she'd left, a little spark of hope had dared to flare in my heart again, before common sense squashed it back down. I wondered if she'd shared with Edward what she told me. Not that his parents' acknowledgment of my profession really changed the situation that much.

I _had_ promised myself, though, that when I came back from Forks after the New Year, that I would call Edward. We hadn't broken things off completely when we'd last spoke, and we both deserved to either make a clean break, or to try again. I'd defer to whatever he wanted to do, although God knows I wanted to be back in his life. I was selfish enough to admit it, even as I recognized how slim of a chance I had. Edward had tried, at least, even when it didn't end up well. I'd been the one to tell him we ought to just end it.

The mound of clean laundry on my bed was daunting, but I set to folding it even as I went over last-minute details in my mind. I had a photoshoot scheduled for the next day at the studio, and then I was flying out to Forks the day after that, on Sunday. I'd already passed out Christmas gifts to my friends and mailed Renee and Phil's. This last load of laundry was all I needed to finish before I could start packing.

My cell phone rang and buzzed noisily across my nightstand, and I finished folding a t-shirt before reaching over to grab it. The caller ID showed that it was Annie, Charlie's nurse, and I tucked the phone under my chin even as I answered. "Hey Annie, what's up?'

"Bella, I'm glad I caught you."

"Just folding laundry."

I heard her take a deep breath on the other end of the line. "You need to come home."

The hand reaching for another t-shirt to fold froze. "What's wrong?"

"It's your father."

**~o~**

Almost exactly three hours later, I was on a plane, headed to Seattle with only my purse and the clothes I'd been wearing when Annie called. A massive stroke, she said, and Forks Community Hospital had opted to have him airlifted to a specialized stroke center in Seattle. She'd called me when that decision was made, and was going on the helicopter with him.

A stroke...one of Charlie's doctors' worst fears. As months and then years elapsed since the accident, though, that fear had eased somewhat. There was always a risk, we'd known that, but...

I didn't even realize that I was shivering until a solicitous flight attendant asked me if I needed a blanket.

Charlie's condition couldn't deteriorate anymore, it just _couldn't_. I couldn't keep working to pay the bills and be that far away from him when he needed me the most. He'd been there for me when I was younger, and everything I'd done in the past few years had been for him. But I wasn't going to let him down and leave him again. There was surely a stroke rehab center in San Francisco, I could ask the Seattle doctors for recommendations, and that way I could be there for him, maybe I could find a house for the two of us...

Thoughts whirled madly through my head, and I couldn't stop fidgeting during the two-hour flight. I'd texted Rose and Alice as I'd waited for the first flight to Seattle, and I'd called and left James a message as well. Now all I had to do was concentrate on my father, and giving him every ounce of strength possible.

I hastily gave the cab driver the name of the hospital Annie had told me they were taking Charlie to, and thankfully, it wasn't a far drive from the airport. A quick stop at the help desk, and I was threading my way through sterile hallways and harsh lights.

The stroke center had its own separate ER, and I found Annie in the waiting room there. She stood when she saw me, and reached out to squeeze my arm reassuringly. "Bella, you're white as a sheet. They've been expecting you to arrive, they'll be out as soon as they have something to tell you."

"What happened?"

Annie sighed and nodded to the nurse behind the check-in desk. "Sit down. They've only shared a little with me, and that's only because Dr. Liam sent along Charlie's medical record, including the consent forms. The doctor here will be able to tell you his condition."

"But what _happened_?" I could hear my voice edging toward hysteria, and forced myself to sit next to Annie's solid form.

"I don't know, Bella. Your father was fine this morning, and fine early this afternoon. I took him into the living room to watch the game on the television, he was awake and alert. I ran to grab my needlepoint, and when I came back, I noticed that he was unconscious and he'd vomited. It literally happened that quickly."

"And?" I choked out.

"I called 911 immediately, of course, and they brought him to the hospital and diagnosed a stroke. Dr. Liam put him on medications to stabilize his blood pressure and any swelling, and made the decision to transfer him here. It's the best stroke center in the area."

"What are they doing for him here?"

"Trying to minimize the damage. Thank God it happened during the day, and that we were able to catch it quickly. Many strokes can be almost completely reversed if treated right away."

I clamped my hands between my knees to stop their shaking. "Thank you for coming with him, Annie. Thank you so much. Was he...was he conscious during the flight here?"

"No honey." Her eyes were sympathetic. "Do you want me to stay here with you? I don't mind a bit."

"No, Annie, you don't have to...I just can't tell you how much I appreciate you coming out here with him. Oh...shit, how are you going to get home? I'll call a rental place, I'll pay for a car..."

"Don't worry a bit about it, there's no need for that. You know my daughter lives here in Seattle, I'll call her to come pick me up, and then she can drive me home."

I looked at her, stricken with guilt. "I don't want you going to all this trouble..."

"Bella, stop," she said firmly. "It's _not_ trouble, and you need to be thinking about your father, not me. My daughter won't mind at all, she'd been talking about driving out to see me over the holidays. Just make sure you keep me updated on everything, okay?"

I gave her an unsteady nod, and she stood before leaning over and giving me a hug. "As ridiculous as it sounds, try not to worry. He's getting the best care available here."

"Thank you," I whispered, and she hugged me again before walking away.

I sat silent and unmoving in the waiting room before a nurse approached me. "Isabella Swan?"

"Yes?" I stood up quickly, but the nurse gestured for me to sit back down again.

"I don't have very much to tell you about your father's current condition, the doctor will do that, but I wanted to update you on what we're doing for him."

"Is he okay? Can I see him?"

"He's in surgery right now," she said gently, and I couldn't stifle my gasp of shock.

"Surgery? It's that bad?"

"I don't know his exact condition, Ms. Swan, but based on the MRI results, he was taken into surgery immediately afterward. According to his chart, your father had a traumatic brain injury?"

"Yes, a car accident."

"That may have been what triggered the stroke, even years after the fact. As soon as he's out of surgery, he'll be moved to our ICU here. And as soon as he has answers, the doctor will be out to see you. Did anyone come with you?"

I slumped back into my seat. "No, I flew out by myself from San Francisco."

"Is there anyone you'd like us to call for you? For your father?"

"No...I'm all he has." Those words had never been more painful to speak than they were now. "Just...please, if there's any news..."

"I'll let you know immediately. And as I said, the doctor will come speak with you when the surgery is done."

She asked again if there was anything she could get for me, and I said no. I fixed my eyes dully on the clock on the wall, and simply sat waiting for the doctor to come tell me if my father was alive or dead.

I'd lost count of how many hours had ticked off the clock before a kind-eyed young doctor approached me. "Ms. Swan?"

I blinked to clear the clouds from my vision and sat up straight. "Yes, I'm Bella Swan."

"I'm Dr. Schumaker, I'm one of the doctors who performed surgery on your father. Why don't you come with me, and I'll fill you in on everything."

I stood stiffly and followed him out of the waiting area, to a small consultation room. He gestured for me to sit down, and he waited politely for me to perch on the too-soft chair before settling in a chair opposite me. "What have you already been told?"

"Not much, just start from the beginning."

He nodded and rubbed the side of his face. "I'm sure you're familiar with the facets of a traumatic brain injury from his previous accident, but do you know anything about cerebrovascular accidents, strokes?"

"Just what the doctors told me right after his accident...a clot blocks blood flow to the brain?"

"In some cases, yes. Your father suffered a hemorrhagic stroke, however, which essentially means that he suffered a ruptured aneurysm, leading to severe bleeding inside the brain. We did surgery to repair the aneurysm. The stroke was caught early, but the bleeding was severe."

My hand came up to cover my silent lips.

"Your father is alive, but you have to understand...he's on life support right now, and it's extremely unlikely he'll recover to even the condition I understand he was in before the stroke."

"He's not going to wake up?"

"With the severity of the bleed and damage done to the brain cells and tissue, it's extremely unlikely. I'm sorry to have to tell you this, we did our best to minimize the damage, but it was too severe."

"But you said he's on life support? He's still alive?"

"He is alive, yes. Ms. Swan...I understand that you have full guardianship as well as full powers of attorney for your father. Which means the decision to keep him on life support lies with you. You can have all the time you need, don't feel that this is a decision that needs to be made right now."

"I have to make the decision..." I repeated stupidly. "But he'll die if you..."

"Yes." Dr. Schumaker's expression was sympathetic. "I'm sorry."

I sat silently for a moment. "How long can he stay on life support, just in case there's a chance?"

"I can't give you an estimate, although some people survive on life support for years. But I don't want to give you false hope...Mr. Swan's chances of simply waking up are very slim. The type of stroke he suffered damaged the surrounding brain tissue as well."

"So you're telling me that he'll just be a vegetable, kept alive by machines."

"As a doctor, I will always see him as a human being," he said simply. "But his condition will essentially be comatose, unresponsive to stimuli. As I said, though, you in no way have to make a decision now."

For the first time, tears were starting to flood my eyes. "Can I see him?"

"Absolutely." Dr. Schumaker stood, and I followed him out of the room, too stunned now to notice my surroundings. At some point we stopped at a desk in another unit, and he handed me a _Visitor_ badge. I pressed it onto my shirt as he murmured quietly to the nurse behind the desk, and then nodded. "Room seven. Right over here."

The quiet beeping of the heart monitor and the soft whoosh of the ventilator were the first things I noticed as I stepped into the dimmed room. When I saw Charlie, though, the fog that had surrounded me for the past hours dissolved and everything came sharply into focus.

My father lay pale and completely unmoving in a bed, looking more fragile than I'd ever seen him. There were some bandages on his head, and tubes and wires attached to a myriad of machines surrounding him. "Oh my God," I whispered.

Dr. Schumaker put his hand lightly on my shoulder. "I'm sorry, Ms. Swan, we truly did everything we could. We repaired the aneurysm, but we couldn't reverse the damage already done."

"If he stays on life support," I rasped, before clearing my throat. "He'll always be like this?"

"Most likely, yes." He hesitated a moment. "We weren't able to locate an advance directive or a DNR in his medical record…"

"He didn't have any kind of advance directive, and he was full resuscitation," I murmured. "But I didn't know it would mean he would be like this…"

"And it wouldn't necessarily have been, it just happened to be in _these _circumstances."

I stepped forward and carefully took Charlie's hand, trying not to jostle him too much. "Is he in pain?"

"No, not at this time."

"Will it hurt him if you," I swallowed hard, "Turn all this off?"

"He won't feel it, no."

"Can I spend some time alone with him?"

"Absolutely, take all the time you need. Would you like for me to come back, or would you prefer to check in at the nurse's station?"

I stared at Charlie's unmoving face, remembering a man whose smiles had been rare, but treasured. He'd loved me, and I'd loved him…and I still loved him enough to let him go. "If you could come back in an hour…"

"I will. Would you like for a pastor or priest to come speak with you?"

I shook my head slowly. Charlie had never been religious, preferring to spend his Sunday mornings communing with nature by way of fishing. And however well-intentioned, the presence of a priest wouldn't provide any more comfort to me than Dr. Schumaker, or a nurse.

I heard him slip quietly from the room, and I pulled up a chair next to the bed. Picking up Charlie's hand again, I sighed and lay my cheek against it. "Hey Dad," I said after a moment. "I suppose I could have asked him if you can hear me, but I guess I already know the answer to that. Or, I don't know, maybe the _real_ you is already somewhere else, listening to me from there. I love you, and I know you wouldn't want this. I guess you probably wouldn't have wanted the past few years either, but I can't change that. I did the best I could.

"I'm sorry that I wasn't home with you more. I'm sorry that I couldn't fix things better. I'm sorry that I'm having to say goodbye now, but I know this is just your body. You're probably already thinking about how the fishing is up in heaven, huh? Probably a lot better than it is here."

I fixed my eyes on his face, his closed eyes. "I guess if you understand all in death, you'll understand why I did what I did. I've still got a contract to fulfill, but I promise as soon as it's done, I'll get out. I'll go back to school. I'll try to make you proud of me, if you'll still be keeping an eye out. I'll try to be everything you wanted me to be. I promise."

Leaning forward, I kissed his cool cheek. "I love you, Dad."

**~o~**

**EPOV**

A sharp annoying ring pierced my consciousness, and I groaned. Years of habit had me automatically reaching for my cell phone, though, and I answered it without opening my eyes to look at the caller ID. "This is Dr. Cullen."

"Hey man, were you asleep?" It was Jasper's voice, and I cracked open an eye to look at my alarm clock. 12:05 pm.

"Yeah, but I might as well haul my ass out of bed. What's up?"

"I'm actually standing outside your apartment door. Can I come in?"

I blinked, puzzled. "Um, yeah, hang on and I'll be right there." I hung up the phone and dragged on a pair of jeans from the floor, not bothering with a shirt. Rubbing the remnants of sleep out of my eyes, I shuffled over to my front door and opened it to reveal Jasper. "Come on in, man, what's up?"

He followed me into the kitchen, where I began filling up the coffeepot with water. "Listen, I know this may seem like a touchy question, but have you talked to Bella?"

Touchy question indeed, and I scowled as I dumped the water into the reservoir. No, of _course_ I hadn't talked to Bella, with all my friends and her friends telling me that we were for all intents and purposes broken up, and that I shouldn't call her, that I should give her space. Well, she'd had space for over a month and a half, and I hadn't heard a word from her either. Thinking about Bella was like a sore tooth I couldn't stop poking, even as I admitted to myself that I was still crazy about her. I missed her every fucking day.

"No, I haven't talked to Bella. Why?"

Jasper cleared his throat. "Well, I wanted to tell you this in person. Bella's dad…he had a stroke on Friday."

I dropped the coffeepot with a clunk onto the countertop. "Is he okay?"

"I don't know all the technical details, but I guess it was really bad. Bella had him taken off life support late last night and…he's gone."

I sagged against the counter, shocked. Bella and I had never had a chance to take that trip to Forks together, but she'd told me so much about Charlie, I almost felt like I knew the man he'd been before the accident. "Oh fuck…"

"Yeah…like I said, I wanted to tell you in person. Rosalie flew out to Seattle first thing this morning, to be with her, and Alice and I will be going as soon as we find out what the funeral arrangements will be."

"Oh fuck…she was by _herself_ for this?"

"Yes," Jasper said, and then stood quietly as I let loose with a string of profanity before throwing the empty glass coffeepot across the room. It shattered against the far wall.

"She had to deal with all that shit _by herself? _Why the _fuck _didn't she call Alice, or Rose? Or even me, Jesus Christ, why didn't she call one of us?"

"I don't know. I'm sure she was probably trying to just get to Seattle as quickly as she could, and maybe she didn't realize it was as bad as it was until she got there. Rose's flight was scheduled to land an hour ago, so she's with her there now."

"Fuck, fuck, _fuck!_" I jammed a hand through my hair, physically ill at the thought of Bella being by herself while making a decision like that. I'd been present at the end of lives in my career, of course, and the grief of each and every one of those left behind had affected even me, the professional. "I should have been there with her, Jazz, fuck, if I hadn't fucked everything all up I could have…"

"Edward," Jasper interrupted. "Stop it. You can't change the past, so don't beat yourself up like this."

"I still fucking love her," I said hoarsely.

"I know."

"I just…that I couldn't be there for her…"

"She's still going to need her friends afterward too. Friends who can support her, not ones who apologize profusely for not being psychic and seeing this coming."

"It's not that, but if I'd just tried harder…if I'd found some way to deal with it…"

Jasper shook his head. "We've had this conversation a hundred times. Let's not have it again, okay?"

His phone rang and I scrubbed my palms over my face, the same aching tired thoughts trudging the same old path through my brain. If only. If only I'd tried harder. If only Bella hadn't been so stubborn. If only we both worked on compromise. If only…

"Edward?" Jasper slipped his phone into his pocket. "That was Alice, she just spoke with Rose. Charlie is going to be cremated, but there's going to be a memorial service in Forks on Monday, noon to seven. Alice and I will fly out Sunday night."

I swallowed hard, hating that I even had to _ask_ something like this. "Do you think she'd want me to be there?"

"It's up to you, but it would probably mean a lot to her if you did come. Just no apologizing for not being there and all that crap…get that out of your system talking to me. Now go get a shirt on. Since you busted your coffeepot, I guess we're headed to Starbucks."

**~o~**

**BPOV**

I'd been standing for about two hours straight now, but it was easier than sitting and then having to get right back up again when someone came over to speak to me or ask me a question. I hadn't even wanted to have this memorial service, but Charlie had been the Chief of Police for many years before the accident, and he deserved to be honored.

Everyone who came up to talk to me, shake my hand, or hug me had nothing but kind words to say about my father. I met people that I hadn't even realized he'd known, and all of them seemed genuinely grieved at his passing. It helped with the ache in my heart a little, knowing that he'd been loved, that he'd been missed. He hadn't simply faded away after his accident, and I took comfort in knowing he wouldn't be forgotten.

Rosalie had been an absolute rock of strength since arriving in Seattle Saturday morning. She'd been right there as arrangements were made for the cremation and transportation back to Forks. She'd brought along some of my clothes in her own suitcase, including what I vaguely recognized as my Little Black Dress #28, the only one really suited for the occasion. She'd bought shoes and more underwear for me, and made all the arrangements for the memorial at Forks' one funeral home.

Twenty minutes before the informal service was supposed to start, I'd drifted around the room, looking at the various floral arrangements, glancing at the cards. The manager of the funeral home had assured me that they would take care of collecting the names of those who sent flowers, and who signed the book of condolences, but reading them myself had occupied my tired mind. One arrangement of white roses, elegant in its simplicity, caught my attention and I'd tilted the card.

_We are so very sorry to hear of your father's passing, he must have been an exceptional man to have produced such an exceptional daughter. You are in our thoughts and prayers. –Carlisle and Esme Cullen_

The names sent a spike of pain through me, even as I'd smiled a little at their thoughtfulness. Alice or Jasper must have told Edward, and he must have told his parents.

Speaking of Alice and Jasper…they'd been planning to drive out from Seattle that morning, but I'd assumed they'd be in Forks by now. Not that it mattered…there wasn't going to be a service or eulogy, just time for people to stop by and express their sympathy. There was a small catered buffet in the next room, and Charlie's formal service picture had been enlarged and sat on an easel surrounded by flowers.

It was almost two-thirty when I caught sight of a breathless Alice hurrying across the room to me, immediately pulling me into a tight hug. "I'm so sorry, we got a flat tire out in the middle of _nowhere_."

"It's okay," I said quickly. "You're here, that's all that matters. Where's Jasper?"

"He's parking the car. Bella," Alice bit her lip, "Edward flew out with us."

I blinked. "Edward came?"

"Yes, and he's afraid you're going to be mad…I wanted to tell you but…"

"No, it's okay. Why would I be mad?"

She shrugged. "I don't know, but he was torn up over whether coming would be better for you or not. He wanted to, though."

"That's fine." I was vaguely puzzled why Alice seemed so concerned that I'd be mad at Edward for coming to express his condolences in person…it was a sweet thing for him to do, actually.

A few minutes later, Jasper cut his way through the growing crowd of people, immediately wrapping his arms around me in a hug, and then pressing a kiss on my cheek. "Bella, I'm so sorry about Charlie."

"Thank you," I said for the hundredth time that day. "It means a lot that you were able to come."

Jasper exchanged a quick look with Alice, and she nodded. He turned to look over his shoulder, and Edward came cautiously toward me. I gave him a little smile to let him know it was okay. "Hi Edward."

"Bella…" He hesitated for a moment before pulling me into his arms, holding me as though I were a fragile piece of glass. One of his hands gently ran down the back of my head, over the length of my hair, before he too turned and kissed my cheek. "I'm sorry about your dad…I wanted to tell you that in person. I hope it's okay that I'm here."

"I'm glad you came," I said, and I meant it.

**~o~**

The last few visitors were chatting idly at 6:30, and I took a well-needed break, sitting down on a couch near Charlie's service picture. My friends had been amazing, a circle of strength that had kept me going throughout the entire day. Now Jasper and Alice were talking to one of my old high school teachers, and Rose was conferring quietly with the funeral home director.

I was wishing that I could take off my shoes and rub my feet when Edward approached me, carrying two Styrofoam cups. "Have you eaten anything?"

"Not since this morning…I'm not really hungry."

"Coffee, then," he said, handing me one of the cups. "May I sit down?"

"Sure," I said, and scooted over as he settled next to me, taking a sip from his own cup. The mood between us was awkward, and I hated that. "I really do appreciate it that you flew up for this. How did you get off work?"

"My dad is covering for me today and tomorrow…I'm flying back out tomorrow afternoon. What are your plans?"

I shrugged a little. "I'll be here the rest of the week, tying up loose ends, going through his things, arranging to sell the house. Alice and Rose are going to stay with me, so I'll probably be back home at the end of the week."

"They're both staying?"

"Yeah, we're all off until the week after New Year's, so…" I trailed off into another awkward silence, and Edward turned his cup around in his hands.

"Emmett couldn't make it?"

"No…and according to Rose, he really tried. Some deal he couldn't get out of in Boston. It's okay, he'd never met Charlie."

"Neither had I," Edward pointed out, and I felt my throat constrict. I was keeping such a tenuous grasp on my emotions; I wanted to throw my arms around him and let his very presence comfort me, but I had no idea what he was thinking or feeling.

"That's different."

"I know," he sighed. "So what are you going to do?"

I twisted my fingers together. "Just keep going, I guess. Like I said, I'm off work until a week after New Year's…"

His brow furrowed. "You're going back to _work_? To…"

"I'm under contract, Edward," I reminded him tersely. "Anyway, I don't want to talk about _that_ here."

"No, you're right, I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. It would have been nice if this marked a big turnaround in my life, but…" My stomach tightened. "Right now, it is what it is."

He nodded slightly, then reached over to take my hand. He wrapped his fingers gently around mine and gave them a reassuring squeeze. "Do you think maybe…when you get back into town, whenever you're ready…you and I could talk too? I don't mean to be pushy, so if you still want…"

"No," I said softly. "I think that would be a good idea."

.

.

**A/N:**

RIP, Charlie.

You guys absolutely blow my mind with the time and thought you put into your reviews, I really think I must have some of the best readers in the fandom! It's totally okay if you're mad at Edward, or Bella, or both, or even if you really don't necessarily want them to have a HEA. As long as I'm writing a story that you enjoy (even when I'm killing characters, eek) and that makes you think, then I'm doing my job!

Feel free to PM me, I do genuinely try to reply to direct questions, as long as they're respectful and not nasty…you might be surprised where this story goes. (But no, I'm not telling you THAT!)

Until next time!


	24. Chapter 24

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its Characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original Characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author. This story is rated M for Mature and is not intended for anyone under the age of eighteen.**

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

**BPOV**

That week passed in a mercifully-efficient blur. Rosalie and Alice helped with everything, including the heavy lifting, packing, sorting, and then hugs when tears inevitably came. Charlie hadn't had much of an attachment to _things_ throughout his life, so only a few boxes ending up being shipped back to my apartment. Everything else was donated or thrown away, including most of the junk from my old room. Annie took care of all the medical equipment, and after a phone call, a couple of guys from the Quileute rez came up to take the flat screen to Billy Black's house.

I met with a realtor on Wednesday and listed the house for sale. She warned me that the ramp that had been installed on the front of the house would either be a turn-off or a major selling point, depending on who might be interested in it. I told her that if a family who needed the ramp was interested, to sell it to them for whatever their first offer was.

Thursday, almost everything was done, and I sent Rose and Alice home. Christmas Eve was on Saturday, and I wanted my friends to be with their loved ones on the holiday, not to mention avoiding the holiday rush at the airport. All that was really left to do by that point was a thorough cleaning of the house anyway, and I welcomed the chance to do it.

After they left, I vacuumed, swept, Windexed, and dusted. An empty house was remarkably easy to clean.

It was almost seven o'clock by the time I turned off the lights and locked up the house for the last time. I drove to the Forks Motel and fell into a dreamless sleep almost right away.

Friday morning, I went and did the last thing I would probably ever have to do in Forks ever again. With directions from Billy, I went to their favorite fishing hole, and I spread Charlie's ashes there.

We'd never discussed what he'd wanted done for a funeral, or anything else like that, but I was pretty sure he'd approve.

I sat for a little while by myself in the quiet, before I started shivering in the damp cold and retreated back to my rental car. I dropped off my keys to the house at the realtor's on my way out of town, and then started the drive to Seattle for the last time.

**~o~**

**EPOV**

Bella.

Thoughts of her were driving me crazy, constantly tickling the back of my brain and making it almost impossible to concentrate. I knew that Alice and Rosalie were back in town; Emmett had called me earlier to bail on our plans to meet up at Shooters, since his woman was back. Bella was still there, he'd said, but he didn't have any other info.

Why was she still there? How _long_ was she going to stay there? She didn't have any other close friends or family there, so surely she wasn't going to spend Christmas there, by herself…

She obviously had to come back at some point, she'd mentioned she had to go back to work after the New Year. I ground my teeth together at the thought; the fact that a _contract_, a fucking piece of _paper_, could tie Bella into a life that she never wanted and no longer needed…I couldn't accept that. Even if she didn't want to be with me anymore, neither of us wanted her in the porn.

Maybe it was because I was a spoiled brat, a trust fund baby, but I found it hard to believe that there was anything that money couldn't buy. At the very least, it could pay for a good fucking attorney.

I glanced at my watch: six-thirty, exactly when Emmett had mentioned he was picking up Rose for their date. Either that or they already had each others' clothes off. Oh well, I guess I'd find out when he either answered or it went to voicemail.

"Dude," he answered, on the third ring. "This had better be ridiculously fucking important."

"Shut up and put your girlfriend on."

"What?"

"You heard me, I want to talk to Rosalie, not you."

There was some muffled cursing and shuffling sounds on his end, before Rosalie's annoyed voice came over the line. "You know what you're interrupting, so make it snappy."

"Is there any way you could get a copy of Bella's contract with OPB?"

There was a brief silence. "Are you out of your goddamn mind?" she asked incredulously.

"Don't fuck around with me, Rose, I want to help her get the hell out of there, even if she doesn't want to be with me anymore. I can afford an attorney to look it over, see if there are any loopholes…"

"No. Stop. Stop it right there," she interrupted. "If this is another _Rescue Bella for her own good_ effort on your part, count me the fuck out."

I blinked. "Are you serious?"

"Yes, I'm serious. And yes, before you say anything, of course I want her out too. But you need to stop trying to swoop down and save her from herself. If you're going to try and do anything like that, you need to do it _with_ her, not _for _her."

I turned that over in my head. "Do you think she'd be willing to talk to me about it?"

"Edward…ugh! Why are you asking _me_ that? Why aren't you on the phone with _her_ right now, talking to _her_? And I mean actually talking, not going straight to the kill-the-contract plan. She already knows you're only willing to be with her if she gets out of the porn industry, don't rub it in her face."

"Okay, okay! When is she getting back?" Good God, I should have called Alice.

"She was planning on taking a late flight out tomorrow. She wanted to take a cab home from the airport, so I'm not exactly sure yet when her flight lands. Listen, Edward…"

"Fine, just one more question and then I'll leave you two alone. Has anyone at OPB ever broken their contract while you were there?"

She hummed thoughtfully. "Honestly…no, not that I'm aware of. Either they fulfilled the terms of their contract and left, like me, or they got transferred down to LA if they _really_ pissed James off. You have to understand…most of the people that work for OPB actually _like_ it. I enjoyed it until I decided to commit to this big goon, and even then I was already planning my career for _after_. Women don't have the long careers that men do in porn."

"No one has ever gotten…fired, or whatever?"

"Nope. James is picky to begin with, and he covers his ass really well. If you're planning on working _with _her to try and break the contract, you'd better have a really good attorney."

There were some more muffled noises and a squeak before Emmett's deeper voice came back on the line. "Okay, you just got more time with my woman than I've had. Bye-bye, Edward!" With that, he hung up.

I put my phone down thoughtfully too. I had plenty to think about now.

**BPOV**

Thank God Fed-Ex delivered on Christmas Eve, because it was giving me something to do. The five boxes of things I'd had delivered from Charlie's house had arrived, and I was looking through them now. It was mostly pictures and other sentimental items, but I wasn't sad as I sorted through them. I'd left all my tears in Forks, and now I was able to smile as I flipped through album after album, marveling at all the photos Charlie had taken or received copies of from Renee.

I was sitting in the middle of the living room, surrounded by the piles, when Rosalie came clicking down the hall, fastening an earring. She frowned when she saw me.

"Bella, you know…"

"Emmett's waiting for you, Rose," I cut her off, flipping over another album page. She and Alice had been waging a relentless campaign to get me to accompany either one of them for Christmas. Alice and Jasper were spending the holiday with Jasper's family, and Rose was spending it with Emmett's. The last thing I wanted was to be a pity-tag-along, especially since I didn't know either of their families at all.

"It's not too late to hop a flight to Jacksonville."

"Renee and Phil are in Cozumel for Christmas, _Feliz Navidad_ and all that."

"I just don't think…"

"Rose, listen." I put down the album I was flipping through. "I'm looking forward to a little time alone. And as much as I truly do appreciate you taking care of me, it's making me feel worse every time I turn you down. Because even though I know you mean it, I genuinely don't want to go."

She sighed, and I knew she was acknowledging the honesty in my words. "I'm calling you Christmas morning. I have to be on the phone with you when you open your present."

"Same goes for you. I promise it's family-safe." I stood and pulled her into a giant hug. "Thanks for everything this week. You're my hero."

"And you're my best friend." She squeezed me again. "Call me anytime if you need to, okay?"

"I will." I settled back down on the floor, surrounded by reminders of my previous life, as she left.

Earlier, I'd dropped a roast into the Crock-Pot that Rose and I used infrequently, and had actually put some thought into preparing it. By five o'clock, I'd given up trying to ignore the delicious smells coming from the kitchen and the growling of my stomach. I stood stiffly and surveyed the contents of the freezer, hoping against hope we had some kind of frozen vegetables I could resurrect. Steamfresh Garlic Baby Peas with Mushrooms. Well…it was better than nothing.

I threw those in the microwave and was just about to open up the Crock-Pot when our intercom buzzed. I sighed before pressing the button. "Yes, who is it?"

"Delivery for Ms. Swan."

I frowned, all the boxes I'd had shipped from Forks had arrived, and I wasn't expecting anything else to arrive. I wasn't overly concerned about some crazy fan having tracked me down, but Rose and I had learned long ago it was better to be safe than sorry…especially if we were home alone. "Which service is this?"

"E-Z Messenger Service, ma'am."

"Who's the delivery from?"

"An E. Cullen. You'll have to sign for this one, I can't just leave it."

I felt an immediate stab of guilt. If Edward had gotten me a Christmas gift when I'd put off getting him one…"Okay…come on up."

I was ready at my peephole a moment later, though, when the deliveryman knocked. I was a cop's daughter, after all. The man who waited patiently on the other side was older, had a kind face, and was holding a package and clipboard.

"Merry Christmas, ma'am," he said pleasantly, when I opened the door.

"Merry Christmas to you too."

"_This _I need you to sign for," he instructed, indicating the package in his left hand. I scribbled my name on the delivery slip, and he handed it to me. "Now _that_…well, he's part of the delivery too."

I blinked once, and then twice, as Edward sidled from around the corner into my view. There was a sheepish grin on his face, and I couldn't stop my jaw from dropping. "Edward?"

"Do you know him, ma'am? I made it clear that if you didn't want him to be here, I'd call the…"

"No, no, it's okay," I said hastily. "I know him."

"That was one of the more bizarre deliveries I've done in a while," he chuckled, tucking his clipboard back into his jacket. "But he said it would make you smile. Merry Christmas to you both." I barely noticed when he walked away.

"Merry Christmas, Bella," Edward said softly. "Can I come in?"

"What…what…well, yes, come in! But, what…"

His crooked grin widened. "That was exactly the reaction I was hoping for."

"You didn't have to…have yourself delivered…I would have let you in."

"I wanted to surprise you, and make you smile."

That did it, and I couldn't help the laugh that escaped me at the look on his face. "Well…you certainly did that."

He shrugged out of his jacket. "The old guy was plenty suspicious of me, but I told him he could call the cops if you showed any sign of not wanting me here."

"But how did you know I'd be here?"

"Santa's elves," he said simply, and it took a moment before comprehension dawned over me.

"Rose and Alice. Those _bitches_…"

Edward put his hands up in self-defense. "Be mad at me, not them, I did all the asking. I just…I didn't like the idea of you at home by yourself on Christmas."

"Why aren't _you_ at home with your family on Christmas?"

"My parents know I'm over here. I'm a grown man, and this is where I wanted to be. Although they've invited you over for Christmas dinner tomorrow, and believe me when I say my mom _really_ goes all-out for that."

I shook my head slowly, reality starting to cut through my surprise. "I'm not sure if that would be a good idea."

"Why not? God, something smells good…"

"Oh shit…yeah, I made a roast and…well, would you like to stay for dinner?"

He nodded slowly, with the smile that always made my stomach flip. "I was hoping I wouldn't have to straight-out beg you to let me stay."

I dug out a bottle of wine and Edward opened it as I served up our Christmas Eve dinner, Steamfresh peas and all. Edward's eyes almost rolled back in his head in bliss at his first bite of the roast. "This came out of a _Crock-Pot?_"

"Yeah, you'd be amazed what kind of stuff you can make with one. I used one all the time when I was living with Charlie, if I knew he was going to be getting home late, or if I had plans after school. Bam…dinner waiting for him, no muss no fuss."

"How are you holding up?"

I forced myself to take another bite before replying. "Better than I thought I would. On some level, I lost Charlie three years ago, after the accident. In a small way, I said goodbye to the man I'd known then, does that make sense?"

"Yes," he answered simply.

"But he was still my dad, he was still alive, and I still loved him. So it hurts now, knowing that he's really and forever gone. I mean, I knew better than to expect him to suddenly stand up and start walking and talking but…it wasn't just saying goodbye to _him_. It was saying goodbye to him, and the life he'd built for himself, and the life I tried to provide for him. And making that decision…" I choked and put my fork down, fighting to get control of my emotions.

Edward's hand closed gently over mine. "I wish you'd called me. No one should have to go through that alone. No matter what I am…or was…to you, I would have gone with you."

"I know," I replied quietly. "But everything happened so fast and…it is what it is, I guess. Everything is."

His thumb was stroking gently over my knuckles, and I squeezed my eyes shut, forcing back the comfort that came with his touch. I couldn't let us be lulled back into a situation that hadn't changed, and the pain that still waited there. "Why did you come over tonight, Edward?"

"I told you, I didn't want you to spend Christmas Eve by yourself. And I missed you. I wanted to see you."

I bit my lip, hard. "Are we going to dance around the topic neither of us wants to discuss?"

His thumb stopped moving. "Don't do this, Bella. Don't block me out before we can even talk about it."

Tears were stinging in my eyes, along with the guilt in my heart. "I'm sorry. I just…I did enough damage before, and you still keep handing me your heart. And I keep tearing it to pieces. You deserve better than that."

"Stop," he said, the first tinge of anger in his voice. "I know where you're going with this, and I'm not letting it happen. You're not dumping me for my own good before we even have a chance to talk about everything."

"Our relationship was just…it was all built on top of these conditions and assumptions," I whispered. "To be with me, you had to put up with me fucking other people, for _money_. Which I still have to do."

"I had some conditions of my own, remember? And you kept forgiving me over and over again when I went back on my own promises…Bella…" He sighed and pushed his empty plate away. "I want to talk to you about this, in all its ugly hurtful brutal honesty. And it's going to suck. But I want us to talk it out and see where we end up, okay?"

"Tonight?"

"There's no time like the present. Speaking of presents…aren't you going to open yours?"

My gaze fell on the neatly-wrapped package I'd set on the living room coffee table. "I didn't get one for you. I wanted to, but I thought it I got you something and ended up just having to take it back…"

"Well, I can tell you the most perfect Christmas gift you can give me, then. After we talk." He stood from the table and offered me his hand. We ended up on the couch, on opposite ends. I wrapped a chenille throw around my upper body, and he tugged at my legs until my bare feet were wrapped in his big warm hands. "So…where do we start something like this?"

I shrugged. "Just the facts, I suppose. First fact: I signed a legally-binding contract with OPB, Inc back in October that obligated me to another year's worth of films, which is approximately thirty films or so, however many are shot during that year. In addition to that, I'm obligated to participate in any scheduled webchats, photoshoots, appearances, and conventions during that time period."

"Do you _want_ to stay on with OPB?"

I stared at him, hurt. "I can't believe you even just asked me that."

"Baby, I know…but I want the truth, coming out of your mouth."

"Fuck no, I don't want to stay on with them."

"Have you ever thought about breaking your contract and just walking away?"

I shook my head slowly. "It's crossed my mind, of course, but he could sue the everloving shit out of me, as well as hit me up for the lost revenue of a year's worth of films _and_ everything else. That would wipe out every dime I have saved and then some. I wouldn't just have _nothing_, I'd end up owing him."

"Have you talked to an attorney about it?" His hands began to gently rub my feet, and in spite of the tenseness in my body, it felt good.

"I always used Rosalie's attorney…he looked over both our contracts whenever it was option time, or if any addendums were added. He's a good guy, he always made sure there wasn't any tricky language or James trying to screw us. Not that he ever did…when it came to the legal stuff, it was pretty cut-and-dry."

"But you haven't talked to an attorney about breaking your contract?"

I blinked. "No…I'd never had a reason to before."

"Would you say you have a reason to now?"

My breath caught in my chest as an overwhelming sense of shame swept over me. "Yes. Wow…I am such a fucking idiot."

Edward's hands tightened on my feet. "Bella, you just lost your dad a week ago, cut yourself some slack."

"Yeah, but…I had Rosalie right in front of me, doing exactly what I should have been doing too…thinking of an exit plan. God, I am so fucking stupid…"

"Thinking of an exit plan at that time would have meant you were making plans for when your dad finally _died_," Edward pointed out. "You were focused on keeping him alive and happy, which is exactly what you _should_ have been doing."

"But…"

"No buts," he interrupted. "Will you please listen to what I have to say? Putting aside your pride for just a minute?"

Those words stung, but I nodded silently.

"I was…strongly advised not to go behind your back and do anything, so I haven't. But I _did_ get the name and phone number of one of the best entertainment attorneys in the business. I'm talking Hollywood, not porn. This guy represents the best. And if you just say the word, I'll call him and set up an appointment so we can get started on getting you the fuck away from James."

I took a deep breath. "I can afford it…the money I had saved up for Charlie's care…it wouldn't have lasted the rest of his natural life, but it's plenty for something like this."

"I want to pay for it," Edward contradicted quietly. "I'm the dick who said he couldn't be with you as long as you were doing porn. I'm the one who killed our relationship with that last condition. I should be the one paying to fix it. Then you can use your money for something else, to get a house, or go back to school."

I clenched my jaw. "I don't _need_ you to pay for it, Edward."

"I know _you_ don't need to, but maybe _I_ do. Go ahead and call me a two-faced sexist caveman pig that wants to rescue his damsel in distress, but let me help you do this. My trust fund is just sitting there, doing nothing. Bella, _please_, let me help fix this for _us_. I want you back, I _need_ you back. I love you. And I want to feel as though we're in this together."

A long shuddery breath escaped me. "You still love me? After all this bullshit, even though we don't know…"

He groaned, and before I knew what had happened, he'd reached over and dragged me into his arms, settling my back against his chest, sitting between his legs. "Yes I still love you. The past month-and-a-half has been the shittiest time of my life. I missed you so bad it hurt, every fucking day. Even my _mom_ could tell I was miserable."

I had just started to melt against his chest, when those words made me stiffen again. "Um, yeah Edward, about that…"

He chuckled softly against the top of my head. "Oh, I almost forgot…my parents know. Shocked the shit out of me when my mom told me, but at least they didn't find out by _watching_ it or something."

"When did they tell you?"

"The night before I flew out to Seattle with Alice and Jasper. I told my mom what happened and where I was going, and she 'fessed up. At least that's one less thing to worry about."

"Your mom…yeah, she kind of told me too."

He froze. "What?"

"She tracked me down and met me here and…that's when she told me she knew."

"When?"

"About three weeks ago."

"Oh. Wow. I kinda wish she would have told _me_…"

"I asked her not to, since it didn't change the core problem…you couldn't deal with having a porn star girlfriend."

He was silent for a moment more before exhaling slowly. "Yeah, I guess that's true enough."

"Is it still true?"

"Bella…"

"Ugly brutal honesty, remember?"

Another long silence. "If you weren't willing to work on getting away from James…I guess it would still be true. I'm too selfish to share, Bella, and I love you too much to try. No man who _really_ loves his woman is willing to share her."

It was a fair enough answer, and I didn't blame him. "What about…after? Whether we can break the contract or if it takes a year to run its course…your girlfriend is always going to be an _ex_-porn star. Are you okay with that?"

"Baby…'after' means all that shit will be in the past. As long as you don't want me to sit down and watch any of your movies..."

"Um, no." My laugh was a little wobbly.

"I'll follow your lead, however you want to handle it. If you want to deny deny deny, we can do that. If you want to tell people you did it to take care of your sick father, we'll do that. If you want to tell people to fuck off and mind their own business…"

"I get the point," I sighed, turning a little in his arms so my cheek rested against his chest, just over his heart.

We sat quietly for a while, before he broke the silence. "So are you going to open your Christmas present now?"

"Oh…sure, but what was yours?"

He pressed a tentative kiss against my hair. "You agreeing to work on getting out of the business. And letting me pay for it. You couldn't give me any better present if you tried." He reached over just enough to grab the box from the coffee table. "Now open yours."

I did, with unsteady fingers, unwrapping the neat packaging to reveal another jewelry box. "Edward…"

"Just open it."

The box cracked open to reveal a small round diamond pendant, dangling from a chain that gleamed even in the dimness of the living room. "Oh my God…"

"I thought you might like something simple, something that goes with everything. I got it the same day I got your earrings."

My hand shook and the diamond blurred before me as I lost the battle against tears, remembering that night. "It's beautiful."

"Lean forward…" Edward lifted the necklace from the box and carefully fastened it around my neck. The setting of the pendant felt cool against my skin, and I reached up to touch it even as he pulled me back against him. "Now you've accepted my gift, and I've accepted yours. We're in it to win it now, Miss Swan."

I hesitated over my next words, hating myself for having to say them, but knowing it would be completely unfair if I didn't. There had been so many ugly things we'd said, feelings shredded raw, aching weeks of silence that hurt. "Edward…this doesn't mean everything is magically okay again."

He pressed another gentle kiss against my head, this time just above my ear. "I know, I've thought of that too. But as long as we're both moving in the same direction now, I'm pretty sure we'll be okay."

.

.

**A/N:**

Nope, no magic wand to wave, even on Christmas! These two have things to work through on their own, not just with Mr. Hot-Shot Hollywood Lawyer!

Speaking of _that_ angle, how do you think James is going to take the news? Gracefully, out of respect for her dad? Or as a businessman, seeing a profit trying to walk out the door? I love hearing your thoughts, feel free to follow me on Twitter as lazykatevamp as well.

Until next time!


	25. Chapter 25

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author. This story is rated M for Mature and is not intended for anyone under the age of eighteen.**

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

**BPOV**

"It basically falls under the Thirteenth Amendment, and also the California Civil Code Section 3423. Now if you like, I could throw all the technical legalese at you, but I'm sure you'd probably prefer to know exactly how it applies to you and your situation."

"Yes, please," I replied to the phone. The complications of the holidays, along with Edward's insistence on speaking to only _the _best entertainment lawyer in LA, Jason Jenks, meant that we'd been lucky to even get this fifteen-minute phone conference with him, one day before I was due to report back to work. Edward had managed to clear his schedule, and we sat in his office at work, with the speakerphone on and the door locked.

"All right. Miss Swan, you signed what is known as a personal services contract. The good news is that Section 3423, for all intents and purposes, prevents your employer from _making_ you complete the contract, since that would constitute forced servitude, which is illegal. They could try to obtain an injunction obliging you to carry out the remainder of your contract, but there's no way in hell it would fly, and I'd be shocked if they even tried.

"Now, the bad news is that Section 3423 does _not_ prevent your employer from attempting to collect damages based on your breaching the contract. Based on what you've faxed over to me, your contract is defined by a certain period of time, one year, not a certain number of films. Approximately how many films did you complete in the year prior to the signing of this contract?"

"Thirty-two." Thanks to the detailed records Rosalie and I kept for tax reasons, that was an easy one.

"Regarding the conventions, appearances, and photoshoots, how many are you scheduled to do, right now?"

"For sure?"

"Yes, for sure, on paper."

"Um, conventions, just the AFES convention next October. I don't have any appearances or photoshoots specifically scheduled right now."

"That's good." I could hear a pen scratching over paper. "Don't commit to _any_ from here on out, even if you have to lie about why. And these webchats?"

"Right now I'm only scheduled for three. I've done a grand total of eight before today."

"They'll probably try to collect on those as well, but with having only three scheduled, and you only having done eight, it'll be almost impossible for them to collect on much more than that. The real sticking point that we'll have to fight is the lost revenue for the movies you did contractually agree to film. Is there anything about you that would make you less valuable to them as an entertainer?"

"I, um..." I could feel my face turning red. "I don't perform anal sex, which is kinda considered industry standard."

"Does it limit your profitability?"

"Yes, definitely...my boss commented on more than one occasion that unless I started doing anal, he'd have to start giving bigger roles to other stars. And that the reason I wasn't more popular on the webchats is because I don't do it."

"Excellent." There was a brief moment of silence and more writing. "All right. Based on what you've told me today, and what you've faxed over to me, we absolutely have a case. Now, the next step for _you_ is to act like absolutely nothing is wrong, we don't want them to get the jump on us. We'll formally serve them notice that you intend to walk away from your contract. You don't intend to sign with another company, or perform as an independent contractor, do you?"

"No, absolutely not."

"You're lucky, Miss Swan, the judge will probably be sympathetic. We'll play up the aspect of you trying to get out of an industry that is viewed as disreputable, after only doing it to care for your ailing father. They can't sue you simply for breaking your contract, so I can almost guarantee that the only thing OPB will get is an injunction against you performing anywhere else, and monetary damages for the films. I can't tell you how much that will be, since they'll have to provide evidence of exactly how much of their profit is walking out the door. I don't suppose there's a chance they'll just let you go without a fight?"

I thought of James' fury the day Rosalie had given him her notice. "I very seriously doubt it."

"All right then. Carry on as usual until you hear from one of my associates, notifying you to terminate any and all involvement with OPB, Inc."

"How long do you think that'll take?" Edward interjected.

"No more than a few days at the very most. We'll be in touch."

I smiled at Edward as he hung up the phone. "I guess there's light at the end of the tunnel after all."

He ran his hand through his hair and tried his best to return my smile. "I wish you didn't have to film tomorrow, though. And who the hell knows what 'a few days' means?"

"I can get through a few days. And the second James is served notice that I'm quitting, I'm completely done. Hell, I should probably empty out my locker tomorrow when no one else is around."

Edward's desk phone buzzed. "Dr. Cullen? Dr. Gerandy is on line two."

I stood and grabbed my purse, then leaned over to press a quick kiss to his lips. "I'm on my way. Call me later?"

"Yep, will do."

I went out to the parking lot feeling a thousand times better than I had earlier. Realistically, I'd known that James couldn't literally _force_ me to film for him, but knowing there was an actual law backing me up was infinitely reassuring.

To my absolute shock, I'd received a phone call from the Forks realtor that morning, and there was already an offer on Charlie's house, pending the inspection. The offer was only slightly below the asking price, and I'd told her that I'd accept it. Between that and the money I'd been socking away towards Charlie's future care, I surely had enough money to pay off whatever damages OPB felt they were owed. Especially since Edward was footing the bill for the attorney and any future court costs.

I frowned a little, thinking about it, but I'd made him a promise, and I knew that he was happy I'd acquiesced on that one detail. It was hard, though; I'd spent years being completely self-sufficient and depending only on myself…simply _letting_ someone pay my way felt wrong.

There were a lot of things I was going to have to learn to do differently, though, if Edward and I were going to make it work this time.

We'd spent more time talking since Christmas Eve than anything else. The chemistry we'd both felt on our first date was still there, but a lot of other feelings had come into our relationship too, and since not all of them were good ones, they had to be dealt with first.

He confessed how frustrated and hurt it had made him that I'd refused to consider any other options for Charlie, even as he'd felt guilty for thinking it. I told him that his insistence on keeping a nursing home an option had seemed as though he was ignoring everything I'd told him. We were finally being more honest with each other than we'd been for the entire duration of our relationship.

One thing we _weren't_ doing was having sex. We were affectionate, but we kept our kisses chaste and careful, and after Christmas Eve, we didn't spend the night at each others' apartments again.

Part of the reason was obvious: moving slowly and not leaping back in where we'd left off was definitely in our best interest if we wanted to do this right. But locked away in my heart, behind a wall of armor I'd put up long ago, had been a niggling little fear. Edward had made it clear he couldn't be with a porn star, and if Jason Jenks' news had been bad, I'd been secretly afraid that it would mean the end of Edward and I too.

I slid into my car and just sat for a moment, before slowly inhaling and then blowing out a long steady breath, allowing myself to process it all.

I was getting out of porn.

Edward and I were together.

If I could just get through the next few days, it would be like starting all over again. And that was the best news of all.

**~o~**

There wasn't a script awaiting me when I arrived at the studio the next day, which was unusual but not unheard of. I slipped into the elegant lingerie that had been left for me, threw on a robe, and headed over to hair and makeup.

"Are you all right, Isabella?" Tami inquired. "You're kinda quiet today."

I forced a smile to my face, since I couldn't exactly tell her that it had taken everything in me to come in today. Only Jenks' advice to act as normally as possible had gotten me to drive to the studio, and I prayed that my reticence wouldn't come across on camera. "I'm fine, just got a lot of stuff on my mind."

"James said you had a family emergency right before Christmas, everything okay?"

Nothing in the world would make me bring Charlie's memory into Isabella's space. "It is now, thank you."

She applied a final light dusting of powder over my nose. "Okay, you're all done!"

"Thanks," I murmured, slipping out of the chair and heading toward the set.

The staging was fairly nondescript but lovely nevertheless: an elegant bedroom, roses on the bedside table, muted colors. This was probably going to be a compilation bit for _Bare Love_, then.

Benjamin was waiting for me. "Hey Isabella! How were your holidays?"

I forced the same sick smile to my face. "The usual. How were yours?"

His eyes lit up as he started telling me about the new baby's first Christmas. I nodded and responded at all the appropriate moments, fleetingly thinking that his wife, Tia, had really hit the jackpot with her exit strategy from porn. A pregnancy clause in the contract had made things as cut-and-dry as they could be.

"…so anyway, she had more fun playing with the wrapping paper, much to my parents' disappointment. I told them to just get her a roll of wrapping paper for her birthday!" Benjamin laughed, and I finally gave him a genuine smile. Just because I was counting the seconds until I was out of the business didn't mean I wouldn't miss some of the people in it. Ben was genuinely a good guy, a kind soul in an industry populated by assholes.

"That sounds like a great Christmas, you'll have to show me pictures."

"Oh, I've got some on my phone, I can show you after we're done if you want!"

James strode up just then. "Benjamin, Isabella, good to see you both. Are we all set?"

I nodded automatically.

"Yep, but what exactly are we doing?" Ben queried.

"Something new that I was _sure_ you two would make absolutely perfect. I was considering Alec, but the two of you are so comfortable together, I knew it would be best with Ben. _Bare Love_ is doing incredibly well, and it's time to kick it up a notch, to show people that certain things they'd never considered before can be done lovingly and enjoyably."

James' face was calm and open, completely different from the thick lump I suddenly felt form in my throat.

"I trust you both implicitly, so I'm just going to give you a general outline and then you can take it from there. You're a husband and wife, asleep in bed together. Isabella, you'll be having a very vivid dream about _something_ very erotic. Benjamin wakes you up because you're moaning and rubbing up against him in your sleep. You confess that you were dreaming about having anal sex…phrase it however you like, just be sure you're a little embarrassed and flustered about it. Ben offers to make your dream a reality. Ben, I trust your judgment from there, but let's stick to mostly missionary and from-behind. Make sure you come on her. Okay?"

I stared at my boss, stunned. I'd done some light anal play for the webchats and a couple of films, but nothing more than a very slim vibrator had made its way into my ass, and that only by the grace of lube and a couple of shots of vodka beforehand. "Are you serious?" I croaked.

James smiled easily at me. "I know you're ready, Isabella. Believe me, I wouldn't ask you to do it if you weren't. I know you're comfortable with Ben, and he'll be careful with you. Trust me, you might just enjoy it."

I turned to stare at my co-star, but from the stunned look on his face, I knew immediately that he'd had no foreknowledge about this. "I…can't…"

"Yes, Isabella, you can," James said quietly. "You've done everything I've ever asked you to. Just think, you'll be helping women who've never experienced anal sex appreciate how enjoyable it can be. We'll be able to tag this compilation as Isabella's first true anal experience…it'll be a huge hit."

"I don't think I can," I said desperately.

"Yes, you can," my boss repeated, this time dropping the smile. "Why do you think I was so patient in letting you work your way up to this? Why do you think I picked Ben to be your first? Why do you think I put it in your _contract_? Because I know _you can_. With Rose gone, I need you to do this. Understood?"

I stood, mute and frozen, as he turned on his heel and walked away without waiting for an answer. It wasn't until Ben reached down and squeezed my hand that I looked at him, desperate for a way out.

"I'll be okay, Isabella," he said softly. "I won't hurt you, you know I'd never hurt you. Just…relax, and when I start pushing into you, don't tense up, push back like you're…you know. Once the head is in, it'll be okay. It might burn a little at first, but I promise it'll get better. If you relax, it'll be okay. I'll do everything I can to make it feel good."

His gentle voice and pleading words was the only thing that unglued my feet from the floor. We were on the bed and under the sheets before I knew it. And still I lay frozen even as Ben gathered me in his arms, in a lovers' sleepy embrace, under the bright studio lights.

I'd been vaguely aware that James was snapping orders at the crew, but I didn't focus on him until he came to stand beside the bed, ready to dispense his last orders before filming commenced. "All right you two, let's really do this. Make it meaningful, not just another scene on camera."

His words hit me like a punch to the gut, triggering a sense of déjà vu so strong that I was dizzy.

_Rosalie laughing at me as Alice painted my toenails. "It's kinky, it's taboo, but it can also be really fun. Yeah, you can trust the guys at work not to hurt you since they do it all the time, but with Edward it would be something meaningful, not just another scene on camera."_

"No." I threw back the covers over me and wrenched out Ben's arms. "I'm not doing this."

Our robes had been moved out of the shot, so there was nothing covering me other than wispy lingerie as James came around the bed to face me. "Get back in bed, Isabella."

"No."

"I'm getting tired of this juvenile bullshit from a contract star. Get back into the fucking bed."

I wasn't sure if it was years of repressing my disgust with myself, James' obvious machinations, or the knowledge that I was so close to being free of that entire world that fueled my fury, but something inside of me snapped. "No, why don't _you_ get in the bed and get a dick rammed up _your_ ass, you piece of shit? Now get the fuck _away_ from me, I'm fucking leaving!"

The last of my screamed words echoed around the suddenly-silent set as I stormed away, toward the dressing room. I'd probably blown it all now, but I just didn't care. Let James sue me, let the judge make me pay him hundreds of thousands of dollars, but I was done. Effective immediately, I was _done_.

Of course I should have known better, and no sooner had I slammed the dressing room door behind me than James had wrenched it back open again, storming inside, his legendary fury twisting his features. "What the _fuck_ was that, Isabella?"

I ripped the lingerie off my body, not caring that my boss was standing right there. God knows he'd seen me naked often enough. "I meant what I said. I'm not fucking doing it, and I'm leaving."

"Are you out of your mind?" Even through his rage, I could tell that James was genuinely confused.

"No, I'm just making it clear to you what happens when you try to force someone into doing something they don't want to do!" I snapped back, opening my locker and grabbing my clothes. "That's called _prostitution_, James."

"It isn't if _you_ signed a contract that agreed to certain services, _specific_ services," he countered icily. "I know you had it rough over the holidays, with your father getting sick, but that's no excuse for acting the way you just did. I'll overlook it this once if you'll get your act together and get back out there, but my patience is at a breaking point."

I tugged on my panties, realizing that James had no idea that Charlie had passed away over the holiday break. "Thanks for nothing, but I'll pass. My dad _died_, by the way."

A storm of emotions crossed James' face. "I'm sorry," he said after a moment. "I wish you would have told me, though, if you weren't ready to go back to work. Instead, acting like some spoiled diva and storming off the set…"

"Well, don't feel that you'll have to worry about me doing it again."

His eyes narrowed as he watched me continue to dress, and then comprehension slowly dawned in them. "You're quitting, aren't you? Now that your father's dead, you're quitting."

I didn't answer, instead pulling on my jeans.

"You signed a contract, Isabella. A legal contract, which means you are required to carry out the terms therein. Although with the way you're acting, I'm tempted to have you finish it out in LA. Trust me when I say there's a certain market that enjoys sex where the woman doesn't look willing."

Despite what I knew, an icy shiver ran down my spine at his words. "Fuck you, James."

"After everything I've done for you…your father would have been rotting in some shithole nursing home if I hadn't taken you in, gotten you to where you are today. I should have let Victoria have you, you'd be taking two dicks up your ass without batting an eye by this point."

I grabbed my purse. "Make sure you repeat all that for my attorney. Now get the _fuck_ out of my way."

He made no move to block me, stepping aside as I half-ran out the door. I barely heard his words as I made my way down the hall: "I'll see you in court, Isabella."

**~o~**

Adrenaline kept my heart pumping furiously as I drove home and threw my purse on the couch. It wasn't until I sat down and tried to slow my breathing that a whisper of worry began tickling my mind. Jenks had said not to let James know about anything in advance, and here I'd practically handed him an outline of my exact intentions. _Shit_.

I paced around the apartment for a few minutes before digging into my purse for the phone number Edward had written down for me. I dialed the number to Jenks' firm with shaking fingers and left a message with a bored-sounding receptionist. Then I paced some more.

I'd graduated from pacing to staring into the open refrigerator, trying to find anything remotely appetizing, when the intercom buzzed and I jumped like a scared cat. "Jesus Christ," I muttered, before reaching over to press the button. "Who is it?"

"Bella, it's me."

Edward. With that one thought, relief washed over me and I had the front door open and waiting, hearing him take the steps two at a time. He took one look at my face and pulled me tightly against him, shuffling both of us awkwardly back into the apartment.

"Baby…what happened?"

I buried my face in his neck. "I did something really stupid."

"What did you do?"

I blinked back the sting of tears and looked up at him. "Wait a minute, how did you know?"

"I got an extremely short text from Alice when I was leaving work telling me to get my ass over here. I called about ten times, but you weren't answering your phone."

Shit. I'd turned the volume off for work and, in my anger and subsequent panic, had forgotten to turn the ringer back on. "I'm sorry."

He hugged me back against him. "It's all right…now are you okay? What the fuck happened?"

I burrowed against the warmth of his body. "I kinda lost my shit because James set me up and I stomped out and he knows I'm quitting and he's _pissed…_"

"Whoa…baby, you're talking a million miles a minute. Calm down, sit on my lap, and tell me what happened."

"Sitting on your lap isn't going to calm me down," I muttered, and he chuckled as he sprawled onto the couch and then pulled me down too. I immediately curled up against him.

"First things first," Edward said, reaching over to where my phone sat on the table. "Your ringer is now back on. And you have twelve missed calls."

"I'm sorry," I murmured, taking the phone from him. Alice and Rosalie had both called as well, and I tapped out a quick text to both of them.

When I was done, Edward set my phone back on the table and then reached up to loosen his tie with his free hand, the other one pulled me back against him. "Okay, start over and take your time."

I took a deep breath. "James decided that today was going to be the day Isabella lost her anal virginity, whether she wanted to or not. He had it all planned out. And I just…I lost it. I snapped. I screamed at him in front of the entire cast and crew and stomped off the set. He followed me into the dressing room and we really went at it."

Edward's body had gone rigid the moment I'd said the word _anal_. "Did he hurt you?"

There was no way in hell I could tell Edward the things James had said to me, he'd freak out. "Words can't hurt me."

"The hell they can't. Did he threaten you?"

I bit my lip. "He threatened to send me to LA to finish out my contract there."

Edward swore softly. "Fucking son-of-a-bitch. We've got to make sure Jenks knows about that."

"Oh, I left him a message too."

"Good. Bella, please _please_ promise me that you won't take a step back into that place again, or let that James cocksucker anywhere near you. No matter what, _promise_ me!"

"I promise," I said immediately. There was no way I could ever trust James not to hurt me, after the things he'd said. "As of this afternoon, I guess I'm officially an _ex_-pornstar."

"Thank God for that," Edward replied, kissing the top of my head.

I snuggled closer to him and then blinked as realization hit me. "Oh my God…I never have to do it again. I don't…" I almost got a little dizzy as I thought of all the things I would never have to do again, things I couldn't say out loud to Edward. No more guys jerking off until they came on my face. No more having my head shoved down onto a cock until I gagged. No more pretending to come when I was actually sore as hell. No more laying there wishing I was anywhere else in the world…

Edward's smile was strained as he lifted my chin with his fingers and then wiped at the tears that had spilled down my cheeks. "Don't think about all the bad shit, baby. It's behind us now."

Us. It was behind _us_. "It's just…it all happened so fast, it's almost too good to be true."

He started to reply, but was interrupted by the shrill ring of my phone. Edward looked at the caller ID and then handed it to me. "I think it's Jenks."

I answered the call on speakerphone. "Hello?"

"Bella Swan?"

"Yes."

"This is Max Scott, I'm one of Jason Jenks' associates. I'm assisting him on your case and I was given your message."

Leaving out the more salacious details, I outlined what had happened earlier in the day. "Well, it's not the ideal situation, but it's not catastrophic," Scott finally said. "What it probably boils down to is that he was on the phone with their attorney before you'd left the parking lot, and they've already started totaling up how much they intend to sue you for. We sent off the papers this afternoon telling him that you were officially through. Don't have any contact with him whatsoever from now on, though…if he tries to call you, refer him to us."

"There's more," Edward spoke up. "He threatened her as she was leaving."

"Physically?"

"No, it was more like…threatening to make me do gross stuff if I didn't cut it out."

"What exactly did he say?"

"Umm…" I hesitated, really not wanting to repeat James' words in front of Edward. "You need to know exactly what he said?"

"I wouldn't ask if I didn't think it might help your case. The worse it sounds, the more pissed a judge will probably be hearing it."

Fuck. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, and repeated as much of James' rant as I could remember.

"Jesus, what a scumbag," Scott said after a moment. "Well, threatening an employee like that to try and coerce her into fulfilling a contract…hell, you could turn around and sue _him_."

"No," I said quickly, opening my eyes again, noting that Edward's face was rapidly turning a dark red. "I just want to get all this over and done with."

"Okay, but I'll definitely be passing it along. Between you and me, though, Jenks really should have told you that you didn't _have_ to keep performing if things were that bad. Call us if anything else happens, okay?"

"Okay," I whispered, before hanging up the phone, eyeing Edward cautiously.

"He said that shit to you?" His voice was ragged, as if he were barely hanging onto his self-control.

"He said it because he knew it would hurt."

He swallowed hard. "Bella…I want you to please, for the sake of my sanity, just say yes to what I'm about to ask you. Please come home with me tonight. Please do _not_ stay here."

I blinked, confused. "Okay, if you want. But…"

"That fucker has your home address, doesn't he?" Edward snapped, not looking at me.

"Oh. Yes, but…"

"No buts. Just…let's go. Now."

"Edward…"

"_Why_ can't you just let me take care of you for once?" he exploded, and I pulled away from him, stunned. "Just for once, do this _one_ little thing that will give me some peace of mind, knowing that you're okay."

My first immediate thought was that there was something more simmering below the surface of Edward's rage, but I didn't want to fight with him. "I said I'll come home with you. Calm down, please?"

He scrubbed his hand over his eyes. "Pack enough for the entire weekend, please?"

"Okay."

"I'm sorry…I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. But baby…that is some fucked-up shit he said to you."

I couldn't deny that.

He exhaled slowly before shoving himself up off the couch, then reaching out a hand for me. "Come on, I'll help you pack."

**~o~**

Edward ended up insisting I pack for a few more days than just the weekend, and I drove myself to his apartment with him behind me. He was supposed to be on-call that weekend, and didn't want to leave me without transportation if he had an emergency.

We both showered and changed, and then sat down to pick at a delivery pizza that neither of us was very hungry for. Eventually Edward gave up and set his plate down on the coffee table, muting the evening news. "Bella, there's something I want to ask you about."

I set down my pizza too, and then turned to face him on the couch. "Yes?"

"You might think this sounds weird or crazy, but…Jasper suggested something to me awhile back. At first I thought no way, but…" He took a deep breath. "He suggested that you and I go to couples' counseling. And the more I've thought about it, especially since Christmas, the more I think it's a good idea."

"Whoa. Um, okay…" I looked away from him for a moment, confused. Couples' counseling was supposed to be for people who were on the verge of getting divorced or something. And Edward and I weren't even close to getting married. "I guess…I mean if you really wanted to, I'm not opposed to the idea. But can I ask why?"

His shoulders relaxed a little. "I'm not saying we need to go into long-term therapy or anything, but you and I…we've had stuff in our relationship that most normal couples don't come anywhere close to experiencing. The whole porn issue made little issues into big issues, and even though I know we've been trying to work through them on our own…like earlier. I blew up at you when I was really pissed about what that asshole said to you. Or how you seem pathologically unable to accept help sometimes, even if it's being offered when you really need it."

Those words smarted, but I couldn't deny the truth of what he was saying. "You don't think we could get back to the way things were on our own?"

"Baby, I don't _want_ to go back to the way things were, and I hope you don't either," he said softly. "That shit was always there, from the moment we met, always fucking with us. I want us to have something different, something _better_."

"That's true," I murmured. "And I guess it would be a good idea."

He leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on my lips. "I'll ask my dad for some recommendations."

I reached out my hand to squeeze his. "Thank you for thinking I'm worth it."

Surprise crossed his face. "Why would you say that?"

"All of it. The porn, the fighting, me being stubborn…I love you, Edward. I guess I'm just grateful that you think it's worth it."

"That's…a very strange thing to say," he said slowly. "I love you. Of course you're worth it."

"Without trying to sound overly whiny or self-pitying, sometimes it's hard for me to believe."

"Do you believe I love you?"

I looked directly into his emerald-green eyes, and there was absolutely no doubt in my heart or mind when I answered. "I definitely believe that."

"Good. I think that means I get to kiss you some more now."

My laugh was lost in his mouth as he pulled me tightly against him. I threaded my hands through his hair as our lips met again and again, each kiss sweeter and deeper than the last. I moaned with pleasure as his tongue finally tangled with mine, and it wasn't long before we were horizontal on the couch, making out like we hadn't in weeks. I reveled in the feeling of his hard body full-length over mine, and then gasped in delight as I felt his erection, rock-hard beneath his pants, pressing against me.

"Fuck…Bella, you feel so good…" he muttered, and then groaned thickly as I parted my legs just enough to allow his hips to settle between my thighs. Now his cock was pressing right where I wanted it so badly, and he thrust involuntarily against me. "Oh God…so fucking good…baby, I want you…"

I whimpered as he thrust against me again. "I want you too."

He propped himself up on his elbows just enough so that his eyes could meet mine. "Do you think it's a good idea? I mean…shit…I think it's a great idea but if it's too soon...are you okay with…"

"Edward," I cut him off. "We are two consenting adults who love each other, and who just promised to do whatever it takes to make this relationship work. Plus you are incredibly fucking sexy and I'm horny as hell. I think it's an _awesome_ idea."

His grin was the last thing I saw before he started kissing me again, and then everything became a blur of pleasure until I felt him pulling me up off the couch. "Bed…now…" he panted.

Half-stumbling through a tangle of clothing that was being pulled off with each step, we somehow made it into the bedroom and collapsed onto the bed. We'd both managed to shed our underwear, so there was nothing but the warm slip of skin against skin as we twisted together, re-exploring each others' bodies, our need growing more desperate. I had the presence of mind to claw for a condom from his bedside table at the last moment; I'd had a clean STD test since I'd last filmed, but I wasn't taking any chances. Not with him.

"This is like our first time was," he gasped out as I rolled the latex down his length. "I was so fucking desperate to have you…"

"The feeling was mutual," I agreed, and then kissed him hard as he positioned himself between my legs.

The feeling of Edward's thickness sliding into me…oh God. My back arched as erotic pleasure soared through me. I'd missed this, so much, this part of our relationship that had always been perfect and free from all the other bullshit that we dealt with. He and I fit together like two perfect puzzle pieces.

We were already worked into a frenzy, and almost immediately my hips were rising to meet his as he pounded relentlessly into me. I dug my fingernails into his back, moaning non-stop, begging him not to stop, begging him for more…

One of his fingers tapping over my clit was all it took for me to explode around him, and I half-screamed as the pleasure burned a path through my entire lower abdomen. It had been so long…so long…

Edward grunted and gripped my hips hard, cursing as he came too, and the look of absolute release and bliss on his face almost did me in. He collapsed on top of me, his chest heaving as he panted heavily into my neck. "Holy shit…baby…don't take this the wrong way, but _God_ I've missed you."

I turned my head just enough to kiss his damp cheek. "I've missed you too."

.

.

**A/N:**

For anyone interested, the line to kick James squarely in the nuts forms riiiight over here!

I would be remiss if I didn't congratulate **grabadietcoke** and **happymoon35** for figuring out the twist back in Chapter 23 that Bella's contract isn't legally enforceable…you're two smart cookies!

Just one chapter and an epilogue left now. These two are finally moving in the right direction, I can't wait to hear your thoughts! THANK YOU for all your reviews!


	26. Chapter 26

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author. This story is rated M for Mature and is not intended for anyone under the age of eighteen.**

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

**BPOV**

I'd honestly thought that being sued would be a much more frightening experience. I had my moments of anxiety over it, for certain, but with the reassurances of both Edward and Max Scott, I managed not to completely lose it.

The letter of demand arrived in the mail the Wednesday after the fallout, with a named dollar amount that made me shake. I faxed it to Max Scott, who snorted his derision and assured me they'd take care of replying. Ten days after that, I was stopped by a polite but no-nonsense man outside of my apartment, and served with the complaint and summons, with a hearing date in a month. Those were faxed to Scott as well, and he told me he'd fly up to San Francisco for the hearing.

"Am I going to have to…be in the courtroom?" I asked hesitantly. The thought of possibly seeing James again made me sick to my stomach.

"Yes," Scott replied firmly. "The judge will probably have a few questions to ask you, and it'll be in your favor to be there. We'll go over everything before the hearing, don't worry."

I didn't even want to think how much he was charging Edward to fly from LA. "What should I do for now?"

"Nothing…your boss hasn't tried to contact you, has he?"

"No, not at all."

"Good, call me right away if _anything_ happens. In the meantime, sit tight. You'll come through this okay."

I wished I had his optimism. The amount in damages that OPB was demanding would easily wipe out all of my savings.

The day after I was served, Alice and I went out to lunch. "My attorney advised me not to speak to you, you know," I quipped, before digging into my salad.

She gave me a sad smile. "Yeah, I guess it's a good thing James never knew how close we are, otherwise I probably would have gotten that from his attorney too."

"I don't want to put you in a fucked-up position, though, so we should probably just avoid talking about the whole thing, okay?"

"Yeah." She poked at her lunch. "I'm looking for a new job anyway."

My eyebrows went up. "Really?" Alice had been working for OPB longer than I had.

She shrugged. "It's not a bad job, but after the things he said to you…and now this lawsuit…he can be a real asshole when he wants to be."

"You're not…quitting because of _me_, are you?"

"Not specifically because of you, but more because I don't think I want to work for a company that does what it's doing now. I'm a pretty damn good personal assistant, I'm sure I can get a job working for some other president or CEO."

We ate in silence for a couple of minutes before Alice looked back up at me. "So…happier topic time. How are you and Edward?"

My smile was involuntary. "Good…and interesting."

"In what way?"

"Well, he's definitely not happy that I'm back in my apartment, I think he wanted me to move in with him permanently. Not because that was the next logical step, but because he's still convinced James is going to show up on my doorstep or something."

"He's just being protective."

"I know. So now he's been dropping hints that we should go get an apartment together…a bigger one. He's even said something about buying a house."

"Wow, he's gung-ho on the moving-in-together thing, isn't he? So how do you feel about that?"

I hesitated. "I think…I don't know, I don't want to say it's premature…but it seems like a lot, too fast. At the same time, though…Rosalie is going to be moving in with Emmett next month, and I really don't want to have to pay the full rent by myself."

Alice gave me a strange look. "Not to be insanely nosy, but you've got plenty of money saved up, surely you could afford to pay the rent on your own for a few months?"

"Yeah, that's if the judge doesn't wipe out my entire savings account and hand it over to James. I don't want to spend any more money than I have to, just in case."

She started to reply, then caught herself. "Okay…when is your first counseling appointment?"

"Tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it almost as much as I'm dreading it."

"Why is that?"

"I'm just nervous, I guess." I put my fork down and started twisting the napkin in my lap. "I _want_ to go, and I know it means a lot to Edward. I guess I'm just freaking out about dredging all the bad stuff back up again, just when he and I were starting to get on the right track."

"You've both still got a lot of issues, though," Alice said bluntly. "Him always trying to play Superman, you not wanting him to help out financially…even down to how he wants the two of you to move in together, and you're obviously not quite there yet. Sometimes having an impartial third party point things out helps you understand them better."

"That's true," I murmured.

"So what else is going on with you? I feel like it's been forever since we caught up."

I picked my fork back up again. "Not much…I stopped by the USF campus yesterday and picked up some information about enrolling."

Alice's eyes lit up. "Really? You're going back to school? That's great!"

"Yeah, probably just part-time, though. I need to get a job. It might just be stocking shelves in a bookstore or something, but I need to do it."

"What does Edward think?"

"About school, he's all in favor of it; he wants me to go back full-time. About the job, not so much."

She hummed thoughtfully. "The couples' counseling thing is definitely going to help you guys out. I can pretty much guarantee that."

**~o~**

I liked Dr. Maggie Trowbridge from the moment I met her. She had sparkling brown eyes and springy red curls along with a smattering of freckles across her nose. Even her obviously-expensive suit and beautifully-decorated office didn't detract from the warmth in her manner. After the introductions, though, she got right down to business.

"So, Bella, Edward…tell me why you're here."

I looked at Edward and he looked back at me. It was a good thing our first session was going to be two hours long.

I took a deep breath and began. I told her everything, with Edward occasionally contributing something I'd forgotten. I told her about the porn, and how I'd kept it from Edward before finally having to confess. I told her about Charlie. My voice was hoarse by the time I finished by telling her about the lawsuit and upcoming hearing.

Maggie listened quietly the entire time, only occasionally breaking her eyes away from us to jot a quick note on her legal pad. When I'd finished, she lifted her eyebrows and simply said "Wow."

Telling my and Edward's long convoluted story had taken a lot out of me. Just knowing it or dealing with it one issue at a time had been one thing, telling the entire saga from beginning to end was more than a little crazy.

"Well," Maggie continued after a moment, "You've given me the background, your story. There are definitely some things that I already know are continuing to cause problems. Because I'm assuming that you wouldn't be here if things all became perfect after you walked out of that studio for the last time."

"No," I admitted.

"Hmm." She sat back a little in her chair. "Obviously this isn't going to be solved in one or two sessions. And I don't want to jump directly into the deep end today. But it sounds as though the porn aspect isn't a source of friction any longer, am I right?"

"No, not at all," Edward replied immediately. "Except for the hearing, that part of her life is over and done with. I don't care about that in the _past_. It was just while it was her _present_ that I couldn't handle it."

She turned to me. "Bella?"

I sat silently for a moment. I agreed with Edward that the porn aspect was really no longer the issue…but saying that it wasn't somehow nibbling on my mind would be a lie. "I don't know."

I could feel Edward's eyes on me as Maggie nodded encouragingly. "What is continuing to bother you about it?"

"I guess I…I don't really know how to say this without it coming out wrong."

"In layman's terms then, just spit it out, whatever first comes to mind. You may not mean exactly what you say, but we'll figure it out together."

I took a deep breath. "I'm never going to…forget those years of my life. Where I was…basically whoring myself out for money." I paused again, not wanting to sully the professional atmosphere of Maggie's office by spelling out the things I'd done. "I did it willingly, and yes, there were times before I met Edward that it was enjoyable. But now I feel…I don't know. I guess I don't really understand why Edward would want to be with someone who's done all that."

Edward immediately started to protest, but Maggie held up her hand. "Let her finish, please."

"I don't…I don't doubt that he loves me. I believe it, I know it. I just don't understand _why_. Why would he want to be with someone who chose to keep…doing what I did, even picking it over our relationship. I'm grateful that he loves me, I just don't understand why he does."

"Bella…" His voice was hoarse, and I couldn't even make myself meet the hurt that was doubtlessly in his green eyes.

"Edward…do you hear exactly what she's saying? She's not doubting your love for her, she just doesn't understand it. There's a big difference there. So why _do_ you love her?"

He stammered for a moment, at a loss for words. "Why do I…how the hell am I supposed to answer that? I love her because…I _do_. I just do. I've loved her pretty much from the moment we met."

"But why?" Maggie pressed.

"God…because it's _her_. It's like we're meant to be together. I love everything about her. I love her even when she's being stubborn or we're fighting. I mean…she's my Bella. How am I supposed to explain something like that?"

"It's not easy," Maggie replied simply, before sitting back and putting her pen down. "Love isn't exactly something you can nail down, in fact, it's probably almost impossible to explain. I could have asked you _what_ you love about her, and I'm sure you could have given me a hundred answers. But _why_…that's a completely different question. Love isn't just the sum of its parts.

"One thing that _both_ of you need to come to terms with is that people who work in fields such as pornography or prostitution too often suffer from a great deal of self-doubt and a low sense of self-worth. In professional pornography, too often the woman is placed in a position of submission or humiliation, even if it isn't blatant. Much of pornography is very formulaic, would you agree with that, Bella?"

I nodded, knowing exactly what she meant. The formula sold. Cumshots sold. Rough sex sold. Degradation and submission sold. And it was usually the woman being ejaculated or spit on, or the subject of words and insults designed to appeal to the widest audience possible.

"I don't mean to preach or imply that there aren't exceptions, of course," Maggie said mildly. "You indicated that your friend enjoyed the business for the most part, yes? And for those who do genuinely enjoy it, obviously they shouldn't feel guilt or shame over it, unless it becomes harmful to them. You though, Bella, don't seem to fit that type. Even though you left the business before you were forced into things you were opposed to, you still never enjoyed it overall. Even if you did derive physical stimulation and pleasure from time to time.

"Edward, when Bella says she doesn't understand _why_ you love her, it's not because you don't express it well enough or because she doesn't believe you. She just doesn't understand why you'd want to be with someone, _anyone_, who has done what she did. She may also be a confident outgoing strong woman, but on paper, in pure black-and-white…why would a successful doctor want to be with a porn star?"

I blinked slowly. Coming from anyone else, the words would have been hurtful. Instead, I felt as though Maggie was slowing picking apart the knot of confusion that kept Edward and I circling each other, never quite understanding where the other stood.

"This was quite a lot to put on you in your first session, and I apologize for that. But I think it's what lies at the core of a great deal of your problems. On this particular issue, Edward is very clear. He loves you, Bella. The end. You love him back, but you're fighting with a lot of guilt, am I right?"

"Um, yes." That had to be the understatement of the year.

She glanced at the elegant little clock that sat on her desk. "We still have twenty minutes. Since it's obviously something that is causing at least some anxiety, why don't we talk about the hearing?"

Edward squeezed my hand. "We have a great attorney, and a pretty solid case. They were shooting for the moon when they asked for what they did, but there's no way they'll get it. It's practically just a formality we have to get through."

Maggie cocked her head. "Technically, perhaps, but how is it making you feel?"

"Relieved," he replied immediately. "Glad that it'll be closing the door on all that crap, that _we_ can move on with our lives together."

"Bella?"

"I feel the same way, definitely. I'm nervous about it, yes, but I'm glad it'll mean the end of any association I have with him. Even if the judge makes me fork over the entire amount they want, at least it'll be over."

"Baby…" Edward interjected. "The money thing is not an issue. Don't let that stress you out."

I felt the familiar old flicker of irritation stir within me. "It's an issue if he wipes out my bank account while I'm currently unemployed."

"You don't need to worry about…"

"Yes, I _do_." I flushed when I realized that Maggie was watching us intently. "I have the money, there's no reason why I shouldn't pay it if I have to."

Maggie held up her hand again. "All right, quick time-out. Money is obviously a sore subject here."

"It's not the money!" I cried, exasperated. "It's the fact that he won't accept that I _should _pay for whatever the judge orders me to pay. I _have_ the money, I don't need his!"

"You may have it, but I have a lot more and I'll miss it less," Edward snapped, obviously as riled up as I was. "Why can't you accept that helping you with it makes _me_ feel better? You can go back to school full-time without worrying that asshole just took your dreams away from you _again_."

"I put myself in this situation, if I'm capable of getting myself out of it, then I wish you'd let me!"

"Whoa," Maggie interrupted quietly. "Edward, this is obviously a big deal to you."

"Damn right it is. If we were married, then my money would be her money, and vice versa. I don't get what the problem is!"

"_We aren't married_," I ground out.

"So you're telling me if we _were_ married you wouldn't be fighting me on this?"

"I don't…I don't know!" My voice had risen, and I fought to lower it before I spoke again. "I just wish you'd make it an offer instead of a demand, and let _me_ decide, instead of getting angry when I say no."

"And I wish _you_ would admit when you need help sometimes," he retorted. "No, it's not just about the money. It's about you being able to start a new life instead of being indebted to that asshole. Why can't you accept something that is being given with no strings attached? Especially when all I want out of it is your happiness?"

I bit back a stinging reply, and Maggie took the opportunity to stop the conversation before it escalated. "I think we've probably hashed out enough for today…in our subsequent sessions we'll try and focus on one issue at a time. I know it may sound clichéd, but I'd like for _both_ of you to separately write down what is obviously still an issue in your relationship. I don't doubt your commitment to each other, but there have been quite a lot of outside factors influencing your relationship. Try to keep whatever may come out in our sessions just within the sessions…although that's just a suggestion. Let this be the safe place where we can discuss all the things that aren't quite right, and enjoy the _good_ things when you aren't here. I'll see you two in a week."

**~o~**

**EPOV**

We'd already planned that I'd be spending the night at Bella's after our session with Dr. Trowbridge, and the atmosphere in my car as we drove to her apartment afterward was strange. It wasn't tense or angry, just…quiet. There had been a strange sense of catharsis in _really_ spitting out some of the things that bugged us deep down, things that were the real cause of more superficial symptoms.

I still wasn't entirely happy that she'd insisted on going back to her apartment after five days of essentially living with me. I was definitely still concerned about what that sick fuck of an ex-boss might try, but I'd also really loved having her home with me, _really_ home. And I wanted that full-time.

I wasn't an idiot, I knew Bella was skittish about the idea of us living together officially. I understood that she needed her space but…honestly…those five days of us _un_officially living together had been pretty fucking awesome. It wasn't even just that she didn't have to go back home to get clean clothes or to feed her non-existent cat…it was a mindshift to me. Bella and I, having a home _together_. God I wanted that, permanently.

By the time we'd arrived at her apartment, there'd only been a minimum of words spoken between us, but it wasn't an ugly feeling. It was contemplative, if nothing else. She collected her mail before we went upstairs, and I shrugged out of my jacket as she ripped open a non-descript envelope, dropping the rest on the table.

"What's that?" I queried, noting the immediate look of relief on her face.

"It's, uh, my last STD test results. They're all negative, of course. I had a test the morning before I flew to Seattle and that was negative too, but sometimes you never know."

I ran my hand through my hair. "When did you go back in to be tested again?"

"Nine days ago," she replied quietly. "I hadn't filmed again after the test before that but…you never know. You can't be too careful."

I wasn't quite sure how to reply to that, so instead I reached out and ran my hand down the length of her hair. "I'm gonna go shower real quick, baby, okay?" I'd come straight from work to pick her up for our appointment with Dr. Trowbridge, and I hated missing my after-work shower.

"Okay." She turned a hesitant smile up at me, and I felt myself relax a little as I planted a soft kiss on her lips.

I felt a million times better after I showered and slipped into a pair of the pajama pants I now kept at her place, since she insisted on living there. I didn't bother with a shirt or socks as I padded back into the kitchen, to find her working on something involving chicken and rice for dinner.

She didn't hear me coming and squeaked a little as I brushed her long mahogany hair to the side, planting a gentle kiss on the back of her neck. "Hey…I'm sorry I was an asshole earlier."

"Don't apologize for something you weren't," she contradicted quietly.

"I could have put all that shit a lot better."

"I think that's her job, to help us sort it out." Bella put down the wooden spoon she was stirring with, turned around, and wrapped her arms around my neck. I buried my face in her hair with a long sigh.

"Apparently we've got more shit to sort out that we realized. This is the real world, not a fairy-tale."

"You're right." She snuggled her face in tighter to my neck. "This will be a good thing for us…I had my doubts at first, but I'm glad you held me to it."

"I couldn't make you do something you didn't want to do. You know I love you, right?"

She pulled back then, her dark brown eyes searching mine. "I love you so much, it scares me sometimes."

"Why?"

"I don't know…I guess I'm just on an honesty kick tonight."

I reached out and cupped the side of her face in my hand. "Baby…it's you and me, Edward and Bella. It's always going to be _us_. You're my soul mate. I love you, and nothing that either of us might spit out in therapy is going to change that."

A lot more kissing ensued after that, and thankfully she reached over to turn off the stove burner before I picked her up against me and half-carried her down to the bedroom. There was something very different about tonight…Bella and I had fucked, we'd screwed, we'd made love…but tonight there was a quiet undercurrent between the two of us that magnified everything. I kissed every inch of her body as I undressed her, wanting her to realize, wanting her to _understand_.

She might not understand _yet_ why I loved her so much, but I was determined to show her in every move I made. I said it with my lips as they roamed over her, I said it with my fingers as they caressed her soft skin, I said it with my eyes when hers met mine. I wanted to make her _feel_ what my words evidently couldn't say.

"I love you, baby," I breathed against her lips.

"I love you," was her immediate response, along with the tightening of her fingers in my hair.

"You said…" I paused; what I was about to ask next wasn't exactly the sexiest thing in the world. "You said you've had two clean tests since before Christmas?"

She blinked, confused. "Yes."

I kissed her again, long and deep, the thought of what I wanted to do already making me throb almost painfully. "I want to feel you, Bella. All of you. Just you. Just you around me."

Comprehension dawned almost immediately over her face. "You don't have to…"

"I want to," I interrupted, before cutting off further protests with another long unhurried kiss. "I want to feel how wet you are. I want your skin against my skin. And I want you to feel me come inside of you."

She groaned and arched her head back, giving me the perfect opportunity to kiss all along her throat and up under her ear. I knew she was on the Depo shot, so I wasn't concerned about her getting pregnant. What I _was _concerned about was getting to feel my girl wrapped around me…soft, hot, and wet…the kind of experience that no condom could allow.

I slid down her body, letting my tongue in her heat dissolve any other protests she may have had. After she'd shuddered through her orgasm, I moved up into place, falling naturally to where we were perfect together. It was like we'd been built to be together.

"I love you…so fucking much." My words came out a little more ragged than I'd planned, but her fingers twining through my hair and her thighs rising to clasp my hips said it all. I was already there, poised in place…and when I felt _her_ wetness against me…God, so _wet_ for me…it was almost too much. And when I pushed into her, that first beautiful slide into ecstasy…

I somehow managed to tear myself back from the edge, focusing instead on her reactions. The way her eyes widened as I seated myself to the hilt, the way her lips parted as she moaned softly. I let myself just throb inside her for a moment, relishing the wet _heat_ that no condom could ever try to reproduce. It was just me, just my Bella, just the two of us pressed together more intimately than we'd ever been before.

"Edward…" Her words were barely audible, on the back end of a gasp, and that was when I started to move.

Neither of us rushed, there was no hurry tonight. Occasionally I would stop the sweet push and pull just to kiss her, to love her, to reassure her that no matter what we ended up compromising on with other matters…_we_ would always have this. We could always come back to this to center ourselves, as a reminder that _we_ were the most important thing in the middle of all the other bullshit.

I fucking loved watching her come before me, the soft pants that elevated into longer moans, the tightening of her flesh around me before dissolving into rhythmic contractions. And then flickers of delight when I started moving again, feeling my own release starting to burn deep in my abdomen.

And when that burn reached its apex, when I hit that point of no return…oh God, it was so good. Feeling her tighten around me in response as I groaned, the feeling of _really_ coming inside of the woman I loved…there was nothing like it. There was no comparison. Nothing in the world could feel like this.

Afterward, when I'd finally regulated my gasps into long deep breaths, I reached over and laced my fingers through hers, before bringing them up to kiss each knuckle on her hand. "You and me, baby. Edward and Bella. It's just us from here on out, I love you and whatever we've gotta do, we'll do.

"I love you," was her whispered reply. And that was all I wanted or needed to hear in that moment. It was us. And truly…that was all I really needed.

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**A/N:**

Only the epilogue left? Oy, I may get a little weepy!

But what an epilogue…gotta find out what happens at the hearing, after all! Plus, I have a feeling couples' counseling is the best thing these two could have chosen to undertake…like Edward said, this is real-life, not a fairy tale! Have any of you chosen to participate in couples' counseling? I have, and I can tell you it hands-down saved my marriage.

As ALWAYS, thank you SO much for your thoughtful reviews…what some of you choose to share because the story has touched you in that way never ceases to humble me, please believe that! THANK YOU!


	27. Epilogue

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author. This story is rated M for Mature and is not intended for anyone under the age of eighteen.**

**Epilogue**

"_You've gotta make your own kind of music_

_Sing your own special song_

_Make your own kind of music_

_Even if nobody else sings along."_

_-Mama Cass Elliott_

**BPOV**

I could feel the warmth of Edward's presence in the gallery behind me, although a solid ten feet or so separated us. His unwavering support was the only thing that had gotten me through it all.

Yesterday had been a nightmare, sitting silently in the courtroom as the attorneys argued over the merits of James' case against me. OPB's lawyer had pointed out the straightforward truth of the matter: that I had, without coercion or threat, willingly entered into a legal contract. They didn't attempt to argue that I should be made to fulfill the terms, but were adamant that I should be made to fully reimburse OPB for depriving them of one of their "most valuable assets."

Max Scott had struck back hard and fast. He explained the reasons why I'd gotten into porn in the first place, and why I now wanted out. He pointed out that I was _not_ one of OPB's most valuable assets since I'd consistently refused to perform a sex act that exponentially increased a star's profitability. He'd discounted OPB's estimates of my value as exaggerated and baseless. And as the final blow, he'd had Rosalie standing at the ready to testify that James had created a hostile work environment that I couldn't reasonably be expected to work in. He'd gone off on her just as badly as he had on me, after all.

The judge presiding over the case was a no-nonsense man who looked to be in his early sixties. After the hearing, both sides had opted out of a jury trial, so my fate rested squarely in his hands. He'd questioned me briefly the day before and I'd answered honestly but quietly. I was as aware as anyone that I _was_ in violation of a contract. Convincing the judge that OPB didn't truly deserve any compensation for my actions was the matter at heart.

After hours of legalese that made my head spin, the judge had adjourned the court until the following day, stating that he'd render his judgment at that time. It went without saying that I barely slept, even in the warm safety of Edward's arms.

After the court was called to order and the formalities were out of the way, the judge cleared his throat and arranged some papers in front of him. "Miss Swan, you seem like a very intelligent young lady, and please understand that I do understand and sympathize with the reasons why you chose the work you did. You were willing to sacrifice yourself and your dreams and plans for your father's well-being. It's more than the vast majority of people would have done. The court recognizes that you were under a great deal of pressure when making these decisions, but by your own testimony, you were not under duress. You did sign a legal contract obligating you to perform for a stated amount of time, including films, webchats, appearances, and so forth."

I could feel my heart sink.

"At the same time, however, I concur with the defense counsel that the projected loss stated by the plaintiff is overestimated. I may not be familiar with the exact dollar amount a certain sex act is worth, but anyone doing the math could see they presented you as being the sole attraction for each of those films and appearances. I believe you've adequately proven that isn't the case. If the story ended there, I might award the plaintiff a reduced amount in damages."

He took off his glasses and fixed a steely stare toward where James sat with his attorney. "Mr. Mitchell, I do not have to _like_ what you do for a living to rule on this matter in a fair and legal matter, according to United States law and precedent. According to the testimony presented before this court about _how_ you run your business, however, your own respect for the law is sorely in question. Threatening an employee in an attempt to coerce her into fulfilling a contract is illegal. Defense counsel has presented at least three different instances where you have done just that. Employing illegal means to ensure profitability, namely Miss Swan's continued employment, somewhat negates your claims that you are entitled to any compensation at all.

"For that reason, it is the ruling of this court that the plaintiff, OPB, Inc. is not entitled to any of the damages listed in the…"

At that point, a buzzing my ears blurred out any of his further words. Under the table, Scott grabbed my icy hand and squeezed it.

The judge went on for some time, and I nodded when it was appropriate, verbally agreed when prompted to do so, and then stood when Scott tugged at my elbow. It was over.

I barely had the briefest glance of James' furious face before Scott ushered me into the gallery, and into Edward's arms. When I felt his lips pressed firmly against the top of my head, I finally let myself believe it.

It was over.

**~o~**

Max Scott admitted that he was surprised himself at the judge's decision to award absolutely _nothing_ to OPB, Inc, and warned me that an appeal might be forthcoming. Days went by, however, and no appeal was filed. We weren't sure if a cost-verses-benefit analysis had been done on James' part, but as each day passed we let ourselves relax and _live_. It really was over.

At Edward's pleading, we did finally go apartment-hunting together. I cringed at the cost of the units we considered, but Edward and I were slowly coming to see eye-to-eye when it came to money, thanks to Maggie Trowbridge. She calmly showed us that Edward's lack of concern with the cost of things was a bruising contrast to my desire to pay my own way. Neither was necessarily _bad_, she said, but if concerns with finances were causing rifts in our relationship, then it was a valid problem.

To that end, she'd gotten us to agree on an optimal monthly rent budget, exactly between what he and I were each willing to pay. Because of the court's ruling that I didn't have to pay OPB a dime, I would be able to afford my half of the rent for some time while still enrolling in classes at SFU full-time. Edward was insistent that I focus fully on school and not worry about working; I'd disagreed but Maggie had pointed out that concentrating on school was an investment in my future career and income.

It was the end of March when we walked out of the latest apartment we'd toured. "I liked that one a lot," I confessed. It was two bedrooms instead of three, and a tad smaller than what Edward had wanted, but it was in a neighborhood he preferred and a price that we both agreed on.

"I liked it too." He smiled, and then bent quickly to kiss me. "It's probably gonna go quick, though…how _much_ do you like it?"

I took a deep breath. "Enough to go sign the lease today."

His smile grew. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." I definitely wanted to move in with Edward, we practically lived together now anyway. "May as well make it official…I think your parents are waiting for me to make an honest man out of you."

He threw back his head and laughed, wrapping his arm around my waist as we walked toward the leasing office. "I don't think it's that precisely, but they'll be thrilled nevertheless."

My relationship with Carlisle and Esme was even more wonderful than I could have even hoped for. As Esme had said, they both embraced me wholeheartedly and already treated me just as they would a beloved daughter-in-law. In my individual sessions with Maggie I confessed my guilt over ever having doubted them, but she was always quick to reassure me. Carlisle and Esme were remarkable people, that much was certain.

My stomach wasn't entirely free from butterflies as Edward and I signed the paperwork consenting to a credit check and references, and Edward wrote out a check for the security deposit knowing that I'd pay him back my half later. We were so much better at that mutual understanding, and it had only strengthened our relationship.

"So what's next?" Edward asked as we settled into his car.

"Umm, dinner?" My stomach had been growling for the past forty-five minutes.

He chuckled and started the car. "No, I mean now that we've finally got the housing thing figured out. What's next? Marriage, babies?"

My eyes widened as my lips parted in a silent gasp. Even in the oncoming twilight, I knew Edward could sense my reaction and it made him laugh harder. "I know, I know…one thing at a time. As long as you're not against the idea at some point in the future, that is."

"That's a lot to lay on me in one day," I replied weakly.

"True enough, things in order then." He reached over and grabbed my hand. "You wouldn't be against marrying me eventually, right?"

We'd talked about marriage only in the most abstract sense, having had so much more on our minds before this. "I'm not _against_ it," I finally managed.

"Good to know for the next time I go jewelry shopping, then."

My heart fluttered in my throat and I reached up with my free hand to touch the diamond necklace he'd given me on Christmas Eve. I rarely took it off.

His hand squeezed mine a bit tighter as we drove back to his place, and I let myself relax back into the car seat.

I was allowed to hope, to think about, to _plan_ for our future now.

It was all I could ever have asked for…more than that, really. Oh so much more.

**~THE END~**

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**A/N:**

Business first! At this time, I have no plans to write a sequel for _Make Your Own Kind of Music. _A lot of you guys probably know I'm a total sucker for outtakes, though, so there will definitely be at least a couple! They'll be added onto this story, so as long as you have it/me on Alerts, you should be fine! If you have a suggestion for an outtake, please let me know…there are already a couple of suggestions that have been made by more than a few of you so those will be happening, but let me know what you think!

"Make Your Own Kind of Music" is a song made most famous by Mama Cass of the Mamas and the Papas. If you'd like to hear the version that inspired me, just c/p and replace the (DOT)s with actual dots: www(DOT)youtube(DOT)com/watch?v=PEQxEJ5_5zA

On a personal note, THANK YOU to the lovely ladies who kept me plugging away on this story, the first fanfic I started (yep, before _I Don't Believe in Vampires)_! A very special thank you to my separated-at-birth-but-twin-for-life and partner-perv in crime, Brits23. She keeps me rolling on a regular basis, to the point that I feel off if we don't check in (and share porn) at least once a day. I love you, twin!

Finally, a very big THANK YOU and I LOVE YOU to each and every one of you that have stuck by this story, whether or not you reviewed. This story was not necessarily for the faint of heart or the canon-or-die brigade, but the fact that so many of you gave it a chance absolutely humbles me. For those of you who shared your very personal thoughts and experiences based on what you read, please know I took each and every review to heart. THANK YOU for sharing with me as much as I tried to share with you.

Hugs,

Kate


	28. Outtake 1 The First Time

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author. This story is rated M for Mature and is not intended for anyone under the age of eighteen.**

_A/N: You asked for it, here it is!_

**Outtake #1 – The First Time**

**BPOV**

I was deep in thought as I parked my car in front of Maggie's office. Edward was at work and I'd scheduled an individual appointment with her, needing her opinion and practical advice more than ever.

Edward and I were still doing wonderfully. Since moving into our new apartment a month before, things had been hectic, but we always made time for each other. We talked instead of avoiding issues now, and even though we still had disagreements from time to time, we handled them instead of letting them escalate into full-blown arguments.

When Maggie asked me what I wanted to talk about, I blushed. "Um, sex."

Her expression didn't change, and she nodded. "All right."

"I know you're probably going to tell me that I should be talking to Edward about this, but I guess I just needed that impartial third party opinion again." I took a deep breath. "Our sex life is great. I just…I think that maybe there are some things that…um…maybe he would like to try. Or me, there are things I would like to try. But…" I stopped again, feeling myself turn even redder. An ex-porn star blushing over talking about sex…it was ridiculous.

"Trying new things in the bedroom is a good way to keep that part of your relationship fresh," Maggie said encouragingly.

"Yeah, I think so too…I just don't think he wants to ask me to do certain things, you know…because of my past."

Understanding dawned across her face. "You think he's afraid of bringing the pornography aspect back into your relationship?"

"Yes," I said gratefully. "Like I said, our sex life is great, I'm not complaining. But there are definitely some things I want to try, so I'm sure he feels the same way. But if it was something I'd already done…or something that seems really, uh, dirty…"

She hummed thoughtfully. "Has Edward ever seen any of your movies?"

"No. We've never even watched porn together."

"Well in that case, even if it were something you'd done before, it would be new for _him_. And for you, Bella, wouldn't it be completely different if you were doing it in a trusting, caring environment with the man you love?"

"Definitely. I just don't know how to bring it up without making it all awkward. Or if I suggest something and he's really against it."

A small smile cracked Maggie's professional demeanor. "Forgive me for making an assumption, Bella, but Edward doesn't seem to be the kind of man who is now scarred for life for experimenting in the bedroom."

I finally grinned too. "No, you're probably right about that."

"Well then, you're more like any average couple that you realize. Telling your significant other that you want to try something new or watch erotic films can be awkward even for the closest of couples. In this case, you may want to show him, not tell him."

"Like I should just spring it on him?"

"No, probably not at first. In your case, you may want to kill two birds with one stone. Sometimes couples find it easier to watch an adult film together that includes something they'd like to do themselves. Then it's just a matter of pointing it out, asking if he'd like to try it sometime."

"That's a really good idea," I said slowly. "I think that's exactly what I'll do."

**~o~**

When Edward got home from work that evening, I was putting the finishing touches on a chicken mole that I knew was one of his favorites and a bottle of wine was chilling in the refrigerator. I figured a little liquid courage couldn't hurt.

"Mmmm, that smells delicious baby…and so do you." He planted a kiss on my bare shoulder and then one on my lips, running his hand down my side. I was wearing a tight-fitting tank top and a pair of shorts; nothing too sexy, but it showed off a lot of skin.

"I'm glad you approve. Go hop in the shower, this will be done in five minutes."

"What's the occasion?"

"You'll see. Shower, now."

Edward grinned and gave me another peck on the lips before heading down the hall to the bathroom, loosening his tie as he went. I double-checked to make sure everything was ready for dinner _and_ for afterward. If things went as I hoped, we'd be spending a _very_ pleasant evening together.

We kept the conversation light as we ate, talking about the vacation we were planning to take later in the summer, but Edward shot me a speculative look every once in a while. He probably knew he would be getting lucky that night…he just had no idea _how_.

After clearing the table together, I took him by the hand and tugged him into the living room, then turned on the television and touched the trackpad of my laptop. Edward eyed the cable running from the back of my computer to the television, and then grinned when my e-mail inbox popped up on the television. "We can surf the net on the tv now? Cool! How'd you do that?"

"I searched Google for a tutorial and then went to Radio Shack," I murmured, opening the e-mail Rosalie had sent me earlier in the day after I explained what I was looking for. I clicked the link inside and took a deep breath.

I felt Edward stiffen against me in surprise as the site popped up in all its pornographic glory on the screen. "Uhh…Bella?"

"Don't freak out," I said quickly. "This is good porn. Not bad trashy porn. I mean, it's still porn, but…"

He relaxed slightly. "So…you're not on here, then?"

"No!"

His eyes narrowed as he read the description on the screen. "_Our unique and exciting videos focus on genuine pleasure, real orgasms, emotional connections, chemistry, and natural beauty. We shoot creative stories and our scenes feature deep passionate kissing, eye-contact and real feeling."_

"I watched a few of the shorter videos earlier," I said cautiously. "I think you'll like it. I did."

He turned to me then, and I could see the lust growing on his face. "You watched some already? And you liked it?"

"Yeah, I wasn't sure if I would or not, but I did." Rose couldn't have sent me a better website: there were few facial cumshots, there was no fake moaning and screaming, and the actors all seemed to be genuinely enjoying themselves and focusing on their partner's pleasure. It was more like real sex than any other pornography I'd ever seen.

Edward finally smiled, a sexy grin that was full of promise and made my toes curl in anticipation. "So we're gonna watch some porn together?"

I took a deep breath and played my second card. "We are. And…I was thinking…" I scrolled down to the first video that had tickled my fancy earlier. "We could try out some of the stuff we see on here, that we haven't done before. Just to mix it up a bit. I saw some stuff I'd like to try with you…if you want to."

"Oh, I think I want to," he said hoarsely, turning back to the screen. "_A Thorough Exam. Ava is nervous not only because she's having to get a very personal exam at the doctor, but she's also had a crush on her sexy physician for years_. You want to play doctor with me, baby?"

I bit my lip. "Maybe on Monday…just remember to bring your jacket home with you."

"I will. Did you watch that one?"

"Yes."

Edward shoved a hand through his hair. "What other ones did you watch?"

I scrolled down to a couple more movies I'd peeked at earlier, each one with a different fantasy theme. _Taken By a Stranger_. _Her Brother-in-Law_.

His eyes were glued to the screen. "You'd like to do that?"

"Every girl has her fantasies," I said sweetly.

"Yeah…" he groaned. "What about me?"

"You can pick out ones you like too." I scrolled down to the last movie I'd previewed, and Edward's hand tightened on my leg as he read the title. _Anal for the First Time_. "I was thinking we could watch this one tonight."

His pupils were wide and dark when he looked over at me again. "I um…I guess I assumed you wouldn't want to…after…"

I licked my lips. "I want to try with _you_. If you want to." In truth, I was still a little bit nervous…I'd played around a little earlier with some of the toys I'd bought for that specific purpose, but Edward's cock was substantially larger than those.

"Fuck yes I want to." He grabbed his wine glass and pounded back its contents. "Let's get this show on the road."

I clicked the play button as Edward poured us both more wine. The movie started off establishing a real relationship between the two main characters, and by the time they'd moved on to sex, I was sitting with my legs across Edward's lap. I could feel his rock-hard erection pressing against the back of my bare thigh, insistent through the material of his jeans. He groaned a little, shifting against me when the on-screen couple first entered anal territory.

When the scene finished with the couple snuggling and kissing together in bed, Edward boosted me off his lap and was on his feet immediately. He wrapped his arms around my waist and leaned his forehead against mine. "You really do want to try it?"

"Yes," I said softly. The raw eroticism of the movie had affected me too, I was absolutely aching for him, craving to try something so taboo and yet so exciting.

"Bella…" His hand ran down to gently clasp my ass, pulling me tighter against him. "You have to promise you'll tell me if it hurts, or if you want to stop. Don't suck it up just because you want to do it for _me_."

I smiled. "It might hurt a little at first, but I trust you. And I want to do it with you."

He released his hold on my body to reach down and grasp both our wineglasses. "In that case…bottoms up."

I giggled at his unintentional pun before finishing off the last of my wine. I had a mellow glow from what I'd already drank, and I was feeling completely relaxed. After Edward set our empty glasses down on the coffee table, I took him by the hand again and led him into the bedroom. I'd hidden what I knew we'd need in the bedside table earlier and I pulled them out now: condoms, lube, and a dark-blue buttplug, the largest one I'd ever been able to get in on my own.

"We don't have to dive right in," Edward said quickly. "I want you to enjoy it…"

I wagged the buttplug at him and gave him my naughtiest look, hoping to dispel some of the nervous tension that was in the room. "Oh I know. I figured you could get me all relaxed, then put this in me. And then fuck me until I come, so I'll be _really_ relaxed when you take _this_ out and put _you_ in."

"I love it when you talk dirty to me," he growled, and in an instant he was on me, my face in his hands as his lips met mine. I tossed our supplies toward the head of the bed, whimpering my approval when Edward pushed me down onto the covers.

His hands were roaming hungrily all over my body, quickly discovering that I'd gone without panties under my shorts. "Fuck, you are so wet," he groaned, rubbing a finger over me. "You really enjoyed watching all those dirty movies, didn't you? Watching people fucking, and thinking about fucking me?" It was my turn to groan; I loved it just as much when Edward talked dirty to _me_. Other people may have sounded cheesy, but something about hearing his words rasped into my ear made me burn even hotter for him.

In a masterful show of determination and agility, Edward managed to wriggle out of his own clothes while simultaneously pulling down the waistband of my shorts down with his teeth. I was pulling my tank top over my head when I felt his tongue pressing insistently between my legs, licking at me. My back arched as I threaded my fingers through his hair, my moans turning into panting gasps. I was so incredibly turned on already that my legs, hitched up now over his shoulders, started to tremble. Edward was unleashing the full force of his talented tongue and fingers on me, and I could already feel the beginnings of an orgasm as he kept relentlessly sucking and licking.

"Edward, I…oh God…oh God, I don't want to come yet."

He turned his head and kissed my inner thigh. "Go ahead. There are plenty more in your immediate future."

With the knowledge that I was so close fueling his determination, he slipped one long finger into me, crooked it forward, and then sucked my clit between his teeth. I exploded.

"Fuck, fuck _fuck!_" My hands clamped down in his hair and the shivering in my legs turned into one long clench of my body. He kept licking me throughout, somehow keeping up with my involuntary spasms.

"You really are horny," I heard him murmur against my wet skin, when I'd finally stilled. "I think that was a record for the fastest I've ever made you come."

"Yeah," I managed.

He tickled me one more time with his tongue, making me gasp, before gently pulling my legs from his shoulders and straightening. "Turn over, baby."

I somehow managed it on arms and legs that were rapidly turning into jelly, ending up on my hands and knees on the bed before him. I heard the click of him opening the bottle of lube and I closed my eyes as another flash of arousal went through me. I shut my eyes and imagined what he was doing, then shivered a little as a cool dribble of lube hit the skin around my tailbone and ran down. I felt a single finger rub it over and around my ass, just barely pressing against the opening there before hesitating. It crossed my mind that despite his enthusiasm, that this might be new to Edward as well.

I opened my eyes and looked over my shoulder at him, meeting his intense green gaze. "Go ahead, I'm okay."

The finger pressed more insistently, and my body's first reaction was to resist. I summoned up all the willpower I'd gained over the years, breathing out slowly and willing my body to relax, to accept the push of his slick finger. The nerves there prickled first with a resentful burn, and I concentrated on breathing until the sensation faded into a pleasurable stinging. I moaned softly and then felt Edward's hand on my hip, then his lips at the base of my spine. "Remember what I told you," he whispered.

I did remember, but this wasn't hurting me…it was pushing me, to be sure, but I welcomed it, and could feel myself responding as he slowly began moving in and out. I was ready when I felt his finger withdraw and heard the click of the lube bottle lid again.

The buttplug Rose had helped me pick out was slim and long, graduating smoothly into a wider base before tapering back down and then flaring back out again to a t-shaped bottom to keep it in place. It felt warm against my entrance and I realized that Edward had taken the time to heat it in his hand before slowly pushing it into me.

At one point, the burn came back and I gasped a little. Edward's free hand left my hip and moved around to stroke my clit, waiting until the tension in my spine eased before gently pushing forward again. All the while his lips were gently moving back and forth over my lower back, kissing the skin there.

The further he pushed, the more pleasure I became aware of radiating from the ring of flesh. I vaguely remembered Rose telling me that there were an insane amount of nerve endings in that area, which was why anal could be so enjoyable. Even the burn now felt good…like the burn of my muscles when I stretched in the morning.

When I was stretched over the widest part of the plug, Edward carefully eased it forward until it slipped into place, my body closing back around the smaller neck. "Oh shit!" I choked out, a pulse of unexpected pleasure rocketing through me.

"You okay?" he asked immediately.

"Yeah…oh yeah, that just…that felt really good."

In the next moment his body was moving up over mine, turning me over so I lay beneath him. "Baby…we don't have to go all the way tonight. We can work up to it."

"No, I'm okay." I mentally verified that my words were true; the fullness in my ass still felt odd, to be sure, but it didn't hurt and the tingles of pleasure I felt were undeniable. "It's different, but it feels good."

His eyes searched mine. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." I pulled him down for a long kiss. "I like it."

"Okay. But how about if we put off us having sex with it in there for another night? I mean…I want to, but that might be a bit much for the first time. We can work up to it."

I saw the love in his green eyes, and knew that he was probably right. The horny part of my brain screamed in disapproval, but the practical side won out…as much as the idea of being filled to the brim in the back while Edward fucked me in the front made me throb, we could work up to it. We had plenty of time.

"Yeah, you're right." I squirmed pleasurably under his weight, feeling the heavy drag of his cock land against my inner thigh. "Why don't you let me repay the favor in the meantime?"

"No way." He moved down until his lips were grazing back and forth over my nipples. "I'm on a mission to make you come again."

"But…" My protests were silenced when he shifted back up and kissed me, long sweet and hard. Then his lips drifted over to my ear.

"Tonight I'm saving my cock for your ass, Bella."

Such dirty words, even as his touch was sweet and loving, were my undoing. My hips rocked up against him and I clenched involuntarily around the plug, sending another unexpected shockwave of pleasure through me. I didn't protest when he drew my thighs back up over his shoulders, and his tongue, lips, and fingers resumed where they'd left off before.

I'd had no idea that an orgasm with something, _anything_, in my ass could feel so unbelievably good. But as the last ripples of my climax rocked me, I vaguely realized that this was a new and different form of pleasure, one that smoldered instead of fading, blazing back to life when Edward gently tugged on the plug.

The slip of it, as he pulled it from my body, was exquisite. I was almost crying, on the verge of another orgasm, as he withdrew it completely. Moments later, I heard the rip of the condom packet, felt the shifting of Edward's body as he rolled it on. Then his face was above mine again, his lips wet with me.

"Remember," he murmured.

"I will," I whispered.

"Do you want to get on top?"

I briefly considered the idea…I'd be in control of the speed, the depth, the thrusts. At the same time, though, I craved Edward's body over mine. I loved holding onto him as his strength held me down and kept me from spinning off into space. "No…I trust you."

He kissed me, long and sweet. "Roll onto your side."

I did as he instructed, twisting my pelvis so I was more accessible as he applied lube, then stroked even more over his cock. I wasn't tense or nervous the first time I felt the tip of him nudge against me, into me. The burn reappeared, but my body was so flooded with endorphins that I welcomed it. He pushed a little further, the widest part of his head spreading me. I moaned and reached back to clutch his hip, wordlessly begging him to keep going.

I could feel his jaw clench where it lay flush against mine, but he gave another slow push. My entire body shook when the head slipped in and I was wrapped around the unyielding thickness of his shaft.

"I'll go slow," he murmured.

He may have gone slow, but the prolonged burn of Edward slowly easing his cock into me…I hadn't imagined I could climax from just _that_. I could feel it, though, another orgasm threatening to break loose as pleasure exploded from nerve endings I'd never known existed. It felt so _good_, it was almost overwhelming. Only my incoherent pleas of obvious pleasure must have kept him going. He pushed slowly and steadily into me, his fingers stroking lightly over my clit as he nibbled gently on my shoulder. We both groaned as his hips met my ass, seating him completely inside of me.

"Jesus…so fucking good Bella, so good…"

He stayed there for a moment, his chest heaving against my back, before he began a long slow pull back out again. It felt so good…very different, but _good_, and by the time he set up an unhurried gentle thrusting, I was almost in tears from wanting it so badly. One thrust ended a little more forcefully than the ones before, and I involuntarily clenched with delight around him. He swore.

"Fuck…baby…I don't know how long I'm gonna last…you're so fucking tight, you feel so good…"

"You don't have to wait." My voice was semi-muffled by the cover I'd pressed my face into, but I knew he could hear me. "Go harder, Edward, I want you to."

He swore again and I could feel his muscles starting to tremble with the same effort I'd experienced earlier. He did thrust harder, though, not as hard as he'd pounded elsewhere on other occasions, but still enough to increase the sensations exponentially. My hand drifted involuntarily down to rub over my clit…I wanted him to come, I wanted him to feel the same thing he'd made me feel, but I was so close…

And I was almost there when his hand closed over mine, pressing us both hard against my flesh. The unexpected and unrelenting pressure made my eyes pop open, and then my mouth fell open as an intense sensation started from somewhere deep inside of me, an insistent tidal wave that came over me and didn't abate. From far away I heard a wail and knew it was me, but I was too lost in the sensation, one of being dragged under by waves of pure pleasure.

Vaguely I heard Edward's groans, felt his hips thrust hard against me as he came too, faintly registered the ragged puffs of his breath over my sweat-slick skin. But it wasn't until his hand slid over my stomach, pulling me closer to him, that I heard him.

"Bella…baby…are you okay?"

"Fuck yes," I moaned, pushing back against him, trying to pull him closer to me. The heaving of his chest against my back was forcing my body to move as well.

"Hold still, okay? Just…" Then he was pulling carefully out of me, and I whined faintly in protest. The part of me that had been filled for so long felt unhappily empty.

There was the sound of running water in the bathroom, and I was hazily unaware of how much time had passed before Edward's strong familiar arms were around me, lifting me up and carrying me.

"Whaa…?"

"Shhh." His voice was close against my ear. "Let's relax, okay?"

The next thing I was aware of was blissfully-hot water and bubbles surrounding my body. Edward carefully settled into the tub behind me and then eased me into his arms. "Does this feel good?"

"Good? It feels like heaven!" I mumbled, tilting my head back. A kiss landed on my temple even as I felt his chest heave in a quiet laugh. After a long moment, he finally spoke.

"Thank you. That was…it was just amazing."

"For me too," I mumbled, trying to press closer to him even as the bathwater sloshed around us. "It felt so good."

"I'm glad it felt good for you…since it…I wanted it to be…"

Something in my pleasure-soaked brain managed to understand what he was saying. "I was so freaked out about it for so long…you made it feel amazing. It was wonderful. Thank you."

My body rose and fell as a giant sigh heaved from his chest. "Yeah, I was worried about that. I'm glad it felt good."

"It did, it felt _so _good. I want to do it again." I pressed my face against his neck before kissing it.

His arms wrapped around mine, pulling my back to his chest in a squeezing hug. "We will, but only when we want to. Special occasions and such."

I yawned, my jaw cracking against his shoulder. "Or when I'm horny and feeling kinky?"

"Or that." His arms pulled me closer against his body, and I felt myself melt against him. "Whatever you want, whenever you want. I love you, Bella."

The warm water surrounded us, soothing me even as I smiled with satisfaction. It _had_ been good, and I had no doubt we'd do it again. For now, though…for now I was perfectly content where I was.


	29. Outtake 2 My Happy Ending

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author. This story is rated M for Mature and is not intended for anyone under the age of eighteen.**

**Outtake #2 – This is My Happy Ending**

**BPOV**

A happy ending used to mean something completely different to me, back then. Back then, it was a technical term, something I could joke about but nothing more. Happy endings were what paid the bills, after all. Happy endings usually involved a man coming on my face, and then the scene fading to black.

A happy ending meant something completely different to me now…and it wasn't even the end.

It had been two years. Two years since my gaze had locked with a beautiful green-eyed stranger from across a crowded restaurant bar. Two years since we'd played mini-golf and laughed and started down the road we were still on now. There had been bumps and stalls along the way, but we still had each other, and that was the most important thing.

Of course I'd had to accept that a "happy ending" didn't automatically equal perfection, but I don't think either of us _wanted_ perfection. We were just like any other couple now…we squabbled from time to time and more rarely had full-blown arguments…but then again so did Jasper and Alice, and Emmett and Rosalie. But for the most part, we were happy. Incredibly happy and very much in love.

I was still going to school full-time at University of San Francisco, and with the credits I'd already accumulated from my time at UCLA, I'd be graduating with a bachelor's degree in History at the end of the spring semester. Edward was urging me to consider continuing on to pursue a master's, but I genuinely wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my degree. I loved the idea of becoming a teacher like Jasper…but I could also see myself working in a museum, or as an archivist…doing something I _loved_.

Although my life _before_ was starting to seem more and more like a hazy dream, the years I'd spent as Isabella the porn star occasionally whispered over our lives. The lawsuit and its surprising outcome were public record, and it had spurred much discussion on porn industry blogs, radio and tv shows, and even mainstream shows, debating the legality of pornography contracts. Not all of the attention was positive or favorable toward me…indeed, quite a lot believed that a woman knew what she was signing up for when she got involved in the porn industry, and trying to cry off simply because she'd had a change of heart wasn't a valid basis for breaking a contract.

Other groups flat-out stated that I was a whore for what I'd done, and that I deserved whatever I got.

Edward and I were vigilant about maintaining my privacy, and I turned down all requests for interviews and appearances, even from those who were sympathetic to what I'd gone through. Maybe it was selfish, maybe it was wrong, but…I had no desire to be a poster-child for a reform movement within the porn industry. I just wanted to go to school during the day, fall into Edward's arms in the evening, and to just _breathe_.

As far as I knew, I'd only been recognized publicly twice. The first time was while Edward and I were on vacation in Hawaii, months after we'd moved into together. I'd been approached by three guys on the beach, and although their words were crass, they hadn't been aggressive.

"I'd recognize that body anywhere, Isabella, I'm a huge fan." This from one of them, a surfer dude in garish board shorts.

"Yeah, could we maybe get an autograph?" His gap-toothed friend grinned at me, but their smiles had faded in the cool politeness of my smile.

"I'm sorry, but I don't do that anymore."

The first one blinked in confusion as I felt Edward tense beside me. "Well…but…could I have a picture then maybe?"

"No, I'm sorry."

I knew they took pictures of me sitting there on the beach even as they walked away, but I forced myself to calm down. And as I turned to meet Edward's angry green eyes, I whispered what we both needed to hear. "It's all in the past. Never again."

The second time had been a creepy guy at USF, in my _Women in American History_ class. He'd sidled up to me after class one day, a copy of _Full Moon_ in his hand. "How about an autograph, Isabella? You got me off harder than any of those other chicks, hands-down."

I'd politely turned him down and then promptly called Campus Security to walk me to my car. As much as I hated to do it, I'd told Edward about it, including the guy's description in case anything else happened. Thankfully it had been within two weeks of the end of that semester, and I never saw the creep again.

If anyone in San Francisco society had figured out what I'd done in the past, they kept it to themselves. I'd been to plenty of parties and fundraisers on Edward's arm over the past two years, and never once had I felt judged or looked down upon. Regardless, it had still taken me almost a year to stop assuming that the person I'd just been introduced to _knew_.

Those shadows aside, our life together was as normal and wonderful as I could have asked for. Edward was happy in his job, I was happy at school, and we were blissfully happy at home together. Home. Every passing day brought another moment of normalcy…serious discussions when they were needed, and laughter and joy as we kept falling more in love with each other.

Carlisle and Esme were everything I could have asked for, and better than I deserved. Esme in particular regularly referred to me now as her daughter, and we went shopping together when a Center event required a wardrobe upgrade. Edward and I usually went over for Sunday dinner every week, and Esme now served _granita_ on both her wedding anniversary along with the anniversary of my and Edward's first date. I had a wonderful easy relationship with both of them, and I loved them both dearly.

And now here we were, at our third Platt-Cullen Cancer Research Center 5k Walk and Run. After the first disastrous year, we'd had a blast at our second time around. Esme had walked between us, clasping our hands and chattering away as we'd crossed the finish line.

This year, Jasper, Alice, Emmett and Rose had opted to join us. None of us were joggers, so we lined up with the other walkers and started off as Esme fired the starting pistol. It was a perfect day for the event, and we laughed and talked for the entire duration of the 5k.

Jasper and Alice had quietly eloped to Gatlinburg, Tennessee a few months earlier. In the spirit of not running up debts on anything formal or unnecessary, they'd opted for a low-key ceremony. Alice had found a new job as the personal assistant of a successful CEO within weeks of my leaving OPB, and by her own account, was much happier.

Per her plans, Rosalie had opened up her own car-customization business, and Rims was booked solid with jobs several months out. She had no problem acknowledging her porn-star past, and in truth, it seemed to only help. Men came in with their high-priced toys out of curiosity, and left impressed by her hard-core skills and abilities. I'd occasionally go down to Rims and answer the phones and make appointments for her in between studying, in return for her buying my drinks when we went out afterward.

Today had nothing to do with work, though. Esme had caught up a bit back, and assured us that although Carlisle was at his regular post in the medical tent, that we'd all meet up later in the evening. Emmett was whining about the exertion as Rosalie jammed her elbow into his side, Alice and Jasper were laughing quietly together.

"Yet another perfect day," Esme declared happily.

"Mother Nature wouldn't dare mess with your fundraiser, Mom," Edward commented dryly, before putting his arm around me. "Let's go out to eat after this, baby. I think we've earned a date night."

I laughed, our pace had been steady, but I wouldn't exactly call our efforts vigorous. "If you want."

"I feel like celebrating."

"You need to hit the gym more often if you think successfully walking three miles calls for a celebration."

He gave me a squeeze before dropping his arm and taking my hand in his. The finish line was just ahead, and Esme waved at the crowd assembled there. Emmett made a dramatic show of pretending to drag himself over the line, then grabbed Rosalie around the waist and spun her around.

She shrieked. "Put me down, you big lug!"

"That was fun," he declared. "We should do more of these."

"Says the man who started asking _are we there yet?_ halfway through!" Alice giggled.

"I was excited to get to the finish line," Emmett defended himself. Edward's hand slipped from mine as he knelt to re-tie his shoelace, and I reached up to pull my ponytail a little tighter. It was nowhere near as warm as it had been at my first 5k, but exertion of the brisk walk had me sweating.

Esme murmured something to the photographer who approached her, and he nodded and backed away just as Carlisle appeared. He kissed his wife firmly on the cheek and then turned to smile at me.

Actually…they were _all_ smiling at me.

I lowered my arms and looked around at each of them, puzzled. "Um, do I stink or something?"

"Bella," Edward said, and I turned to see him still kneeling, but now with a small black box in his hand, an enormous diamond ring sparkling in the center of it.

_Oh…_

"Bella Swan," he said softly, his green eyes meeting mine, "I love you. You are my soulmate, you are my other half, and more than anything else I want you to also be my wife…will you marry me?"

At some point my hand had come up to cover my mouth, but I was nodding before he even finished speaking. The crooked grin I loved so much flashed across his face. "Is that a yes?"

"Yes," I managed to croak out through my fingers. My heart was beating so loudly in my ears that I wasn't sure if he'd heard me, but he took my left hand away from my mouth, kissed it, and then slid the sparkler onto my ring finger. A split second later he stood, and I reacted automatically. I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him with every ounce of strength in my body.

Not even Emmett's sudden bellow from behind us couldn't pry me away from him. "She said yes!"

There was a burst of laughter from the assembled crowd, and then cheering and applause. Over the noise I could hear Edward's whisper in my ear: "I love you."

I finally released my grip on my new fiancé, and he pulled me tightly into his side as we turned to face our friends and family. Esme was sniffling through her beaming smile as Carlisle handed her a handkerchief, Alice was bouncing in excitement, Jasper was laughing, and Rosalie and Emmett wore matching enormous shit-eating grins.

"I told you I'd manage to keep it a secret," Emmett boasted.

"Never mind all the hints you kept dropping," Edward growled. "I'll deal with you later."

The photographer Esme had waved off before approached again. "Mrs. Platt-Cullen, may I take a picture?"

She nodded and then pulled us close to her. After a few photographs, another reporter approached and Esme squeezed my hand before moving off to do the obligatory post-5k interviews.

"Did everyone know about this?" I whispered to Edward as he bent down to steal another kiss.

"Not _everyone_…just those four clowns and my parents."

I giggled. "And in public…Edward, I'm going to be on the society page tomorrow all sweaty with my hair glued to my neck and a goofy-ass grin on my face."

"We'll both have goofy-ass grins on our face," he corrected. "And I wanted an audience just in case there was any chance you were thinking about saying no. I figured that witnesses improved my odds."

"I wouldn't have said no," I replied softly. We'd discussed getting married before, he knew I was willing, but I'd assumed it would all be after I graduated. "It was the most perfect surprise ever, thank you."

"Thank _you_ for saying yes," he countered. "I was pretty sure you would, but I was nervous as hell until you started nodding."

I looked down at the enormous solitaire on my finger and decided not to comment about how much it had probably cost…besides, it really was a gorgeous ring. "I'm going to be your wife."

"As long as we both shall live. I wish…" he paused for a moment. "I wish I could have asked Charlie for his permission."

I smiled wistfully. "Don't worry…wherever he is, I'm pretty sure he approves."

"Okay, I think you mentioned something about wanting to celebrate!" Emmett yelled. "I already made reservations for all of us at seven o'clock at _Très Bien_, so get a move on!"

Edward and I both grinned then; _Très Bien _had been the site of our first date. The symmetry of it was perfect.

"I feel like Cinderella…again," I noted as we started walking to the reserved parking lot, to head home and clean up. "This is the best happy ending ever."

Edward tugged my ponytail and chuckled. "Happy, yes. Ending, no. This is all just getting started, and we've got a wedding to plan."

**~o~**

_**A/N:**_

_This is the last outtake for MYOKoM. Thank you for sticking along for the ride!_

_Hugs,_

_Kate_


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